Just out of curiosity - what would you have done if you were in my shoes? Would you have applied only to UPenn or would you have applied everywhere knowing that you can't abandon your own dreams for someone else?
I know you didn't ask me, but....
🙂
It's not that I don't "get" his angst. Anyone would feel it in his shoes. But I think the big hearted approach - if the relationship is strong enough to manage it - is to say "let's make long distance work if we have to, but it's important that you fulfill your life goals."
It's ok to feel disappointed, frustrated, and angry when your partner's goals conflict with your own. It's just not ok to say "or else" (
in my book). That kind of coercion just isn't ok. So the right thing to do, if I'm in his shoes, is to sit down and say "ok, how can we make it work."
We have married couples who are living separately through vet school; not just 'dating' or 'engaged' couples. It's not unmanageable, no matter how much people say LD can't work. If the relationship is serious enough and has two mature people in it; it can work.
And if it's not serious enough and has one or more immature people in it ... then it's probably better to set the relationship aside for the time being <anyway>.
I know, I sound like a jackass. But that's my take on it.
In the spirit of full disclosure, *I* only applied IS because I have a wife (14 years, so there, WTF
😉) and three kids and I wasn't about to put them through moving, LD, or anything like that. So in my case I just said "either I get in here or I don't do it." But my wife never asked me to do that, or insisted that it was the only way to do things. She would have been unthrilled if I had gone somewhere else, but she would have gamely tried.
That said, in your shoes, I would start thinking about the compromises YOU can make. Just as a random suggestion, not one to be taken specifically, maybe you need to move off your "wait until a couple years out of school for kids" position. Maybe you could have kids during school (people do!). Maybe you could take a break between school and starting a career. Maybe you could work part time out of school to have kids (especially since it sounds like finances ought to work ut with him). So instead of it being an all-or-nothing deal for him, it ends up being "ok, I have to be patient while she's in school, but we've got a PLAN that gets me to marriage and kids." (All of this presumes you're on board with the kid plan at some point. I'm definitely not saying "have kids just because he wants them." Bad plan, that.)
Ya know? It takes a little - ok, a lot - of give from everybody to make it work. If you're a really super student who can get away with it, maybe it'll take saying "ok, I'm gonna get Bs instead of As in order to have more time for him if that's what he needs." I dunno. I just know compromise is pretty key for both sides.
And you might try going to him and saying "I really want to be here (in state). But if I can't be, what can we do to manage things?" See what he says.
And probably the best way to make it succeed is setting accurate expectations on things like availability and time. But I guess that's a topic for after you get into school.
🙂
Hey WTF - didn't you do the LD thing for a while? Or you're doing it now? Or something like that?
I feel like I'm on the verge of exploding. HELP! 
) came with me. He was more obliging than it sounds your bf is, but it was still difficult for him and he needed time. 
