Staying with a grad student during interviews

[rmills115]

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So, I was offered the opportunity to stay with a current graduate student during my interview and I wanted to see what others' opinions on this was.
I am kind of hesitant to do so because I think it might feel like I am under constant scrutiny and make me even more nervous. Does it appear negative if you choose not to stay with one of the students? Are there potential benefits to staying with someone?

 

[sagittals1ice]

I am also wondering this. I have an interview in an area where my boyfriend has family, and we were going to make it a weekend trip and stay with them. Is there any negative fallout to NOT staying with a student?

 

[AcronymAllergy]

At least in my experience, there isn't fallout for choosing not to stay with a student, no. The most obvious upside, of course, is that it's free. You also have more time to get to pick that person's brain regarding the program, which can be an advantage. And let's face it, if they spend more time with you (and particularly if you get along), it's very possible they may remember you better; whether or not that actually substantively factors into rankings and offers is anyone's guess, though.

It's going to vary from student to student, but in general, there isn't an air of constant scrutiny. Basically, so long as you don't do anything egregious, you'll be fine. It's of course a personal decision, though, so go with whatever makes you most comfortable.

 

[WisNeuro]

I would say that you might have a slightly higher chance at being chosen if you stay with a student from my previous experiences in the selection process. This isn't because those who don't are viewed negatively, but rather, some good applicants can show off a good personality as well as further sell themselves to students already in the program, who later relay that feedback to faculty. so, in the end, it's more about people feeling like they know that person better.

So, in sum, it's not a negative, but you limit opportunities for positive interactions.

 

[psychRA]

I would say that you might have a slightly higher chance at being chosen if you stay with a student from my previous experiences in the selection process. This isn't because those who don't are viewed negatively, but rather, some good applicants can show off a good personality as well as further sell themselves to students already in the program, who later relay that feedback to faculty. so, in the end, it's more about people feeling like they know that person better.

So, in sum, it's not a negative, but you limit opportunities for positive interactions.

I agree. Certainly no one will consciously think or say "this applicant didn't stay with a student, so we may as well cross them off our list" but you'll have fewer opportunities for positive interactions with students, who may have a role in the final decisions.

With that being said, if anyone is planning to visit with a significant other so that you can both check out the area, that's totally understandable, but it's probably best to politely turn down an offer to stay with a current student in that case. You're not under constant scrutiny when staying with a student, but you are being evaluated, and it's best not to offer up any potential quirks in your relationship as part that evaluative process. It also changes the dynamic when you're bringing a non-applicant to stay with you. There were a couple of years when a student in my grad program was asked to host an applicant and their partner, and those students were amenable but also a bit put off - they felt less like they were participating in the admissions process, and more like they were running a B&B.

 

[sctm2]

I knew heading into interviews that I would have a harder time being myself and feeling comfortable if I stayed with a student, so I stayed in a hotel but attended all the pre and post interview get-togethers. I never got the feeling my choice was off putting to anyone and I really feel like having my own space to retreat to at the end of the night took the edge off some of my jitters.

 

[PhDToBe]

I generally agree with what others have said. From my experience, however, I do think it could be viewed as slightly negative, in that the student could be choosing not to stay with a current student due to a high degree of anxiety or perhaps some degree snobbiness, both of which are not good qualities to evince. I would tell them that you're choosing to stay with family in the area, which will help keep them from wondering why you would pass up on a free deal. 🙂

 

[LPPSYD]

I generally agree with what others have said. From my experience, however, I do think it could be viewed as slightly negative, in that the student could be choosing not to stay with a current student due to a high degree of anxiety or perhaps some degree snobbiness, both of which are not good qualities to evince. I would tell them that you're choosing to stay with family in the area, which will help keep them from wondering why you would pass up on a free deal. 🙂

This isn't typically done in my program, so maybe I just can't relate, but this seems like a bad case of the fundamental attribution error. I can think of many reasons why someone would not choose to stay with a student that have nothing to do with their personality or level of anxiety. A personal issue (like a medical condition) that would require or cause them to prefer more privacy, for example. Even just the possibility that they may have family or friends in the area to stay with, and did not feel the need to actually come out and explain that to the program. I think it's a very nice option for students who are trying to keep their costs down. I'm sure the graduate students themselves are taking on somewhat of a risk of feeling uncomfortable themselves when they offer their homes to strangers. However, I think it's best for the program to present the option in a way that does not make an applicant feel pressured (even unintentionally) to say yes or provide a reason for turning it down.

 

[pukaface]

Agreed with the above post. The people on the selection committee have lives. They're busy professors. They're not going to sit around for 10 minutes and debate why you decided not to take them up on staying with a student.

In general, from my experience with interviews, those who stay with students don't do any differently from those who stay by themselves. Your chances of getting in all depends on how you present yourselves to students and faculties in the time you have with them. I guess staying with a student gives you more opportunities to slip up, but both times I stayed with students I ended up getting students who were very honest, open, and genuine people so there was never a problem in asking them what I really wanted to ask. There was never a fear of them using what I told them or asked them against me.

Definite benefits from staying with students. Saving money. Learning 1st hand what the program is like. Learning about the bones in the closet that the profs obviously will never tell you about. Making a good impression on a student so they can vouch for you.

 

[WisNeuro]

In general, from my experience with interviews, those who stay with students don't do any differently from those who stay by themselves. Your chances of getting in all depends on how you present yourselves to students and faculties in the time you have with them.

May be program dependent, but in the 5 years experience I had in grad school, the students who did stay with people did a little better. As others have said, good opportunity to solidify a good impression. We had several candidates who were middle of the pack on paper, but were talked into an interview invite due to positive impressions outside of the formal interview process by people they stayed with.

 

[WisNeuro]

*double post

 

[Doctor Eliza]

May be program dependent, but in the 5 years experience I had in grad school, the students who did stay with people did a little better. As others have said, good opportunity to solidify a good impression. We had several candidates who were middle of the pack on paper, but were talked into an interview invite due to positive impressions outside of the formal interview process by people they stayed with.

That was my experience as well.

 

[pukaface]

May be program dependent, but in the 5 years experience I had in grad school, the students who did stay with people did a little better. As others have said, good opportunity to solidify a good impression. We had several candidates who were middle of the pack on paper, but were talked into an interview invite due to positive impressions outside of the formal interview process by people they stayed with.

Maybe I'm just misunderstanding you, but what do you mean by interview invite? I thought the OP was about staying with someone for your interview, not getting an interview invite.

 

[WisNeuro]

Maybe I'm just misunderstanding you, but what do you mean by interview invite? I thought the OP was about staying with someone for your interview, not getting an interview invite.

Oops, typo, I meant to say that more of those got an offer for grad school admission.

 

[deadmau5]

I think it's mostly a ploy to keep the costs down, so it's really a personal preference. If you want to stay at a hotel, stay at a hotel and if you feel comfortable enough, stay with the student. I know it would be really awkward for me, haha...

I agree, professors are not going to debate whether you did or not. However, professors often ask fellow graduate students to interview (or at least interact) with the incoming grad students because it will add to the overall picture of who the interested person is.

 

[rmenoch]

When I interviewed at my program (roughly 5 years ago), I chose not to stay with a grad student because I needed to work on a draft of my Master's thesis that weekend. After I was accepted off the waitlist, I was told that one of the grad students in our lab thought interviewees that choose not to stay with grad students must be "stuck up" or "have problems with social interactions." While my advisor does not share this opinion, he does listen to his graduate students' opinions when making admissions offers. So I found out that the student I "offended" by not staying with a grad student said that he didn't think I would be the best "interpersonal fit" with the lab based on this decision. Obviously I got in in the long run (so yay!), but I was annoyed to hear that something so small could be so wildly misinterpreted (boo!).

 

[chman]

I just wrote this on another similar post, but a girl in my lab was actually told explicitly that people in the lab felt they didn't know her as well because she elected to stay with friends/family instead of with a student. Ultimately, she got in, and this is of course varies, but I feel it probably plays some role, even if implicitly.

 

[ahpsych]

This is all so interesting to me, because most places that I'm interviewing at have said that space with grad students is limited, and it's first come first served, and then they give hotel options. It seems more like they will accommodate you staying with a grad student, but not necessarily like they are encouraging it.

 

[deadmau5]

I just wrote this on another similar post, but a girl in my lab was actually told explicitly that people in the lab felt they didn't know her as well because she elected to stay with friends/family instead of with a student. Ultimately, she got in, and this is of course varies, but I feel it probably plays some role, even if implicitly.

Personally, I feel like if the potential supervisor/lab is going to judge me on this, then that ain't the lab for me.

 

[WisNeuro]

Personally, I feel like if the potential supervisor/lab is going to judge me on this, then that ain't the lab for me.

That's not a judgment per se. They simply told her that they did not feel as if they knew her as well. Considering that if she had stayed with someone, they would theoretically get to learn more about her, it's just a fact, not a judgment. Now, this shouldn't be the major deciding factor, but I can assure you that these things count if someone is on the fence.

 

[Sendtrees]

While it would be unfair to ding someone for choosing to stay elsewhere, this process is so competitive that any possible edge should be taken advantage of. If one is a hard-core introvert who needs the time before and after the grueling, all-day interview to unwind (what could be more understandable?), then staying with a student simply to avoid the appearance of being unfriendly might backfire.

Otherwise--if you are a person who tends to get along with people and you are confident in your self-presentation--accept the offer. I always stayed with students and appreciated the opportunity to do so. Remember, these interviews are for you, too. It was helpful to me to get a sense of what students' lives were like when they weren't at school. But again, I was able to relax and chat (and cook!) with them, and I spent very little time worrying about being scrutinized under these conditions.

 

[cara susanna]

I recommend accepting the offer just to save on costs. The one interview I had where we didn't have that option cost me a lot!

 

[Sendtrees]

P.S. When I stayed with graduate students, I would always say something like, "I'm sure you have work to do tonight and I don't want you to feel like you have to entertain me the whole time. I'm happy to read or spend some time preparing for the interview while you do what you have to do." In this way, I got some time to myself.
P.P.S. Bring chocolate or a small gift to thank your host/s.

 

[chman]

Personally, I feel like if the potential supervisor/lab is going to judge me on this, then that ain't the lab for me.

I understand your view (personally I'd rather stay in a hotel and use the time to reflect/prepare), but as I said in the other thread, you have to remember that taking on a new lab member/student is a big investment. You will be spending the next 5+ years with these people and have to jive both personally and while working. I don't think it is unreasonable for the lab members and PI to want to gain as much info as possible before making said investment.

 

[fresnel]

Applicants staying with graduate students should expect that everything they say or do could be reported back to the faculty. Feedback is solicited by faculty from graduate students about what the host thinks of the perspective student. Students are encouraged to report all impressions, observations, information learned and to report anything from how gracious the perspective student was to whether the host felt the applicant was "stuck up", insufficiently reverent, too demanding, socially adept (or not) or intrusive/anxious/talkative, over or under regulated/cautious. If the perspective student and host hit it off, it can be a huge plus. Works the other way too. I've often thought applicants would be better off staying in a hotel since there is no information to suggest that these informal comments tell faculty anything about whether the candidate will be successful. I also think it probably leads to a more homogeneous student body since perspective students probably feel most comfortable when placed with a similar host;those feeling too different may be less inclined to come. Likewise for the host, comments are probably more positive when the host views the perspective student as similar to him or her. Students staying in hotels but attending all the social opportunities seem to do very well in the situations I've observed at the program I know. Other programs may be very different.

 

[researchgirl]

Other programs may be very different.

At our program, this even varies by advisor. For instance, in five years, my advisor has never asked me my opinion on a prospective student. The "norm" here is for students to report back any extreme behavior (e.g. being extremely rude, behaving in a way that suggests the applicant is likely to engage in unethical behavior during graduate school). Some advisors also welcome comments to the effect of "I really see Applicant Susie fitting in here, she was great." We are definitely not "encouraged to report all impressions, observations, information learned."