Social Failure. Anyone else feel like they are missing out?

[mauberley]

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Yeah, I can see how being intoxicated during time you weren't going to spend studying anyway would really blow your grades in a hurry.

Some of my best memories of undergrad are of spending nights at the ale house drinking with my friends. We worked hard, but we also played hard.

 

[docelh]

These "woe-is-me-i-can't-score" threads seem to be the only ones that consistently garner sympathy on SDN.

Wonder why.

 

[dbeast]

Anybody wanna play WOW?

 

[OrangeandMaroon]

THIS is absolutely TRUE!

OP I can relate almost identically to your situation. I studied hard my first two years occasionally attending parties. And you know what, I hated those frat parties and clubbing and now I realize that studying benefited me. I look at my peers and I see that they are struggling in classes, have crap GPAs, no ECs, while I'm in a great position. I also had quite a number of "friends" (notice the sarcasm here...) first two years. When I look back, only a handful of these people I can rely on and these are the people I hang out with. You don't have to party to have a social life. It hurts for sure, just hang in there, good friends will come with time (don't be bothered by the quantity of friends, quality matters), and most importantly, DON'T LOSE YOUR FOCUS.

Agreed with the majority. Balance your life.

Little optimism? Look forward to your senior year. You'll probably be in HMS and stress will be reduced by magnitudes once your in med school.

Why do you make the false assumption that it's impossible to maintain a strong GPA while partying hard?

 

[Back2TX]

Being socially awkward will not look good at interviews either...that goes the same for medical school and residency interviews. Maybe more so for residency, people don't usually like to work with awkward people.

Why do you make the false assumption that it's impossible to maintain a strong GPA while partying hard?

lol, I party almost every friday and sometimes thursday, and my 4.0 is still intact, so I definitely know what you mean. It's actually not very hard at all to make good grades. You just gotta know the bare minimum amount of effort you need in each class and do that. That way, you can be more smart with your time. Alot of med students party hard and they do fine, maybe even better than many others.

 

[Protagonistic]

No, you will not have to rest of your life to be in college. College social life is much, much different than anythin else. Unless you become the creepy dude at the frat party, you'll never see that milieu again after you graduate. You can "stay on track with grades" while not holing yourself up in a library at all times. You don't have to choose between getting a 4.0 and getting black-out drunk every night. I promise that it's okay to have a 3.8 but go out on the weekend.

Miss the chance at a good GPA and waste it away excessively partying or stay with your goals. The 4th year of college is going to be good towards the end and I am sure there are things going on in the summer in which you can get involved. When time comes for your grades you need to be focused and some people just need to spend more time on them than others.

This advice is ******ed. There are more than two options (1. being party hard and get C's or 2. being a study-loner...)


OP, you go to a top 10 school, you're smart enough to get into med school. If you have to choose between having a life + 3.6 versus no life + 3.8, always choose the life. You could burn out right before step 1, blow your score and then be f-ed and regretting your social life.

/yourewelcome

^this poster is ******ed

OP, attending a top school I am sure requires hard word. And smart is potential, the difference between kids who attend top schools and those who attend no name schools is the dumb luck which placed them in the schools they are at in most cases. Do not let the whole top school tag get to your head, work hard where you are. When you have the small windows of time available you should use those to get social interaction and chat with some people you meet on campus.

OP, do you do study groups?

 

[Prncssbuttercup]

If he doesn't drink now, there's no reason to start... I know too many people who started drinking in HS or college, and never finished...

 

[ISUBird100]

For the people saying that the OP needs to focus all his time on studying and how everything will just turn around when he becomes a doctor are wrong to an extent. He's not going to magically develop social skills overnight when he hasn't really had them throughout high school and college just because he has an MD.

I'm not saying you need to go out and get loaded every weekend if that's not your thing, but you do need to focus on improving your social skills. It sounds like your stats are good for getting into med school, but what's going to happen when you get into an interview? Try and find some clubs on campus and start there to work on talking to people (both guys and girls).

 

[Protagonistic]

yeah, this ^. If your studying makes you feel burned out socially in college, then med school is going to be absolute hell. Hell, I'm not a party person at all, but knew when it was time to kick back and have a few beers with friends around the tv or a saturday of football. Those students in college who were "studying above all" never made it to med school.

Odd, because at the university I am at the students here who did get into med school tell me they studied till they were losing sleep. Also some told me that they barely have enough time for all else when they are putting together a med school resume.

 

[UpQuark]

Why do you make the false assumption that it's impossible to maintain a strong GPA while partying hard?

Now you're analyzing me. Did not intentionally mean to state or imply that sort of thing. Don't get me wrong, I know many people that party hard and study hard.

 

[Chamahk]

Self control? I understand that people do the no sex until marriage thing for religious reasons, but let's not be holier-than-thou about it. It's a personal choice, not a display of moral character or inner strength. Personally, I would not want my spouse to be my first nor I hers, so that's not really nice at all, in my opinion. Experience gets two thumbs up from this guy for lots of reasons.

Dude you're right. It's a personal choice. I guess it's the way I was raised but I had a sexual experience and nearly cried 'cause of all the guilt I felt afterwards. So because of that ties into my decision to wait. Like I said it's the way I was raised and the things I was taught so don't be offended.

 

[WingedOx]

If he doesn't drink now, there's no reason to start... I know too many people who started drinking in HS or college, and never finished...

you do realize that drinking =/= being drunk, right?

 

[aliblack]

OP, it's not too late to make friends. I made some of my best friends during my sophomore year of college. I know it may seem like everyone has settled into their social groups, but there is actually a ton of flux in friendships throughout college (and life in general). Start small, join a club or start up a conversation with someone you have a class with. See if there are interesting things going on around campus like a free movie being shown by a film society, and then ask someone to come along. I know it's scary to put yourself out there like that, but the reward is huge and it does get easier.

 

[eli20]

1) If being pre-med/applying to medical school takes all the effort you have to the exclusion of any other activities, I can only imagine that when you get to med school, you know - the actual hard part, that you're going to have a tough time.

2) If you have issues with sex to the point where you cry afterwards, you should probably see a therapist.

 

[OrangeandMaroon]

Now you're analyzing me. Did not intentionally mean to state or imply that sort of thing. Don't get me wrong, I know many people that party hard and study hard.

My fault. Understood.

OP, it's not too late to make friends.

Must..not..give..up. Don't start a club. Join a frat.

 

[mauberley]

Studying is good. Socializing is good. But studying to extremes is bad. Socializing to extremes is also bad. Therefore, balance studying and socializing. No one's advocated extreme socializing, but it does seem that some are advocating extreme studying.

Look, even the smartest kids in my undergrad EE class had social lives, including going out partying. No doubt alcohol was involved. None of us ever whined about not dating (lol lopsided m/f ratio T.T): having a girlfriend is not the criteria by which most adults measure success (though if that drought persists beyond 40, you WILL get teased about it).

But don't kid yourself. It does not get easier. College is the best time to be social. You're forced into a setting with people your own age and (hopefully) with similar interests. You've got support structures up the wazoo--clubs, organizations, whatever--within easy reach. Once you're out in the real world, away from school, all that disappears. You have to really work to form a new social circle.

I don't believe that you're a complete social outcast, OP. I also don't believe that you don't at least do something with the few friends you do have. Guess what? A lot of people aren't social butterflies. Though, if you're not forming close friendships with those few people you do call friends, perhaps there's something deeper you need to look at. But it does sound like you need to work through some self-esteem issues. Don't use others to gauge your happiness. Happiness comes from within. Decide for yourself what is important and set out to achieve those. That will make you happy.

 

[Chamahk]

2) If you have issues with sex to the point where you cry afterwards, you should probably see a therapist.

Hahahahaha you think you're funny?
Dude it's personal don't joke about it. And I didn't go "all the way" the little I did really made me feel guilty

 

[ILikeDrugs]

Not to get into this debate again but I am like that too. I just cannot stand the though of being the guy a woman uses when she has had her "fun" with other dudes and I am left with wasted goods.

Dude, you're living in a Disney or Lifetime movie. Girls are going to have fun just like guys. Of course they're going to have sex with different guys. I'm in my late 20s and it wouldn't surprise me if a girl my age has dated and/or been intimate with 20-30 guys. You make it seem as if a female is like a car engine. Maybe you should stop looking at them as objects that get used up and start looking at them as persons who are trying to figure out what they want in life. I'd rather be with someone who has practice than to be with someone where I have to do all the work and show them how to be in a relationship.

And if you're worried about a girl being loose, it's not the guys that'll do it, it'll be their humongous toys. 😉

 

[nebraskadoc]

I find it interesting that some people are saying "you're fine, don't worry about not having a social life, etc." You should worry, and it seems that you do (which is a good sign). It means that you haven't been so socially stunted that you've lost the desire to connect with people.

OP, the fact that you have these concerns tells me that you are not content simply with good stats at a good school. I don't think anyone on this forum is going to convince you otherwise, because you want more out of your college experience and in life (and rightly so).

Those who've said "live a balanced life" are dead on. Sure, becoming more social will help you in an interview, but that's not the right reason. You should be more social so you can live a happier, more fulfilling life.

I was in a Fraternity (in addition to a multitude of other organizations and clubs), and we always stressed "work hard, play hard". Nobody went out sunday-thursday, we stayed in and studied, then friday and saturday came around and everyone went out and had fun. We didn't always drink either, we'd sometimes go see a movie, bowling, dinner, whatever. As a bonus, it gave me the opportunity to get some amazing leadership experience and some great non medical volunteering.

Granted, I could have pulled a higher GPA during this time (3.5ish) but that had nothing to do with my social life. In fact, I had lots of friends who pulled 4.0 through out college with a more active social life than myself.

My point being, you CAN have both. Consider it a challenge to yourself to make more friends, become more socially involved, and still maintain academic excellence. Sure, are there potential risks involved? Yes... but you need to take risks and you need to put yourself out there. I guarantee you that you will be happier as a result.

EDIT: And about the GF thing, I honestly wouldn't worry about it. You're still young, I assure you, you will find a girl eventually and when you do you are going to want nothing more than to be single again 🙂

 

[eli20]

Hahahahaha you think you're funny?
Dude it's personal don't joke about it. And I didn't go "all the way" the little I did really made me feel guilty

You may want to avoid posting about your personal issues if you don't want anyone to respond to anything you say.

 

[dbeast]

 

[aliblack]

Dude, you're living in a Disney or Lifetime movie. Girls are going to have fun just like guys. Of course they're going to have sex with different guys. I'm in my late 20s and it wouldn't surprise me if a girl my age has dated and/or been intimate with 20-30 guys. You make it seem as if a female is like a car engine. Maybe you should stop looking at them as objects that get used up and start looking at them as persons who are trying to figure out what they want in life. I'd rather be with someone who has practice than to be with someone where I have to do all the work and show them how to be in a relationship.

And if you're worried about a girl being loose, it's not the guys that'll do it, it'll be their humongous toys. 😉

::slow clap::

 

[docelh]

Projection. (pr-jkshn)
n.
1. The act of projecting or the condition of being projected.
2. A thing or part that extends outward beyond a prevailing line or surface

Example of usage:

I'm in my late 20s and it wouldn't surprise me if a girl my age has dated and/or been intimate with 20-30 guys.

 

[ransofarway111]

Thanks for all the replies guys. I really appreciate it.

LOL. Riiiiight. 🙄🙄 Do you know how weird it's gonna be when you go out on your first date at 32 and tell the woman that it's is your first time that you're going out on a date? She's gonna think you're some sexually repressed serial killer. Not that you would have to tell her that it's your first date because she will know just by the way that you behave.

^^^^ Thats what really sucks. Most people have had gfs in high school. In high school, I remember telling myself, don't worry, you will get a gf in college. Now college I am stuck in the same situation. The older I get, the harder and harder it is going to get to get a gf.

it does get better 8 years from now youll be a doctor living in a mansion, lamborghinis parked outside and a beautiful wife by your side.

^^^ I now for a fact, its not going to be like that. I attend UPenn. When some of the girls that I went to high school with ask me where I am going to college and I tell them "UPenn" I just blank stares. No one gives a ****, where you went to school, what you do for a living, how much money you make. People care about how badass your social life is.

I think we've found the problem here. You've mentioned having a girlfriend a bazillion times in your post. Nothing keeps a guy single like desperation. Women can practically smell it on you. Trust me, I've fought this same battle. Want a girlfriend? Then stop wanting a girlfriend, and you'll be sure to end up with one.

^^^ I haven't been trying for the past 5.5 years and nothing has happened. The desperation started kicking in, in college.


------------------------------------------------------------------------

Let me explain my typical day in college:

My daily schedule is something like this: wake up at 9 A.M., go to class until 1 P.M.. Go and eat lunch until 2 P.M.. From 2-6 P.M. I study. From 6-7 P.M. I relax in my room. From 7-8 P.M. I go get dinner. From 8 P.M.-1 A.M. I study. From 1-2 A.M. I usually watch tv or listen to some music. From 1:30 A.M. to 9 A.M., I sleep. My problem is that the only times that I "hang out" with my FEW friends is during lunch or dinner. If they aren't available to get lunch or dinner, I just bring the food back to my room and watch tv while I eat bymyself. Usually once or twice a week, my friends and I hit up some restaurants that are nearby. I go play basketball with some friends for 1 hour every friday night.

I usally talk to the kids on my floor everyday. Just small talk, like "What do you have planned for today", "How are your classes going". I am really good friends with my roommate who I talk to all the time about everything. I usually go workout with my roommate 1-2 a week.


This is how my weekends are structured:
Saturday morning - wake up at 10 A.M.. From 10 A.M.-2 P.M. I study. From 2 P.M.-3 P.M. I get lunch. From 3 P.M.-6 P.M. I study. From 6-8 P.M. I go relax and eat dinner. From 8 P.M.-1 A.M., I study. From 1-2 A.M. I chill in my room and I fall asleep at 2 A.M..

Every sunday morning from 10-2 I go to church, unless I have an upcoming test that week. I have a couple of acquaintances at this church. From 2-8 P.M. I do research in a bio lab every sunday.


I also volunteer and do research in the humanties for 4-5 hours a week, whenever I get a chance during the week. If I have a club meeting to go I spend like 1 hour a week going to that.

Thats the extent of my miserable social life. 🙁

My friends that I went to high school with party 2-3 nights a week. Have a group of like 20 friends. They also have very attractive girlfriends. I have neither because I am too busy working.


I have a little story to share about how others see me:
Yesterday I met a group of kids that I went to high school with at the mall. As I was talking to them, one guy said he wanted to transfer to another school. I told him to transfer to Arizona State because the girls there are ridiclously hot. The girls that were in that group turned to me and just started laughing so hard. When I asked them why they were laughing they responded "We never thought you as the guy that goes after all the girls and parties hard" They see me as the dorky, socially awkard loser......========= FML

 

[YouNeverKnow22]

hey OP, sucks to be a GDI

kidding, put away your pitchforks

 

[bucks2010]

+1 x 10^9 to everyone who has suggested balance. Training to be a physician can take well over a decade when one accounts for undergrad, medical school, residency, and so on. It's important to make time for some activities that will give you energy and lift your spirits - and get your mind off of everything science related.

I read in an article somewhere that the 3 things that lead to the most happiness are:
1. Sex
2. Having dinner with people
3. Socializing after work

While it sounds like #1 isn't in your cards for the time being, I would recommend trying out #'s 2 and 3 several times per week. Meeting for dinner is easy even on nights where you have to study, because almost everyone eats dinner nightly.

 

[eli20]

It seems like you're studying an awful lot of hours. Are you a first year? 7-8 hours of study time a day is a lot for most first year classes at any university. Are you sure you're using that time efficiently? That could be part of the problem.

 

[ransofarway111]

^^^ I posted my typical daily schedule above, you guys tell me what I am doing wrong. Obviously, if my research labs need me or clubs need me for something I go and change my schedule but that is it.

 

[YouNeverKnow22]

OP, there is a time and place for everything. Don't feel bad about your social situation. Girls at this stage are trouble anyway. Also if you're looking to marry a nice girl when you get older then you have no worries. Your future wife will be soo proud of you to know you didn't mess around when you were younger. There's no honor in the drinking and partying and women and sex lifestyle at this age. No one respects that 'cept for kids in our own age group who don't know any better either. Enjoy being single now. It's a gift. Focus on your books. If it makes you feel better since I got home from break I haven't gone outside to hang out with friends or anything. Im inside all day and it was the same way in h.s. Doesn't bother me. I only chat / talk with friends. I don't make plans to hang out or anything. When I get older I can go where I want and do what I want so I'm not worried.

👎thumbdown👎thumbdown👎

 

[bucks2010]

Thanks for all the replies guys. I really appreciate it.

^^^^ Thats what really sucks. Most people have had gfs in high school. In high school, I remember telling myself, don't worry, you will get a gf in college. Now college I am stuck in the same situation. The older I get, the harder and harder it is going to get to get a gf.


^^^ I now for a fact, its not going to be like that.

^^^ I haven't been trying for the past 5.5 years and nothing has happened. The desperation started kicking in, in college.


------------------------------------------------------------------------

Let me explain my typical day in college:

My daily schedule is something like this: wake up at 9 A.M., go to class until 1 P.M.. Go and eat lunch until 2 P.M.. From 2-6 P.M. I study. From 6-7 P.M. I relax in my room. From 7-8 P.M. I go get dinner. From 8 P.M.-1 A.M. I study. From 1-2 A.M. I usually watch tv or listen to some music. From 1:30 A.M. to 9 A.M., I sleep. My problem is that the only times that I "hang out" with my FEW friends is during lunch or dinner. If they aren't available to get lunch or dinner, I just bring the food back to my room and watch tv while I eat bymyself. Usually once or twice a week, my friends and I hit up some restaurants that are nearby. I go play basketball with some friends for 1 hour every friday night.

I usally talk to the kids on my floor everyday. Just small talk, like "What do you have planned for today", "How are your classes going". I am really good friends with my roommate who I talk to all the time about everything. I usually go workout with my roommate 1-2 a week.


This is how my weekends are structured:
Saturday morning - wake up at 10 A.M.. From 10 A.M.-2 P.M. I study. From 2 P.M.-3 P.M. I get lunch. From 3 P.M.-6 P.M. I study. From 6-8 P.M. I go relax and eat dinner. From 8 P.M.-1 A.M., I study. From 1-2 A.M. I chill in my room and I fall asleep at 2 A.M..

Every sunday morning from 10-2 I go to church, unless I have an upcoming test that week. I have a couple of acquaintances at this church. From 2-8 P.M. I do research every sunday.

Thats the extent of my miserable social life. 🙁

My friends that I went to high school with party 2-3 nights a week. Have a group of like 20 friends. They also have very attractive girlfriends.

I have a little story to share about how others see me:
Yesterday I met a group of kids that I went to high school with at the mall. As I was talking to them, one guy said he wanted to transfer to another school. I told him to transfer to Arizona State because the girls there are ridiclously hot. The girls that were in that group turned to me and just started laughing so hard. When I asked them why they were laughing they responded "We never thought you as the guy that goes after all the girls and parties hard" They see me as the dorky, socially awkard loser......========= FML

I understand the need for a regimented schedule, and sensing that you're a very structured person, I think I can help you out. Try redistributing the study time you have allotted on Friday nights by dispersing it throughout the week. From the schedule you just gave, I bet you could fit in one more hour of studying each day. That eliminates the 8pm-1am Friday night slot. You're not going to make more friends without spending time with people. This gives you time to do just that. And it sounds like you already have acquaintances in your dorm, church, and where-ever else, so use that as a starting point to get to know people more.

 

[ransofarway111]

Quote:
Originally Posted by ransofarway111
Thanks for all the replies guys. I really appreciate it.

^^^^ Thats what really sucks. Most people have had gfs in high school. In high school, I remember telling myself, don't worry, you will get a gf in college. Now college I am stuck in the same situation. The older I get, the harder and harder it is going to get to get a gf.


^^^ I now for a fact, its not going to be like that.

^^^ I haven't been trying for the past 5.5 years and nothing has happened. The desperation started kicking in, in college.


------------------------------------------------------------------------

Let me explain my typical day in college:

My daily schedule is something like this: wake up at 9 A.M., go to class until 1 P.M.. Go and eat lunch until 2 P.M.. From 2-6 P.M. I study. From 6-7 P.M. I relax in my room. From 7-8 P.M. I go get dinner. From 8 P.M.-1 A.M. I study. From 1-2 A.M. I usually watch tv or listen to some music. From 1:30 A.M. to 9 A.M., I sleep. My problem is that the only times that I "hang out" with my FEW friends is during lunch or dinner. If they aren't available to get lunch or dinner, I just bring the food back to my room and watch tv while I eat bymyself. Usually once or twice a week, my friends and I hit up some restaurants that are nearby. I go play basketball with some friends for 1 hour every friday night.

I usally talk to the kids on my floor everyday. Just small talk, like "What do you have planned for today", "How are your classes going". I am really good friends with my roommate who I talk to all the time about everything. I usually go workout with my roommate 1-2 a week.


This is how my weekends are structured:
Saturday morning - wake up at 10 A.M.. From 10 A.M.-2 P.M. I study. From 2 P.M.-3 P.M. I get lunch. From 3 P.M.-6 P.M. I study. From 6-8 P.M. I go relax and eat dinner. From 8 P.M.-1 A.M., I study. From 1-2 A.M. I chill in my room and I fall asleep at 2 A.M..

Every sunday morning from 10-2 I go to church, unless I have an upcoming test that week. I have a couple of acquaintances at this church. From 2-8 P.M. I do research every sunday.

Thats the extent of my miserable social life. 🙁

My friends that I went to high school with party 2-3 nights a week. Have a group of like 20 friends. They also have very attractive girlfriends.

I have a little story to share about how others see me:
Yesterday I met a group of kids that I went to high school with at the mall. As I was talking to them, one guy said he wanted to transfer to another school. I told him to transfer to Arizona State because the girls there are ridiclously hot. The girls that were in that group turned to me and just started laughing so hard. When I asked them why they were laughing they responded "We never thought you as the guy that goes after all the girls and parties hard" They see me as the dorky, socially awkard loser......========= FML

I understand the need for a regimented schedule, and sensing that you're a very structured person, I think I can help you out. Try redistributing the study time you have allotted on Friday nights by dispersing it throughout the week. From the schedule you just gave, I bet you could fit in one more hour of studying each day. That eliminates the 8pm-1am Friday night slot. You're not going to make more friends without spending time with people. This gives you time to do just that. And it sounds like you already have acquaintances in your dorm, church, and where-ever else, so use that as a starting point to get to know people more.

I guess I can try that. See how my next semester goes.



It seems like everyone has been living better socially then me for the past 5.5 years. 🙁


The band-The Killers
The song-Mr. Brightside

 

[WingedOx]

and hell, just start by watching tv and relaxing in a common lounge rather than in your room. Most of the friends I met in college freshman year were the group who were watching adult swim every night at 11. (this was back when family guy was cancelled... god I feel old now). From there, most of us joined the same greek house, and met even more people thru the years that way.

 

[panasonic52]

For the people saying that the OP needs to focus all his time on studying and how everything will just turn around when he becomes a doctor are wrong to an extent. He's not going to magically develop social skills overnight when he hasn't really had them throughout high school and college just because he has an MD.

I'm not saying you need to go out and get loaded every weekend if that's not your thing, but you do need to focus on improving your social skills. It sounds like your stats are good for getting into med school, but what's going to happen when you get into an interview? Try and find some clubs on campus and start there to work on talking to people (both guys and girls).

Listen to this guy ^^^. Seriously, social skills aren't an instant thing. To everyone saying it's fine that he's so focused, you're somewhat right. I am seriously impressed at your dedication OP, but RELAX! please!! Your #1 love in life seems to be academics. Why else shoot for a top 10 school? Why else sacrifice enjoying life? My personal goal is to become a doctor. It doesn't matter if I get that through Harvard or through an average medical school. I'll still know either way that I have achieved my end goal, and I'll be happy with that.

What is it that you truly want? I think wanting to be like the popular kids from HS with the group of 20 "friends", having attractive gfs, and partying multiple nights a week is an extreme. You don't have to have all of that to be considered social. You're showing what I've seen a lot - kids who study so hard that they go too wild because they want to break free. If you don't learn how to balance some social life in now, you're seriously going to burn yourself out and be miserable for a long time.

Just like in the quote above, you need to improve your social skills for med school interviews. At least that's what I think. I have a friend who was like you all throughout college. He ended up with a 37 MCAT and a 3.96 GPA. Where is he now? The Caribbean. You are not going to stand out to an interviewer unless you know how to chill out and show that you have a life outside of science. Learning to balance out a social life and school shows that you have your act together AND that you can talk to your patients in the future. It'll also help in med school so that when you're at your lowest point and completely stressed out, you'll know how to relax and get yourself back in the game.

That's my (long) 2 cents

 

[mauberley]

If you absolutely must study so much, try finding study partners. (Though I realize you may find this difficult, I think you have the motivation to try.)

Try branching out and meeting more people through clubs or other organizations. What do you do for fun? Any hobbies? Sports?

 

[docelh]

I now for a fact, its not going to be like that. I attend UPenn. When some of the girls that I went to high school with ask me where I am going to college and I tell them "UPenn" I just blank stares. No one gives a ****, where you went to school, what you do for a living, how much money you make. People care about how badass your social life is.

This whole time, you made it seem like you went to some dork school like Princeton or Cornell. Ain't Penn supposed to be the cool, social Ivy? Why can't you hook up with girls there?

Every sunday morning from 10-2 I go to church, unless I have an upcoming test that week. I have a couple of acquaintances at this church.

Or here.

to Arizona State because the girls there are ridiclously hot.

Not here.

The girls that were in that group turned to me and just started laughing so hard. When I asked them why they were laughing they responded "We never thought you as the guy that goes after all the girls and parties hard" They see me as the dorky, socially awkard loser......========= FML

Nor here.

You are aware that social circles change over time, right? Being the Ivy League nerd that you are, you can't fit in with hot townie chicks or ASU babes because they want a different type of guy... who is not you. Find someone who is in your circle. Problem solved.

Anyway, a guy I knew from high school went to Penn, partied and tried pre-med. He ended up going to law school.

 

[panasonic52]

^^^ I posted my typical daily schedule above, you guys tell me what I am doing wrong. Obviously, if my research labs need me or clubs need me for something I go and change my schedule but that is it.

What do you mean by clubs need you? Do you mean as an officer or as a member? In fact, what clubs are you in? I'm guessing they'll be more academically related. I would suggest that you have 1-2 clubs that you are dedicated to (either as a member or officer). Make sure they are clubs that you are truly interested in. That way you know other members are probably going to share a couple interests with you.
When the club arranges a community service event or something as simple as going out for frozen yogurt, just go (especially at the beginning of the semester). Don't back out just because you don't know the people in it. I made so many acquaintances and friends just from volunteering with clubs. You naturally tend to meet at least one person there. That way you can meet people without having to party 3 times a week. And hey, if a party is what you want, the people you meet in the organizations might invite you later.

 

[methylethyl88]

Good grades, social life, sleep. Pick two..welcome to college

 

[WingedOx]

This whole time, you made it seem like you went to some dork school like Princeton or Cornell. Ain't Penn supposed to be the cool, social Ivy? Why can't you hook up with girls there?

Anyway, a guy I knew from high school went to Penn, partied and tried pre-med. He ended up going to law school.

I know nothing of what it's like to go to school there (aside from the fact that they throw toast), but damn UPenn graduates some extremely neurotic people. It's like the worst combination of Ivy League pretentiousness and "second choice" inferiority complexes.

 

[docelh]

I know nothing of what it's like to go to school there (aside from the fact that they throw toast), but damn UPenn graduates some extremely neurotic people. It's like the worst combination of Ivy League pretentiousness and "second choice" inferiority complexes.

I visited the same high school friend for a model UN conference in Philly in college. He took me to one of their frat parties. Not bad. 👍

 

[Jeebs89]

I didn't read any of the replies, but... go see a counselor on campus. It should be free and it helps.

There's more to it than you just not socializing, you're hiding behind your academics as an excuse as to why you don't/can't have a social life. It's deeper than that and you probably already know that.

Just my thoughts, take em or leave em

 

[indianjatt]

Holy ****. I have never seen someone in college study 9 hours a day. wtF?!?

Damn, I feel like my college sucks now lol. =\ I probably only study 2 -3 hours a day, but that may be due to my low 13 unit course load...

 

[floreat]

this thread is like the male version of a chick flick.

So sad.

+++ this

 

[mitchlucker]

You need to restructure your schedule.

Step 1:

Class from 9-1 is fine, study til like 7 like you're doing and then just chill at night. Find a new hobby, play fifa with the kids on your hall, join a fantasy football league, do resident council, go snowboarding, something to get you moving and not studying. Just a few hobbies, but make sure you're interested in them and learn about them or people will see right through your feigned interest. Follow your heart (and don't say well being a doctor is my heart so medschool gunning is all i know ... be real)

Step 2:

Talk to other people about stuff they like to do. This can be in your clubs, or at lunch, something. After one of your meetings ask someone if they want to grab food. Talk at dinner to someone new.

Say "Oh that's cool, I've wanted to do that but haven't found anyone to do it with me (i didn't know it was even offered here, i never spent the time to look it up, etc), can I have yo' numba?"
(obviously paraphrase)

Find other people who like what you like. Go to club meetings, do research in the area when places are doing stuff related to what you like. Go do these things, and talk about them to people you meet. Chances are one of them will say "oh that's cool, i've wanted to do that but haven't found..."

Then hang out some more with them. Etc.

Step 3: Go out with the kids on your hall friday nights, have some fun and talk to a lot of people. a lot of people will be tools but some will be cool. have good conversation with them unrelated to schoolwork, people are out to forget about school, not talk about it.

Step 4: Wake up around 1 pm on saturday. enjoy the freedom you have to sleep until whenever you want. relax. only study if you need to for an upcoming test. Relax all day and work on hobbies. Sunday do your thing. Go to church, hang out with people from church outside of church if they're interesting. Research ... I can't believe you do research on weekends for 6 hours but w/e. Maybe drop it and hang with the guys from your hall and watch football for a few hours.

Step 5: Success

I've never had to try to help someone with this before so don't take my advice entirely. Do what feels natural to you, say what feels natural and don't be afraid to make some friends and turn some people away. There's a reason why you're friends with some people and not with others. You don't have to like or be liked by everyone. Be yourself. Friends will follow.


No one really cares how classes are going. I'm in college, I know how classes are going, I don't want to talk about school all the time. Only talk about school when you're a) sober, b)in the library, c) with people you don't like or d) with people who care about you and your goals.

If something isn't there, it doesn't work. I have lost friends because all they talk about is school. It's just boring. How did your XXXX test go? when they're not even in the class ...

If college is the only thing you're doing, you shouldn't be spending more than 40 hrs a week on it. This excludes research but still ... I spent about 15 hours/week on it during my non-test weeks and about 30 hours on it during my test weeks ... you should manage on a lil more than that if you feel you have to.

 

[n3xa]

I think we've found the problem here. You've mentioned having a girlfriend a bazillion times in your post. Nothing keeps a guy single like desperation. Women can practically smell it on you. Trust me, I've fought this same battle. Want a girlfriend? Then stop wanting a girlfriend, and you'll be sure to end up with one.

Just in case you didn't see it the first time around.

 

[Slowpoke]

i stopped reading at "my school is known for weeding out students in the pre-reqs"

my god, If i got a penny for every time I've heard that phrase.

 

[Perimeter]

Just keep doing what you're doing ... I don't know why you're so miserable. That's basically what I do ... I have a big group of friends who I socialize with at meals and sometimes in clubs but other than that I just study. You seem like you are being social with your roomate and a few friends at meals. I don't understand why you feel the need to conform to some weird social norm like .... "you're in college and you're not partying?!" that is just stupid. Drinking is stupid. College parties are stupid. Believe me I've done it all. Keep up your 4.0 man, don't worry about a girlfriend you don't have time to deal with that trust me.
Focus on academics only now and later you can have whatever kind of social life you want.

 

[orion333]

Why not ask some people who go to church if they want to have lunch or study together? Or do the same with the people who are taking all the same premed prereqs as you? I bet a lot of people are in all the same classes.

Also, please don't be so hard on yourself. No one is perfect in every aspect of their life and lots of folks struggle with shyness. Work on liking yourself for who you are, not trying to be some ideal that isn't you.

And lastly, please remember that your social fate for life is not determined by age 19 or 20. You have lots of time to change and grow, and you will. Try to be open to new possibilities and people, and you might be surprised at who and what comes into your life.

 

[mitchlucker]

You are aware that social circles change over time, right? Being the Ivy League nerd that you are, you can't fit in with hot townie chicks or ASU babes because they want a different type of guy... who is not you. Find someone who is in your circle. Problem solved.

👍👍👍👍👍👍

Stay in your circle .... you should know it by now, you aren't interested in a Jersey Shore lifestyle, so don't try talking to people who are. Talk to people who are like you (clean cut, hardworkers, etc) there's enough out there.

 

[eli20]

Just keep doing what you're doing ... I don't know why you're so miserable. That's basically what I do ... I have a big group of friends who I socialize with at meals and sometimes in clubs but other than that I just study. You seem like you are being social with your roomate and a few friends at meals. I don't understand why you feel the need to conform to some weird social norm like .... "you're in college and you're not partying?!" that is just stupid. Drinking is stupid. College parties are stupid. Believe me I've done it all. Keep up your 4.0 man, don't worry about a girlfriend you don't have time to deal with that trust me.
Focus on academics only now and later you can have whatever kind of social life you want.

This has already been dispelled about a gajillion times this thread. Having a normal social life doesn't necessarily have to include biweekly raucous parties. It should include talking to people for more than 2 hours a week. Drinking and parties can be fun if you're smart about it and don't go crazy. Constantly telling yourself "Later, later, later" is a sure way of ending up unhappy. Enjoy things while you're in the moment. And not that it should be your primary goal, but being socially competent, or dare I say even skilled, makes you a better doctor.

 

[mitchlucker]

This has already been dispelled about a gajillion times this thread. Having a normal social life doesn't necessarily have to include biweekly raucous parties. It should include talking to people for more than 2 hours a week. Drinking and parties can be fun if you're smart about it and don't go crazy. Constantly telling yourself "Later, later, later" is a sure way of ending up unhappy. Enjoy things while you're in the moment. And not that it should be your primary goal, but being socially competent, or dare I say even skilled, makes you a better doctor.

Yes, exactly. What you learn in undergrad is pretty much useless as a physician, so just do enough to get by for now and save the studying for med school where it will matter. Work on having fun, becoming wise and forming a close knit group of friends.