Should I Apply to Medical School Now? Primary Caregiver for Terminally Ill Parent

[loyloy]

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I was wondering if anyone could share guidance/advice on their own experience. I was planning to apply this 25-26’ cycle; however, I’m anxious as 1) I have yet to take the MCAT yet (May 31st); 2) I really want to apply and move out of state.

As title says, I’m a primary caregiver for my terminally ill dad. A part of me wants to go ahead and apply and show my dad I got into medical school (if successful cycle of course) before he passes away. But I want to go to a different state. My current geography doesn’t allow growth/networking, albeit, it making the most financial sense. And at the same time, if my dad was to continue living, I can still care-give for him.

Should I continue to postpone to take care of my dad? There’s no time frame until his death. He had a stroke and is on hospice care.

Especially with the climate of everything… I don’t know. I know ultimately I will make the decision by myself but… I really think it’s important for me to hear people’s personal experience whether that’s experiencing loss of a loved one during medical school or during the application cycle. I’m an emotionally driven person so I know his death will be hard hitting.

 

[Hollow Knight]

Sorry about your dad.

I don’t really know if there is a “right” answer here. I will say that no matter where you go to medical school, training will take up basically all of your free time. Will you regret not spending this time with your Dad?

Also, I was a straight A student in medical school. I got in an abusive marriage->divorce, and I went to making straight Cs. Now I’m back to my old self again, but my point is- will you be able to perform at your best with your dad in this condition, or when he passes away?

No right answer. Just things to consider.

 

[Mr.Smile12]

I would cherish every moment with your family. Sure you could use some of the time to study for the MCAT if it gives you a break from the weight of your situation, but death comes at the most inconvenient times. He'll be proud of you if you get into medical school or not. As the primary caregiver, you have a LOT to worry about.

You can do networking virtually (April 15-16 virtual fair has been posted). You can get on mailing lists to be included with virtual events. You can show your interest, but you must push alignment with mission since you don't have an MCAT to narrow your list.

Personal wellness is part of being a health professional, including knowing when to pause and stop. Don't put yourself in a situation where you regret not being there for your dad or blaming your dad if your MCAT score is suboptimal or you had bad essays/interviews. Don't use his illness as an excuse for pity from adcoms; we can't do that.

 

[pp9]

I was wondering if anyone could share guidance/advice on their own experience. I was planning to apply this 25-26’ cycle; however, I’m anxious as 1) I have yet to take the MCAT yet (May 31st); 2) I really want to apply and move out of state.

As title says, I’m a primary caregiver for my terminally ill dad. A part of me wants to go ahead and apply and show my dad I got into medical school (if successful cycle of course) before he passes away. But I want to go to a different state. My current geography doesn’t allow growth/networking, albeit, it making the most financial sense. And at the same time, if my dad was to continue living, I can still care-give for him.

Should I continue to postpone to take care of my dad? There’s no time frame until his death. He had a stroke and is on hospice care.

Especially with the climate of everything… I don’t know. I know ultimately I will make the decision by myself but… I really think it’s important for me to hear people’s personal experience whether that’s experiencing loss of a loved one during medical school or during the application cycle. I’m an emotionally driven person so I know his death will be hard hitting.

Having been through quite a lot with my own dad in the years leading up to his death, I'd lean towards taking as much time with him as you can within reason. By the time I was finished with all of my education and pre-specialty training pursuits (none of which were near home), my dad ended up dying two weeks before I moved back to my home state permanently. A lot of irreplaceable time sacrificed to the grind.

With that said, I have to imagine your dad would want you to pursue your goals. Very few parents would insist you put your life on hold for them. My dad certainly wouldn't have wanted otherwise. He did get to know that I got my break into zoo med, and that I was coming home, at least.

If I were you, and with my limited knowledge of med school specifics, I would compromise with myself and nix the OOS plan and aim for your closest schools. Knowing you can hop in a car and be home within an hour or two in the event of an emergency, or even still being able to live at home with him, is invaluable. One of my biggest fears was not getting home in time when my dad really started to decline, as I was in Tampa and he was in Detroit. I got lucky, not everyone does.

Rhetorical question: without knowing what his daily care looks like, is that something you can actually manage while in medical school?

Not rhetorical question: Is deferral an option in med school admissions, particularly in light of this situation?

 

[eteshoe]

Time is a precious commodity and the medical path is always going to be there. I'd spend the time you need with your dad, maybe some light MCAT studying, and just applying next cycle. This path requires so much focus that something as real and serious as a terminally ill parent can derail your focus and could end up forcing you to delay anyhow (especially if you don't perform on your MCAT as you want). My condolences go out to you in this trying time.

 

[Goro]

Very sorry to hear about this bad news. You are a very good child.

I recommend spending as much time as you can with your dad. Med schools aren't going anywhere.