Rough time

[ivynyc]

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I feel very silly and wrong for posting on here b/c I'm not sure of the relevance, but I was just looking for some support from anywhere (I'm reaching a very dangerous critical point in study-time left), and I certainly don't have any around me at the moment, so I've resorted to posting.

My boyfriend of one year just broke up with me, right before I was to take my exam. I pushed it back a couple of weeks b/c I just couldn't focus & study for at least a week or more. I've never been through this before, so that's why I'm reaching out for advice....I don't know how to handle this!

My focus right now is shifting slowly toward my exam (it's in about 3 wks), but I still have trouble getting up everyday to study, which I end up not doing because I wake up around 1pm, and then just watch TV or read SDN until I'm tired again. I really have no motivation, and I'm getting scared about the exam, but I'm having no luck using that to really force me to study and get going. Maybe some harsh reality from some of you guys can snap me back to the task at hand instead of spending all my time trying to suppress thoughts of my ex-boyfriend. This exam is such a major life event--and that's just not entering my head right now.

I'm sure somebody could label me with some sort-of depression, but since I haven't reviewed behavioral science thoroughly, yet, I can't even tell you that!!

Please help. Any breakup advice, any "focusing"/'priorities" advice......I'd be so thankful. I really need some help and support now.

 

[exmike]

I feel very silly and wrong for posting on here b/c I'm not sure of the relevance, but I was just looking for some support from anywhere (I'm reaching a very dangerous critical point in study-time left), and I certainly don't have any around me at the moment, so I've resorted to posting.

My boyfriend of one year just broke up with me, right before I was to take my exam. I pushed it back a couple of weeks b/c I just couldn't focus & study for at least a week or more. I've never been through this before, so that's why I'm reaching out for advice....I don't know how to handle this!

My focus right now is shifting slowly toward my exam (it's in about 3 wks), but I still have trouble getting up everyday to study, which I end up not doing because I wake up around 1pm, and then just watch TV or read SDN until I'm tired again. I really have no motivation, and I'm getting scared about the exam, but I'm having no luck using that to really force me to study and get going. Maybe some harsh reality from some of you guys can snap me back to the task at hand instead of spending all my time trying to suppress thoughts of my ex-boyfriend. This exam is such a major life event--and that's just not entering my head right now.

I'm sure somebody could label me with some sort-of depression, but since I haven't reviewed behavioral science thoroughly, yet, I can't even tell you that!!

Please help. Any breakup advice, any "focusing"/'priorities" advice......I'd be so thankful. I really need some help and support now.

Can you push your test date back any more? I know how it feels to be just out a of a relationship when you really need to concentrate. I guess you just have to keep telling yourself the importance of your future and what you need to do. If you let your breakup mess with your step one, that's something that could affect you for a long long time. I'd use that as motivation not to let the breakup get the best of me.

 

[xjacob]

I'm neither a psychiatrist, nor a girl, so I can neither give a clinical advice nor relate, but I am told that advice/consolation that comes from the opposite gender tends to be taken somewhat more seriously (is it true?).
I know the following:
1) This is normal. If you were like this for years, then I guess this would be a depression, but a couple of weeks? Everyone is miserable (I was pretty miserable for app. 2 months, after breaking up with my girl)
2) It will get better. The key is realizing that the current state is not permanent. You might not be able to do anything about your mood now, but at least don't get double-depressed by thinking that it is never going to end.
3) Study. Not only is not studying preventing you from learning new stuff, but also a large break is likely to cause you to forget things, especially if consistently in bad mood. Plus, imagine yourself 10 years from now, looking back and realizing that a break-up you might not even remember anymore, caused you to do less well on the boards.
4) Guys like girls, who aced their boards. (ok, a bit of an overstatement, but perhaps that'll help with some motivation)

 

[SaltySqueegee]

Since you have 3 weeks of studying left, it sounds like you need to get with some friends and do some hard core drinking for a few days. Recover from Acute alochol induced gastro-hepatitis, then drive around for a few days, get lost and find yourself and why you are in this world.

Next, come back with 2weeks left to study and hit those books hard. Do not look at any other book than first aid unless it is BRS Pathology. Memorize those two and you will do fine...

Do not look at any other books... ... do not... I said don't... ... In fact don't even look at the pictures in First Aid. It won't help you. The only pictures you should memorize is ReedSternberg Owl Eyes, Auer Rods M3 and what Toxic Shock Scalded Skin looks like (hint: it looks like scalded skin).

Best of luck from here on out. 👍

I feel very silly and wrong for posting on here b/c I'm not sure of the relevance, but I was just looking for some support from anywhere (I'm reaching a very dangerous critical point in study-time left), and I certainly don't have any around me at the moment, so I've resorted to posting.

My boyfriend of one year just broke up with me, right before I was to take my exam. I pushed it back a couple of weeks b/c I just couldn't focus & study for at least a week or more. I've never been through this before, so that's why I'm reaching out for advice....I don't know how to handle this!

My focus right now is shifting slowly toward my exam (it's in about 3 wks), but I still have trouble getting up everyday to study, which I end up not doing because I wake up around 1pm, and then just watch TV or read SDN until I'm tired again. I really have no motivation, and I'm getting scared about the exam, but I'm having no luck using that to really force me to study and get going. Maybe some harsh reality from some of you guys can snap me back to the task at hand instead of spending all my time trying to suppress thoughts of my ex-boyfriend. This exam is such a major life event--and that's just not entering my head right now.

I'm sure somebody could label me with some sort-of depression, but since I haven't reviewed behavioral science thoroughly, yet, I can't even tell you that!!

Please help. Any breakup advice, any "focusing"/'priorities" advice......I'd be so thankful. I really need some help and support now.

 

[Buckeye(OH)]

While you may have more than once chance to take the test (I dont know I only just finished my MS1), you only have one chance to do well.

You certainly dont want to blow your one chance for someone that wasn't the right one anyways (he likely wasnt, I mean honestly, how many times do people break up and get back together and have it actually work?)

 

[abbaroodle]

Go for a run. Seriously, doing some sort of regular aerobic exercise is great for the mind. I like to run without headphones (I might be the only one!) which gives me a chance to just let my mind wander and think about whatever I want - hopefully not how many more miles I have or how far behind I am in path. 🙂 Give it a try!

Dont let this get to you now - you may be mad at him or sad at losing him or something else, but dont let your break-up hurt you, and right now that means not letting it hurt what you need to be doing now - rocking boards. You need to be stronger than that. And I know you can.

Ask your friends\family\class-mates\deans\profs\psych services at your school\whoever for help if you need it. In college I had friends walk me to the library after dinner when I was having trouble just so I would get there. (It was all of 3 blocks from my dorm!) I couldnt make myself go on my own, but once they walked me to the door, I could write my thesis. Other ideas: make plans to study topic X with friend Y on day Z. You better be prepared to hold your own or else your friend will be angry. You know what works best for you, but dont hesitate to ask for help!

Stay strong!

 

[bolisol007]

You can make something good come out of all this, if you channel all that emotion (anger, sadness or whatever you may be feeling) towards your goal. Think about this- artists write some of their best material during tough times .e.g break-ups (Look at destiny's child, they became really big after they lost two band-mates and used all the drama to write songs like survivor. There are tons of other artists that have done similar things). From my own experience in undergrad, i can say that some of my best grades came when i was really angry at someone or something. Just be real with yourself and try to figure out what exactly it is that you're feeling and then find a way to use it as a motivating or driving force. If some dude broke up with you right before your big exam, the last thing you want to do is to give him a chance to ruin what you have left!!

 

[njbmd]

My boyfriend of one year just broke up with me, right before I was to take my exam. I pushed it back a couple of weeks b/c I just couldn't focus & study for at least a week or more. I've never been through this before, so that's why I'm reaching out for advice....I don't know how to handle this!


I'm sure somebody could label me with some sort-of depression, but since I haven't reviewed behavioral science thoroughly, yet, I can't even tell you that!!

Please help. Any breakup advice, any "focusing"/'priorities" advice......I'd be so thankful. I really need some help and support now.

Hi there,
It is perfectly normal to mourn the loss of a relationship so give yourself some time to go through your mourning period. The longer the relationship the longer the grief period. Go to your Dean of Students and find out how late you can take the exam and push your date back accordingly.

You do not want to be victimized twice by your ex so take some time and go through your grief stages, then take action. As someone mentioned, do something physical, get out of the house and away from studying for a few hours if you are not able to concentrate. Try to create something new in your life that you will not associate with your ex.

When you get back to your study routine, jump in with vigor and do well on this exam. "Living well" is always the best revenge so live well.

njbmd

 

[emily69]

hey ivy-girl,

I really sympathize with you because when something emotionally charged happens to me, I can't get my mind off it either. I try to cope by venting as much as I can to people or I write in my journal or hang out with people who don't remind me of the event/person involved. Would talking to your best friend help?

You prolly already know this, but your ex-bf is a major bastard for breaking up with you before this crucial time. That alone proves he's not worthy of a future doctor! But bashing doesn't help much, I know. In the long run, he is not much of a loss though it may feel devastating at this time.

I don't know how many weeks you have left over til your exam but I would try listening to Goljan. It's more active than reading review books on your own and more engaging. Plus his stuff is fairly HY, so that may earn you a few extra points on the exam. His sense of humor is dorky but sure beats long hours of reading on your own! Also maybe Microbio made ridiculously simple would be a semi-fun way to take your mind off him.

Also I know it can be hard, but do try taking care of yourself by eating well, sleeping enough, going for long walks... Hang in there! In the end, I know you'll beat this!

 

[mjl1717]

Yes this too will pass. The other poster is correct listen to Goljan and focus hes is better for you at this point.. Remembber your career is at stake. Put the break up in the past ... Use just 3 at the most 4 books and hit them hard. Try to get into a group for studying.

 

[RustNeverSleeps]

Really sorry to hear about all the tough things you have been going through lately. I know it can be really difficult to get back to normal. I have seen people giving you advice that your ex isn't worth this and that you should study, but I think anyone going through the situation knows it isn't that easy. You will know that in the future -- you may even know that now -- but actually picking up the pieces and moving on can be a lot tougher.

At this point I think you are probably grieving the relationship rather than having an adjustment disorder/depression. However, it may help to talk someone -- a friend or family, or perhaps someone from the school counseling service, if you prefer a more clinical or anonymous setup.

The suggestion about talking your Dean is a good one. You don't want to force yourself into a timeline to take the exam if you are truly not emotionally ready to commit to it. Your Dean will be familiar with the options available to you, so then at least you will have less uncertainty on the academic end of things.

Good luck -- I hope you start feeling better soon. 🙂

 

[Haku]

I'm in a similar situation, but you have to think its for the best. There has to be a reason for it all right? So don't worry, focus on being a good doctor, and think about how there are so many more amazing opportunities you will have (and guys you'll meet...maaaybe, but thats sketchy too) when you get on the wards. It is very hard, try changing where you're studying (go home if you can, it may help, or have friends nearby). Good luck, Goljan does help though, you can just try to listen to him for a couple days and you'll learn a lot just passively listening to him.

 

[abbaroodle]

At this point I think you are probably grieving the relationship rather than having an adjustment disorder/depression. However, it may help to talk someone -- a friend or family, or perhaps someone from the school counseling service, if you prefer a more clinical or anonymous setup.

I agree that it is normal to be upset after a serious relationship. Just because we wouldnt select "major depression" for step I doesnt mean you aren't hurting. And there are folks who can help as others have mentioned. Again, friends, deans, professors, family, etc.

I know there are councelors that we can see for free at my school and they definately help students deal with "immediate stressors" like boards and relationships both coming at you at once!) Dont feel just because you arent clinically depressed that you can't take advantage of them. Now might be a good time to see if they can help you find ways to cope in the short term and give you advice on managing your time, sticking to a schedule, putting one foot in front of the other, etc.

Good luck! And, yeah, I was thinking "man, I couldnt imagine breaking up with someone a month before he defended his thesis! How can a guy have such poor timing?"

 

[NYC-girl]

What everyone is saying is right....but I am going to give you a little tough love.....
Get yourself together.
Take an NBME test, and scare yourself into studying. I have messed up in school because of guys too many times to see a fellow sister go down.
Time heals everything. I promise you that if you pick a pathway in biochem and try to memorize it backward and forwards...you will realize that a half of a day has gone by and you didn't think about him.

I agree that you need to grieve. But you can always integrate it into your schedule. Pick a subject, read it for 30 minutes, and tell yourself, ok, I am going to take a full 15 minutes just having my own private pity party (that is what I call it) after this 30 minutes and then build up from there.

I agree with the advice to listen to Golijan. He is so encouraging. It will make you feel like you have your own private tutor. There are 40 hrs worth of audios, that will make you feel like you are around other people.
Get out of the house to read if you need to.
And I also agree with the advice of not letting this guy victimize you 2x.

No matter what this guy thinks of you, you tell yourself that you are a million bucks, and you are worth more than not reading and not giving it your all for the test!!!

Good Luck 👍

 

[mariahill]

I feel very silly and wrong for posting on here b/c I'm not sure of the relevance, but I was just looking for some support from anywhere (I'm reaching a very dangerous critical point in study-time left), and I certainly don't have any around me at the moment, so I've resorted to posting.

My boyfriend of one year just broke up with me, right before I was to take my exam. I pushed it back a couple of weeks b/c I just couldn't focus & study for at least a week or more. I've never been through this before, so that's why I'm reaching out for advice....I don't know how to handle this!

My focus right now is shifting slowly toward my exam (it's in about 3 wks), but I still have trouble getting up everyday to study, which I end up not doing because I wake up around 1pm, and then just watch TV or read SDN until I'm tired again. I really have no motivation, and I'm getting scared about the exam, but I'm having no luck using that to really force me to study and get going. Maybe some harsh reality from some of you guys can snap me back to the task at hand instead of spending all my time trying to suppress thoughts of my ex-boyfriend. This exam is such a major life event--and that's just not entering my head right now.

I'm sure somebody could label me with some sort-of depression, but since I haven't reviewed behavioral science thoroughly, yet, I can't even tell you that!!

Please help. Any breakup advice, any "focusing"/'priorities" advice......I'd be so thankful. I really need some help and support now.

Bump!!

Seems like a lot of people are having a very similar situation in their lives at this very moment. Let's really try to help each other. I know how lonely it can feel.The desperation to want to get that person back (and it not dying for a long time, and in reality, you still keep hoping b/c YOU feel that it will be possible to get back together, no matter what others say, b/c you know....THEY don't really know him or how the two of you were together), and the intermittent letting go of the situation and just deciding what has happened was for the best and what will be, will be. But always defaulting to hope at the end of the day (nights and early mornings are the WORST).

God, it hurts. And it just doesn't stop.

If only we could try at it again.....(and in my situation, it may be possible......)

Let's help each other, please.

 

[juicebox]

I have real sympathy for your situation.... beyond the obvious pain and distraction you must be feeling over the breakup. It makes me angry that your boyfriend could be so selfish. I mean wtf? if it wasn't meant to be, fine, that's one thing. But couldn't he have at least waited (a mere 3 weeks) for your test to be over? It sounds like he was out to hurt you, to screw you over, and that's what pisses me off. Somebody who is so irresponsible, so negligent of another person's needs.... he's honestly not worth the hullabaloo of emotion. I know, easy for me to say. But good riddance to his heartless soul.

 

[YouDontKnowJack]

Don't Worry.
Be Happy!

Don't Worry.
Be Happy!