Should I stay or should I try to go

[Squirmish]

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I'm finishing my intern year of a 4 year residency program. My SO is in a distant city and will be graduating from grad school in May 2012. He is starting to look for jobs across the country. He unfortunately won't know where he'll end up until around January of next year. Now I like my program generally speaking and I'm on good terms with the program director et al but if he moves across the country, in an ideal situation I would like to follow.

Would I have a somewhat decent argument for trying to transfer between my PGY2-3 year? I know the whole transfer process and what that entails. I just don't want to bring this up to my PD if its not a decent reason to look for a transfer because I don't want to cause a huge rift. I also don't want to ask my fellow residents for advice just in case it leaks when I'm not ready. Should I stay mum? Or should I bring it up sometime this fall?

 

[error404]

I'm finishing my intern year of a 4 year residency program. My SO is in a distant city and will be graduating from grad school in May 2012. He is starting to look for jobs across the country. He unfortunately won't know where he'll end up until around January of next year. Now I like my program generally speaking and I'm on good terms with the program director et al but if he moves across the country, in an ideal situation I would like to follow.

Would I have a somewhat decent argument for trying to transfer between my PGY2-3 year? I know the whole transfer process and what that entails. I just don't want to bring this up to my PD if its not a decent reason to look for a transfer because I don't want to cause a huge rift. I also don't want to ask my fellow residents for advice just in case it leaks when I'm not ready. Should I stay mum? Or should I bring it up sometime this fall?

It sounds like you have three years left of your program now, and will have two years left by the time you transfer to be near your SO. It also sounds like it's unclear where he will even end up...

This is one of the big sacrifices of medicine. My initial advice is to stay quiet, at least until your SO knows where he'll be. No use stirring the pot if he can manage a job nearby. Transferring can be hell, as can staying at a program where they know you thought about transferring.

Good luck!

 

[Squirmish]

It sounds like you have three years left of your program now, and will have two years left by the time you transfer to be near your SO. It also sounds like it's unclear where he will even end up...

This is one of the big sacrifices of medicine. My initial advice is to stay quiet, at least until your SO knows where he'll be. No use stirring the pot if he can manage a job nearby. Transferring can be hell, as can staying at a program where they know you thought about transferring.

Good luck!

Correct, I'll have 2 years left by the time I transfer. Your advice was my initial thought but I'm concerned that my chances of transferring will decrease if I wait until the spring. He knows more about his job market than I do and he says he most likely will have to move out of state. If I brought it up to the PD in the late summer or early fall then I would have more time to scout around at programs near where he's applying for jobs.

F*** I feel trapped and screwed. I'd feel better if there was someone in the program that I could talk to about this situation.

 

[turquoiseblue]

my brother is an amg and he transferred to another program, which was the hospital of his medical school, after his first year. so it is doable, but you need to talk to a program to take you--ask them if you will get accepted--so you know you have somewhere to go, before you break the news to the PD. but give ample and fair enough time to your current PD to find another resident and do it at the end of a contract year, not during the year.

 

[digfast]

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[lowbudget]

Define SO...

Vows made with promises of perpetuity? Leave.

All else is negotiable.

 

[digfast]

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[TruthMD]

.....

 

[TruthMD]

.......

 

[Squirmish]

Actually for PhD it is more important than MDs where they do their training. A post doc must be with the right lab or else they won't get a faculty / researcher position. Unlike residency where it doesn't matter where you do residency you will still get licensed at the end of it.

This is what complicates our problem. He's not getting his PhD in an ubiquitous field like biochemistry, no offense to biochemists, where there are plenty of opportunities. Instead he's in a field where the postdoc and job opportunities are in slim pickings. The graduating students in his dept this year haven't been in position to pick between a lesser paying job vs more prestigious. Mind you he goes to a very prestigious school so it's not the name that's hindering job opportunities; it's merely the job market and the nature of his field. Hell, I'd go offer sacrifices to the Greek gods if I had to for him to get a lesser-paying position nearby but the likelihood of that opportunity even arising in the job market is miniscule.

 

[digfast]

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[Winged Scapula]

I think this highlights, all the more, the value of YOUR career vs. his. I'm not saying that where you do a post-doc is not important. Yes, I agree that for post-docs its uber-important for career advancement. I'm just saying that the likelihood of a PhD's career advancement very much slimmer pickings and riskier than an MD's. Sacrificing an MD's career options for a PhD's is like taking your eggs out of the carton and carrying them in a thin plastic bag... dumb analogy but that's all I got right now.

He's a brilliant PhD from a prestigious program... having trouble finding a job (not his fault, it's the field)... that's the way its gonna be for his entire career (unfortunately). You (the MD) are the safety net. After 2-3 years you will have the freedom to move anywhere. He will still be able to get his post-docs at that point.

👍

 

[bitterswtmocha]

I know the feeling, am far away from my SO as well. There are a lot of considerations here:

1) What field are you in? How hard will it be to find a spot somewhere else? If it's near impossible, I might not even bother and just do long distance for 2 years.

2) When will you find out where your SO is going/likely going? I wouldn't even bring it up until I know that. Get on FindAResident and keep track of available spots -- if there's nowhere to go where he/she is, then may as well keep quiet on the issue. If there is a viable possibility for an interview or position, then you have more reason to come out in the open.

3) As someone else said, definitely give your program heads-up so they can find a replacement, and don't leave in the middle of a contracted year.

4) Do know that in some forums I've read, programs that you interview at will want references from your current PD -- so don't think you can just interview and secure a spot before telling your program at all. This is just me, but I always think honesty is the best policy. Personal, SO reasons (I think) are totally understandable reasons to want to transfer -- at least it's not the program itself you want to leave! Hopefully they'll understand and in fact be helpful in getting you the new spot you need to be with your SO.

**Know that I've never done this myself, these are just my conjectures and gatherings of information. Take with a grain of salt, and good luck!**

 

[DrJosephKim]

Having gone through the long-distance thing myself, I would urge anyone to try to stay together and to minimize the distance. You'll find very little time during residency to do anything else, so it makes it extra difficult to maintain a remote relationship. You probably also don't have the extra funds to travel frequently, so that always puts a strain on things.

I also generally suggest that you have an open, candid conversation with your program director about your situation. People will probably find out that you have a significant other in a different city. Don't scare people into thinking that you're going to leave, but people who know your situation will probably understand if that's what you ultimately end up choosing that path.