S***, I think this is not for me.

[spicedmanna]

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Thanks for this. As much as I love the encouraging posts to stay and not quit, a part of me still feels like my heart is no longer fully in this and I'm not sure if it's the second year depression others are talking about or a realization that I don't belong here and don't fit in.

I felt essentially the same way during second year, and so did a lot of my friends. It's the pressure of medical school and how it changes you, makes you react and adapt to it, for better or worse. Like all things, it's all in how you handle the pressure, the stress. Medical school has a lot of "boot camp"-like qualities. It can make some people break down more readily than others, but relatively few come through unscathed. If you don't occasionally remind yourself of why you are doing this, or celebrate the times that go exceedingly well or were gratifying, you end up a bit unsure it is worth it. Rest assured, though, because if you like what doctors do, you get a chance to experience that during your third and fourth years, and while it is difficult, there is much more opportunity to witness and experience many of the enjoyable elements of being a physician.

The clinical years have a decidedly different tone than the first two. You are putting into practice for the first time, many of the things you learned, and you are actually, as someone put it, "in the trenches." You are no longer plugging away, locked away in room for endless hours, pouring over theoretical BS, like you are the first two years of medical school. You are interacting with patients and the medical team for real, and depending on where you do your core rotations, you can actually have a beneficial impact. Don't get me wrong, there is still a lot of studying, but you do it on your own time, while you experience some very practical elements of real-life medicine, so that is quite refreshing. The last two years of medical school were of course challenging, but also extremely gratifying (especially when you begin see the light beyond the tunnel and you realize that the years behind you are greater than the days ahead, in terms of your medical school training). It really solidified for me why I chose medicine in the first place.

 

[Salpingo]

The clinical years are sort of like golf. You spent most of the time frustrated, banging your head against the ground and wondering why you even picked up the stupid game. Then you'll hit an unbelievable shot (make a zebra diagnosis, have an awesome clinic encounter, nail your pimp session) and for that brief moment of euphoria, you feel like you're finally making progress. Then you'll spend the rest of the day trying to hit your damn stupid ball out of the bunker or guaiac a patient enough times that you eventually cause bleeding.

I dunno, I'm starting to get confused by my own metaphor. The point is there's very little upside to the second year, but at least in MS3 you'll have brief moments of glory that justify your existence. And then you'll be in fourth year, living the relative good life.

 

[spicedmanna]

I dunno, I'm starting to get confused by my own metaphor. The point is there's very little upside to the second year, but at least in MS3 you'll have brief moments of glory that justify your existence. And then you'll be in fourth year, living the relative good life.

That's sort of what I'm getting at. You have many more opportunities to appreciate why it is you decided to pursue medicine during your clinical years. Also, while it can be frustrating and challenging, at least you are getting a chance to HIT the ball during your clinical years, while you are just studying the more esoteric aspects (and sometimes even irrelevant aspects) of the theory of golf during your first two years of medical school. Personally, even if I feel the frustration of hitting the golf ball into the water or sand trap, or not even a few feet from the driving range (or whatever), at least I have my hand on the club and am getting a chance to do it and learn from doing it. Of course, I especially appreciate when I get par or the rare birdie (and trust me, if you are paying attention during your third year, you get much better at the game during the latter part of fourth year, and are getting par much more reliably). Whatever the case, at least I am on the golf course playing the game! All this is much more gratifying than reading about golf, in my opinion.

 

[DocYuki]

...and/or that attending who had nothing but good things to say to your face has finally found some time for some constructive criticism.

Been there. So. Many. Many. Times. It seems to be such a problem at my school, I just don't even know. It got to the point where, when there was a consistency between how an attending acted towards me on rotation and what ended up written on my evaluation, I was like wait? Whoa. This is happening?