Spectacular essays...

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Originally posted by flong
If you have such a passion for paleontology, why didn't you pursue it?
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I was once very into paleontology, but then i became fascinated with the structure and function of teeth and that in most cases those are what is left from fossils and that how scientists were able to extrapolate a great deal of information about animals solely based on their dentition.

This is one of the reasons why i did my undergrad research on tooth sharpness in fruit bats.

Comet
 
"I had failed. . .and miserably at that."

That was the opening line of my essay about how I applied to BS/MD programs in my senior year of high school and got an interview but had a slight mishap (I won't elaborate) during the interview that ruined my chances. I wrote about how this detour wasn't a total failure (as I had first imagined) but a time for me to reflect on the reasons that I REALLY wanted to pursue medicine. . .and in the meantime, realized that I really wanted to focus on dentistry. Setbacks like this really allow you to re-evaluate your reasons for doing something and I think that the "failure" was more of a success story!
 
My first line was " You don't want to be a doctor kid,"
I went on to chronicle how I once had thought about medicine but had been turned away by my own doctor! Then my dentist helped me see the light--hopefully the adcoms will find my story interesting enough!
 
hrm..

i am in a delimma..

I applyed to several medical school last year.. i got wait listed at two and now i want to change to dentistry.. not cause i don't think i can't get into med school next year but i actually start shadowing people in both fields this past summer and this why i wanted a career plan change..

should i reveal this in the personal statement? or should the personal statement be about why dentistry in the first place?? i am worried that if i get into too much detail with that my file will be skipped
 
My essay started with the question:

"Can you go back in time to when you were five years old and bring back some experiences from childhood?"
 
It?s 3 in the morning at a monastery in the hills of Silicon Valley. Overlooking the it at night, one gets to see orange glimmering lights. Lights are delineated in a row. Lights are randomly scattered among the city grid. Lights as represented by business districts. They twinkle freely in the crisp night air. The choral crickets chirps as a reminder of how late it is. We?re staying up late not because of the beautiful panoramic view, which itself would justifies, but as a camp counselor, we need to ensure safety of the students.
 
"The pungent billows of smoke emerging from my mouth served as an unpleasant welcome back to the dentist chair. "

Got me 2 interviews so far 🙂
 
I like this thread, so I'll add to it. Below is the opening sentence of my essay, though they by no means does it rival some of the clever wit found in some statements posted on this thread.

?So d'you consider the most important aspect of a painting to be the rendering of the teeth??
 
i wouldn't mention dentistry until one of the final paragraphs of your essay. just my opinion. they knew you want to be a dentist otherwise why would you be applying.
 
Here's my first line about fighting forest fires:

"The chainsaw whining in my hands sent a shower of sawdust into the air as it sliced into the trunk of a small spruce. The tree toppled and with a few quick strokes I reduced it into several small sections which could then be tossed aside. I had started clearing fire line through this dry southern Utah timber in the cool of the morning. Now the summer sun was directly overhead and adding heat to the already burning ground."

Writing my personal statement was tough. I've heard people critique essays by saying, "it was too simple" or "it he was obviously trying too hard". My entire first paragraph was about fighting fires. I thought it was unlikely that many other applicants could say they have been firefighters. Hope it makes me memorable, so the adcoms could say "hey what do you think about the firefighter guy?" 😍
 
You all actually inspired me to change my essay for ortho a little bit.

Here are my first two sentences:

?I?m from Buffalo.? Here in New York City, this statement is inevitably followed by the question ?Doesn?t it snow a lot up there??
 
Tails you lose said:
Sorry, I disagree. I wrote my essay as if it were a letter to the reviewer. Because that's really what it is. This is not a contest in English composition. Be direct and concise. Cute anecdotes, metaphors, gratuitous illustration, and other demonstrations of "creativity" are inappropriate. Besides, you are probably not as talented with language as you think you are.

This is your first opportunity to introduce yourself to the admissions committee. Tell them who you are, why you're submitting an application to dental school, and how you need their help (ie, why you're pestering them). Be certain that your essay makes clear why you want to enter the dental profession, how motivated you are to achieve this goal, and why the admissions committee should take a chance on you. Don't narrate the front page of your AADSAS; rather, emphasize anything that you believe supports your candidacy that you haven't yet been given to opportunity to relate. Respectfully,

Tails
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I have to disagree with you! Imagine you are an adcom member and you have 1000+ essays to read. Each one begins with the "I have always wanted to be a dentist....I volunteered here.....I have 2 years experience here....blah blah blah..." Until you read about a guy who fought forest fires! Come on, now that's interesting. After they read his AADSAS application and get a feel for his GPA, work experience ect., they have an opprotunity to see that he has a wonderful grasp of the English language and that his interests go far beyong textbooks and teeth. I think his opening paragraph says way more about his personality than a direct and concise and might I add BORING list of accomplishments and cliche statements. Oh, and "Cute anecdotes, metaphors, gratuitous illustration, and other demonstrations of creativity" do score big with adcoms....it's too bad you didn't know that when you were writing your concise and direct essay. Better luck next time.
 
Tails you lose said:
Sorry, I disagree. I wrote my essay as if it were a letter to the reviewer. Because that's really what it is...
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Interesting post, Tails, and I agree with much of what you have written. An assignment in which an author is given little direction and expected to promote him/herself without appearing self-centered or defensive is a difficult task. The use of narrative or brief, personal illustrations are acceptable means to broach such a task. Although if an author is going to rely on such devices he/she must take care that they support the main argument and don't consume the essay at the expense of clarity and detail. Conversely, if a person develops a statement that is very direct and uses personal pronouns such as 'I' and 'me' a lot and relies on possessive articles such as 'my' to communicate their understanding of dentistry, other professionals, and the world at large then such over-use tends to make the author self-centered in the eyes of the reader. This is something else that applicants need to consider while they are crafting their statements. All of this is the reason why having several individuals look at your essay is such a good idea. An author knows what he/she is thinking and wanting to convey, but to someone with 'fresh' eyes that essay might tell a different story than what the author intends.

Since you stated that you wrote your statement as a letter, and this thread is dedicated to those first sentences of personal statements, I am curious to know what your statement's opening line (or lines) was.
 
Tails you lose said:
Be direct and concise. Cute anecdotes, metaphors, gratuitous illustration, and other demonstrations of "creativity" are inappropriate. Besides, you are probably not as talented with language as you think you are.

This is your first opportunity to introduce yourself to the admissions committee. rather, emphasize anything that you believe supports your candidacy that you haven't yet been given to opportunity to relate. Respectfully,

Tails
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A good essay can do both of those things. There are several sample essay books and the majority of the essays have some type of emotional baggage, creative introduction, anecdote, etc that work. For example, look at "Essays That WILL Get You Into Medical School" which is coauthored by a member (former?) of Columbia's dental school. There are some dental essays in there and they all have these cutesy features. I agree it is not an English composition contest BUT I think creativity helps.

I think you tend towards the dry and mundane if you write an introduction which I imagine sounds like everyone else's. If you're into dentsitry you're already part of a small niche so odds are you share a lot with most applicants and have followed similar life courses. How you present those same experiences is what differentiates you.
 
I have more experience in this realm than I care to admit. My advice would be to make sure the statement, above all, is in your own voice. Also in most cases, but not all: smooth over wordy, self-depricating over self-aggrandizing, poise over arrogance, wit over humor, details over generalities, and tastes great over less-filling. Furthermore, circumvent the utilization of superfluous expressions and prose (nothing sounds as absurd or highlights your intellectual insecurity more than talking out of a thesaurus). And of course, mind your Ps and Qs (don't talk about guns, abortion, israel, or the Yankees). Also don't let "English" majors give you too much advice as far as theme and content are concerned -few of the worlds great writers were English majors. Have these people proof it for errors.
 
Tails you lose said:
Sorry, I disagree. I wrote my essay as if it were a letter to the reviewer. Because that's really what it is. This is not a contest in English composition. Be direct and concise. Cute anecdotes, metaphors, gratuitous illustration, and other demonstrations of "creativity" are inappropriate. Tails
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Tails...while I agree that essentially you are speaking to the ADCOM as an audience, and they will be the only ones reading the essay, I have NEVER talked with an ADCOM that said the statement should be formatted like a letter.

Some things I have heard directly from adcoms:
1) I like statements that are creative and memorable. nothing is worse than reading 100 personal statements that all sound the same.
2) I have heard from multiple adcoms that they like memorable stories. It helps them remember you from the rest of the sea of applicants. (thus I included the firefighting story in my essay)
3) The adcoms look at the statement as an evaluation of your communications skills. While almost everyone considers themselves to be good communicators, others clearly are more effective communicators. 👍
 
I think both the creative and letter-to-the-adcom approaches can be very effective. Although I do tend more toward the creative side, my personal statement on dental school apps was more of a well-reasoned-out explanation of why I think I'd make an ideal candidate for dental school. The entrance essay to the college from which I ultimately graduated, though, was a little more risqu? in that it was two sentences long and read like free-form poetry. With any luck, I'll soon be able to report first-hand that the letter-to-the-adcom format can be successful as well...
 
I like this post so I thought I'd share mine. I've actually got two from different essays.

Pop quiz! It?s a skill where manual dexterity is a necessity, three-dimensional visualization is critical for success, and requires years of practice and dedication. What is it? Pat yourself on the back if you think I was talking about art. For those of you who thought I was talking about dentistry you can also pat yourselves on the back. It appears that art and dentistry share more in common that one might think. Both skills are simultaneously challenging and deeply satisfying.

and the second went...


I wonder if Pablo Picasso ever considered becoming a dentist? Seriously! This thought crossed my mind just the other day as I finished the final brush strokes on my most recent painting. Believe it or not the skills of art are as applicable to the crown of a tooth as they are to an empty canvas. Both fields demand excellent manual dexterity, practice and dedication, and taking vision to reality.

Both are art related because its something I enjoy, and I tried to make them catchy.
 
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