So depressed

[BelaMedicine]

I didn’t pass my subspecialty boards. I’m so genuinely depressed. I studied for so many months, missed so many weekends with my kids and family. I passed day 1 and didn’t pass day 2- granted I didn’t spend a lot of time studying for the ekgs. But regardless I don’t feel like I have it in me to study for this beast again. I feel so incredibly embarrassed I haven’t even told my family. I don’t know what I am looking for but I feel like I put so much effort into something for nothing. Furthermore I have little kids and it is so so incredibly challenging to study. How do people do it? Any words of wisdom or advice?

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[jdh71]

I didn’t pass my subspecialty boards. I’m so genuinely depressed. I studied for so many months, missed so many weekends with my kids and family. I passed day 1 and didn’t pass day 2- granted I didn’t spend a lot of time studying for the ekgs. But regardless I don’t feel like I have it in me to study for this beast again. I feel so incredibly embarrassed I haven’t even told my family. I don’t know what I am looking for but I feel like I put so much effort into something for nothing. Furthermore I have little kids and it is so so incredibly challenging to study. How do people do it? Any words of wisdom or advice?

I’m sorry to hear about this. I can totally understand why you might feel the way you do. But come on. You’ve come the far. You HAVE TO BE a fighter. We all get dealt a bad beat every once in awhile. I suggest a drink or too (if you do). Maybe some comfort food. And then give yourself exactly until the weekend to feel sorry for yourself. After that, dust yourself off. Remember you didn’t get this far on a fluke and start making a plan for next year. Don’t start studying yet. You have a year. But start making a plan. Then start checking the details necessary to make that plan work. You’ll be be back here this time next year telling us you passed.

 

[xoggyux]

I emphasize with your situation but you are almost there and you know it. There is little that anyone in this forum can advise you that you don't already know. Were you planning on someone telling you something other than "relax, chill, study hard and take it again and you will be fine"? were you expecting "quit medicine, open a bar in brazil and change your last name to Rodolfo"?
Allow yourself to be disappointed, even sad at the results for a little bit. But don't get thrown into a pool of sorrows and self-pity or it will be harder (mentally) to tackle it again next time. It is a test, not unlike the SATs, MCATs, USMLE1, USME2, USMLE3, every single med school test and clerkship exam, and IM boards. Arguably every single of the other tests were far more consequent to your future than 1 of the subspecialty boards. Give you a week or so to grief, but mark it today in your calendar, and after 1 week you start making fun of "that day when you failed the board" and make sure it does not happen again!.
GL next time.

 

[jdh71]

Opening a bar in brazil does have its pluses. Let’s not kid ourselves here.

 

[BelaMedicine]

I emphasize with your situation but you are almost there and you know it. There is little that anyone in this forum can advise you that you don't already know. Were you planning on someone telling you something other than "relax, chill, study hard and take it again and you will be fine"? were you expecting "quit medicine, open a bar in brazil and change your last name to Rodolfo"?
Allow yourself to be disappointed, even sad at the results for a little bit. But don't get thrown into a pool of sorrows and self-pity or it will be harder (mentally) to tackle it again next time. It is a test, not unlike the SATs, MCATs, USMLE1, USME2, USMLE3, every single med school test and clerkship exam, and IM boards. Arguably every single of the other tests were far more consequent to your future than 1 of the subspecialty boards. Give you a week or so to grief, but mark it today in your calendar, and after 1 week you start making fun of "that day when you failed the board" and make sure it does not happen again!.
GL next time.

the hardest part for me is being able to study with having little kids. I never struggled to pass an exam in my life but after having kids it’s a whole other ball game. I really had to sacrifice so much for many months: and to think I have to relive that again. I’m terrified and don’t feel like I have it in me.

maybe I need to start earlier and study in a slower more gradual fashion? I don’t know

 

[xoggyux]

Let me be clear, my following statement does not convey judgment on my part or criticism on the matter. I have been in a similar position as you regarding academic performance. It is easy that in your grief you start looking for things to blame (having little kids, parents are sick, the wife is a drunk, the husband is gay and having an affair, your dog is addicted to crack and your parrot is a serial killer) and this won't end well for you if you don't put a stop to that mentality because your problems won't end here. That is, unless you are thinking that giving your kids for adoption is an option. Similarly, what I said earlier to go to Brazil and open a bar was in jest.
The reality is that you only have 1 single "reasonable" option left, take it next year. Although a setback for sure, it is not a "big deal" in the grand scheme of things since it is something that has a relatively simple solution (although not necessarily convenient obviously).
Like I said, allow yourself sometimes to grief and come up to terms, forgive yourself. Once you do that, it might be much easier to share with family and friends and even everyone else (perhaps not your patients until you get their trust).
As for how to study? If you were a medical student I'd give you the usual recommendations, but you got to the very end of the race without issues. I think you clearly know what works for you better than anyone else, just make some adjustments to your study and go take it again next year, you will be fine.

 

[NotAProgDirector]

When my kids were young, my plan was to finish work for the day, come home and spend time with them, put them to bed, then get work done. Make it a habit, avoid cramming.

Or, consider a board review course next year prior to the exam. That way you're out of your home environment and focused on studying for a short period of time.

 

[WatsnJ!1]

I didn’t pass my subspecialty boards. I’m so genuinely depressed. I studied for so many months, missed so many weekends with my kids and family. I passed day 1 and didn’t pass day 2- granted I didn’t spend a lot of time studying for the ekgs. But regardless I don’t feel like I have it in me to study for this beast again. I feel so incredibly embarrassed I haven’t even told my family. I don’t know what I am looking for but I feel like I put so much effort into something for nothing. Furthermore I have little kids and it is so so incredibly challenging to study. How do people do it? Any words of wisdom or advice?

hey, are you okay? I hope that you managed to resolve your problems