Secondary app - challenge essay

[crzymonkey]

Hey all,

First time posting! Just wanted some feedback on the secondary app question regarding a challenge/adversity etc. I know that the adcoms just want to see how you cope and overcome adversity and all. My problem is that I truly cope in the most cliche way possible.

I lost my grandfather semi-recently. It was completely unexpected, I had literally spoken to him two days before. I was crushed, but my mom even more so. My dad encouraged me to keep it together, to help them, which is literally how I cope. Basically, between my dad and I, we got my brother to school to take his math final, helped my mom pack her stuff to go for the funeral, called her best friend to help support her, etc. I had to tell people, it was awful. anyway, my coping method was helping my family, then just trying to get life back on track, and also putting together a collage to celebrate the good memories, stuff like that. I feel like this is super cliche, you know, helping others is how I cope. Problem is, it's true.

So, thoughts?

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[onceawolverine]

First off, I am so sorry to hear about your grandfather. I hope that your family can recover as well as you have.

So the trick to this essay is to make it very clear that your coping mechanisms aren't just to help other people. It needs to be crystal clear that you aren't simply avoiding the reality of the situation. The reality is that your grandfather passed, and you had to make peace with that. And one of the ways in which you did so was by making yourself a support system for the rest of your family. By helping others handle the misfortune, you were able to deal with it as well. etc. etc.

It's a good topic. Yes, it's easy for it to sound cliche. But if you make the essay super self-aware, then you'll avoid those kinds of pitfalls. If it were me, I would approach the essay as if I were psychoanalyzing my motives for helping other people. By becoming someone else's support, did you feel more secure in a time of turbulence? Do you typically prefer the role of supporting friend? etc. etc.

This is all advice coming from another pre-med kid in the same cycle, so take it with a grain of salt. I'm no expert on how these things are supposed to read. Thats just my two cents.

Feel free to PM me with more q's if you have any!

 

[DokterMom]

I'm sorry for your loss --

Perhaps you've heard the familiar essay advice "show don't tell" ? Your situation here is a perfect example of this. Your actions show that you cope with adversity by helping others, but the story you tell is how "keeping busy and making yourself useful" helped distract you from the most intense grief and helped you process your own pain and turn it into something positive. The "keeping busy and making yourself useful" message is a humble (but not overly so) and practical phrase that paints you in a favorable light without sounding like you're bragging and avoids the cliche. And your collage sounds like a wonderful project -- healing for you and your family.

 

[kyamh]

That must have been an incredibly tough time for you, I'm so sorry.

To tell you the truth though, I don't know if I would write about this. Actually, I know I wouldn't because I lost someone very suddenly the Spring before applying and wrestled with this exact decision. These were my reasons:

1. Frankly, we are the right age to start loosing grandparents. If it was a sibling or parent, it's less "expected" or "common" or "cliche." Obviously loosing a grandparent is devastating, but for most people (with clear exceptions), it is not AS devastating as losing a parent/sibling/child. I hate to put value on grief, but this was a thought that I had.

2. We, people who lose loved ones, don't really "overcome" a challenge, at least I don't see it that way. We don't solve anything, we don't make anything better, we don't change ourselves for the better...we just deal. You don't really have another choice, do you? The person you love is gone and you have no choice but to pick up your life and move on. Yes, sure, there is the option of breaking down completely and never recovering, but for someone who is looking to be a functional adult in the world of medicine there isn't any other option.

Death is awful, but I don't see an essay about it showing off anything other than the fact that you are a competent human who is capable of processing emotions in a typical way. Most of us have had to deal with added responsibility as a result of death, yours is not out of the ordinary - some people are left to care for their very young siblings or very old relatives on their own. Most of us have had to deal with managing someone else's pain while trying to keep going yourself. It's a terrible experience but completely common and expected.

Again, I am sure there are people out there who feel differently, but these were my thoughts when I was in this situation a year ago. You'll have to decide for yourself.

 

[crzymonkey]

Thank you everyone for the advice!