sick parent and school

[Doc Martins]

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My mom's cancer is getting worse and she will be undergoing a second course of chemotherapy this summer. I'm afraid that she will only continue to get worse and am wondering how I will be able to manage dealing with this while in my second year of med school. Has anyone gone through or know someone who has gone through a similar situation and have any advice?

I know taking a year off is always an option, but it's definitely not a desirable one for me. I already took a few years off before starting med school and really want to get my career started.

Thanks in advance for any input!

 

[eforest]

Talk to the dean of your school about your options. If you decide to drop out, will you have to repeat the entire second year? Is your medical school more flexible?

Also, see when you have to decide by- Will the dean's office let you decide to take a year at the end of the summer? Do you have to decide sooner? You might want to see how things go this summer and then decide.

At any event, the deans office, or other student support services at your school might be able to help you with your options. Good luck!

 

[silas2642]

My mom's cancer is getting worse and she will be undergoing a second course of chemotherapy this summer. I'm afraid that she will only continue to get worse and am wondering how I will be able to manage dealing with this while in my second year of med school. Has anyone gone through or know someone who has gone through a similar situation and have any advice?

I know taking a year off is always an option, but it's definitely not a desirable one for me. I already took a few years off before starting med school and really want to get my career started.

Thanks in advance for any input!

I would highly, highly, highly suggest that instead of posting on an anonymous internet forum that you talk to one of the deans of your school regarding your situation and what the best course of action is. American school tend to be very sympathetic and highly supportive to their students, and it is wise to inform them of difficult situations that have the potential of interfering with a student's academic career before it actually causes trouble. That way they can help you organize your life, lend you support, maybe help you out with test schedules, emotional support, etc.

The other thing I want to point out is that you're entering a really stressful year that is very high yield for the boards. Second year alone can be hard enough but coupled with a family crisis could be overwhelming. Taking a year off would only be delaying your career 365 days where failing a year or not being there totally for your mother or not taking care of yourself could cost you even more.

 

[Doc Martins]

Talk to the dean of your school about your options. If you decide to drop out, will you have to repeat the entire second year? Is your medical school more flexible?

Also, see when you have to decide by- Will the dean's office let you decide to take a year at the end of the summer? Do you have to decide sooner? You might want to see how things go this summer and then decide.

At any event, the deans office, or other student support services at your school might be able to help you with your options. Good luck!

I should clarify - I am a first year just finishing up and looking ahead to second year and the prognosis of my mom's illness.

And you're right, the dean's office is definitely a good resource for support services... but I'm also wondering if others have gone through similar situations.

 

[OncoCaP]

My mom's cancer is getting worse and she will be undergoing a second course of chemotherapy this summer. I'm afraid that she will only continue to get worse and am wondering how I will be able to manage dealing with this while in my second year of med school. Has anyone gone through or know someone who has gone through a similar situation and have any advice?

I know taking a year off is always an option, but it's definitely not a desirable one for me. I already took a few years off before starting med school and really want to get my career started.

Thanks in advance for any input!

That really depends on you, your school, the details of your mother's illness/progression/care situation, and the emotional impact on you. For some people it's going to be impossible for others it can be done. For example, if you were your mother's primary care giver that would be one thing. If you have a dad, sibling or other family member who is able to take care of your mother's needs and you can keep in touch to a reasonable extent and make a few trips here and there, then that might work for some people. I haven't been in your situation, but I have had an ill parent during the schoolyear and I accepted the fact that other family members were going to be closer to the situation than I was.

 

[samenewme]

I went through some issues with my father's health this year, including a few times we weren't sure he would make it. But he has dementia and multiple medical problems that could take him from us next week or five years from now, so it's a little different. I had to fly down in the middle of the semester, but only for a few days.

Without putting a lot of thought into it, your choices seem to be to take a year LOA and hope things resolve (hopefully for the better) or spend the summer with your mom and then see what happens next year, taking an LOA only if things go bad. This means you may be on the hook for tuition if you have to drop out mid-year and this is where you need to talk to your administration.

I do feel for you. The uncertainty is very hard on top of the worry and it would be nice to know what to do. But the truth is, you can't know what to do. You have to play it all by ear. Get your school administration involved early so they know your situation and can advise you all along. You'll need all the support you can get. These are hard times for you.

 

[ZagDoc]

I think it really depends on your relationship with your mother as well. My father passed away unexpectedly from a massive MI when I was in undergrad... the weekend before midterms week. I flew home and was graciously offered the opportunity by the university to take the rest of the semester off without a bunch of withdrawals showing up on my transcript.

But my dad was always the biggest supporter of my academics and aspirations and would have kicked my ass if I had used the excuse of him passing away to not return, so I did, and finished the semester... for him. It was a good way to deal with the grief as well.

But a sick parent is a very different situation. Grief is really an internal thing and its more about you and how you deal. A sick parent is more about worry, which is both external and internal, but can still eat you up just as bad.

Like others have said in this thread, let one of the deans know RIGHT NOW what is going on, even if you don't end up taking any action regarding your studies. It at least opens some doors should you choose to take them when the time comes.