Residency vs. Relationship

[ketmi5]

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I'm not a medical student, however my boyfriend is and he's starting his residency this summer.

I knew going into this relationship that his schedule would be a lot different from what I'm used to and I accepted that. I really thought everything would be ok between us once he started his residency, but now he's having doubts.

He told me he doesn't think he's going to have time for a relationship because being a resident is so demanding. He even said that when someone starts their residency they pretty much have to choose between being a resident and being in a relationship because one will take a toll on the other. He even went as far as to say that residents who are married or in a relationship often make bad doctors because they don't study as much.

He's not sure yet if he wants to break up; but he's thinking about it.

My question is, how many of you have a boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife and how do you make it work? Also, how can I show him I'll be supportive and understanding of his schedule? Is there something I should or shouldn't do/say in this situation?

I've already told him that I know I won't see him a lot and that when I do visit on the weekends (he'll be about 90 minutes away) I know I might only see him a few hours each day. Yet he still thinks it's impossible.

Any advice or insight?

As I said, I'm not a medical student or resident so I have no idea what it's like. I need advice from someone who's been there or is going through it. I should add that I really love him and I could see myself marrying him in the future. So I really want to try to understand where he's coming from.

Thank you!

 

[tega]

uuum, i think dude wants to break up with u and is using residency/med school as an excuse. sorry
oldest trick in the book.

 

[icebreakers]

I am in the reverse situation myself. I'm in medical school however, the most demanding year...and my significant other is outside of the field. We are about 5hrs away from eachother.

Relationships in general are very hard to begin with. Then you throw longdistance and a demanding career in as well and you have spread yourself too thin. its true, at the end something has to give. However, that being said...your boyfriend can still be in a serious relationship with you and be a very very good, even exceptional doctor... both can work. very well.

a good friend of mine told me that...we have to realize our limits. Those individuals who are at the very top of their field...the nobel prize winners...etc etc...they have poor family lives, and relationships. If you want to be the worlds greatest at something, it will take all your time , hard work, devotion, and lots of sacrifice. If you are not aiming at being the worlds greatest and you are totally satisfied by being really great at what you do, you can put in the effort and discipline it takes for a relationship to work and grow.

it all depends on what your boyfriend's priorities are. at the end of the day, our careers will NEVER love us back. it seems like if he doesn't want to break up with you, than he knows what he wants deep down inside, but he's just a little concerned about the what the relationship will take away from his ability to be a good doctor...which is natural for anyone who is in a demanding career.

just reassure him that it is doable...a lot of people do balance relationships and residency at the same time, and still turn out to be exceptional doctors. and dont' be afraid to plan things when it comes to your relationship. residency is very structured, and since a relationship requires just as much if not more investment (in other areas) PLAN vacations together, nights out, etc. make sure that within a certain timeperiod (wk, month) you guys are always doing something, (night out, wknd getaway..etc)

IT WILL WORK
. reassure him of it....

good luck

I'm not a medical student, however my boyfriend is and he's starting his residency this summer.

I knew going into this relationship that his schedule would be a lot different from what I'm used to and I accepted that. I really thought everything would be ok between us once he started his residency, but now he's having doubts.

He told me he doesn't think he's going to have time for a relationship because being a resident is so demanding. He even said that when someone starts their residency they pretty much have to choose between being a resident and being in a relationship because one will take a toll on the other. He even went as far as to say that residents who are married or in a relationship often make bad doctors because they don't study as much.

He's not sure yet if he wants to break up; but he's thinking about it.

My question is, how many of you have a boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife and how do you make it work? Also, how can I show him I'll be supportive and understanding of his schedule? Is there something I should or shouldn't do/say in this situation?

I've already told him that I know I won't see him a lot and that when I do visit on the weekends (he'll be about 90 minutes away) I know I might only see him a few hours each day. Yet he still thinks it's impossible.

Any advice or insight?

As I said, I'm not a medical student or resident so I have no idea what it's like. I need advice from someone who's been there or is going through it. I should add that I really love him and I could see myself marrying him in the future. So I really want to try to understand where he's coming from.

Thank you!

 

[penguins]

Hey, I am really sorry for all that you are going through. It sounds rough.
There are 2 possibilities from my perspective.
1. He isn't committed enough to even try to make it work and you wouldn't want to be with someone like that anyway
2. He is just really scared about the responsibility of starting residency and is afraid he won't be able to do it well. He is breaking up with you before you break up with him for not being there.

It is easy to say #1 and say "no loss" but #2 is possible and there is always somewhere in-between.
I can't imagine doing any of this without my husband. He is so supportive and there for me. I am sure that it is different though because we are already in a committed relationship. I mean, you said "you could see yourself", not "I will" marry him.
It probably depends too how long you have been together.
I know several guys who either broke up with their girlfriends or wives even somewhere along the line because of the "stress" of med school or residency. I personally think those are the kind of guys who would break up with them for other reasons too, it is just that this sounds like the most legitimate reason.
Depending on how he said all this, how long you have been together, etc.... maybe give him a chance because it could just be #2 and he is nervous. Let him know how much you support him, etc and if he still won't give it a chance then you can't make him. He will be so busy/tired that it would be best if you could work it out before he starts.

 

[ketmi5]

We haven't been together very long, only a little over four months. I said I could see myself marrying him because I don't know yet if I will, it's way too soon to tell. But at this point I can say that yes, I think I would like to settle down with him in the future. (And he has also said that sometimes he feels he could spend the rest of his life with me.)

He wasn't being mean about it, he said he's concerned that he won't have time for me and that I won't be happy. He doesn't think it'll be fair to me. But I told him that's my decision to make, not his. He can decide his own happiness same as I can decide mine. I think I'll be happy no matter what, just as long as I'm with him.

Maybe it is just nerves. I don't know. We're going to discuss this issue more this weekend. I just want/need some advice/feedback beforehand so I know how to approach it.

Thanks for all the advice so far...keep it coming!

 

[DocBrown]

sorry, but he's using residency as an excuse to get outta the relationship.

I've done similar things in the past, as have all my friends, except I'd use even worse excuses.

Point is, if a normal person is in a relationship that he/she truly cares about, then he/she would never use any circumstance as a reason to break up.

End of story.

 

[RuralMedicine]

We haven't been together very long, only a little over four months. I said I could see myself marrying him because I don't know yet if I will, it's way too soon to tell. But at this point I can say that yes, I think I would like to settle down with him in the future. (And he has also said that sometimes he feels he could spend the rest of his life with me.)

He wasn't being mean about it, he said he's concerned that he won't have time for me and that I won't be happy. He doesn't think it'll be fair to me. But I told him that's my decision to make, not his. He can decide his own happiness same as I can decide mine. I think I'll be happy no matter what, just as long as I'm with him.

Maybe it is just nerves. I don't know. We're going to discuss this issue more this weekend. I just want/need some advice/feedback beforehand so I know how to approach it.

Thanks for all the advice so far...keep it coming!

What specialty is your boyfriend pursuing?

 

[Loopo Henle]

He told me he doesn't think he's going to have time for a relationship because being a resident is so demanding. He even said that when someone starts their residency they pretty much have to choose between being a resident and being in a relationship because one will take a toll on the other. He even went as far as to say that residents who are married or in a relationship often make bad doctors because they don't study as much.

It is good to know that I am going to be a sucky doctor because I am married. I had no idea this was the case. I may be crazy, but for some reason I value my relationship with my wife more than I do with my textbook.
Ketmi5 I am sorry but your boyfriend's excuse is lame.

 

[fishmonger69]

guy sounds like a douche without the balls to set the record straight. get out now while you can and be sure to post a picture. you're better off finding someone already in a booming practice, not a lowly resident.

 

[GoofyDoc]

He told me he doesn't think he's going to have time for a relationship because being a resident is so demanding. He even said that when someone starts their residency they pretty much have to choose between being a resident and being in a relationship because one will take a toll on the other.

So you started seeing this guy while he was a fourth year med student and he just figured this out now? (not that I even agree with this argument)

Med school residency, and life postresidency can take a seriously damaging toll on a relationship, but many go through all these stages while in a relationship and survive nonetheless. This is something that can't be generalized. My own a opinion is that a problematic relationship will be doomed by residency whereas a strong one would be more of a support to the resident than a burden.

 

[Blade28]

(1) I agree - he may be using residency as an excuse to break up.
(2) What field is he going to pursue? What if he matches in another state? Would you move for him?
(3) Why assume that you'll see him on weekends? With a busy Q3 or Q4 schedule, you may not see much of him over the weekends. Is this acceptable to both of you?
(4) Have you two talked about long-term plans yet? Even joked about it?

 

[toxic-megacolon]

(1) I agree - he may be using residency as an excuse to break up.
(2) What field is he going to pursue? What if he matches in another state? Would you move for him?
(3) Why assume that you'll see him on weekends? With a busy Q3 or Q4 schedule, you may not see much of him over the weekends. Is this acceptable to both of you?
(4) Have you two talked about long-term plans yet? Even joked about it?

All excellent points. In addition, you'll have to be prepared for the fact that when he does finally come home, and you're full of peppy energy, all he's often not going to have the energy to do anything except recharge for the next day. But it makes such a huge difference what field he's going into. There are many fields where you can have a life during residency. There are some that you can if you put in a lot of effort. There are some programs where its near impossible. That's why everyone is asking what he's going into.

 

[lovemydrhubby]

(1) I agree - he may be using residency as an excuse to break up.
(2) What field is he going to pursue? What if he matches in another state? Would you move for him?
(3) Why assume that you'll see him on weekends? With a busy Q3 or Q4 schedule, you may not see much of him over the weekends. Is this acceptable to both of you?
(4) Have you two talked about long-term plans yet? Even joked about it?

Yeah- I have the same questions for you! lol thanks Blade.

My husband pulled the "I won't have time for you" back in his first year (of med school)- we had been together 2 yrs then (but not married). My interpretation of his comments (though this was later on-- when he actually said it, I had the same concerns you did): He wasn't really sure about his time committments- he had heard stories and worried about being able to keep up with school and us. I think he was worried about failing and felt at that point, if he were to fail something, it would be "us." so, he started pushing me away. We split up temporarily at this point, but for many reasons- not just his medical school obligations. When we decided to put more effort into our relationship a few months later, he told me he was going to be "so busy" again. My response to him must have been a good one, because he never talked about it again. I simply said (knowing that we both loved each other and knew we'd have to make sacrifices at times) "Wouldn't you rather go through this WITH me than alone? Don't you want to come home to me after working 24 hrs? We'll take care of each other"

My biggest advice as a spouse/SO of a medical professional is you have to be independent and aware of time committments. You should try to get involved with their "world" too. Meeting their friends, coworkers, and talking about their day helps. It helps me feel more involved in his career. I have to be really independent because most times, he isn't here to do things- especially on the spur of the moment.
We have two kids, so it's much different than your situation... the kids keep me very busy. so, sometimes I don't even realize he's gone so much! I guess I don't really have much advice.

 

[ketmi5]

What specialty is your boyfriend pursuing?

He's IM.

And yes (to whoever asked), he's matched out of state. I'm in Michigan and he'll be moving to Ohio in May. But we'll only be about 90 minutes apart.

 

[ketmi5]

(1) I agree - he may be using residency as an excuse to break up.
(2) What field is he going to pursue? What if he matches in another state? Would you move for him?
(3) Why assume that you'll see him on weekends? With a busy Q3 or Q4 schedule, you may not see much of him over the weekends. Is this acceptable to both of you?
(4) Have you two talked about long-term plans yet? Even joked about it?

He's IM. And he did match out of state. Yes, I would be willing to move to be with him if we are still together after his first year - or even sooner. I told him this too.

Yes, we have sort of talked about long-term plans. We've half-joked about it while being half-serious, if that makes any sense.

I know if I go to see him over the weekend I won't see him the entire time. I know I'll probably only see him a couple hours a day, and I'm ok with that. And if he's going to be working or studying all weekend and he knows that in advance, then I wouldn't go until he had more free time. To me a long-distance relationship isn't that bad.

So is all this just an excuse? I don't know. If that were the case then why not just break up instead of doing this? Honestly though, I don't think that's the case. I don't think he's using this as an excuse. I think he's honestly just concerned about our relationship surviving his first year. But I could be wrong...I guess I'll find out this weekend.

 

[jerseygirl22]

I say...wait it out. He can't predict his schedule or his wants, needs, or desires until he's actually doing his residency. I say try to get him to leave the door open for possible time together and if your relationship is as special and solid as is sounds like it was, and it is really just him worried about time, he will be back with you in 2.5 seconds.


The bottom line is that the hospital and medicine in general is lonely. He will soon realize that no man is an island, he needs you, and it is NOT always a good idea to date the nurses--(and I mean no disrespect to the nurses! 🙂 )
.

And if he doesn't realize that...well, screw em'. He wouldn't be a good partner anyway! 😎

 

[sweetfynesse]

sounds like it's time to date other people!

it just doesnt seem like he wants to be in a relationship. and if that's his choice, then you should accept it. offering to follow him to residency isnt going to solve the problem, it will likely only make him feel trapped.

also, has he always put academics first, or is this new? type A personality? AOA? honors? if not, i really cant believe that after all these years he now wants to be a gunner! and if he truly is that dedicated to work that he would rather be alone, then you need to give him his space. you both have to want the relationship...

best of luck

 

[fishmonger69]

he already got his match results? did he sign a contract during the interview season?

 

[pintsized]

How does he know already where he is going? Osteopathic match? What hospital is he going to?

Internal medicine, in general, is one of the easiest specialties to have a relationship in. I can say this cuz im going into IM. Its not like he is going into surgery, or some hardcore surgical subspecialty. And even if it is rough, its only for 1 year. If you guys really see a future, you should realize that it'll be rough for the first year, but it'll be smooth sailing after that.

Besides, who studies intern year 😛

Feel free to PM with questions.

 

[pintsized]

Also before you move with him.. what are YOUR career goals? Do you really want to move? Why didn't he stay in michigan?

 

[f_w]

Sorry, but he's just not into you.

He told me he doesn't think he's going to have time for a relationship because being a resident is so demanding.

There is little time for a relationship during the first year of residency, and many relationships do brake up as a result of this life change. Working every 3rd night and most of the weekends is not very conducive to a classic dating relationship but often enough just bringing over food can be a great way to spend some time together.

He even said that when someone starts their residency they pretty much have to choose between being a resident and being in a relationship because one will take a toll on the other.

Bollocks.

You have to make compromises to have both at the same time, but they are by no means exclusive of each other.

He even went as far as to say that residents who are married or in a relationship often make bad doctors because they don't study as much.

Is this guy for real ? He is either clueless or he is trying to stroke his own ego by trumpeting out for everyone to hear how hard and grueling his next year will be. (that said, there are in fact residents whose ill-organized family or relationship live impairs their ability to function as a resident. if you are a 1st year resident, you either have to trust your live-in nanny, or you have to stay at home. you can't leave rounds 3 times to check on your kids by phone or regularly bail out at 4.30 to pick up your brood at the daycare)

Rest assured, there are plenty of residents in well adjusted relationships or marriages and they are excellent doctors nonetheless. It takes compromise and understanding on both sides of the relationship, but if both parties are genuinely interested in holding it together it can be done (food and shelter will go a long way in keeping a resident boyfriend/husband happy).

By the way, in intern year he won't spend his weekends studying. Thats what medschool is for. In all likelihood, he will try to spend his free weekends catching up on sleep and rest.

 

[souljah1]

ketmi,

call him on it. tell him that he is using his start of residency as an excuse to break up with him. remind him that most people in healthy relationships thank jezeebus every day for the support they have at home while going off to work each day. sounds like he is using his job as an excuse. residency usually takes a toll on a relationship when the person who isn't in residency can't deal with the lack of quality time.

 

[ketmi5]

he already got his match results? did he sign a contract during the interview season?

Yes, he already got his match results. He got them about a week ago. I have no idea if he signed a contract or not. I don't think he has yet.

 

[GoRedSox06]

I see where you are coming. My wife and I married while she was doing Undergrad. Prior to getting married, she told me what her plans were (med school etc....) and gave me ample chances to bail. She was then accepted to a 5 minutes from where we lived and another Med School 5 hours away from where we lived. She chose the school 5 hours away. I again had a chance to bail. Through it all, she was open and honest about one thing...she didn't know what was going to happen. She didn't know what med school was going to be like. She didn't know if we would be able to have a "normal" relationship. Looking back now that she is about to graduate, we haven't had what some would call a "normal" relationship. It has been miserable at times and wonderful others. Now we are looking at the possibility moving 3,000 miles away for residency. While that scares the crap out of my wife and I , I would not change a thing. We are good on our own but we would be nothing without each other. I know my situation is a little different but the point is...if you want to be with this person you've got to MEAN it. You have to be willing to understand that sleep might be needed more than talking or hanging out with the other person or the husband/ wife is in surgery and a decision that would normally be made by you both, you will now have to be made by you. If residency is anything at all like Med school....it's going to suck in regards to maintaining a relationship. But if you are sincere and he just doesn't want to bail, you can make it work.

 

[Misterioso]

Remember that saying from Seinfeld that went something like:

One of the great things about becoming a doctor is to break up with the person you're currently with for somebody better.

 

[Danger Man]

I'm not a medical student, however my boyfriend is and he's starting his residency this summer.

I knew going into this relationship that his schedule would be a lot different from what I'm used to and I accepted that. I really thought everything would be ok between us once he started his residency, but now he's having doubts.

He told me he doesn't think he's going to have time for a relationship because being a resident is so demanding. He even said that when someone starts their residency they pretty much have to choose between being a resident and being in a relationship because one will take a toll on the other. He even went as far as to say that residents who are married or in a relationship often make bad doctors because they don't study as much.

He's not sure yet if he wants to break up; but he's thinking about it.

My question is, how many of you have a boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife and how do you make it work? Also, how can I show him I'll be supportive and understanding of his schedule? Is there something I should or shouldn't do/say in this situation?

I've already told him that I know I won't see him a lot and that when I do visit on the weekends (he'll be about 90 minutes away) I know I might only see him a few hours each day. Yet he still thinks it's impossible.

Any advice or insight?

As I said, I'm not a medical student or resident so I have no idea what it's like. I need advice from someone who's been there or is going through it. I should add that I really love him and I could see myself marrying him in the future. So I really want to try to understand where he's coming from.

Thank you!

Let me break it down for you---HE IS NOT THAT INTERESTED. I know that it may be difficult to hear, but he is doing you a favor. Turn, take a deep breath, and run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. You deserve a man who is totally into you and one who will not let something like residency get in the way of your relationship. I am a guy and a doctor so I am a pretty good source. If I met the woman of my dreams, no residency, job, call schedule or specialty would come between the two of us. Next time you are at the bookstore, take a look at the book titled He's Just Not Into You (or something like it). Just my two cents.

 

[DocBrown]

If I met the woman of my dreams, no residency, job, call schedule or specialty would come between the two of us.

👍
Yup.

 

[penguins]

I know that men and women are different but I think there is still a possibility (depending on how it all went down) that he is just scared that you are going to leave him or start to whine a lot about spending time together.
When my hubby and I first started to get serious, I tried to push him away a little bit with the whole, "I'll be busy, you will have to move, won't be easy" lines. I never played games or was hurtful but I was worried that he didn't fully understand how hard it would all be and I wanted to make sure he knew the deal. Hey, maybe it was immature, but I wanted to be sure he understood how things would be and I needed the reassurance that he was up to it.
Turned out to be the most supportive spouse ever and it was the best thing I could have done for myself and my career. 😍

 

[Danger Man]

I know that men and women are different but I think there is still a possibility (depending on how it all went down) that he is just scared that you are going to leave him or start to whine a lot about spending time together.
When my hubby and I first started to get serious, I tried to push him away a little bit with the whole, "I'll be busy, you will have to move, won't be easy" lines. I never played games or was hurtful but I was worried that he didn't fully understand how hard it would all be and I wanted to make sure he knew the deal. Hey, maybe it was immature, but I wanted to be sure he understood how things would be and I needed the reassurance that he was up to it.
Turned out to be the most supportive spouse ever and it was the best thing I could have done for myself and my career. 😍

If the guy mentioned by OP had intentions of keeping this woman around, he would have given similar explanations: "I love you and really want to be with you, but I want you to realize that my career will put demands on me and our relationship.", etc. Her post should read something like:"I have been dating this great guy who really wants to be with me. He says that he loves me but he has told me that a career in medicine can put a strain on a relationship. He wants to marry me, but he also wants me to consider the obstacles inherent in being with a doctor. What do you think?"

We guys are very simple creatures. Find woman, fall in love with woman, end of ballgame. My friends who are in successful marriages could not wait to propose to their girlfriends, could not wait to be in a marriage that would provide them with stability and love. Some women (especially smart, beautiful ones) might have difficulty with the fact that some guys actually do not dig them.

A guy who is in love with a woman (a) can't wait to spend time with her, (b) can't wait to spend more time with her, (c) can't wait to be in a permanent relationship with her, regardless of extraneous circumstances, (d) will not make excuses why a relationship will not work, in fact, will plead the opposite, and (e) does not "think about breaking up" with that woman. This guy (OP's) is behaving in a way very different from a man who is totally commited to a woman.

I am going to get off of my soapbox now.

 

[penguins]

Danger Man,
You sound like exactly what my husband would say.
You are probably right. 🙄

 

[Danger Man]

Danger Man,
You sound like exactly what my husband would say.
You are probably right. 🙄

I appreciate that....your husband is a lucky man and a bright one....

 

[ketmi5]

If the guy mentioned by OP had intentions of keeping this woman around, he would have given similar explanations: "I love you and really want to be with you, but I want you to realize that my career will put demands on me and our relationship.", etc. Her post should read something like:"I have been dating this great guy who really wants to be with me. He says that he loves me but he has told me that a career in medicine can put a strain on a relationship. He wants to marry me, but he also wants me to consider the obstacles inherent in being with a doctor. What do you think?"

We guys are very simple creatures. Find woman, fall in love with woman, end of ballgame. My friends who are in successful marriages could not wait to propose to their girlfriends, could not wait to be in a marriage that would provide them with stability and love. Some women (especially smart, beautiful ones) might have difficulty with the fact that some guys actually do not dig them.

A guy who is in love with a woman (a) can't wait to spend time with her, (b) can't wait to spend more time with her, (c) can't wait to be in a permanent relationship with her, regardless of extraneous circumstances, (d) will not make excuses why a relationship will not work, in fact, will plead the opposite, and (e) does not "think about breaking up" with that woman. This guy (OP's) is behaving in a way very different from a man who is totally commited to a woman.

I am going to get off of my soapbox now.

When he first started telling me all this he did say that he wants me to seriously think about what I'm getting myself into and to make sure that's what I want. He wanted to make sure I understood how hard it will be.

I think he's making a big deal out of nothing, but regardless of that he's got me freaked out. Breaking up is not what I want, but if it happens then it happens and I'll survive like I always do.

This is just very stressful. Sometimes relationships can be such a pain in the a$$.

I don't know if he's using this as an excuse to dump me or not, because he hasn't broken things off yet. I think if that was what he was doing he'd just do it instead of dragging it out like this and wanting to talk about this weekend. I think I'm going to see which direction our conversation goes in, but at some point I'll probably ask him if this is how he really feels or if he's using his residency as an excuse.

If anyone is interested, I can post what happens.

Thanks again for all the support and honesty. I really appreciate it =)

 

[amarula]

I don't know of anyone who has matched for IM residency already... The OFFICIAL match day when EVERYONE hears is March 16.

 

[f_w]

This is just very stressful. Sometimes relationships can be such a pain in the a$$.

They shouldn't be. If they are (and you don't have kids), it is time to move on.

If anyone is interested, I can post what happens.

Sure, keep it coming.

 

[ketmi5]

They shouldn't be. If they are (and you don't have kids), it is time to move on.



Sure, keep it coming.

He broke up with me tonight. He told me that he doesn't want a serious relationship and that he wants to date other people. He claims he doesn't want a serious relationship until after his first year of residency, so maybe after that him and I could be exclusive again. So instead he told me that him and I could take a down a notch, just date, not be exclusive, and date other people.

Right now I'm definitely way too upset to make that decision, so we're going to discuss it more on Friday. However I can't see myself doing this with him...I'm in love with him so I don't see how I could just date him knowing he's seeing other girls.

So looks like most of you were right =(

Thanks for all the input though.

Take care.

 

[jerseygirl22]

girl...let him go.

You sound like a caring person and he just isn't ready.

There is a silver lining to all of this...remember:

(1) Atleast he was honest about his feelings
(2) You haven't lost all that much in this. It sucks right now...but you will get over this.
(3) Now you can find someone who really does care about you. And trust me, they are out there.
(4) Repeat the golden mantra if necessary: "I'm cool. You are cool. Everybody is cool here."

Good luck with everything...and don't take that late night phone call you are likely to get 6-8 monthes from now from this clown. 😎

 

[f_w]

So instead he told me that him and I could take a down a notch, just date, not be exclusive, and date other people.

He wants to continue to sleep with you on weekends, but he wants to retain the opportunity to dip into any physical therapy student he can get to during the week.

(Consider this expert advice. I'm a guy and I have grey hair, I know how guys think. He wants to keep you around for companionship and entertainment, but at the same time, he is off to new more exciting exploits)

Don't even bother to answer his calls/text messages.

 

[Sohalia]

Good luck with everything...and don't take that late night phone call you are likely to get 6-8 monthes from now from this clown. 😎

 

[imagin916]

He wants to continue to sleep with you on weekends, but he wants to retain the opportunity to dip into any physical therapy student he can get to during the week.

(Consider this expert advice. I'm a guy and I have grey hair, I know how guys think. He wants to keep you around for companionship and entertainment, but at the same time, he is off to new more exciting exploits)

Don't even bother to answer his calls/text messages.

Just a question regarding this..If a man really isnt interested in you anymore, why would they still want you around if they can get laid elsewhere? This is what I dont understand..It's great to hear you tell it like it is, since even your close guy friends dont always reveal the secrets to spare your feelings.

 

[f_w]

If a man really isnt interested in you anymore, why would they still want you around if they can get laid elsewhere?

Because he knows that he can get laid with you without having to work for it. In the cruel outside world, he has to compete, a date just doesn't have that 90% chance that a call to the emotionally dependent ex has.

 

[Danger Man]

He broke up with me tonight. He told me that he doesn't want a serious relationship and that he wants to date other people. He claims he doesn't want a serious relationship until after his first year of residency, so maybe after that him and I could be exclusive again. So instead he told me that him and I could take a down a notch, just date, not be exclusive, and date other people.

Right now I'm definitely way too upset to make that decision, so we're going to discuss it more on Friday. However I can't see myself doing this with him...I'm in love with him so I don't see how I could just date him knowing he's seeing other girls.

So looks like most of you were right =(

Thanks for all the input though.

Take care.

K, I hope that you can move on from this guy. As I mentioned earlier, you deserve to be with a man who is totally committed to you regardless of career circumstances. I wish you well.
Your friendly Danger Man

 

[Blade28]

A guy who is in love with a woman (a) can't wait to spend time with her, (b) can't wait to spend more time with her, (c) can't wait to be in a permanent relationship with her, regardless of extraneous circumstances, (d) will not make excuses why a relationship will not work, in fact, will plead the opposite, and (e) does not "think about breaking up" with that woman.

So very true. 👍

To the OP, I'm sorry it turned out that way - sucks to hear, even though some of us had been suspecting it. You'll be OK, hang in there.

 

[ihsak4health]

Coming from a girl's viewpoint, I think any time a guy doesn't want to be inclusive, it doesn't sound good regardless of time constraints or not.

be strong... 😛

 

[ihsak4health]

Brings me to another question, do guys ever regret breaking up with a girl? Do people who broke up once have chance to get back together?

So, using medicine as a reason for inability to be in a relationship is a big no no, stupid reason? ....

 

[DrNick2006]

Sure, if thier expections for something better do not come true.

 

[DrNick2006]

i live in michigan, we should go out 😍

 

[SoCuteMD]

This whole thing kinda sucks, but everyone's right. He's the clown for wanting out. My advice: let him go as gracefully as you possibly can. You will get that call in 6-8 months and you will have moved on and it will be the best chance you've ever had to laugh at someone 🙂.

 

[Danger Man]

So, using medicine as a reason for inability to be in a relationship is a big no no, stupid reason? ....

From my perspective, the answer is yes. See previous post.

 

[wam_256]

Hang in there ketmi...you deserve better!!!! Take a deep breath...I know you are hurt right now but time will heal your heart. Wishing you the best!

He broke up with me tonight. He told me that he doesn't want a serious relationship and that he wants to date other people. He claims he doesn't want a serious relationship until after his first year of residency, so maybe after that him and I could be exclusive again. So instead he told me that him and I could take a down a notch, just date, not be exclusive, and date other people.

Right now I'm definitely way too upset to make that decision, so we're going to discuss it more on Friday. However I can't see myself doing this with him...I'm in love with him so I don't see how I could just date him knowing he's seeing other girls.

So looks like most of you were right =(

Thanks for all the input though.

Take care.

 

[Tappat]

.