Single mother and medical school

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dr.match2015

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Is it possible for a single mother of 2 to make it though medical school surviving on student loans in newyork city ? Please share your inputs . Many thanks .
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Some factors to consider (I only say this because one of my best friends in my class is raising a toddler by herself while doing classes and these are things that have come up in discussion in the past).

1) Will you have family or close friends nearby who may be able to help baby sit or lend a hand when you need?
2) Are there any good day cares with good hours for when you will be in school, or having to study.
3) Are you okay with compromising your studying when you need to? Even if it means settling with just passing.

Being, a recent college grad with no kids, I can't give any direct advice on this myself, but the things I raised are what I've learned from my friend who is raising a child and doing school.
I have classmates who have had kids in med school, and plenty with families, so I think it's doable. But most of them seem to have either parents/relatives nearby, or significant others who could step in and help out when they got busy. It's certainly not an easy road though from what I can see, but they all seem very happy.
 
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I think it would be doable, but I second what zeppelinpage4 said - you'll need a lot of help. I'm doing med school (although not in NYC, but in a major city) with two kids, and I think that if I didn't have a husband who was super down for taking on a lion's share of the childcare and chores, this would be a LOT more expensive. If your kids aren't teens, would recommend looking into having a nanny for when the kids aren't in school, and making sure you have reliable sick care. One friend of mine who was a single mom in med school had a mom nearby who came by whenever needed, and another had a sister who moved in with her.

Other things you can do: look into public assistance for food/childcare/rent help/etc. If your kids are small, see what resources the school and hospital offer for parents - sometimes they have deals with local childcare centers or sick care centers, or even on-site childcare. Talk to the financial aid people and see what resources they know about.

Other pro-tips: When looking for a place to live, scope out neighborhoods based on community centers, schools, and proximity to things like grocery stores and whatnot. Try to get a place that has laundry on-site. We made streamlining our lives our number one priority when we looked at places to live, and then cost, and then proximity to school, because we figured the thing we would need most is time - and we were right.

Feel free to message me if you want. Also, you might want to check out mommd.com, too. There are a lot of really supportive women on there who have already walked this path. Good luck!
 
I think it will be doable if a few key scenerios can pan out.

1) Do you have family or a support network in the immediate area?

2) Are classes mandatory attendance at your school?
 
While I'm sure all things are possible, I'm doubtful of the ability to pull it off with children that are too young to be left at home alone if you don't have family/friend support local.......classes aren't even the biggest issue, it's years 3-4
 
If you have childcare that is subsidized, you can probably do it. If you're looking at the $16-22k per year per kid for daycare alone (that I'm looking at so the numbers are not made up), I'm thinking it will require going into a significant amount of debt. For the cost of putting both kids in daycare you may be able to find a nanny. I really hope this is one of those situations where you can live with family and have family take care of the kids, because that would make things significantly easier as far as flexibility, dependability, and money.
 
My opinion is that it will be exceedingly difficult (don't want to say impossible, but..) to raise 2 young children during medical school without any help, especially during years 3-4. I just don't think the two are compatible at all without serious compromises to both goals.
 
Thank you so much guys for all the inputs. But you all seem to focus on how I will manage 2 kids and medical school. My primary concern is will I be able to pay rent , tuitions, grocery , day care depending only on students loans ? I am brook. I am a new immigrant here in USA . I know a person who is willing to live with me ( trust worthy ) to take care of the kids ( for a fee $$) But New York and my situation .. Will I be able to fund that dream ? Will be able to pull it off ?
Thank you
 
What side of town and what's the living allowance for your school?
 
The school is in Manhattan , I don't know about the allowance . Just got IV . Not in the school yet.
 
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Just an idea if you're perhaps trying to get a rough estimate:
The financial aid office at our school had a nice online breakdown of the "typical" cost of housing, transportation, gas, food, books, tuition etc. for our location. And they also listed the standard amount of FA most students could get.

If your school has something like this (and if they don't, maybe you can call and ask, I'm sure their admissions staff know what the cost of living and things are for most students in the nearby area), I'd get this info.
Knowing that, I would then call the FA office at your school and ask what the maximum amount of loans are available to students to take out (or they may even be able to give an estimate of the loan amount you would likely get).

Once you know what your loan amount (or the typical loan amount) may be from calling the FA office, add up the standard costs of living and tuition for your area (this won't be exact of course but will hopefully give you a general idea of what you'll be spending to live in the city), and also add in the cost of day care and other such things for raising your kids. Then take this total for cost of living and see if it is below the loan estimate.

It's not exact or anything, and getting all the info. may be a pain, but it might give a better idea if it's realistic.

Also, have you contacted the school you plan to attend? They can likely give a better answer as to whether or not attending is financially possible. If you explain your situation, they may even be able to offer something extra to make it a better deal for you or at least have some suggestions regarding cheaper places to live, or what students with children do.

Also, see if you can get in touch with any current students at this school who have kids, again, the admissions office may be able to help you with this.

Just suggestions though, hard to say what to do in this specific situation.
 
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dr.match2015 said:
Where is this forum ?
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Where no one can hear you scream.
dr.match2015 said:
Why ??
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Because nontraditional students have the knowledge to actually help you with this sort of thing. Your typical 22 year old pre-med or med student that just jumped straight into med school has no ****ing clue how to advise your situation.
 
dr.match2015 said:
Thank you so much guys for all the inputs. But you all seem to focus on how I will manage 2 kids and medical school. My primary concern is will I be able to pay rent , tuitions, grocery , day care depending only on students loans ? I am brook. I am a new immigrant here in USA . I know a person who is willing to live with me ( trust worthy ) to take care of the kids ( for a fee $$) But New York and my situation .. Will I be able to fund that dream ? Will be able to pull it off ?
Thank you
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Frankly, money is the easy part. The rotations where you have overnight call, entire weekend call, away rotations, need to be at work at 5 am and get home after dark for extended periods, etc tend to be the harder parts because there's a big difference between having someone who can help out "now and then" and the degree of help you may actually need during the clinical years.
 
dr.match2015 said:
I am a new immigrant here in USA .
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If you don't have permanent US residency status or US citizenship, then you're not eligible to borrow federal student loans in the US.

I'm very sorry if nobody told you this before.
 
Lol. How on earth I be an immigrant without legal status ? I have green card and I am eligible for the loans. Don't worry !
 
dr.match2015 said:
Lol. How on earth I be an immigrant without legal status ? I have green card and I am eligible for the loans. Don't worry !
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lots of people are "immigrants" here without legal status, but since you have legal status that's one major hurdle out of the way...
 
Hmm, given how long it takes to get a green card and you calling yourself a "new immigrant" I call troll.
 
I agree w/ Dr. Midlife. Some things seem off here. So you have an undergrad degree from outside this country or are you starting from scratch? Define new immigrant.

In case this is somehow genuine, well, clinical rotations through residency/fellowship are going to be killer issues for you and your children. Law2 hit the nail on the head. Also, kids can get sick, a lot, so there is the potential to miss important clinicals. If you don't have a rock solid support system--and I am talking highly committed person/s to you and your children, you all are screwed.

As a somewhat protective mom, I was very picky about the person/s with whom I left my children. Also, I limited it as much as possible--worked a lot of nights and weekends--and had a reliable spouse and family support. But there were also many times that I had to work all day and night and had no back-up for child care--especially if my child/children were sick. Lost a lot of sleep. If my child became sick and I stayed w/ them, I got a huge pile of flack from my nurse manager--b/c healthcare people are to take care of the sick, but they themselves or their family members mustn't ever become sick. A nurse or a doctor must live and breath for the hospital. Sure, I am using some hyperbole here, but really, not much. I can imagine with medical school clinical rotations and residency, such expectations will be much worse.

You have to work out a solid plan and back-up systems for your children, or, as I already said, you and your children will be in trouble.
 
Mad Jack said:
Most likely no. Go to a school outside NYC.
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Looking back at her prior posts, which are quite illuminating, she is locked into this option as her only possible choice except some worthless Caribbean schools. She has already gotten an MD degree and taken all 3 steps. She is trying to get the emigre program. She appears to be rather belligerent in prior forum postings, so I'm not sure how her interview will end up...
 
ThoracicGuy said:
Looking back at her prior posts, which are quite illuminating, she is locked into this option as her only possible choice except some worthless Caribbean schools. She has already gotten an MD degree and taken all 3 steps. She is trying to get the emigre program. She appears to be rather belligerent in prior forum postings, so I'm not sure how her interview will end up...
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OK. Not necessarily a true troll then. Kid issue is still paramount. OP, financially, it may be tough in NYC w/ kids; it will probably not be painless, depending upon your accustomed standard of living. Good luck. Soften your approach a bit.
 
If you are still talking about NYIT, isn't in NYC. It's in Long Island. I guess that might be better in terms of cost of living but all of the above concerns voiced by other posters apply. Without proper social support, it will be very hard.
 
I have green card since 2 years been in and out the state before finally move in for good. The word new immigrant means I am new to this country and it's system and I need help , support , guidance . I didn't know posting such word will start a wave of hatful prejudice and racism. If you don't like my post .. Don't comment I am sure you have better thing to do in life .
 
Yes the NYIT COM immigrant physician program. I got IV there and now trying to see my chances of been able to make it. Be nice ppl , I am not a troll nor angry . I am a human being desperate for a kind advice . Thank you all for your time
 
dr.match2015 said:
I have green card since 2 years been in and out the state before finally move in for good. The word new immigrant means I am new to this country and it's system and I need help , support , guidance . I didn't know posting such word will start a wave of hatful prejudice and racism. If you don't like my post .. Don't comment I am sure you have better thing to do in life .
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If you think that this thread is full of hatred an prejudice you are bad at reading social cues....relax
 
Years 1 and 2 would be difficult but doable. Keep in mind a typical surgery rotation at my school ( 8 weeks long) - in to work by 5:15am, home by 6pm but sometimes as late as 8pm. Once per week you have a 30 hour shift where you stay overnight until 10am the next day. OBGYN has similar hours. For medicine (12 weeks) you are there at 6:30am, home at 5pm, with every 4 days a call day where you stay until 8 or 9pm. You work half of the weekends so you only get 4 days off per month. Sometimes you have 10 or 11 days on in a row without a day off. They only excuse absences for severe personal illness (requiring hospitalization) or death in the family. No days off for pediatrician visits or if the nanny cancels. Something to keep in mind.
 
zeppelinpage4 said:
Some factors to consider (I only say this because one of my best friends in my class is raising a toddler by herself while doing classes and these are things that have come up in discussion in the past).
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Where is the toddler's dad?
 
dr.match2015 said:
I have green card since 2 years been in and out the state before finally move in for good. The word new immigrant means I am new to this country and it's system and I need help , support , guidance . I didn't know posting such word will start a wave of hatful prejudice and racism. If you don't like my post .. Don't comment I am sure you have better thing to do in life .
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No one is being hateful or attacking you. New implies you got here recently, as in you can't count the time you've been here in years. And both of them made a valid point. Legal doesn't mean one has permanent residency status. My wife had legal status when she first got here on a visa, and again had legal status while her permanent residency application was being processed. For those 5 months while we waited for the application to be processed, she was not yet eligible to apply for federal loans, and so had to delay starting school for a while. It's just the reality of the situation.
 
Are you actually an accepted student?

Green cards usually aren't granted to 'new' immigrants.
 
dr.match2015 said:
I have green card since 2 years been in and out the state before finally move in for good. The word new immigrant means I am new to this country and it's system and I need help , support , guidance . I didn't know posting such word will start a wave of hatful prejudice and racism. If you don't like my post .. Don't comment I am sure you have better thing to do in life .
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This is the same sort of responses that you gave in the Caribbean forums that drove SkipIntro and aPD to put you on ignore... From my time on here, it takes alot for those guys to put someone on ignore.
 
ThoracicGuy said:
This is the same sort of responses that you gave in the Caribbean forums that drove SkipIntro and aPD to put you on ignore... From my time on here, it takes alot for those guys to put someone on ignore.
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??????
 
dr.match2015 said:
??????
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from your "destiny medschool" thread...... "Skip .. Giving me advice doesn't mean I MUST follow what u say .
It means that I can use my brain and choose what is best for me. As I said I want to rejoin medical school .
So now I am asking people to give me feed back about whom to choice and their experience in that school
You on other hand who the hell you think you are to talk to me like that ?!!
I might say the same thing to you , don't you have a life to save or just simply a life to live ?? I see you here on forums day and night !'!!!!! Creepy"

you react very strongly with personal anger to people who give you good advice
 
I know what thread and where , when and who. What I don't get is why bringing this up? What does it have to go with my question?
 
sb247 said:
from your "destiny medschool" thread...... "Skip .. Giving me advice doesn't mean I MUST follow what u say .
It means that I can use my brain and choose what is best for me. As I said I want to rejoin medical school .
So now I am asking people to give me feed back about whom to choice and their experience in that school
You on other hand who the hell you think you are to talk to me like that ?!!
I might say the same thing to you , don't you have a life to save or just simply a life to live ?? I see you here on forums day and night !'!!!!! Creepy"

you react very strongly with personal anger to people who give you good advice
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I don't know where r going with this. But I promise you that I will not react with anger to your good advice. Hope that is enough for you to know .
 
dr.match2015 said:
I know what thread and where , when and who. What I don't get is why bringing this up? What does it have to go with my question?
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it was brought up because you are repeating a behavior of berating those who are answering your question with good information while simultaneously screaming that no one is answering your question

when people are trying to help you figure out finances, the details of your immigration status are very relevant....so they ask. It's not productive to then call those people hatefully prejudiced and full of racism. You are chasing away the people who know a lot about the situation you are in....i.e. skip, who is one of the leading voices here for helping people make realistic decisions about caribbean schools

take a deep breath and relax...people will help if you let them
 
sb247 said:
it was brought up because you are repeating a behavior of berating those who are answering your question with good information while simultaneously screaming that no one is answering your question

when people are trying to help you figure out finances, the details of your immigration status are very relevant....so they ask. It's not productive to then call those people hatefully prejudiced and full of racism. You are chasing away the people who know a lot about the situation you are in....i.e. skip, who is one of the leading voices here for helping people make realistic decisions about caribbean schools

take a deep breath and relax...people will help if you let them
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I don't know if it's the cultural differences or what... But I have asked specific question about specific situation I don't know how my GC/ legal status has to do with the financial cost of living in new work and raising 2 kids on students loan. One member thou thankfully gave me a very good detailed to the point answer.
Some times reading ppl posts carefully and understand what they want makes ALL the deference.
Skip sees only one side of the building and say it's red. And I don't wonna talk about that . I am done with all that. So please
 
dr.match2015 said:
I don't know if it's the cultural differences or what... But I have asked specific question about specific situation I don't know how my GC/ legal status has to do with the financial cost of living in new work and raising 2 kids on students loan. One member thou thankfully gave me a very good detailed to the point answer.
Some times reading ppl posts carefully and understand what they want makes ALL the deference.
Skip sees only one side of the building and say it's red. And I don't wonna talk about that . I am done with all that. So please
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This forum is a conversation, not a q&a session. Nobody on this thread works here. People who join the thread can ask their own questions back and may not stay on point, and that's really their prerogative, you don't get to get upset that people are more focused on what you see as the tangents. If you don't want to participate in a conversation, and just want specific questions answered for you, a public forum like this might not be the right vehicle.

On a side note, to succeed in medicine you need a very thick skin and a lot of tolerance of people you may often feel are ignoring you or missing the big picture. That's the clinical years of med school and early residency in a nutshell. Attendings may not care what you have to add, patients are going to be noncompliant with your instructions or totally misunderstand everything you try to explain. If that kind of stuff frustrates you you might need to work on that. None of this is cultural because I suspect there are multiple cultures represented in this thread and most of us work daily with people of various backgrounds without the same kind of issues. Good luck!
 
Law2Doc said:
This forum is a conversation, not a q&a session. Nobody on this thread works here. People who join the thread can ask their own questions back and may not stay on point, and that's really their prerogative, you don't get to get upset that people are more focused on what you see as the tangents. If you don't want to participate in a conversation, and just want specific questions answered for you, a public forum like this might not be the right vehicle.

On a side note, to succeed in medicine you need a very thick skin and a lot of tolerance of people you may often feel are ignoring you or missing the big picture. That's the clinical years of med school and early residency in a nutshell. Attendings may not care what you have to add, patients are going to be noncompliant with your instructions or totally misunderstand everything you try to explain. If that kind of stuff frustrates you you might need to work on that. None of this is cultural because I suspect there are multiple cultures represented in this thread and most of us work daily with people of various backgrounds without the same kind of issues. Good luck!
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Omg. Seriously I felt like killing my self after reading this. I have more than 12 , yes 12 years of practicing medicine . Seen ppl from all over the world . Lived in and care for patients in a country with over 160 nationalities ( Dubai ). Not once I has problem with being patient , understanding or be frustrated with any situation no matter how hard it is. I am only answering you in the hope that you have deeper thinking before making statements or lecturing any one. Oh ..., and ..... Good luck !
 
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dr.match2015 said:
Omg. Seriously I felt like killing my self after reading this. I have more than 12 , yes 12 years of practicing medicine . Seen ppl from all over the world . Lived in and care for patients in a country with over 160 nationalities ( Dubai ). Not once I has problem with being patient , understanding or be frustrated with any situation no matter how hard it is. I am only answering you in the hope that you have deeper thinking before making statements or lecturing any one. Oh ..., and ..... Good luck !
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Um, i think you are the one who maybe needs a bit of "deeper thinking" and insight here -- You might want to look back at your posts and see if you can figure out why people are suggesting you are handling things so badly on here (now in multiple threads). You started this thread and then got extremely frustrated with responders who didn't specifically answer things exactly the way you wanted -- "No soup for you." Doesnt matter if you have 12 years experience or 50, you really can't dialogue with people this way and expect other than the interactions you have received. That's going to be true in every culture.
 
I don't want to look back ... I only look forward and with positivity . Thanks for your time and advice .
 
I am not frustrated at all. On contrary I got pretty good responses from very kind and thoughtful people and that has really helped.
Thank you guys .
 
The short answer is yes. You can get an additional gradPLUS loan for daycare, with proof that it is going to daycare (basically they up your personal CoA).

PS ignoring all the stuff in the middle of this convo.
 
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