So I have been thinking about my existence...

[Dr Trek 1]

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So I have been doing some rather philosophical thinking over the past few days and wanted to get some future-DOs' opinions on it. I will keep it short.

One of the main reasons I want to go into medicine is to make a difference in health care. I do not want to go into research or some very rare subspeciality. I want to be in primary care. I guess what I am saying is that when I am laying on my death bed, I want to be able to think about all the positive influence on others' lives I have had during my career. I certainly will have that as a physician, however one aspect of it bothers me: there will be endless other doctors who do the exact same thing I do, and even if I never existed, they could easily have the positive influence the lives of those I would have had a positive influence on. Basically, if I am not there to do the job well, someone else will most likely be there to do it well.

This bothers me. In way I can see it as being selfish to think to myself "Yes I had such a positive impact on the lives of all my patients" when, if I didn't exist, they could have had the same relationship with another caring doctor. Even though there are many bad doctors out there, there are still many good ones. Even though I will be part of the "good" doctors, I won't be the only one. Unless I start some national foundation or find the cure for some disease, I don't see how my professional existence will be notably different than any other good doctor.

Does anyone else ever think about this? How do other people interpret, justify, etc. this to themselves?

Thanks for any input.

 

[toothless rufus]

Actually, I believe that you will matter! It will be you, and not someone else who is making that difference in someone's life. Sure, if you didn't go into medicine, someone else will be taking care of those people who could have been your patients. And they could also do an excellent job, but when you are a doctor, it will be you, and your unique personality that will be treating those individuals. Just having that opportunity is, in my opinion, fullfillment enough. The whole is sometimes greater than the sum of its parts.

 

[nibrocli]

the dean of admissions from UCSF med school was talking to a group of us pre-meds. he said the following to us, and i've never forgotten it throughout this grueling application process (paraphrasing):

at some point in your career, you will treat a patient who would have died if you hadn't been there. it will take a long time and a lot of hard work to get to that point, but it will happen.

i think he was right. you are a unique person, and your skills or talents or means of communication will save someone's life, in a way that no one else could.

 

[cadence]

I understand completely. But really, does it matter why you want to help them, just so long as you help them. This is kind of a chicken in the egg, positive feedback kind of thing. You want to help people, so you do and it makes you feel good, so you want to help people, so you do and it makes you feel good....Eventually you don't know why it started.

I had a similar revelation the other day when I realized I wan't trying to get into med school so I could become a doctor. I was trying to get in so I could practice medicine. This is why I've spent the past 4 years trying to get in somewhere. (I was a little limited in my options for the first 2 years, but I have to think the pity factor has to kick in at some point 🙄"

 

[ShyRem]

Perhaps there wouldn't be. Case in point:

I was a paramedic working when we got the usual "lift assist - fallen party" call. FD got there first, and as I was coming up the stairs they called down the stairwell to cancel me. I said "OK"; and as I was turning back down, the daughter of the patient came out and called me. Turns out she was a woman who I knew well. I went back up the stairs to ask if there was anything she needed. FD at this point (who also had 2 medics on scene) put the patient into a recliner, got a release signed, and left the scene. The woman and I got to talking about her mother (the patient). She was worried - her mother had lost a LOT of weight over the past 6 months, had started smoking again after having quit for 10 years, was not eating much food (said she wasn't hungry) and would drink only ginger ale - very unusual behavior for her. Her physician said she was just depressed and put her on antidepressants. Every time the daughter tried to call with concerns, the doctor said the patient was fine. The patient had been seen about once a month for the past 6 months now.

I took a quick look at her mother - and something just didn't look right. Her skin was not the right color - like a fading tan all over. Not quite yellow like jaundice, but not healthy pink either. The woman seemed very cheerful. But the more I talked to her, the more I got suspicious. I had the woman's doctor paged to call me back. He called, and once he found out who the patient was the doctor was downright irate and rude. Called me darn near every name in the book and said there was nothing wrong with the woman. I insisted he agree to see her on Monday (it was Saturday) or I would take her to the ER for liver function tests. He agreed finally; I spoke to the daughter and told her to insist on a thorough liver exam.

One week later the daughter made a point to speak with my husband (who she worked with). The mother had advanced liver cancer, most likely progressing significantly within the last six months. There was no hope, as the cancer had invaded much of her body at this point. The daughter took a leave from her job and they traveled for a week to some of the placed they dreamed of seeing. The mother died two weeks later. The daughter thanked me profusely for allowing them the time and opportunity to spend her mother's last few weeks together and allowing them to plan her mother's funeral, will, make arrangements, etc.

My point: I did nothing medically to help these people. Their physician (who is a good physician in general) and several good paramedics had seen this woman over the 6 months her cancer was eating away at her. None caught on to what might be going on. Did I make a difference? To them I did. And that's what matters. So although a dozen or so good medical providers had seen this woman, in this case I made a difference. I didn't save anyone, I didn't even give any medications. But I provided comfort in the form of getting them answers and knowledge.

So can you make a difference? Yes. Even though there are many other good providers out there, your eyes may be the ones that are needed to see. Good luck.

 

[Vince]

...Basically, if I am not there to do the job well, someone else will most likely be there to do it well.

This bothers me. In way I can see it as being selfish to think to myself "Yes I had such a positive impact on the lives of all my patients" when, if I didn't exist, they could have had the same relationship with another caring doctor...
Thanks for any input.

I had these feelings too. Join a medical relief team, you'll definitely see a difference that you have made. Also, you could start up a practice in a very rural setting for people that don't have anyone else to go to.

Personally, I don't see much personal satisfaction in medicine anymore, at least not in the setting I am working in....so I will put efforts to make a difference/impact OUTSIDE of medicine, but my experience as a doctor will likely be beneficial.

 

[Pigg-O-Stat]

Excellent insight Dr. Trek, and you are probably right.

So the real question is...Can you live with that? Can you accept the fact that you are just another "good doctor" and your existence is really quite meaningless in the grand scheme of things? hmmm...

 

[NewNick]

Excellent insight Dr. Trek, and you are probably right.

So the real question is...Can you live with that? Can you accept the fact that you are just another "good doctor" and your existence is really quite meaningless in the grand scheme of things? hmmm...

"I think, therefore I am" (Descartes). Each person is unique, why would you care about the other existence ? 🙂

 

[Jamers]

So I have been doing some rather philosophical thinking over the past few days and wanted to get some future-DOs' opinions on it. I will keep it short.

One of the main reasons I want to go into medicine is to make a difference in health care. I do not want to go into research or some very rare subspeciality. I want to be in primary care. I guess what I am saying is that when I am laying on my death bed, I want to be able to think about all the positive influence on others' lives I have had during my career. I certainly will have that as a physician, however one aspect of it bothers me: there will be endless other doctors who do the exact same thing I do, and even if I never existed, they could easily have the positive influence the lives of those I would have had a positive influence on. Basically, if I am not there to do the job well, someone else will most likely be there to do it well.

This bothers me. In way I can see it as being selfish to think to myself "Yes I had such a positive impact on the lives of all my patients" when, if I didn't exist, they could have had the same relationship with another caring doctor. Even though there are many bad doctors out there, there are still many good ones. Even though I will be part of the "good" doctors, I won't be the only one. Unless I start some national foundation or find the cure for some disease, I don't see how my professional existence will be notably different than any other good doctor.

Does anyone else ever think about this? How do other people interpret, justify, etc. this to themselves?

Thanks for any input.

I may not have much in the way of faith but, one thing I do believe in with all my heart is fate. Life is a long river meandering through the mountain of time. We all have some aspect along this river, we cannot fight its flow, we can only go along with it. Our fate determines our actions. We meet people along this way that we were meant to meet and, through our interactions, we are all changed. Maybe not always for the better but, we are changed nonetheless. I cannot admit that I have had the same thoughts as you as, due to my "faith in fate" I have never wished to look back, only forward. That is, I am not in the business of asking "what-if". I was meant to be a physician to help others. If I were not there, then those that I was meant to help would not have been helped. In the end, you may not end up being the greatest physician who reaches out and touches everyone but, rest assured, you will reach out and touch SOMEONE and, for me at least, that is enough.

 

[docbill]

I may not have much in the way of faith but, one thing I do believe in with all my heart is fate. Life is a group of long rivers with multiple paths meandering through the mountain of time. We all have some aspects along these river, we cannot fight their flows, we can only go along with them, and decided which side of the fork we wish to take next. Our fate determines our actions and to limit, vise versa. We meet people along this way that we were meant to meet, while others are simply accidental due to the law of spontaneouty and the flows of the rivers, and through our interactions, limited or not, we can not help but be changed. Maybe not always for the better but, we are changed nevertheless. I cannot admit that I have had the same thoughts as you as, due to my "faith in fate", but with time and maturity you have confort in this belief. I have never wished to look back, but occasionally I do. Not to regret my decisions, but to learn from my mistakes. Then I look forward and await the next challange. That is, I am not in the business of asking "what-if". I believe that I was meant to be a physician to help others. But only fate will prove me right or wrong.

Jamers, I thought that was an excellent post. I hope you don't mind, I added some changes to your post, to reflect how I felt bout the whole thing. It did save me a whole bunch of writing.. plus you did say it much better than I could.

 

[Dr Trek 1]

Thank you everyone for your replies. They have certainly given me a lot to think about.

I have been a volunteer for a crises hotline for domestically abused men for a few years. Although I am one of many volunteers, there are a few individuals I feel I have uniquely had a positive impact on, who the other volunteers may not have treated the same way I did. Even if I'm a family doctor, the same thing will happen all the time.

Thanks guys. It's good to see such great people going into medicine.

 

[Icarus22]

Indeed I know what you mean. But the fact that other doctors will be there in your place shouldn't hamper what you want to do. Like other posters on here said, it will be you treating the patient as a unique individual, not somebody else. And think of it this way- perhaps you will be treating patients who might have received care from a "bad" doctor if you hadn't been there. It's not guaranteed but certainly a possibility. You pursuing medicine and getting ready to enter the pool of "good" doctors means a lot. Personally, I thank you for your mindset, as you genuinely want to help patients in this profession. I think that's probably the best mindset to have when going into medicine. 😀

But don't worry, you will get your opportunity to make a huge difference out there. Excellent topic! 👍

 

[Luv2Dance]

So I have been doing some rather philosophical thinking over the past few days and wanted to get some future-DOs' opinions on it. I will keep it short.

One of the main reasons I want to go into medicine is to make a difference in health care. I do not want to go into research or some very rare subspeciality. I want to be in primary care. I guess what I am saying is that when I am laying on my death bed, I want to be able to think about all the positive influence on others' lives I have had during my career. I certainly will have that as a physician, however one aspect of it bothers me: there will be endless other doctors who do the exact same thing I do, and even if I never existed, they could easily have the positive influence the lives of those I would have had a positive influence on. Basically, if I am not there to do the job well, someone else will most likely be there to do it well.

This bothers me. In way I can see it as being selfish to think to myself "Yes I had such a positive impact on the lives of all my patients" when, if I didn't exist, they could have had the same relationship with another caring doctor. Even though there are many bad doctors out there, there are still many good ones. Even though I will be part of the "good" doctors, I won't be the only one. Unless I start some national foundation or find the cure for some disease, I don't see how my professional existence will be notably different than any other good doctor.

Does anyone else ever think about this? How do other people interpret, justify, etc. this to themselves?

Thanks for any input.

you'll be ok

 

[NRAI2001]

So I have been doing some rather philosophical thinking over the past few days and wanted to get some future-DOs' opinions on it. I will keep it short.

One of the main reasons I want to go into medicine is to make a difference in health care. I do not want to go into research or some very rare subspeciality. I want to be in primary care. I guess what I am saying is that when I am laying on my death bed, I want to be able to think about all the positive influence on others' lives I have had during my career. I certainly will have that as a physician, however one aspect of it bothers me: there will be endless other doctors who do the exact same thing I do, and even if I never existed, they could easily have the positive influence the lives of those I would have had a positive influence on. Basically, if I am not there to do the job well, someone else will most likely be there to do it well.

This bothers me. In way I can see it as being selfish to think to myself "Yes I had such a positive impact on the lives of all my patients" when, if I didn't exist, they could have had the same relationship with another caring doctor. Even though there are many bad doctors out there, there are still many good ones. Even though I will be part of the "good" doctors, I won't be the only one. Unless I start some national foundation or find the cure for some disease, I don't see how my professional existence will be notably different than any other good doctor.

Does anyone else ever think about this? How do other people interpret, justify, etc. this to themselves?

Thanks for any input.

So what would you rather do?

I think that even the "good" doctors rarely make huge differences in peoples lives. They just help them deal.

 

[JakeHarley]

I've come to understand a lot of my feelings as being either ego-based or "loving-self" based. From this perspective, you could say that your desire to be a good doctor is supported by each of these two entities:

-Your "loving" self is compassionate, and truly wants to take care of others and 'make a difference'

-Your ego wants recognition for what you do: "Hey everybody, look how wonderful I am! You should all recongize how much good I am doing and love me for it!"

Sometimes (unfortunately not too often ) I can clearly identify what it is my ego is getting out of a situation. Being aware of that can be really useful in letting go of needing outside validation and recognition to feel good about something. This doesn't mean that you have to give up any aspirations of helping in some huge capacity, it just suggests finding a deeper motivation than appeasing your ego.

Another way to look at it is:

Would you (i.e. your loving self) rather do work that you know is making a difference, or do some other work that you know is having minimal impact?

 

[rachelc81]

you can't think of it as, "someone else will be there if i am not." you need to think of it as, "what if no one else is there." you do make a difference. no matter what you do. we all have a purose, if it is to help one or one thousand. that one still matters. what if you stop at a roadside cafe on a dirt road somewhere and a woman goes into labor and the ambulance can't get there in time and you are the only doctor around? there is your opportunity. hey, it can happen. God is funny like that.
if you are really concerned about this maybe you should consider doing medical missions in a remote location where there are no other doctors. just a thought.
good luck. : )

 

[Dr Trek 1]

what if you stop at a roadside cafe on a dirt road somewhere and a woman goes into labor and the ambulance can't get there in time and you are the only doctor around? there is your opportunity

Excellent point. Thank you for that input:-D

 

[cfdavid]

So I have been doing some rather philosophical thinking over the past few days and wanted to get some future-DOs' opinions on it. I will keep it short.

One of the main reasons I want to go into medicine is to make a difference in health care. I do not want to go into research or some very rare subspeciality. I want to be in primary care. I guess what I am saying is that when I am laying on my death bed, I want to be able to think about all the positive influence on others' lives I have had during my career. I certainly will have that as a physician, however one aspect of it bothers me: there will be endless other doctors who do the exact same thing I do, and even if I never existed, they could easily have the positive influence the lives of those I would have had a positive influence on. Basically, if I am not there to do the job well, someone else will most likely be there to do it well.

This bothers me. In way I can see it as being selfish to think to myself "Yes I had such a positive impact on the lives of all my patients" when, if I didn't exist, they could have had the same relationship with another caring doctor. Even though there are many bad doctors out there, there are still many good ones. Even though I will be part of the "good" doctors, I won't be the only one. Unless I start some national foundation or find the cure for some disease, I don't see how my professional existence will be notably different than any other good doctor.

Does anyone else ever think about this? How do other people interpret, justify, etc. this to themselves?

Thanks for any input.

No, you won't be the only good doctor. But, you'll be in a position to positively impact those people that you come into contact with each and every day. You can be one of those people that makes a point to do something meaningful each day. And as a doctor, there will be many such opportunities. So, don't sell yourself short.