rock and a hard place

[tautomer]

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Hey everyone:

I'm a sophomore right now working hard to become a doctor. I find myself in quite a predicament right now, and I guess I just need to vent. I really don't know what to think. Right now, I'm bascially working my butt off to do well. I really work hard to get decent grades, and I really get involved with things that I want to get involved with, things that I'm really interested and pasionate about doing. I really DO enjoy working in the research lab, I really DO enjoy the EC's that I do, and fortunately my passion is shown in my progress. I really enjoy working hard and getting the grade that I deserve. Then, I have a good "friend," who basically is always peering over my shoulder, always looking from behind my back to see what I'm doing, and basically is copying everything I do so that he can get into med school. He's so lackadaisical about everything, he does a couple EC's because he has to, but really doesn't pursue going very far in them, really doesn't do anything for them at all. He's going to do research because I'M doing research and he thinks it will help his chances. He basically LEECHES off of me and can only study when he's in the room with me because he's told me he doesn't like science and wouldn't be motivated to study without me. I've resorted having to avoid him at all costs simply because I'm tired of of KEEPING him motivated. I THINK I'M BECOMING A GUNNER!!! But, obviously, I'm MORE THAN happy to help ANYONE who seems passionate about becoming a doctor. I LOVE helping motivated people who care just as much as I do. Now don't think of me as some 4.0 who refuses to help anyone "under" me. I'm actually having to recover from a pretty bad freshman year, which makes helping this guy, who shows NO work ethic at ALL even harder. I just can't stand it when this "kid" comes into the room and asks if I'm working on orgo, just to see if I haven't gotten to far ahead of him. It's like he's always testing me. THank God I'm not in any of his science classes anymore becuase he would skip class and then approach me like two days before the exam asking for ALL of my notes!!! BAH!!! He's decided to double major in sociology because he thinks they're all easy courses and he can get easy A's in them. And the sad part about it is, is that it doesn't matter, and in the long run, he's right. If he takes "rocks for jocks," and whatever, has two weak EC's so he can put them on his transcript, does not care AT ALL about medicine (he hasn't done ANY volunteer work since he's been here and shows no interest to), and it makes me feel like crap to know that he doesn't care jack s**t about what is passionate to me. Basically he's told me that he wants a lot of money when he gets older, and thinks that medicine is probably the thing that not only would give him that, but would be something that he would PROBABLY enjoy doing, although he doesn't even know. I don't know if I can live with this guy anymore. Am I too paranoid? Am I too stressed? Am I an ass for NOT being as supportive as I could be? Do I need to pull the stick out of my arse? Am I a gunner!? Dear God, I hope not!!!

PLEASE HELP!

🙁 😡 😕

 

[Wrigleyville]

My eyes hurt from reading that. But anyway, I'll advise you not to let him copy your work.

 

[jlee9531]

i feel ya tautomer...

i liken you to the leader in a marathon race and this guy you live with is just taking advantage of your draft.

it sucks but theres really nothing you can do about it unless you talk to him about it but then he will prolly play dumb to the whole thing and make you just feel even stupider.

you are right. it wouldnt be so bad if he was passionate about it...would be nice if he saw how you are passionate about being a doctor and then he learn something from you...but it doesnt sound like this is the case.

dont know what to say but you got a legit gripe. i dont think of that as being a gunner.

 

[Please!]

I think you should limit the help you give him. However, you never know when you may need his help one day. On the other hand, there's no fun in a one sided relationship. If you don't mind my asking, are you from University of Chicago. In that case, you are a gunner, but you just can't help it.😀

 

[Jalby]

ditch him. Or date him. I personally think he might have a crush on you.

 

[beanbean]

No one can take advantage of you unless you let them. Are you better off with this 'friend' in your life or without?

Don't take other people's inventory. Life is much simpler if you focus on your own character defects rather than someone else's.

It's not your place to judge who deserves to get into medical school, who is premed for the 'right' reasons, and what other applicants take for classes and volunteer at.

I know its hard not to get ticked off when you have someone like this friend constantly bothering you. Just let go of all the frustration - you can't change your friend, you have no control over whether or not they will get into medical school. What you do have control over is your life and to some degree whether or not you will be accepted to med school.

Good luck!

By the way - just because you don't want to share notes or study with someone who drives you nuts, does not make you a gunner. Gunners are selfish people who don't care about helping anyone; you have the right not to help annoying people.

 

[medstylee]

...smells like northwestern pre-med. all too (painfully) familiar.

 

[tautomer]

thanks so much for the replies. I actually go to Vanderbilt, but my family, my home, is in Chicago. You're right Beanbean. I can't judge, and shouldn't judge. The most important person I should be thinking about through this process is my own self, and NOT him. I guess what's worse is knowing that I SHOULDN'T be caring about the whole situation. That, in it's own right, sounds pretty lame I guess, but for being such a seemingly logical person, I allow such a little tiff (in the grand scheme of things) consume me.

 

[DrWorkNeverDone]

I have a similar situation like yours, except mine is with more than one classmate, So I came up with a system....There are some that I know are really passionate about going into medicine....then there are some like your friend who are in it for the money....Since I recopy my notes for learning purposes I give the really messy ones to those who are not interested in learning and the really clean ones to the people who are......After awhile I don't have the leaches coming around any more because they think I am very unorganized 🙂 heheh if they only knew

 

[hypersting]

Originally posted by medstylee
...smells like northwestern pre-med. all too (painfully) familiar.

Even though she goes to Vandy, I second this. I almost quit pre-med because the thought of going to medical school with some of these people made me nauseous. Oh well, if I get in, they will just have to deal, not me. 🙂

 

[SoulRFlare]

If that guy really doesn't care about medicine (other than for the money), is lazy, but manages to get into med school anyway, I'm sure he's in for a rude awakening.

 

[Anka]

To heck with this "can't judge, shouldn't judge" cr*p. For cryin' out loud, you have every right to pick your friends. They influence you, whether you're noticing it or not, and so you have a duty to choose them. It's not a moral judgement, per se, it's just "This guy's a real drag, I don't want him around any more." Then you ditch him.

As far as needing his help some day, what kind of weakness is it to never tell anyone, "look, I don't wanna hang out with you anymore, you're a drag," because you're scared of offending him. I've met sheep with more guts.

Anka