Should I even bother with residency anymore?

[cicero23]

New medicine intern here. Questioning whether I even want to do medicine anymore.

I'm feeling so defeated. I feel like I spent the last 9 years of my life working my ass off to get to this point and now I'm just miserable. Its not that I don't like medicine, but I'm so tired of the grind that I've been on since freshman year of college. I knew residency would be tough, but the long days and very few days off is really getting to me. I feel like every day is just a mad dash to pre-round, round, and frantically call consults/notes/talk with family/etc in between mandatory conferences. I feel like I cant even take a second to stop and think medicine.

The only field in medicine I really enjoy is oncology. I feel like I would be happy being an oncologist but staring down another 6 years of training makes me just want to give up. I have been playing the game of "just another 4 years..etc" but I feel like I can't keep doing it anymore. I have been chasing this so long that I haven't stopped to really appreciate how much I've dedicated my life to this and yet how much farther I still have to go.

I don't know if this is just the burnout talking but there are days where I just want to call my PD and resign. I love medicine but I feel like this has taken too much out of me emotionally. I loved the academia of college, maybe I would be better off as a lecture professor or something.

The only thing that has kept me from walking away is the fact that everyone in my family brags about how I'm a doctor and that my parents fully funded all of my education to this point (i have no loans).

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[Ladholyman]

You're having intern blues. We all felt that way in some form or another during our intern year. It's the toughest year of your life because you know that you know nothing and yet you feel like you should know everything. Just take every day in stride and see if you can set a good routine day by day to make things more bearable. Try to see things as long term goals.

 

[Groove]

Intern year sucks... Everyone has felt the same way that you do. Thousands upon thousands of doctors have been where you are now and made it through. Keep your chin up. You'll power through it and things will get better each year of residency. Once you're done...your quality of life improves dramatically. Pace yourself.

 

[jurassicpark]

Yes, everyone will tell you that this is the intern blues. You should take the time to take a good look first though, make sure you're in a secure place. It's one thing to say you're tired which is 1001% understandable. If it's too much for you to handle you need to address it pronto, talk to someone and first and foremost make sure YOU'RE okay.

That being said, chin up. You're experiencing the responsibilities of medicine. It is by no means meant to be easy, nor should be easy. You need to know what you're seeing in front of you, and not be panicked or burnt out by it. Like anything hard in life, it will be extremely taxing and tiring at first. Especially in the intern year when you're still fumbling around in the dark. It doesn't get easier mind you, in fact will get harder. But you should get the measure of it, you're made to adapt and you will.

 

[hallowmann]

New medicine intern here. Questioning whether I even want to do medicine anymore.

I'm feeling so defeated. I feel like I spent the last 9 years of my life working my ass off to get to this point and now I'm just miserable. Its not that I don't like medicine, but I'm so tired of the grind that I've been on since freshman year of college. I knew residency would be tough, but the long days and very few days off is really getting to me. I feel like every day is just a mad dash to pre-round, round, and frantically call consults/notes/talk with family/etc in between mandatory conferences. I feel like I cant even take a second to stop and think medicine.

The only field in medicine I really enjoy is oncology. I feel like I would be happy being an oncologist but staring down another 6 years of training makes me just want to give up. I have been playing the game of "just another 4 years..etc" but I feel like I can't keep doing it anymore. I have been chasing this so long that I haven't stopped to really appreciate how much I've dedicated my life to this and yet how much farther I still have to go.

I don't know if this is just the burnout talking but there are days where I just want to call my PD and resign. I love medicine but I feel like this has taken too much out of me emotionally. I loved the academia of college, maybe I would be better off as a lecture professor or something.

The only thing that has kept me from walking away is the fact that everyone in my family brags about how I'm a doctor and that my parents fully funded all of my education to this point (i have no loans).

You're burnt out. You need to start finding times to take a break. Take a walk after work to decompress. Take 5 min after rounds to just get fresh air out of the hospital or do breathing exercises. Plan something enjoyable, visit family, or find something that you enjoyed before med school to do on your day off. Do nothing related to medicine at that time.

I would also recommend looking at more short term goals. Forget 6 years from now, think about a year from now where if you really wanted you could just quit and still find a job as a doctor. Think about a few months from now when you'll be on a lighter rotation where you occasionally get 2 days off in a week. Think about your vacation and plan it out. You just have to make it to the lighter block, then to the end of the year, then the next. One step at a time.

Intern year sucks, residency sucks, and it all feels directly related to the fact that we work 80 hrs a week and feel useless, stupid, or simply like imposters the majority of the time. What everyone has consistently said is how much better it gets as an attending. Its temporary, but its still important to find a way to enjoy our time, and sometimes that just means having fun with the brief breaks we do have.

 

[calvnandhobbs68]

I'm feeling so defeated. I feel like I spent the last 9 years of my life working my ass off to get to this point and now I'm just miserable. Its not that I don't like medicine, but I'm so tired of the grind that I've been on since freshman year of college. I knew residency would be tough, but the long days and very few days off is really getting to me. I feel like every day is just a mad dash to pre-round, round, and frantically call consults/notes/talk with family/etc in between mandatory conferences. I feel like I cant even take a second to stop and think medicine.

Many many people feel the same way you do (including myself at one point when I was an intern years ago). You get this lack of satisfaction that you worked your butt off during college and medical school, have this excitement during the match and the end of med school and moving...and then you get to intern year and you're going "damn is this really all there is?".

Never ending lists of admissions, orders, recording crap in EMRs. Then you're in a new hospital system, all the older residents, nurses, attending, staff all know each other and you're the new guy in town. You don't get why your senior can sweet talk the cardiology fellow but you get yelled at when calling a consult (not realizing that the fellow used to be their senior resident). How the hell do I fill out this TPN order again and why do I have to go through 3 screens to do it? Yeah yeah I know the attending wants the notes done before they leave, so I guess I'll skip noon conference today...

It blows, you feel like you have no power, no autonomy but also very little knowledge despite all that studying you did in med school 🙁. If you keep company with the same kind of driven people that go to med school, you see your friends finishing law school and starting out at their big firm or finishing their MBA and making 130K starting out at their new consulting gig. You feel like they have actual responsibilities and something to show for them working their asses off while you're the note b*tch and everyone gets to **** on you. Even the nurses seem more important to the attendings than you sometimes (and they are cause you're gonna be gone in 3 years and they'll have to work with that nurse 10 years from now).

It a system shock, it's a culture shock most places, it's a work level shock where you suddenly realize what it feels like to average 1 day off a week over a month (and work 13 days straight without a day off sometimes). Remember the things you like to do outside work and try to pick at least one thing to do on your day off (besides sleep ). Remember that the grass always seems greener on the other side and your friends are probably working their asses off too at their new jobs (I'll be realistic though and say not to the same extent or consequence as you are though for many of them). You're a doctor and you make a difference in people's lives every day, even though it might not seem like it right now.

Commiserate with your co-interns...most of you probably feel like things suck right now to varying degrees. Hang out and bitch together about how much this isn't what you idealized it to be. Utilize your senior residents or chief residents to get stuff off your chest. If you have good chief residents or a good senior, they should absolutely want to meet up with you for a beer (or coffee) and check in with how you're doing. Talk to or PM people on here if you feel more comfortable with that. Most of us have been there. Don't feel like you're alone. Feeling like you're alone and hopeless is what gets people into trouble and leads them to do things they wouldn't otherwise do. Honestly, at this point it really is "just one more year"...next year will feel much more comfortable to you and you'll be the big man on campus when the new intern class shows up (and maybe you can help an intern who's feeling the same way you are right now).

 

[DarkHorizon]

You just started residency, you shouldn’t be this defeated this early on. Spring of intern year is when the intern blues set in. I’m not sure what to tell you really.

 

[GonnaBeADoc2222]

Here's the thing:

It all kinda just sucks. Internship, residency, and beyond. The trick is to minimize the suckage and find joy in the 5% of the job that's the reason you did this to begin with.

50 years ago, medicine was a calling, a profession. Now, thanks to government, EMR, admin, demanding and unreasonable patients, it's sort of just a job. Treat it as a job. No one really likes their job, that's why they have to pay you to do it.

Separating work and personal life is key. Non medical interests are essential. Get a dog. Throw ball around with said dog.

When you stumble on the patient that truly appreciates your services, is engaged, is willing to listen and receive education about whatever it is they're seeing you for, sit down and spend an extra 5 minutes with them.

 

[Orgone]

Agree with Calvin and Hobbs. Many, many of your cointerns are feeling the same way right now. But many won't show it. It wasn't until my last year of residency that many people in my program started opening up about how miserable they were in intern year. It gets better. You're in the initial shock phase right now. Everything is new and that's why you don't have a second to stop and think. The poster gave good advice who said to look forward to small things in the future and plan fun things you enjoy. Don't give in to the temptation to just sit around and do nothing when you have a day off.

And even if you decide you don't want to go all in for the long fellowship haul, as was alluded to just having completed an intern year will open up many job doors in the future.

 

[Perrotfish]

It all kinda just sucks. Internship, residency, and beyond.

My experience was that:

Step 1 studying sucked
MS3 and the first half of MS4 sucked
Intern year sucked
R2 sucked
R3 sucked
My very last shift of R3 was on the 30th of June. The shift ended at 11:00 pm. It sucked
It sucked finishing my notes from 11-12 pm

And then residency ended

And then it didn't suck any more

I'm not saying it's been perfect, but basically its a good job. The hours are manageable, the work is meaningful, the pay is excellent, and in general I am happy with my career.

OP: residency sucks, and then it ends. Get through it, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. In the mean time do your best to keep up your mental health as best you can. If you can trade money for time do it. Exercise regularly. Try to sleep 8 hours/niight. Most of all know that it only gets better.

 

[Perrotfish]

You just started residency, you shouldn’t be this defeated this early on. Spring of intern year is when the intern blues set in. I’m not sure what to tell you really.

In a lot of ways the first two months are as bad as spring. You're just too slow to get out on time and you need to read way more when you get home.

Spring you start feeling more burnout in general. but on the other hand you're usually done with your charts at the end of your shift.

 

[Dave1980]

It all kinda just sucks. Internship, residency, and beyond. The trick is to minimize the suckage and find joy in the 5% of the job that's the reason you did this to begin with.

50 years ago, medicine was a calling, a profession. Now, thanks to government, EMR, admin, demanding and unreasonable patients, it's sort of just a job. Treat it as a job. No one really likes their job, that's why they have to pay you to do it.

Agree 100%. It's a job. But it pays well and realistically you won't be able to find a job outside of medicine that even approaches what you will make as an Attending.

 

[SimMic90]

Hey bro (or brah), just started intern year too. Let me know if you want to talk.

 

[Dr.LeoSpaceman]

50 years ago, medicine was a calling, a profession. Now, thanks to government, EMR, admin, demanding and unreasonable patients, it's sort of just a job. Treat it as a job. No one really likes their job, that's why they have to pay you to do it.

I think you have it backwards. Fifty years ago medicine was a great way to get a well-paying, secure job. Now treating it solely as a mechanism to make a living is a pathway to disillusionment and burnout. If you don't feel that it's a calling, and that the effort you're putting in isn't serving some purpose beyond the paycheck, it's going to be brutal on your psyche.

To the OP, hang in there for the first few months. Things will get easier, and you will hopefully find the things that bring you fulfillment about the job in spite of the crappy parts. Work to maintain your interests and relationships outside of work...those are going to be what keep you grounded through the toughest parts.

 

[GonnaBeADoc2222]

I think you have it backwards. Fifty years ago medicine was a great way to get a well-paying, secure job. Now treating it solely as a mechanism to make a living is a pathway to disillusionment and burnout. If you don't feel that it's a calling, and that the effort you're putting in isn't serving some purpose beyond the paycheck, it's going to be brutal on your psyche.

To the OP, hang in there for the first few months. Things will get easier, and you will hopefully find the things that bring you fulfillment about the job in spite of the crappy parts. Work to maintain your interests and relationships outside of work...those are going to be what keep you grounded through the toughest parts.

Interesting take. I tend to agree.

 

[Piebaldi]

New medicine intern here. Questioning whether I even want to do medicine anymore.

I'm feeling so defeated. I feel like I spent the last 9 years of my life working my ass off to get to this point and now I'm just miserable. Its not that I don't like medicine, but I'm so tired of the grind that I've been on since freshman year of college. I knew residency would be tough, but the long days and very few days off is really getting to me. I feel like every day is just a mad dash to pre-round, round, and frantically call consults/notes/talk with family/etc in between mandatory conferences. I feel like I cant even take a second to stop and think medicine.

The only field in medicine I really enjoy is oncology. I feel like I would be happy being an oncologist but staring down another 6 years of training makes me just want to give up. I have been playing the game of "just another 4 years..etc" but I feel like I can't keep doing it anymore. I have been chasing this so long that I haven't stopped to really appreciate how much I've dedicated my life to this and yet how much farther I still have to go.

I don't know if this is just the burnout talking but there are days where I just want to call my PD and resign. I love medicine but I feel like this has taken too much out of me emotionally. I loved the academia of college, maybe I would be better off as a lecture professor or something.

The only thing that has kept me from walking away is the fact that everyone in my family brags about how I'm a doctor and that my parents fully funded all of my education to this point (i have no loans).

Intern year is major suckage for everyone. It just sucks period. There is no sugar coating this. It sucks in every specialty. It is a draining long journey that many of us don't realize how much it will take but most people make it. You are in your first month of residency which is a major major learning curve and has all sorts of new things to it. So take a deep breath. I would say reconsider in maybe 6months if you still hate it.

If you do end up hating it, then possibly look at other options but just hang in there for now. I don't know of anyone who enjoyed intern year. It plain sucks but I would say in most specialties it does get better. I would be worried about you if you didn't think it sucked!

 

[Dave1980]

I think you have it backwards. Fifty years ago medicine was a great way to get a well-paying, secure job. Now treating it solely as a mechanism to make a living is a pathway to disillusionment and burnout. If you don't feel that it's a calling, and that the effort you're putting in isn't serving some purpose beyond the paycheck, it's going to be brutal on your psyche.

To the OP, hang in there for the first few months. Things will get easier, and you will hopefully find the things that bring you fulfillment about the job in spite of the crappy parts. Work to maintain your interests and relationships outside of work...those are going to be what keep you grounded through the toughest parts.

I respectfully disagree. If you think medicine is a calling you are setting yourself up for disappointment. It has been infiltrated by a factory mindset and financially squeezed from all sides. Private equity firms are heavily involved in medicine now.

 

[Splenda88]

Gotta be honest here. I don't know how people can go on for another 2-3 years fellowship. The whole thing sucks. You should at least finish pgy1 so you can be eligible to be licensed in ~33 states.

 

[Fatalis]

As someone who just finished residency, I can tell you, it gets better man. I know exactly what you mean and it’s the worst as an intern. But as i always say “life gets harder but you will get better”. Honestly, hang in there and you’ll be done sooner than you know it

 

[Ironspy]

As someone who just finished residency, I can tell you, it gets better man. I know exactly what you mean and it’s the worst as an intern. But as i always say “life gets harder but you will get better”. Honestly, hang in there and you’ll be done sooner than you know it

I’ve been an attending for <1 month and it’s so. Much. Better.

And I haven’t even been paid yet.

 

[Piebaldi]

I’ve been an attending for <1 month and it’s so. Much. Better.

And I haven’t even been paid yet.

this is true - there is this massive level of relief - at least for me - of not being micromanaged, and where you are essentially mostly a free agent able to make your own decisions, etc. you have more responsibility but also a lot more freedom. feels good!

 

[Raryn]

Gotta be honest here. I don't know how people can go on for another 2-3 years fellowship. The whole thing sucks. You should at least finish pgy1 so you can be eligible to be licensed in ~33 states.

Eh, in a lot of ways, fellowship is better than residency was. I spent two years working relatively light hours (which is field specific) learning explicitly about a subset of my specialty that interested me (which is less field specific).

Every stage of training for me, it was more relevant and less nonsense - until now I'm continuing to do just the parts I like as an attending and enjoy my life.

Could I have just gone and practiced hospitalist medicine or primary care out of residency and saved me 2 years? I'd certainly have more money today. But I like to tell myself I enjoy my career today more than I would in those circumstances.

 

[deleted941485]

My intern blues were cured in a fairly straightforward way. Its simple I had no other marketable skills so there were no viable alternatives. I had no choice in the matter. I could leave and then be out of a 60K job with Health insurance then join the army of unemployed 20-30 somethings that are stuck in the “gig” economy.

The side effect of my method was that I just developed a resentment for pretty much all of my patients, friends, superiors, and sometimes my own peers.

“Wellness” is probably the biggest joke going these days.

 

[cicero23]

Hello everyone

Just wanted to give some updates. I have spent the past few weeks reflecting on my residency experience. I've noticed I was doing a lot of things that just weren't good for my own self care. I was skipping meals (at times not eating all day), not getting enough sleep, not exercising, and was just letting things get to me and give me a ton of anxiety. It may sound dumb but in the whirlwind of moving and trying to get acclimated to residency I didn't realize I was setting myself up for failure. I also spent some time talking to the other residents in my program and it made me feel so much better knowing that everyone else is struggling as well (as awful as that sounds lol).

I've reversed those negative habits and I noticed my quality of life has increased dramatically. I'm also on my clinic block while I'm sure is contributing to my wellness lmao.

Overall, I'm definitely going to keep going at this. I wanted to thank you all for the positivity and empathy in this discussion. I'm sure I will have a lot more **** show weeks in the coming months but I'm trying to form good habits now to keep me through those tough times.

 

[MediCane2006]

My experience was that:

Step 1 studying sucked
MS3 and the first half of MS4 sucked
Intern year sucked
R2 sucked
R3 sucked
My very last shift of R3 was on the 30th of June. The shift ended at 11:00 pm. It sucked
It sucked finishing my notes from 11-12 pm

And then residency ended

And then it didn't suck any more

I'm not saying it's been perfect, but basically its a good job. The hours are manageable, the work is meaningful, the pay is excellent, and in general I am happy with my career.

OP: residency sucks, and then it ends. Get through it, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. In the mean time do your best to keep up your mental health as best you can. If you can trade money for time do it. Exercise regularly. Try to sleep 8 hours/niight. Most of all know that it only gets better.

I mean basically exactly this but I was a PGY-10 so....longer.

OP it is a means to an end. Sounds like you are already making some positive adaptations and getting the right mindset to plow through.

I can tell you, being on the other side for going on three years now - it is worth it to have a wonderful job that I find intellectually and personally fulfilling, and that I am compensated well for. I wake up most days excited to go to work, which if you had told me in residency I would have thought was impossible. So put your head down and go. Learn everything you can to be the best doc you can be, hit the gym a few times most weeks, and try not to drink to feel better (much). You got this.

 

[neoexile]

New medicine intern here. Questioning whether I even want to do medicine anymore.

I'm feeling so defeated. I feel like I spent the last 9 years of my life working my ass off to get to this point and now I'm just miserable. Its not that I don't like medicine, but I'm so tired of the grind that I've been on since freshman year of college. I knew residency would be tough, but the long days and very few days off is really getting to me. I feel like every day is just a mad dash to pre-round, round, and frantically call consults/notes/talk with family/etc in between mandatory conferences. I feel like I cant even take a second to stop and think medicine.

The only field in medicine I really enjoy is oncology. I feel like I would be happy being an oncologist but staring down another 6 years of training makes me just want to give up. I have been playing the game of "just another 4 years..etc" but I feel like I can't keep doing it anymore. I have been chasing this so long that I haven't stopped to really appreciate how much I've dedicated my life to this and yet how much farther I still have to go.

I don't know if this is just the burnout talking but there are days where I just want to call my PD and resign. I love medicine but I feel like this has taken too much out of me emotionally. I loved the academia of college, maybe I would be better off as a lecture professor or something.

The only thing that has kept me from walking away is the fact that everyone in my family brags about how I'm a doctor and that my parents fully funded all of my education to this point (i have no loans).

We all felt the same way. Keep pushing 🙂