Starting a family and med school?

[mrs_g13]

Hello!

I am 25 years old and just finished my degree in Business. I've already finished my pre med courses and currently preparing for the MCAT.

My husband and I have been married for 3 years and are getting ready to start our family. Before I start pursuing this medical school thing altogether, can anyone give me stories or advice about being a parent while in med school? Is it doable? Am I in over my head?

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[dorothyntoto]

I don't have as many stories for women starting families as I do men. For you as a mom, I'm not going to lie, it's harder than it is for the guys. Both of the women I know who got pregnant in medical school said it was hard. Both of them had not one, but two kids in the first two years... They made it, but it wasn't easy for them, not by a long shot. Before you decide to start a family, I would make sure your school will make your life easier, not harder. Make sure the school you're accepted to will give you time off, or be flexible, or work with you. If they won't, it won't be feasible. I'd hate to hear how you got there and then failed a class because of being pregnant or having the baby.

 

[velodork]

Having kids is hard. Being a medical school student is hard. If either of these things is something you truly want it will absolutely be worth it.

 

[chooks]

Having kids in med school is tough, but people do it all the time. Kids are great but your school performance will most likely suffer which may or may not matter to you. Most of those I know who had kids in med school wanted to do primary care of some type. Very few did something very competitive (one guy matched ortho, but he was pretty much a genius, unlike the rest of us poor schleps). If you have your heart set on something uber-competitive, you might want to consider timing more carefully. Realistically, it is a huge adjustment with kids and there really is no "optimum" (opti-mom?) time with respect to medical training.

That being said, kids are great and a nice balance to the neuroticism of your fellow med school classmates. With kids you will pretty much ace any pediatric class material (i.e. stages of development 🙂

- chooks

 

[Darth Doc]

Hopefully your husband is planning on helping out a lot. I have a friend with a 2 year-old. Unfortunately her husband wasn't able to move with her (yet) and she was having too much trouble studying and being a single mom so she sent her son to live with her mom. I have a bunch of kids, most of them are older and the oldest ones can help with dinner and watching the younger ones. My husband is a saint and has been helping out a lot, and I have to be very organized.

You can have kids and make it in medical school, but it takes determination and a lot of help from your spouse and/or family.

 

[Red Lobster Actual]

http://abcnews.go.com/US/time-teen-mother-er-doctor/story?id=16636350

When I heard her life's story I learned to shut up about my pre-med woes.

Unplanned baby in college dropped out and went to community college. Transferred to UC San Diego. Applied to one medical school. Got in. Had another baby right before medical school. Matched EM residency. Had a baby during residency. Made Chief Resident.

A recommended path to medicine? No. But it has been done.

 

[DepressedEngineer]

family first........Who is going to take care of the kid? especially for the first couple years ouch...

 

[QofQuimica]

If you're going to have a baby during training, med school is a much better time to do it than residency, esp if you don't want to take extra time off. Preferably you should aim to get pregnant during MS1 (built in maternity leave that summer) or MS4 (easy second half of the year and another built in summer off afterward). If you want to take a year off, taking a research year between MS2 and MS3 is also both common and acceptable in terms of not leaving a gaping hole in your CV. The worst time to have a baby is intern year, but the middle years of med school aren't the greatest timing either. Still, it has been done, and people can't always time these things the way they'd like. 😉

As for feeling out the schools' family atmospheres, I'd save that for your second look visits, which will be after you're already accepted. Is it fair to be discriminated against because you might get pregnant? No, but it happens, and don't let anyone lie to you and tell you it doesn't.

 

[LizLemongrab]

I got pregnant my first semester of undergrad and I'll be honest with you. I didn't do well when I was pregnant. I attempted to go back when she was one and realized I couldn't handle it because I didn't have enough support. It isn't just ensuring that your child is supervised when you are in class, but also during time you need to study. Would your parents, husband, or in-laws be willing to make this happen for you? A lot of people who haven't been in this situation don't understand that parents in school need time to both attend classes and study for exams. You would also need to consider your own preferences in things like breastfeeding, daycare, preschool, recreational development programs, and the lifestyle you and your husband want to have while you are in medical school, residency, and beyond.

I can't personally tell you what professional school would be like with an infant, but I start this year with a school-aged child. I think it's doable with the philosophy that it takes a village to raise a child. Just make sure you have the equipment and plans you need in advance to reduce the stress. The idea of "sleep when the baby sleeps" only works if your partner or various friends and relatives can pick up the slack in home maintenance, cooking, and perhaps gives you some time off to take a shower. I'm not even joking. My uniform if you would was gym shorts/leggings, a tank top and baby bjorn. Gap has some amazing maternity leggings.

Don't make life hard for yourself by feeling ashamed of asking people for help. Raising children is demanding and more often than not thankless. But, every once in awhile, your kid will do things that make it all worth it like telling you that you are their personal hero, smartest person they know, or the best weirdo ever. Once they have the gift of language, you will also eventually develop really great inside jokes and have hilarious photos to remember the best bits by.

 

[AspiringERMD]

Glad I used the search tool, or I would have started a very similar thread.

What are people's thoughts on pregnancy during M4, then a year off between M4 and residency? My partner grew up in a terrible environment, and I really think a year off to help him learn how to care for a baby, support him, and adjust to a new family member would be of immense help for us, provided I'm still with him in four years (we live together now and he is moving to school with me). What are the effects on whether one will match and where one will match (currently interested in EM but may change during med school)? What do people do during that year to keep their knowledge and skills up?

ETA: I was briefly pregnant once and was so nauseated by 5.5-6 weeks that I could hardly talk, so I'm a little worried about how I'll handle the pregnancy bit, too. 🙁

 

[Goro]

I've had tons of students who had children in med school. I've had students who were single moms, and students who were parents but live far from their spouses.

If they can do it, so can you.

Students with children immediately form their own support group, I've noticed. A spouse(s) may very well do child care for the group.

Hello!

I am 25 years old and just finished my degree in Business. I've already finished my pre med courses and currently preparing for the MCAT.

My husband and I have been married for 3 years and are getting ready to start our family. Before I start pursuing this medical school thing altogether, can anyone give me stories or advice about being a parent while in med school? Is it doable? Am I in over my head?

 

[ejw5075]

Glad I used the search tool, or I would have started a very similar thread.

What are people's thoughts on pregnancy during M4, then a year off between M4 and residency? My partner grew up in a terrible environment, and I really think a year off to help him learn how to care for a baby, support him, and adjust to a new family member would be of immense help for us, provided I'm still with him in four years (we live together now and he is moving to school with me). What are the effects on whether one will match and where one will match (currently interested in EM but may change during med school)? What do people do during that year to keep their knowledge and skills up?

ETA: I was briefly pregnant once and was so nauseated by 5.5-6 weeks that I could hardly talk, so I'm a little worried about how I'll handle the pregnancy bit, too. 🙁

I'm currently an MS4 and having a baby on my match day (or the day after depending how things go), I spent the majority of my last year of med school pregnant and it was totally doable the way i scheduled my rotations.

I'm glad you bring up the nausea aspect as that's always my advice to people asking about having babies in med school. The simple truth is its 100% a case by case situation. You don't know how you're going to feel pregnant until you get pregnant. Past pregnancies are a good indicator but then again each pregnancy is different.

Personally, I SUCK at being pregnant. Royally. I had hyperemesis with my daughter and have been dx'ed with preeclampsia with my son. I pass out randomly. I'm going into obgyn and being pregnant in the OR is so difficult for me, most women don't have any issue but this pregnancy Its been a struggle. What is my point here? I absolutely cannot be pregnant during residency- not "its a bad time"- I can't do both. So med school was the best time for me. You have to know yourself well enough to make this decision.

Taking a year between M4 and intern year is a bad idea.

 

[AspiringERMD]

I'm currently an MS4 and having a baby on my match day (or the day after depending how things go), I spent the majority of my last year of med school pregnant and it was totally doable the way i scheduled my rotations.

I'm glad you bring up the nausea aspect as that's always my advice to people asking about having babies in med school. The simple truth is its 100% a case by case situation. You don't know how you're going to feel pregnant until you get pregnant. Past pregnancies are a good indicator but then again each pregnancy is different.

Personally, I SUCK at being pregnant. Royally. I had hyperemesis with my daughter and have been dx'ed with preeclampsia with my son. I pass out randomly. I'm going into obgyn and being pregnant in the OR is so difficult for me, most women don't have any issue but this pregnancy Its been a struggle. What is my point here? I absolutely cannot be pregnant during residency- not "its a bad time"- I can't do both. So med school was the best time for me. You have to know yourself well enough to make this decision.

Taking a year between M4 and intern year is a bad idea.

Thanks so much for your response. Can you (or anyone else) elaborate on your last sentence? Just how unfeasible or disadvantageous is it to take that year off?

 

[AlbinoHawk DO]

I honestly don't believe medical school is the right environment to start a family. Some people do it and are able to, but it's not worth the struggle. I'd recommend going into a relaxed residency like family need, psych or pm&r and starting a family then. You seriously have no clue what kind of student you will be and how much you'll need to sacrifice.

 

[ejw5075]

Thanks so much for your response. Can you (or anyone else) elaborate on your last sentence? Just how unfeasible or disadvantageous is it to take that year off?

The Match is becomming more and more competitive by the year and having any red flags on your application will hurt your chances. Taking a year off is a red flag. Regardless of the reason but especially something like having a baby/needing to teach someone else how to care for a baby. People have families in med school/residency all the time and handle both successfully, you needing to take time to do it would say "hey look at me I'm less capable than this guy over here"... True or not

You also need to keep momentum in this journey and going from MS4 to PGY-1 is probably the biggest transition you'll face. Jumping back in after taking a year off would make this even more difficult.

 

[ejw5075]

I honestly don't believe medical school is the right environment to start a family. Some people do it and are able to, but it's not worth the struggle. I'd recommend going into a relaxed residency like family need, psych or pm&r and starting a family then. You seriously have no clue what kind of student you will be and how much you'll need to sacrifice.

Choosing a specialty solely based on wanting to have a family is a terrible idea. Sure, consider it when you're deciding between peds and neurosurgery but becoming something you don't want to be just for a window of time to have a baby is insane.

 

[QofQuimica]

Horrible idea to take off a year between med school and residency; everyone will assume it was because you couldn't match, making it even harder for you to match in the future. Current US seniors are always the most competitive candidates for the match; everyone else is leftovers. As I said, if you want to take a year off while causing the least possible damage to your career, the time to do it is between MS2 and MS3, not between MS4 and residency. Most people do research during that time.

While it is possible to have a baby during residency, again, residency schedules are much less flexible than med school schedules. Better to go the earlier route when you have more flexibility to take a LOA, especially if you're worried about not being able to work while pregnant.

 

[AlbinoHawk DO]

Choosing a specialty solely based on wanting to have a family is a terrible idea. Sure, consider it when you're deciding between peds and neurosurgery but becoming something you don't want to be just for a window of time to have a baby is insane.

I agree you should weigh your options, but if you want to be a surgeon and start a family, realistically that won't end well. I don't think compromise is bad when considering family.

 

[ejw5075]

I agree you should weigh your options, but if you want to be a surgeon and start a family, realistically that won't end well. I don't think compromise is bad when considering family.

I'm going to assume you do not have a family nor know many surgeons based on this advice, please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

Compromise is essential when it comes to family but your advice is simply untrue. You cannot possibly say what will or will not "end well" because you have absolutely no clue.

There are many many surgeons with families, both those in training and those practicing for years, young families and empty nesters. It has been done and will continue to be done and just like any families, some work better than others. Don't get me wrong, I understand what you're trying to say but making such broad generalizations is wrong.

 

[AlbinoHawk DO]

I'm going to assume you do not have a family nor know many surgeons based on this advice, please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

Compromise is essential when it comes to family but your advice is simply untrue. You cannot possibly say what will or will not "end well" because you have absolutely no clue.

There are many many surgeons with families, both those in training and those practicing for years, young families and empty nesters. It has been done and will continue to be done and just like any families, some work better than others. Don't get me wrong, I understand what you're trying to say but making such broad generalizations is wrong.

No, I have not started a family yet, but I am in medical school and see how it has impacted my life and my ability to do other things. I also know the divorce rate among surgeons and medicine in general is higher than average.

Sure, you can quote exceptions, and perhaps OP is one; but I think most people underestimate what this is like and the sacrifices involved. I think if you're not interested at all in the specialties I mentioned, you need to prepare yourself for the very realistic possibility that you're shooting yourself in the foot with other things you may want out of life.

There is a reason why there is so much physician burnout and high suicide rates.

 

[asyouwish]

I've had tons of students who had children in med school. I've had students who were single moms, and students who were parents but live far from their spouses.

If they can do it, so can you.

Students with children immediately form their own support group, I've noticed. A spouse(s) may very well do child care for the group.

@Goro, do you know how the school worked with these students? I'm wondering what type of accommodations (LOA, flexible scheduling, ...?) are reasonable to hope for from "family-friendly" schools. Thank you.

 

[Goro]

Alas, I don't know. We have had students take LOA when prolonged medical emergencies arose with family, or pregnancy, but our pre-clinical schedule is quite rigid and so once one misses too much classwork, one is in a hole. We have had students sometimes bring their kids to class. Sometimes we have to warn them that the Library is not for daycare, though.

@Goro, do you know how the school worked with these students? I'm wondering what type of accommodations (LOA, flexible scheduling, ...?) are reasonable to hope for from "family-friendly" schools. Thank you.

 

[deleted480308]

@Goro, do you know how the school worked with these students? I'm wondering what type of accommodations (LOA, flexible scheduling, ...?) are reasonable to hope for from "family-friendly" schools. Thank you.

one accomodation is childcare being an allowable increase to loan amounts. another thing that will make your life easier is a school that doesn't have mandatory lecture, you'll still have things you have to show up for but not nearly as much as a mandatory lecture school. 3-4years and residency will just plain require you to arrange childcare and be available around the clock. You don't get to claim parent status and get out of things.

It's doable but you'll need your husband to go full on domestic to get through that time frame unless you have a grandparent that wants to move in...

 

[asyouwish]

Thanks all. I'm a female with a supportive spouse and family, but actual preg/delivery is on me alone so just trying to figure out best timing. Thanks.

 

[Goro]

Mine doesn't and I have 1 or 2 out right now having babies, or just had same.

Haha! Do schools have an issue with a student taking a LOA for pregnancy? I'm planning to do family medicine so I'm not worried about getting a competitive residency or taking an extra year. I am worried about accepting, doing a year or two, and being forced to withdraw if I can't take time off!