Should I Stop Helping My Friends at School

[Reverend Mayhem]

After midterms, I realized that 3 of my friends were struggling in several classes. Since I am doing alright, I decided to help them out by offering to go over the material that they didn't understand.

The problem though, I did not realize that these people are so far behind in so many classes that its too late to help. However, they also seem to think that I can somehow save them and all will be well. When I am focusing solely on myself, I do alright. I am in maybe the top 30% of my class. So I am no genius and certainly not some savior that can rescue them at the last possible second.

Really don't think any of them are going to pass even half of their classes this semester and I am really starting doubt they will even make it to graduation. They seem to be in completely over their heads and haven't yet realized that getting through med school takes full focus and commitment. I thought they were just a little confused about this or that. It turns out, there are things from 2 months ago, in some of these classes, that they haven't even started looking at yet. Stuff that was on midterm that they say that haven't got to yet but they will go over it eventually.

There is nothing I can do. These aren't study partners, these are people that are several months behind in some classes.How do I tell them that though? How do I tell my friends that it is way too late in the semester and they know so little about any of this information, that I can't help them now, and that repeating these courses is probably in their best interest?

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[adaptation1]

Perhaps the material presented in your m1 classes are different than that of mine. In my experience, there isn't any material in med school that really requires extensive explanation. It's not that there is nothing to understand -- it's just that, if you can get into med school in the first place, you certainly will be able to sort out the concepts on your own, insomuch as to pass an exam. And so the only real barrier to passing is time and effort. Besides giving them an all out lecture, you can't help them if they aren't willing to help themselves.

After midterms, I realized that 3 of my friends were struggling in several classes. Since I am doing alright, I decided to help them out by offering to go over the material that they didn't understand.

The problem though, I did not realize that these people are so far behind in so many classes that its too late to help. However, they also seem to think that I can somehow save them and all will be well. When I am focusing solely on myself, I do alright. I am in maybe the top 30% of my class. So I am no genius and certainly not some savior that can rescue them at the last possible second.

Really don't think any of them are going to pass even half of their classes this semester and I am really starting doubt they will even make it to graduation. They seem to be in completely over their heads and haven't yet realized that getting through med school takes full focus and commitment. I thought they were just a little confused about this or that. It turns out, there are things from 2 months ago, in some of these classes, that they haven't even started looking at yet. Stuff that was on midterm that they say that haven't got to yet but they will go over it eventually.

There is nothing I can do. These aren't study partners, these are people that are several months behind in some classes.How do I tell them that though? How do I tell my friends that it is way too late in the semester and they know so little about any of this information, that I can't help them now, and that repeating these courses is probably in their best interest?

 

[PrimaryCoeur]

And so the only real barrier to passing is time and effort. Besides giving them an all out lecture, you can't help them if they aren't willing to help themselves.

I agree with this. I'll add that OP could encourage them to seek some combination of tutors, faculty, and mentors, explaining that they'll be able to help better than OP can. But if they haven't done this by now, I'm not hopeful they'll take the advice.

 

[OpalOnyx]

You don't need to tell them anything, especially anything negative that might reduce their hopes. While we're all in it together, med school is still largely an individual endeavor in terms of motivation and knowing who you are/how to work for it. Instead of harping on the issue, just have some faith that your friends will be fine no matter what and move on with your own studies. If they want to get together and you feel it may be detrimental to you, just tell them that you yourself are behind in individual studying and aren't ready to study in a group.

It might also help ease your worries to just hope for the best for them, instead of projecting this negative outcome. Who knows what will happen? Instead of speculating, move on and be centered in your own life.

 

[bomgd3]

A little confused, why are you in class during the summer?

 

[Medicine4Bruhs]

Not help out your friends? You are the worst of the worst, the worst kind of nerd.

 

[High Roller]

Agree with the replies here. Unless things are different at your school, the information isn't difficult. In fact, its pretty easy. Theres just a ton of it. A sh%t ton of it, and thats what makes it hard. You have to spend time and effort getting as much of it down as you can. No explanations needed really.

If your friends/classmates are capable enough to get in, they're capable enough to learn it on their own.

 

[TheMan21]

If they haven't even bothered to look at stuff, it is not your responsibility to carry them. They must put forth effort on their part, and it sounds like they definitely aren't. Giving them hope is nice and all, but if they don't care about their own success, why should you? Refer them to the tutoring services at your school.

 

[Gigantron]

Not help out your friends? You are the worst of the worst, the worst kind of nerd.

Did you even READ the OP before assuming gunner status?

 

[Bartelby]

Not help out your friends? You are the worst of the worst, the worst kind of nerd.

Not really. It's pretty standard to help out friends who are struggling but when you start falling down with them you have to turn it over to them. A good friend wouldn't let you work so hard to help him/her that you fail your own stuff.

OP, just tell them that you are falling behind, need to focus on more up to date stuff, and do best studying solo. Suggest a tutor or any other ideas you think might help. Don't tell them they are going to fail or should retake, that's the school's job, and these guys might surprise you and pull off decent grades.

 

[red10]

Suggest that they try different study strategies or say "this is how i study" and tell them that if that works for them then great! if not maybe they can talk to a tutor or some other staff who can give them other suggestions.

If it was just one or two topics that confused them I might help but I wouldn't sit down and lecture to them on biochem or pharm, etc as a whole.

 

[Medicine4Bruhs]

Moar nerds.

 

[235009]

Which school are you at? It matters. If you are at a carib school then definitely don't bother. More than half the class is meant to fail and never should've set foot in a med school classroom to begin with. Don't waste your time. If you are at a US MD school then there are probably resources to help struggling students and you should help them find out where they can take advantage of those resources. As others have said the material isn't difficult to understand the problem is just that there's so much of it and it takes a certain level of discipline to succeed.

 

[Reverend Mayhem]

OP, just tell them that you are falling behind, need to focus on more up to date stuff, and do best studying solo. Suggest a tutor or any other ideas you think might help. Don't tell them they are going to fail or should retake, that's the school's job, and these guys might surprise you and pull off decent grades.

Good idea, actually.

And I think most of you are right. I personally dont' find the material difficult to understand but it does take a lot of time to go through it all. And they seem to spend a lot of their time just hanging out with friends, at their jobs, working out, going home, visiting family; their focus seems to be very scattered. I wouldn't even consider getting a job right now, i haven't visited my family in months, and I barely hangout with friends during the semester.

Then again, all of them have made it through their first two semesters. Perhaps I shouldn't doubt their ability to make it through the third?

 

[Seven of Nine]

OP, I think a lot more is on the line - your friendship. If they aren't realistically looking at their situation and somehow see you as their lifefloat, when they end up sinking, they will associate you with their current predicament. They may subconsciously blame you for not helping "enough". Sounds crazy, but I've seen similar situations in undergrad. I would try to separate yourself from being their primary study strategy while still being supportive of them.

 

[sindadel]

Just distance yourself from them. You can show up very late for study sessions, or whatever. If pressed, give the line about needing to study your way.

When you are solidly prepared for an exam, if you have some extra time, you may want to hang out with them a bit and help as you can. Teaching stuff is always helpful for solidifying. If you find this too stressful, plead a headache and flee. 🙂

Whether or not they pass is not on your conscience. And I think you would be amazed at how effective cramming is to pass exams.

 

[officedepot]

Good idea, actually.

And I think most of you are right. I personally dont' find the material difficult to understand but it does take a lot of time to go through it all. And they seem to spend a lot of their time just hanging out with friends, at their jobs, working out, going home, visiting family; their focus seems to be very scattered. I wouldn't even consider getting a job right now, i haven't visited my family in months, and I barely hangout with friends during the semester.

Then again, all of them have made it through their first two semesters. Perhaps I shouldn't doubt their ability to make it through the third?

yeah man they'll be fine. They don't know the material as well as you obviously but they'll pass OK I would bet. I don't think they'd blame you or be mad if you felt that it was taking too much time away from your own studies.

Also this stuff sounds like M1. That material overall isn't that important in the grand scheme of things. However, I would say it's worthwhile to know because you'll be tested on it on step1 and attendings will pimp you on some of that random stuff 3rd and 4th year. Also, it's what separates med students from NP and PA students. I mean they learn essentially the same pathology and treatments. It's knowing the pathophys and having the knowledge and critical thinking ability that makes us different.

 

[shadowfox87]

OP, I had the same problem once. After a while, people will start to use you as a "google guy", the guy they go to whenever they have any questions. You're not their personal tutor and they have to understand that. If people like that dislike you because you don't sit with them and go through all the lectures, then they're not really your friends.

Only thing you can do is to tell them that you're also really behind and that you gotta study by yourself. Works all the time. You're not doing anything wrong by saying this.

 

[Reverend Mayhem]

OP, I had the same problem once. After a while, people will start to use you as a "google guy", the guy they go to whenever they have any questions.

Actually that happened last night. One person called me up at 10:00 pm because he was unclear about the pathway that nocicpetive information takes from the spinal trigeminal nucleus up to the thalamus. But i could see how it couldn't wait. The test is only a month away.

 

[shadowfox87]

Actually that happened last night. One person called me up at 10:00 pm because he was unclear about the pathway that nocicpetive information takes from the spinal trigeminal nucleus up to the thalamus. But i could see how it couldn't wait. The test is only a month away.

I like answering questions like you OP, since it helps me understand it too, but not enough to compromise your own studying. In terms of random questions, it's better to use skype or some messaging software, so you can do your study and give the explanation at the same time. Sometimes the answer is so easy, I pretty much copy paste my search on google as my answer to them or a wiki link to show them it takes 2 secs to find it themselves.

 

[Lbgem]

I like answering questions like you OP, since it helps me understand it too, but not enough to compromise your own studying. In terms of random questions, it's better to use skype or some messaging software, so you can do your study and give the explanation at the same time. Sometimes the answer is so easy, I pretty much copy paste my search on google as my answer to them or a wiki link to show them it takes 2 secs to find it themselves.

I've tried doing that with family members spam chain mail (you know the dihydrogen oxide causes cancer! ones) and snopes. The email frequency lessened but then I started getting spam with the snopes link included (even if the snopes disproved what the email was saying...).

But OP, 😛 stop being a people pleaser. You need to learn to say no sometimes. Easier said than done I know. But it's your grades vs theirs if it gets way out of hand. I wouldn't tell them you think they're epic failz but like the other posters said, encourage them to seek help elsewhere and for god's sake, be less available or they gonna keep calling you at 10pm, and then 11...and 1am eventually. Every time you feel guilty think of what it took to get to med school, and do you really want your grades to suffer even one point cause you're spending more and more time helping people that won't help themselves.

They sound like people that need to be spoonfed. Helping these people is only a temporary solution. Eventually they will have to learn on their own or bring you down with them.

Extra time sure help them if you want, but don't cut into your core studying time. You'll regret it later; I made this mistake before and still regret it.

 

[MedStudentWanna]

After midterms, I realized that 3 of my friends were struggling in several classes. Since I am doing alright, I decided to help them out by offering to go over the material that they didn't understand.

The problem though, I did not realize that these people are so far behind in so many classes that its too late to help. However, they also seem to think that I can somehow save them and all will be well. When I am focusing solely on myself, I do alright. I am in maybe the top 30% of my class. So I am no genius and certainly not some savior that can rescue them at the last possible second.

Really don't think any of them are going to pass even half of their classes this semester and I am really starting doubt they will even make it to graduation. They seem to be in completely over their heads and haven't yet realized that getting through med school takes full focus and commitment. I thought they were just a little confused about this or that. It turns out, there are things from 2 months ago, in some of these classes, that they haven't even started looking at yet. Stuff that was on midterm that they say that haven't got to yet but they will go over it eventually.

There is nothing I can do. These aren't study partners, these are people that are several months behind in some classes.How do I tell them that though? How do I tell my friends that it is way too late in the semester and they know so little about any of this information, that I can't help them now, and that repeating these courses is probably in their best interest?

You started med school in May?

 

[Reverend Mayhem]

You started med school in May?

We all started last september. We are in our third semester right now.

 

[Shadowmoses]

I agree with many of the replies. I go to an international school and my classmates do not study the material when it was presented and fall behind. I was also asked by these same classmates to teach them the material because I am one of the top scorers in my class. I dont think its because I'm smart, but I put in the time everyday to learn the material and keep up with the lectures. The best thing you can do is to make up a polite excuse on why you can't, or just say you gotta go through the material yourself cause its hard for you too.

Its easier to relate with them rather than telling them that they are in med school and to get their **** together. You don't need stress.

 

[MedStudentWanna]

We all started last september. We are in our third semester right now.

So you go year-round? I'm asking because most med schools let first years out in May for the summer.

 

[OpalOnyx]

I had a classmate last semester who would come up to me RANDOMLY and say "teach me ____ (insert concept here)". It's one thing to ambush someone and put them on the spot and another thing to meet in a group or in a review session and ask these things. You just have to learn to not focus so much on how others are acting or what they're doing, and keep your eyes on your own experience.