Run on sentences...

[Csv321]

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I am trying to polish my personal statement and just realized I have some long sentences. I tend to have a lot of those in any essays I write....a lot of "in which..." and "therefore..."

Is this bad for a personal statement? Should I break it up into smaller, concise sentences so adcoms won't get lost in their train of thoughts?

As an example, here is what I had before:
Most of my other patient interactions were very similar to the first. I learned a great deal about skin care, herbal remedies, financial investing, and my head became filled with so much fascinating, yet random information that I cannot even begin to remember it all anymore.


And a friend suggested I break it up into:
Many of my other patient interactions were very similar to the first. As a result, I learned a great deal about skin care, herbal remedies, and financial investing. My head became filled with so much fascinating, yet random, information that I cannot even begin to remember it all.


Any thoughts? Suggestions? PLEASE HELP ME!! 😕

 

[footcramp]

run on sentences are totally awesome but not in your personal statement other people say it's bad i think it's a matter of style but when in rome right?

by the way i would remove that sentence altogether because it sounds fake and fluffy

 

[footcramp]

Most of my other patient interactions were very similar to the first. I learned a great deal about skin care, herbal remedies, financial investing, and my head became filled with so much fascinating, yet random information that I cannot even begin to remember it all anymore.

after first year, this is how i would modify your statement:
"my head became filled with so much dull, yet random information that I cannot even begin to remember any of it anymore."

 

[Csv321]

Thanks for the input..I can't wait till I finally submit my application and I won't have to worry about it anymore

 

[BubbleBobble]

after first year, this is how i would modify your statement:
"my head became filled with so much dull, yet random information that I cannot even begin to remember any of it anymore."

As opposed to dull, organized information? 🙂

I would write:
"my head became filled with so much dull and random information that I cannot even begin to remember any of it."

 

[rgporter]

As opposed to dull, organized information? 🙂

I would write:
"my head became filled with so much dull and random information that I cannot even begin to remember any of it."

Why write about it at all if it filled your head will dull and radom information that you admitedly don't bother to remember?

 

[WalterSobchakk]

I'd definitely cut down on run-ons, seeing as how I have the same problem and had to spend forever taking it out of my own personal statment, which took quite a long time because I was editing it forever, but hopefully, I will submit my AMCAS tonight, finally!! Oh, and don't forget to take the commas out before "random" and "and"

It's nice to see I'm not the only one 🙂