MD social anxiety ruined my medical career

[peter1987]

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I want to share my story with you.
During school, I was a straight A+ student. I did extremely well in school despite my social awkwardness. I was the student who gets very high scores with the least effort. And everybody pushed and encouraged me to go to medical school and that I will do great in it. Eventually, I did, and that was the worst decision I made in my life. I struggled socially in medical school. I didn't have a relationship throughout college, I even rarely talked to girls. I hated college, I avoided presenting cases, public speaking, volunteering and was depressed most of the time and despite that, I actually got As in exams with little study beforehand. The real struggle came afterward, when I started working and residency. The amount of stress in the internal medicine residency was unbearable for me. I couldn't handle it and I dropped out the residency after 2 years and since then I am unemployed for a year and a half now. I got extremely depressed. I lost ties with all my friends. I spent all time eating and sleeping. My weight is up 70 pounds. I look older. I went to a psychiatrist and I am on meds but it doesn't seem to help a lot as I am feeling I reached a dead-end. I am now 31 years old. I don't know what can I do now. Should I switch careers and study another field from the scratch like computer science but then It will take 4 more years at least to finish and moreover, I don't think I still have the passion, mental capacity and dedication I had when I was young. I will be feeling that I am a disabled person.and I think I don't have the stamina for that anymore ( given that outside work my life is miserable, I am still single and lonely at age of 31, I live with my parents, I am doing bad financially, I am overweight). The second option is starting a residency in a more socially tolerant field like pathology. I would be older than my seniors and it also requires a good state of mental health to go through and be able to take decisions but it will be much tolerable than internal medicine and it can give me time to work on my other issues.

 

[libertyyne]

Why not radiology or path?

 

[NeurologyHopeful2018]

1) why did you drop out as PGY 3 - the easiest year in residency and close to finish line?

2) if you have 1 year residency experience - why cant you get a liscence to work urgent care? It will guarantee you a 250K income.

 

[Aerus]

You chose the worst specialty to go into if you have social anxiety. Internal medicine requires constant, non-stop patient interaction. Pathology sounds like a reasonable choice for you. I wouldn't start over unless you hate the subject of medicine itself.

 

[Goro]

I want to share my story with you.
During school, I was a straight A+ student. I did extremely well in school despite my social awkwardness. I was the student who gets very high scores with the least effort. And everybody pushed and encouraged me to go to medical school and that I will do great in it. Eventually, I did, and that was the worst decision I made in my life. I struggled socially in medical school. I didn't have a relationship throughout college, I even rarely talked to girls. I hated college, I avoided presenting cases, public speaking, volunteering and was depressed most of the time and despite that, I actually got As in exams with little study beforehand. The real struggle came afterward, when I started working and residency. The amount of stress in the internal medicine residency was unbearable for me. I couldn't handle it and I dropped out the residency after 2 years and since then I am unemployed for a year and a half now. I got extremely depressed. I lost ties with all my friends. I spent all time eating and sleeping. My weight is up 70 pounds. I look older. I went to a psychiatrist and I am on meds but it doesn't seem to help a lot as I am feeling I reached a dead-end. I am now 31 years old. I don't know what can I do now. Should I switch careers and study another field from the scratch like computer science but then It will take 4 more years at least to finish and moreover, I don't think I still have the passion, mental capacity and dedication I had when I was young. I will be feeling that I am a disabled person.and I think I don't have the stamina for that anymore ( given that outside work my life is miserable, I am still single and lonely at age of 31, I live with my parents, I am doing bad financially, I am overweight). The second option is starting a residency in a more socially tolerant field like pathology. I would be older than my seniors and it also requires a good state of mental health to go through and be able to take decisions but it will be much tolerable than internal medicine and it can give me time to work on my other issues.

Depression is poorly managed on anonymous message boards.

Seek out a therapist.

 

[Brorthopedic]

Hit the gym bro, nothing will do more for your confidence and mental well-being than losing that weight and building some muscle. Once you're feeling better, see if you can land a pathology/radiology residency. The important part here is finding a specialty that doesn't stress you out socially.

 

[Durty-Trixxx]

It sounds to me like you need to get your psych, self-esteem, and weight issues figured out first, then worry about the career choice.

Don't put the cart before the horse --- focus on what's most important and that's your own health before you start worrying about others.

 

[peter1987]

Why not radiology or path?

Yes I am thinking about pathology

You chose the worst specialty to go into if you have social anxiety. Internal medicine requires constant, non-stop patient interaction. Pathology sounds like a reasonable choice for you. I wouldn't start over unless you hate the subject of medicine itself.

No I don't hate medicine as a subject. I actually enjoy studying medicine a lot and my grades were really high in theory exams. Also I like medical research so may pathology is a better option for me

 

[NotAProgDirector]

You going to need to attack this from both ends.

One choice is to choose a field that has less social interaction. Path and Rads are both options. Your IM PGY-1 would count as a prelim for rads, so you could start as a PGY-2. Path would be a PGY-1.

But even with this, you will need decent social skills. You will need to present in front of groups. You will need to interact with your colleagues. It may be less important / frequent in these fields, but it's not absent.

Plus, you're almost certain to be happier with some improved social skills.

What to do depends somewhat on how things went in college. Sure, you may not have had a relationship. But did you have friends? Did you socialize? What worked? What didn't?

In any case, ideas:
1. Toastmasters. If public speaking is a problem, this is a great group to join to help.
2. Speed dating. I'm not kidding. If talking to people you don't know all that well is very hard, speed dating can be great practice. You get 5 minutes with each person. Screw one up, no big deal, on to the next. The key here is that by going to a speed dating event, you're not actually trying to "date" anyone. Set your target at "making small talk for 5 minutes with random people".
3. Join clubs / groups. What do you like to do for fun? Whatever it is, find groups that do this, join, and be active. Even if it's super nerdy, that's fine.