Seeking support and advice

[frozen_tears]

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Hi Everyone,

I hope everyone is doing great. It is with great strength and humility I am reaching out to seek the best advice and what could my steps be. I am prelim intern at an academic hospital where after three and a half months I suffered from a major depressive episode. I had suicidal ideation and had also made up a plan on how to move on with it. Luckily, I realized I needed to take care of myself and stepped back. The hectic schedule and work hours plus the lack of sleep did not help. I lost more than 10 pounds and even though I was getting good comments from my seniors about my work I felt constantly overwhelmed that I was not doing well. I could not sleep well at night and often woke up with nightmares. I just could not see myself in the specialty that I always wanted and lost myself for feeling like being stripped of that identity.

I was on a leave of absence for 4 months and after gradually getting better with treatment and more clarity on if I really wanted to be in medicine, I realized I do. I am applying for the SOAP and will be doing a pathology elective at my institution. I have spoken to my PD and he is fine with it. He said since I have been out there is not much he can say about my clinical skills and would write me a letter of recommendation still.

My questions are:
1. Did anyone have any experience similar as mine and how did they move on with it?
2. As I am pivoting, what would be the best way to approach it when asked about it. Do I speak about my mental health and offer explanations
3. Even though our intern class was the largest, I feel guilty leaving midway and not being there to help out. Even though everyone has reassured me it is fine, I still feel truly awful about it. What can I do about it if there is anything I can?
4. I feel hopeless sometimes, I am working on gaining my self worth back and anything to help me with your stories of regaining your purpose will truly help.
Appreciate any other advice anyone has to offer.
Thank you all for all your help!

 

[DrMetal]

Hi Everyone,

I hope everyone is doing great. It is with great strength and humility I am reaching out to seek the best advice and what could my steps be. I am prelim intern at an academic hospital where after three and a half months I suffered from a major depressive episode.

What caused this? Was it your training (that you were an overworked intern, being in medicine in general)? Or was is cause by some other life event?

If the former, chose your specialty carefully. No amount of Zoloft can ease the burden of a 100-hr work week in a general surgery residency (oops, I meant "80-hour" work week).

If the latter, some random life event tanked your mood, than you can certainly recover and do whatever you want.

Not knowing your personality, it's otherwise hard to give any specific advice.