Roommate ediquite? (yes I know spelled wrong)

[HEADintheCLOUDS]

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Heres the deal.

I live with 4 roomates in a house. One roomate is a total moocher, and contributes nothing to the house.


Said person uses my pans,pots and lets them sit in the sink unwashed and when I want to use my stuff I find it there and I cannot even use it!!

Is it wrong of me to ask, "hey can you do me a favor and not use my stuff"

Advice please!

 

[taponthecloud]

it's spelled eddykit..gosh..

 

[coffeebythelake]

Tell your room mate to stop using your ****ing stuff. Its not a favor.

 

[coffeebythelake]

it's spelled eddykit..gosh..

I speel it addycut. Jeez, what dictionary do you use?

 

[HEADintheCLOUDS]

Tell your room mate to stop using your ****ing stuff. Its not a favor.

Wait...were you trying to be funny in this post?

 

[taponthecloud]

I speel it addycut. Jeez, what dictionary do you use?

 

[lilnoelle]

So does everyone in the house have their own stuff, or do your normally share? If everyone else in the house has their own pots and pans except this one guy who mooches everyone else's stuff, then I think its worth mentioning (demanding) that he either gets his own stuff or he takes better care of your stuff.

 

[HEADintheCLOUDS]

So does everyone in the house have their own stuff, or do your normally share? If everyone else in the house has their own pots and pans except this one guy who mooches everyone else's stuff, then I think its worth mentioning (demanding) that he either gets his own stuff or he takes better care of your stuff.

Everyone has his own stuff but this one guy. (everyone else also brought some stuff such as couches, videogames, tv.....said person brought nothing but uses all stuff)

Thing is I didnt even say he could use my stuff in the 1st place! I do'nt want him using my dishes or pots but I do not want to be an ***. (I just feel that if I went out and bought them he should do the same too)

 

[Abilene85]

I had this problem in college. I had a nice set of knives, and I told my roommates they could use them as long as they were cared for properly. The day I found one soaking in a greasy, nasty pot in the sink, I told them the knives were now off limits. There were some things that I just kept in my bedroom, because I knew having them in shared territory would be too tempting for my roommates.

If I were you, I would tell the guy he can use your pots/pans as long as he takes care of them, washes them when he is finished, and makes sure they are available to you to use. If he can't do this, tell him to screw off and buy his own...and don't feel bad about it.

 

[Colbert]

Make some brownies with some crushed ex-lax in them and then leave them out. If he's really a moocher he'll swipe and few and learn the lesson himself.

 

[HEADintheCLOUDS]

I had this problem in college. I had a nice set of knives, and I told my roommates they could use them as long as they were cared for properly. The day I found one soaking in a greasy, nasty pot in the sink, I told them the knives were now off limits. There were some things that I just kept in my bedroom, because I knew having them in shared territory would be too tempting for my roommates.

If I were you, I would tell the guy he can use your pots/pans as long as he takes care of them, washes them when he is finished, and makes sure they are available to you to use. If he can't do this, tell him to screw off and buy his own...and don't feel bad about it.

Thing is though that his idea of washing is to rinse with water. (hes dirty) and plus he used my new teflon pan, and also scraped it using a metal utensil. So now it is a useless teflon pan!

I am not being good at assertive. I am either too firm or just get stepped on. How do I say ,"stop using my F-ing stuff you damn dirty moocher" without sound like an A@@ since I will be living here for 3 more years?

 

[cpants]

Thing is though that his idea of washing is to rinse with water. (hes dirty) and plus he used my new teflon pan, and also scraped it using a metal utensil. So now it is a useless teflon pan!

I am not being good at assertive. I am either too firm or just get stepped on. How do I say ,"stop using my F-ing stuff you damn dirty moocher" without sound like an A@@ since I will be living here for 3 more years?

Sounds like you might not want to live there for 3 more years. Maybe you would be better off living on your own. Have you told this guy how you feel? There is a good chance he is just clueless and doesn't realize he's ticking you off. Communicate.

I never understood the idea of everyone in an apartment buying their own dishes, utensils, etc. It is so much cheaper and easier to split everything. Plus it just seems so unfriendly and awkward. I know some people in my med school who do this, but I think its weird.

 

[HEADintheCLOUDS]

Sounds like you might not want to live there for 3 more years. Maybe you would be better off living on your own. Have you told this guy how you feel? There is a good chance he is just clueless and doesn't realize he's ticking you off. Communicate.

I never understood the idea of everyone in an apartment buying their own dishes, utensils, etc. It is so much cheaper and easier to split everything. Plus it just seems so unfriendly and awkward. I know some people in my med school who do this, but I think its weird.

I really do not want to live there 3 more days! But the rent is super cheap and so close to school. Plus they are very anti-social so I always know that when I come home at night I can sleep without there being people over. I do not know how to tell him !

Thing is everyone else came with their own stuff. He brought nothing but his clothes! (literally) He literally mooches off everyone else. Plus I use that pan every morning to cook me breakfast and wash it aferwards. He uses it and leaves it dirty for days = I cant use MY own stuff to make MY breakfast. (but he got to use OTHERS stuff to make HIS stuff)

See the dilemma?

 

[cpants]

I really do not want to live there 3 more days! But the rent is super cheap and so close to school. Plus they are very anti-social so I always know that when I come home at night I can sleep without there being people over. I do not know how to tell him !

Sounds awful. Find some better roommates, or get your own place. Whats a few thousand more on the student loans?

For now just calmly tell him "Please do not use my pan anymore." Or keep the pan under your pillow.

 

[HEADintheCLOUDS]

Sounds awful. Find some better roommates, or get your own place. Whats a few thousand more on the student loans?

For now just calmly tell him "Please do not use my pan anymore." Or keep the pan under your pillow.

I will try telling him that. Thanks for the advice!

 

[la petite mort]

I've never had a roommate, but I would suggest this solution:

"This is MY kitchen cabinet shelf. That is YOUR cabinet shelf".

"This is MY refrigerator shelf. That is YOUR refrigerator shelf".

"This is MY space for shampoo and conditioner. YOU keep YOURS over the toilet".

"If you need to borrow anything, please ask me first."

 

[HEADintheCLOUDS]

I've never had a roommate, but I would suggest this solution:

"This is MY kitchen cabinet shelf. That is YOUR cabinet shelf".

"This is MY refrigerator shelf. That is YOUR refrigerator shelf".

"This is MY space for shampoo and conditioner. YOU keep YOURS over the toilet".

"If you need to borrow anything, please ask me first."

Yeah tried doing this first days we moved in. HE didnt bring any pots with him but somehow he still doesnt know if the pot is his or not.
Also he will eat your food and when you confromnt him he goes "I wasnt sure if it was mine. I mean, I think I remember buying it, but Im not sure"😡

I wish I was making this up!

 

[aphistis]

Yeah tried doing this first days we moved in. HE didnt bring any pots with him but somehow he still doesnt know if the pot is his or not.
Also he will eat your food and when you confromnt him he goes "I wasnt sure if it was mine. I mean, I think I remember buying it, but Im not sure"😡

I wish I was making this up!

Him: "I wasn't sure if it was mine. I mean, I think I remember buying it, but I'm not sure."

You: "You didn't. I did. I bought it from [Acme XYZ] and brought it with me when I moved in. I also brought [whatever other cookware you don't want him to use]. Please don't use any of them anymore."

If you really want to drive the point home afterwards, put "NO" on sticky notes in whichever pans are in question. You won't win any diplomacy awards, but the guy won't have any excuses next time he bums your stuff without permission. 😉

 

[physics junkie]

A lot of you guys sounds like you have absolutely no social skills...either that or you've never actually confronted anyone in your lives and sit around fantasizing about what you wished you had said at some point in the past. I recommend a more pragmatic solution--just keep your dishes in your room. That's what I ended up doing so I never have to do my roommates' dishes. Another year we made a rule about 1 spoon/knife/fork/plate/bowl per person because we would leave tons of dishes in the sink on a regular basis.

In regards to your roommate eating your food I assure you my troubles are greater than your own. My roommate counts his calories and he consistently eats >5000 calories a day. I once saw him and two friends place a $60 order at jack in the box and eat all of it. Surprisingly he's maybe 15% body fat and very muscular. After he ate a 1lb bag of carrots within 5 hours of me putting it in the fridge I decided to buy a mini fridge for $100 and put it in my room. I only leave stuff that would take time to cook in the kitchen because I know he's too lazy to cook.

 

[HEADintheCLOUDS]

Him: "I wasn't sure if it was mine. I mean, I think I remember buying it, but I'm not sure."

You: "You didn't. I did. I bought it from [Acme XYZ] and brought it with me when I moved in. I also brought [whatever other cookware you don't want him to use]. Please don't use any of them anymore."

If you really want to drive the point home afterwards, put "NO" on sticky notes in whichever pans are in question. You won't win any diplomacy awards, but the guy won't have any excuses next time he bums your stuff without permission. 😉

Thanks that sounds like even better advice! Hopefully Ill have the guts to say that tomarrow!

 

[HEADintheCLOUDS]

A lot of you guys sounds like you have absolutely no social skills...either that or you've never actually confronted anyone in your lives and sit around fantasizing about what you wished you had said at some point in the past. I recommend a more pragmatic solution--just keep your dishes in your room. That's what I ended up doing so I never have to do my roommates' dishes. Another year we made a rule about 1 spoon/knife/fork/plate/bowl per person because we would leave tons of dishes in the sink on a regular basis.

In regards to your roommate eating your food I assure you my troubles are greater than your own. My roommate counts his calories and he consistently eats >5000 calories a day. I once saw him and two friends place a $60 order at jack in the box and eat all of it. Surprisingly he's maybe 15% body fat and very muscular. After he ate a 1lb bag of carrots within 5 hours of me putting it in the fridge I decided to buy a mini fridge for $100 and put it in my room. I only leave stuff that would take time to cook in the kitchen because I know he's too lazy to cook.

Thats exactly why I am asking. I do not know how to be assertive and never had to in the past because I usually dealt with mature and considerate indiviuals.........until now!

 

[Abilene85]

Be firm. Be honest. Don't use profanity. Stay in control. Raise your voice enough to sound strong and confident, but not so much that it approaches yelling.

Put all your pans on the counter and say something like: "I brought all these pots and pans to the apartment. These are mine. I don't mind if you use them, as long as you wash them with soap and water when you are done so they are clean and ready to be used the next time I want to cook something. If you can't do this, then you need to buy your own. Also, you owe me for the teflon pan you destroyed."

I have found this technique to be fairly successful, especially coming from the nice, quiet person who is usually laid back about things. I think it just takes roommates by surprise and they're like "whoa...didn't expect this from you, but okay, I get your point." You will feel like you are talking to him as though he is a child, but I think that's what people like him need to get your point.

In the end, if talking to him doesn't work out, your two best options are:
1) Move out
2) Keep everything you don't want to be messed with in your bedroom

 

[lilnoelle]

You could always buy him a cheapo set of pots/pans from Walmart. Then he has no excuse to use your good stuff.

 

[DeAlighieri]

Thats exactly why I am asking. I do not know how to be assertive and never had to in the past because I usually dealt with mature and considerate indiviuals.........until now!

No offense, but how do you plan to deal with aggressive patients? Being able to assume the authoritative role in a room is a base-line skill for physicians, I would have thought. From what you've written, sounds like your roomie is an ass; put him in his place! If crap continues, don't move out. Instead, tell him to move out, and get a more accommodating individual.

 

[HEADintheCLOUDS]

No offense, but how do you plan to deal with aggressive patients? Being able to assume the authoritative role in a room is a base-line skill for physicians, I would have thought. From what you've written, sounds like your roomie is an ass; put him in his place! If crap continues, don't move out. Instead, tell him to move out, and get a more accommodating individual.

Yeah thats also something I need to work on. Its just that I have that "syndrome" of needing to please and be liked by everyone.

Can I make him move out legally? (or can I call you to make hiim move out..)

 

[bambi]

I have had a lot of trouble with my housemates this year too, different stuff though, what's worse is that the house belongs to the one that is the worst, I absolutely hate it, she pretty much makes my life hell so I'm moving out as soon as possible. If you can sort it out it is better to but if not, move, it's not worth the hassle.

 

[lilnoelle]

Yeah thats also something I need to work on. Its just that I have that "syndrome" of needing to please and be liked by everyone.

Can I make him move out legally? (or can I call you to make hiim move out..)

Maybe you guys all need to get together and agree on certain rules to abide by. If three out of the four guys agree that things should be a certain way (i.e. not sharing pots/pans) then the one guy is going to have to decide to follow the rules or to move out.

Its quite probable that if the "rules" haven't been clearly set, this guy is somewhat clueless. He may know that he's stepping a bit over the line, but until the line is clearly drawn, he's likely to push it as far as he can.

And you don't have to be rude in order to clarify the rules. Once the rules are clarified, and he's still not standing up to his part of the bargain, then its time to come down hard on the guy. Until that point, one could write his behavior off as unintentional.

 

[DeAlighieri]

Can I make him move out legally? (or can I call you to make hiim move out..)

Heh, I used to be a cop, so I have no problem telling someone that they screwed up! That said, treat this as an exercise in self-confidence that will help you in your career. If all of your other roommates are of the same opinion with respect to this guy (and assuming they're not all spineless), then all of you should make it clear to him that he's out of line. No need to be nasty; being firm and direct will be enough. Trust me, having everyone else in the house irritated 😡😡😡 at him will be an uncomfortable enough atmosphere that he'll either shape up 😱 or move out 🙁.

If all else fails, have everyone agree to split the guy's rent until you can find a new roomie, and then just flat-out tell the guy to go. No-one wants to live in a hostile atmosphere, and he will leave. Sometime you have to draw a line in life and stand firm. This is a pretty trivial situation compared to many of the lines you'll have to draw in life, but it's good practice! 👍

 

[Boogernugget]

If you have problems with communal food space, like a freezer/refrigerator, label everything you buy with a sharpie. That way, if your name is all over something and said roommate eats it, you can point out how your name was literally written all over it.

I used to keep a sharpie in a drawer by the refrigerator and would label everything as I put it in. This also helps you remember what you have enough of when you go to the store...no more eating eggs for two weeks straight because you kept forgetting whether you had them or not.

 

[Its_MurDAH]

A lot of you guys sounds like you have absolutely no social skills...either that or you've never actually confronted anyone in your lives and sit around fantasizing about what you wished you had said at some point in the past. I recommend a more pragmatic solution--just keep your dishes in your room. That's what I ended up doing so I never have to do my roommates' dishes. Another year we made a rule about 1 spoon/knife/fork/plate/bowl per person because we would leave tons of dishes in the sink on a regular basis.

In regards to your roommate eating your food I assure you my troubles are greater than your own. My roommate counts his calories and he consistently eats >5000 calories a day. I once saw him and two friends place a $60 order at jack in the box and eat all of it. Surprisingly he's maybe 15% body fat and very muscular. After he ate a 1lb bag of carrots within 5 hours of me putting it in the fridge I decided to buy a mini fridge for $100 and put it in my room. I only leave stuff that would take time to cook in the kitchen because I know he's too lazy to cook.

haha this post is hilarious...i love how this guy is questioning everyone else's social skills and their pus$y non-confrontational manner in the first paragraph. And in the next he tells us how, in order to get his room mate to stop using his sh1t, he BOUGHT A FRIDGE AND STARTED STORING NOT ONLY HIS FOOD BUT ALSO HIS DISHES IN HIS OWN BEDROOM instead of just asking him to NOT EAT HIS FOOD.

Hey way to be confrontational dude, you are a real manly man. You scared of your big muscular room mate? Next time before you try to give out advice and sound like a badas$ check to see if what you have written gives away the fact that you are, in fact, a coward.

 

[Abilene85]

And in the next he tells us how, in order to get his room mate to stop using his sh1t, he BOUGHT A FRIDGE AND STARTED STORING NOT ONLY HIS FOOD BUT ALSO HIS DISHES IN HIS OWN BEDROOM instead of just asking him to NOT EAT HIS FOOD.

Sometimes, even after asking nicely and then later ordering your roommates not to use your stuff, they just keep on doing it. You can either give up and let them mooch/destroy your stuff, move out, or keep stuff you don't want them to touch in your private area of the house. So the advice isn't actually that bad, in my opinion...at least as a plan B after confronting them about it.

 

[HEADintheCLOUDS]

Well I grew a pair and confronted 3 roomates about my destroyed teflon pan. I had an inkling about who destroyed it since I saw him using it yesterday but I wanted to be sure so I asked the others too. The person who I know did it said that he NEVER used it then quickly left the room before I could ask him any other questions. I then went to his room knocked on his door and then told him the other roomates said they didnt use it. He then said that he MIGHT have used it, but he thought that the renters before us had left it!

He then said he would pay for it (kinda cool) but I just said forget it but just not to use my stuff anymore. Plus I hung 2 signs with my name on it inside the cabinents with my stuff, so he doesnt think that my BRAND new, teflon pan and cooking stuff was haphazardly left by the previous tenents!

Thanks for all the advice guys!
I have to say that confronting people is kind of hard but feels like a load was lifted.Although I almost started tearing up and folded when he asked what was wrong with my stuff. Does this ever happen to you guys, and if not how do you stay stern without losing your composure?

 

[DeAlighieri]

Although I almost started tearing up and folded when he asked what was wrong with my stuff. Does this ever happen to you guys, and if not how do you stay stern without losing your composure?

The heat of my burning hatred for all living things keeps my eyes dry. Actually, in all seriousness, it's more the knowledge that no matter how confrontational or passive-aggressive the other person is, I can be an even bigger bastard if necessary. However, I generally find that simply being open and direct removes any need for nastiness, and there are rarely bad feelings afterwards. I personally respect someone who has the nads to stand up and call me on something I'm doing wrong, and I think many people are the same way. Good on you for standing up for yourself!

 

[Abilene85]

I look at it like - hey, I respect myself and I refuse to let people walk all over me. To me, that's a good feeling. I'm not going to be obsessed with every little detail of my relationships being perfect, but I know where my line is, and if you cross it, I will speak up. Just thinking about it that way helps me keep my cool during the confrontation. I have found that more often than not, the wrong-doer realizes that they were being difficult (sometimes on purpose to test your limits), and they usually don't have any hard feelings after the matter.

Good for you, though, finally sticking up for yourself. 👍

 

[Hurricane95]

Reasons like this are why I couldn't stand living with other people unless they were exactly like me in those regards (respectful and mindful of other people's belongings and space). I would probably slug someone eventually.

 

[NoMind]

I think the most important thing in dealing with roomates is to be sure to hide your ether bottles well. That way no one suspects that it is indeed You who is the elusive Ether Bunny.

 

[DeAlighieri]

I think the most important thing in dealing with roomates is to be sure to hide your ether bottles well. That way no one suspects that it is indeed You who is the elusive Ether Bunny.

Wait...you're a resident in Denver. Which means I may be running into you at some point. Ether, you say? <shifts eyes>

 

[NoMind]

Wait...you're a resident in Denver. Which means I may be running into you at some point. Ether, you say? <shifts eyes>

Don't worry you wont remember a thing.



In all seriousness this is a great city and great place to do a residency. I've been here all my life. I did med school here too let me know if you have questions about the programs.