Secondary applications - how to broach topics of adolescent trauma

[phalliciant]

So, I’ve been ‘attempting’ to write my secondary applications for about two months now. Every time I sit down and get going, I invariably spiral off-task due to intrusive ruminations of my past. This causes me to feel despondent. At least when I was a kid, I didn’t categorize the abuse as inherently wrong; I figured that it was deserved (ACE = 7). Of course, as an adult, I am able to rationalize that I was not at fault. But much of this analysis is frankly depressing in light of this recognition.

Despite my history, I have grown into a relatively well-adjusted adult. I am 28 years old, have worked in a busy Emergency Department for 8 years, and overcame my ‘ADHD+trauma’-induced negative self-efficacy enough to pursue my unwavering passion for medicine through the undergraduate degree that I didn’t realize I had the aptitude to obtain. I realize that, with the effect these ruminations are having on my mental health, it would be wise to pursue therapy to sort out these unresolved issues. With that in mind, I’ve never run into this mental roadblock before, because it's never surfaced. But, alas, my trauma is inextricable from topics such as adversity and resilience. Part of my issue is reducing any discussion of it to a brevity that communicates constitutive elements that add important nuance, which would then beget authenticity. If I strip these elements, it just appears as austere as it felt. Which, in my opinion, is too abrupt of an address and may be starkly off-putting.

So, I'm at a loss. I have great letters of recommendation that reflect my aptitude in medicine, including one from an attending trauma surgeon. Obviously, it's quite late in the application cycle to have much of a prayer at interview invites or acceptance at any institution. My inquiry, then, is where the practical median lies with respect to these essays. It seems a bit dubious to speak of my ‘resilience’ when I’m not even able to broach the extremes of my past without this reflexive mental cycle. Additionally, I have no barometer for what topics are even appropriate in this format. I do not want to revolt the reader with devastating details, but I also do not want to insult myself by obtunding the edges into duplicity. If anyone has insight, I would love to understand the ideal approach! Thanks!

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[Goro]

Find something else to write about, then.

 

[GreenDuck12]

If the subject you are considering writing about is causing this much anxiety and bringing up difficult memories and trauma, I agree with Goro, I would pick something else to write about. Remember, you are under no obligation to divulge information that you do not wish to share nor is it advisable to share information that you may be uncomfortable discussing in an interview. Anything you put in your application is fair game and I imagine if writing about these experiences are this challenging, then being questioned about them during a stressful interview may be even more so. With that being said, I used to review applications for a national service org with a 10% acceptance rate. When reviewing prompts like you describe above I look for what I can glean about a person and how they respond to challenges. I would not judge someone based off of the experience they chose as some folks have objectively experienced more extreme and challenging circumstances than others - some folks wrote about growing up homeless and working multiple jobs through high school and college, others wrote about stepping in to help their family in times of crises, others wrote about almost being fired from a job - each of these examples were able to score highly on the rubric. The only time content would be a problem is when it is severely off target. One example that stood out is when I had an applicant discuss wanting to go tour through Europe after their freshman year and their parents wouldn't give them $30k for the trip (yes, this was a serious response to a question about adversity and overcoming challenges for an org that works in low income communities). In this case, their response did not score well with our rubric as it didn't demonstrate introspection, an ability to strategize to overcome a challenge, and did not indicate an ability to navigate challenging systems to achieve an outcome - also was really tone deaf).

When struggling to identify what to write about, I find it helpful to put yourself in the role of the application reviewers and think through what is the question asking and why are they asking it. When you do this, you tend to see that what they are looking for is context regarding you as a person and student, how have you managed / persevered through challenges in the past (particularly non-academic challenges), and do these experiences and traits lend themselves to being a competent and caring physician. Taken in that lens you will find that you most likely have many experiences that would be suitable to write about and that would be compelling. That being said, there are some folks for whom writing about particularly challenging experiences is necessary if they help explain gaps or troubling areas in one's application. A student who went through an abusive relationship/ serious illness / family emergency/ losing financial support / being ostracized by one's family due to orientation/identity etc. that led to them dropping out of school for a while or having a severe drop in academic performance, for example, would be areas where talking about said challenges would be worth while as it helps provide context.

If you feel that writing about these experiences is essential for the committee to understand you, your motivations for being a physician, and the unique perspective you will bring to patient care because of these experiences, then I would try to be as objective as possible. Describe what happened, how you felt, how it impacted you, and then pivot to how it has shaped who you are, the motivations you have, and the ways you believe it will help you care for patients in the future. At the end of the day, you need to get our applications submitted quickly and you need to feel comfortable discussing what you write about.

Best of luck to you.

 

[jhmmd]

If you feel that writing about these experiences is essential for the committee to understand you, your motivations for being a physician, and the unique perspective you will bring to patient care because of these experiences, then I would try to be as objective as possible. Describe what happened, how you felt, how it impacted you, and then pivot to how it has shaped who you are, the motivations you have, and the ways you believe it will help you care for patients in the future. At the end of the day, you need to get our applications submitted quickly and you need to feel comfortable discussing what you write about.

Best of luck to you.

I agree with this.

 

[phalliciant]

Find something else to write about, then.

Thank you for your response. Terse as it may be, it's refreshingly grounding. It's comical how, as my most salient adversity, the sheer magnitude is enough to eclipse such a rational conclusion.

If the subject you are considering writing about is causing this much anxiety and bringing up difficult memories and trauma, I agree with Goro, I would pick something else to write about. Remember, you are under no obligation to divulge information that you do not wish to share nor is it advisable to share information that you may be uncomfortable discussing in an interview. Anything you put in your application is fair game and I imagine if writing about these experiences are this challenging, then being questioned about them during a stressful interview may be even more so. With that being said, I used to review applications for a national service org with a 10% acceptance rate. When reviewing prompts like you describe above I look for what I can glean about a person and how they respond to challenges. I would not judge someone based off of the experience they chose as some folks have objectively experienced more extreme and challenging circumstances than others - some folks wrote about growing up homeless and working multiple jobs through high school and college, others wrote about stepping in to help their family in times of crises, others wrote about almost being fired from a job - each of these examples were able to score highly on the rubric. The only time content would be a problem is when it is severely off target. One example that stood out is when I had an applicant discuss wanting to go tour through Europe after their freshman year and their parents wouldn't give them $30k for the trip (yes, this was a serious response to a question about adversity and overcoming challenges for an org that works in low income communities). In this case, their response did not score well with our rubric as it didn't demonstrate introspection, an ability to strategize to overcome a challenge, and did not indicate an ability to navigate challenging systems to achieve an outcome - also was really tone deaf).

When struggling to identify what to write about, I find it helpful to put yourself in the role of the application reviewers and think through what is the question asking and why are they asking it. When you do this, you tend to see that what they are looking for is context regarding you as a person and student, how have you managed / persevered through challenges in the past (particularly non-academic challenges), and do these experiences and traits lend themselves to being a competent and caring physician. Taken in that lens you will find that you most likely have many experiences that would be suitable to write about and that would be compelling. That being said, there are some folks for whom writing about particularly challenging experiences is necessary if they help explain gaps or troubling areas in one's application. A student who went through an abusive relationship/ serious illness / family emergency/ losing financial support / being ostracized by one's family due to orientation/identity etc. that led to them dropping out of school for a while or having a severe drop in academic performance, for example, would be areas where talking about said challenges would be worth while as it helps provide context.

If you feel that writing about these experiences is essential for the committee to understand you, your motivations for being a physician, and the unique perspective you will bring to patient care because of these experiences, then I would try to be as objective as possible. Describe what happened, how you felt, how it impacted you, and then pivot to how it has shaped who you are, the motivations you have, and the ways you believe it will help you care for patients in the future. At the end of the day, you need to get our applications submitted quickly and you need to feel comfortable discussing what you write about.

Best of luck to you.

Wow, I really appreciate your thoughtfully expatiated response. It's incredibly insightful, comprehensive, and articulate. Thank you so much for taking the time to communicate your perspective. It's truly commendable! I wish you well. Also, I lol'd at the $30k adversity response. It's genuinely become harder and harder to determine what's satire, anymore.

I agree with this.

Thank you for your input! It's truly valuable to me.

 

[LindaAccepted]

Also realize that anything you put in the application could be asked about in an interview. If you are finding it so painful to write about these experiences, do you want to be asked about them in an interview? If you don't, write about something else.

 

[phalliciant]

Also realize that anything you put in the application could be asked about in an interview. If you are finding it so painful to write about these experiences, do you want to be asked about them in an interview? If you don't, write about something else.

Thank you for your response. You bring up a great point! Funny enough, it seems to be paradoxically easy to discuss in person. In fact, I derive a great deal of pride from the courage it took to stand up to, and liberate myself from the abuser. I think the brooding stems from recounting the events with a sovereign lens, now, as an adult.
Additionally, in the past, I've heard that the mention of childhood trauma is frankly inappropriate when responding to adversity essays. I guess I have no way to judge the veracity of that claim, which is one of the reasons I've sought the informed guidance of SDN. I really appreciate every single person's input on this thread. Without everyone's help here, I'd still be lost trying to navigate these unchartered waters. I find it profoundly noble to selflessly help us meek, premedical students!