- Joined
- Jan 24, 2011
- Messages
- 111
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- 2
The grand plan is off. Over. Done. Finis. Aborted, not retried, and ignored. At the moment, I have no firm plans to attend medical school, and I am not currently working towards so doing. I cancelled my MCAT, I'm dropping my classes for fall, and I didn't ask that favorite chemistry professor to write me a letter.
A year ago, this was not the case. A year ago, I was full-steam-ahead, pulling a 4.0 in my postbacc work, working full-time, and volunteering ten-plus hours a week. A year ago I was dead set on a specialty. A year ago, I was going to be part of the Class of '17 come hell or high water. I had a plan. Some parts of it went against SDN conventional wisdom, but it was working marvelously, until it didn't.
And so: SDN was right.
Note, before we continue, before we go into the gory details: I have no regrets. This was an amazing ride. I'm glad I did it the way I did. To be honest, medicine was always going to be a losing proposition for me on a financial level, so this is probably for the best. Too, I wanted the challenge more than I wanted the brass ring.
So: If one considers the function of a plan to be an opportunity to find the right path, mine worked beautifully.
On the other hand: If one considers the function of a plan to get one into medical school, there were numerous points at which it would have been better to take SDN's advice.
How, then, was SDN right?
***
To be clear, I did take much of SDN's advice. I volunteered. I did well in my prereqs. I started thinking about letters early. I took the MCAT seriously. I evaluated my undergraduate GPA with a critical eye and did what I had to do in order to get it into a competitive range. But there were three places I deviated from conventional wisdom, and these are the three I want to address, in the hopes of helping someone else.
Shadow early.
I started thinking about a specific specialty (because I wanted to do that particular specialty of medicine; that was all I wanted to do) in November 2009. I started taking prereqs and volunteering in Fall 2010. I was planning to apply in June 2012. I shadowed for the first time in March 2012.
I have nothing but the highest respect for that specialty. For a variety of personal reasons, I now think I was wrong about it being the right field for me.
Shadow first, kids. Make sure the dream you dream can stand up to the harsh light of reality. I was reluctant to shadow early because I felt like I was imposing on the physicians of whom I made requests (I cold-emailed to find people.) I was pleasantly surprised at the amazing response rate I got. Take advantage of it. Take advantage of it early, so you don't wind up doing what I did.
Note: Yes, you have to do this if your partner's a physician. (Mine was.) Yes, you have to do this if you work or volunteer in an allied health field. (I do.) You needn't do it often, but do it early.
EMS is a trap.
I chose to get in my clinical hours by doing EMS. I joined my local 911 service at the same time I started my prereqs. I've probably ridden about a thousand hours. I've responded to attempted suicides, working codes, assault victims, massive STEMIs, unresponsive kids, high-speed vehicular trauma, contractions, and a request for transport to McDonald's. I've seen deformed limbs, grand mal seizures, rigor mortis, nursing home CPR, and half a patient's face eaten by a tumor. I've made some pretty spectacular dog's breakfasts of scenes, and I've had people clutch my hand and say "I'm so glad you're here."
I love it. I initially hated it, when I was terrible at it... and I was terrible at it, originally. Now I love it. It's amazing. The rush, the camaraderie, the excitement of never knowing what you're going to get. The moment when the bells go off is a rush like no other. In fact, I love it so much that I'm starting an ALS practitioner upgrade class this fall. I can't wait until my jurisdiction lets me shove tubes in people!
But honestly? When it comes to admissions, it's really not that much better than a hundred hours spent folding blankets in an ED somewhere. And it's so delicious, it's so much easier to get sidetracked. Everyone in this firehouse who does EMS wants to go to medical school. They ride four shifts a week, but they have 3.0s and 2.5s. They get to be first on scene and push the drugs, and they think it matters. They think that'll make up for the dismal GPA.
It doesn't, and it won't.
My case was and is different: I have the GPA to be competitive. Instead, I got seduced. EMS is the candy, and when you're slogging through memorizing stuff, candy is tasty and fun. Now I'm dropping my last year of prereqs to become an ALS provider. I have no regrets, but at the same time, I can tell you I wouldn't have gotten sidetracked by folding blankets.
Burnout is real.
I didn't quit my job. If the goal was medical school, I should have. In the end, it got me. I did fine until this last semester, but the combination of MCAT study, application preparation, a full-time job, organic chemistry, and a partner with significant health issues? It broke me. Final scoreboard: cancelled MCAT, B in Orgo, end of relationship. (I also gave myself stress-induced eczema, lived in a dump, and lost all of my athletic conditioning, but those barely even count.)
None of the above are irrecoverable. I probably could have continued with the cycle, if I'd wanted to. But I didn't. I was too burned out. I still am. If I'd quit my job, that wouldn't have happened. I'm glad I didn't, because it wasn't feasible within my parameters... but not doing so was a direct contributor to the demise of this plan. And so, if this is what you really want, make the sacrifice and do it right.
(An aside: I may someday want to hop back on the train. Given the circumstances, I could probably get my institution to give me a retroactive W in Orgo. I'd like to retake anyway for comprehension, since I'll be away from it for at least a year, but I retook several classes already from undergrad; given that, I suspect that a single B in postbacc work is better than a W and then an A, even though it's not the answer I want. SDN confirmation would be appreciated.)
***
Knowing the above, would I wave my magic wand and go back to change how I did it?
No, I wouldn't. I like my current career. I may still want someday to go, and I can pick it back up at that point. It'll be there. Right now, I'm doing what I need to do and going where I need to go, and I count myself fortunate that I burned out now rather than as a M1 or M2.
But if you want this--if you really, really want this--and you want to give yourself the best shot at success, I hope this will prove useful. I know it's hard to believe that you won't beat the odds, and some of you may. But for the vast majority of you, you won't. I've made my entire life out of beating the odds, and I didn't here.
Listen to SDN!
A year ago, this was not the case. A year ago, I was full-steam-ahead, pulling a 4.0 in my postbacc work, working full-time, and volunteering ten-plus hours a week. A year ago I was dead set on a specialty. A year ago, I was going to be part of the Class of '17 come hell or high water. I had a plan. Some parts of it went against SDN conventional wisdom, but it was working marvelously, until it didn't.
And so: SDN was right.
Note, before we continue, before we go into the gory details: I have no regrets. This was an amazing ride. I'm glad I did it the way I did. To be honest, medicine was always going to be a losing proposition for me on a financial level, so this is probably for the best. Too, I wanted the challenge more than I wanted the brass ring.
So: If one considers the function of a plan to be an opportunity to find the right path, mine worked beautifully.
On the other hand: If one considers the function of a plan to get one into medical school, there were numerous points at which it would have been better to take SDN's advice.
How, then, was SDN right?
***
To be clear, I did take much of SDN's advice. I volunteered. I did well in my prereqs. I started thinking about letters early. I took the MCAT seriously. I evaluated my undergraduate GPA with a critical eye and did what I had to do in order to get it into a competitive range. But there were three places I deviated from conventional wisdom, and these are the three I want to address, in the hopes of helping someone else.
Shadow early.
I started thinking about a specific specialty (because I wanted to do that particular specialty of medicine; that was all I wanted to do) in November 2009. I started taking prereqs and volunteering in Fall 2010. I was planning to apply in June 2012. I shadowed for the first time in March 2012.
I have nothing but the highest respect for that specialty. For a variety of personal reasons, I now think I was wrong about it being the right field for me.
Shadow first, kids. Make sure the dream you dream can stand up to the harsh light of reality. I was reluctant to shadow early because I felt like I was imposing on the physicians of whom I made requests (I cold-emailed to find people.) I was pleasantly surprised at the amazing response rate I got. Take advantage of it. Take advantage of it early, so you don't wind up doing what I did.
Note: Yes, you have to do this if your partner's a physician. (Mine was.) Yes, you have to do this if you work or volunteer in an allied health field. (I do.) You needn't do it often, but do it early.
EMS is a trap.
I chose to get in my clinical hours by doing EMS. I joined my local 911 service at the same time I started my prereqs. I've probably ridden about a thousand hours. I've responded to attempted suicides, working codes, assault victims, massive STEMIs, unresponsive kids, high-speed vehicular trauma, contractions, and a request for transport to McDonald's. I've seen deformed limbs, grand mal seizures, rigor mortis, nursing home CPR, and half a patient's face eaten by a tumor. I've made some pretty spectacular dog's breakfasts of scenes, and I've had people clutch my hand and say "I'm so glad you're here."
I love it. I initially hated it, when I was terrible at it... and I was terrible at it, originally. Now I love it. It's amazing. The rush, the camaraderie, the excitement of never knowing what you're going to get. The moment when the bells go off is a rush like no other. In fact, I love it so much that I'm starting an ALS practitioner upgrade class this fall. I can't wait until my jurisdiction lets me shove tubes in people!
But honestly? When it comes to admissions, it's really not that much better than a hundred hours spent folding blankets in an ED somewhere. And it's so delicious, it's so much easier to get sidetracked. Everyone in this firehouse who does EMS wants to go to medical school. They ride four shifts a week, but they have 3.0s and 2.5s. They get to be first on scene and push the drugs, and they think it matters. They think that'll make up for the dismal GPA.
It doesn't, and it won't.
My case was and is different: I have the GPA to be competitive. Instead, I got seduced. EMS is the candy, and when you're slogging through memorizing stuff, candy is tasty and fun. Now I'm dropping my last year of prereqs to become an ALS provider. I have no regrets, but at the same time, I can tell you I wouldn't have gotten sidetracked by folding blankets.
Burnout is real.
I didn't quit my job. If the goal was medical school, I should have. In the end, it got me. I did fine until this last semester, but the combination of MCAT study, application preparation, a full-time job, organic chemistry, and a partner with significant health issues? It broke me. Final scoreboard: cancelled MCAT, B in Orgo, end of relationship. (I also gave myself stress-induced eczema, lived in a dump, and lost all of my athletic conditioning, but those barely even count.)
None of the above are irrecoverable. I probably could have continued with the cycle, if I'd wanted to. But I didn't. I was too burned out. I still am. If I'd quit my job, that wouldn't have happened. I'm glad I didn't, because it wasn't feasible within my parameters... but not doing so was a direct contributor to the demise of this plan. And so, if this is what you really want, make the sacrifice and do it right.
(An aside: I may someday want to hop back on the train. Given the circumstances, I could probably get my institution to give me a retroactive W in Orgo. I'd like to retake anyway for comprehension, since I'll be away from it for at least a year, but I retook several classes already from undergrad; given that, I suspect that a single B in postbacc work is better than a W and then an A, even though it's not the answer I want. SDN confirmation would be appreciated.)
***
Knowing the above, would I wave my magic wand and go back to change how I did it?
No, I wouldn't. I like my current career. I may still want someday to go, and I can pick it back up at that point. It'll be there. Right now, I'm doing what I need to do and going where I need to go, and I count myself fortunate that I burned out now rather than as a M1 or M2.
But if you want this--if you really, really want this--and you want to give yourself the best shot at success, I hope this will prove useful. I know it's hard to believe that you won't beat the odds, and some of you may. But for the vast majority of you, you won't. I've made my entire life out of beating the odds, and I didn't here.
Listen to SDN!
