Struggling PGY-2, really need advice or just some encouragement

[zeppelinpage4]

It's been a long time since I posted but I don't know who I can talk to. I'm in a really tough place right now and needs some advice on where to go from here. I'm 2 years into my peds residency. I've had a lot of personal and academic issues since starting. I was slower than my co-interns to learn and pick up but I always did okay and got by fine without raising too much concern. But midway through intern year, I had a very bad personal issue going on during my ICU rotation and it affected my performance, as a result I got really bad evals. The thing that bothered me here is that during my entire ICU month, nobody told me I was doing bad or raised concerns. I struggled but no one said I was at risk of failing or not meeting standards. I found out weeks after the rotation that I failed and needed to re-mediate. Had I known, I could have tried to improve during the rotation or made changes. Regardless, my PD had me repeat that ICU rotation and several other rotations which I passed but they felt I needed extra help on, due to me being a weaker resident but one that had been passing fine. I didn't question it and agreed in fear of making things worse. And I passed all my remediation and actually did feel more confident and stronger from the experience.

However, since then I've had a magnifying glass over me. And PGY-2 was a struggle. Adjusting to being a senior was difficult, and I had a rough time my first floor month. Aside from that, I got all the work done needed, passed everything, and asked for feedback regularly to make sure I was keeping up and I wouldn't be surprised by a bad eval. No one told me I was still struggling during those rotations, or they were concerned about my performance. But I found out months later, people still had concerns and they wanted to add some extra time again. But due to regulations with the AAP, if I need another remediation, I have to re-start the entire PGY-2 year from scratch and that's starting from October and not July, so I my residency becomes almost 4.5 years long. On top of all that, I took Step 3 over the winter but failed by 1 point. Trying to re-study for that on top of adjusting made things worse.

I haven't felt comfortable talking about this to anyone at work, the last time i opened up about having doubts about this job to a co-resident, they went and told my PD. More than once I've had people say one thing to me, and go and say something bad to my PD without me knowing. I've felt really isolated and alone at work as a result. I'm also treated as less capable and I don't feel comfortable trusting or confiding in anyone anymore because I've had so many people go to my PD when I wish they had just spoken to me. Lastly, I don't like my specialty, I don't enjoy it. Maybe it's all the craziness I've had to go through, but I'm questioning if peds and medicine is even for me. If I'm struggling this much now, this may not be for me. If I had another alternative in terms of career and a means to pay off my loans (which is very high), I would resign and move on today. But I don't know what I can do.

My last floor month i was told i did MUCH better but I still needed some work. And Right now I'm retaking my Step 3, currently studying and next month I have 2 weeks on the inpatient unit. They said if I make another big improvement and show I can do well those 2 weeks and pass my re-take of step 3. I will not have to repeat a year and I can become a PGY-3 but this pressure has been killing me. I am trying my best but I'm really scared I will have to repeat a year.

If I loved this specialty and knew it would be worth it in the end, I could endure and stick it out another 2 years. But I feel like I'm only doing this because I don't have any other alternatives. I don't want to do gen peds, nor any of the specialties. The only specialty I liked was allergy/immunology but my PD told me I'd be wasting my time since I'm such a weak applicant at this point. I can't imagine doing more time like this for something I don't have my heart in anymore. On top of that, I'm scared of failing step 3 again, and if I can measure up on floor next month. I just want to get to finished as quickly as possible so I can move on and do something else outside of medicine.

The only good thing is, I've consistently improved, I'm much better than where I was back in intern year and just a few extra rotations or electives might have been all i needed but repeating a whole year including rotations i did well on, due to some upper level policy will be a very bitter pill to swallow. I used to be a good student, had time with friends and a good support network. But most of that is gone now due to lack of time. My confidence has taken a huge hit too. If I need to do a whole extra year, should I just quit now, cut my losses and look into another degree like an MPH? If I stick it out, I'll have peds as a backup career, but I don't know if I can put up with 2 more years of this for something I don't enjoy. I'm very burnt out as is.

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[DarkHorizon]

It's been a long time since I posted but I don't know who I can talk to. I'm in a really tough place right now and needs some advice on where to go from here. I'm 2 years into my peds residency. I've had a lot of personal and academic issues since starting. I was slower than my co-interns to learn and pick up but I always did okay and got by fine without raising too much concern. But midway through intern year, I had a very bad personal issue going on during my ICU rotation and it affected my performance, as a result I got really bad evals. The thing that bothered me here is that during my entire ICU month, nobody told me I was doing bad or raised concerns. I struggled but no one said I was at risk of failing or not meeting standards. I found out weeks after the rotation that I failed and needed to re-mediate. Had I known, I could have tried to improve during the rotation or made changes. Regardless, my PD had me repeat that ICU rotation and several other rotations which I passed but they felt I needed extra help on, due to me being a weaker resident but one that had been passing fine. I didn't question it and agreed in fear of making things worse. And I passed all my remediation and actually did feel more confident and stronger from the experience.

However, since then I've had a magnifying glass over me. And PGY-2 was a struggle. Adjusting to being a senior was difficult, and I had a rough time my first floor month. Aside from that, I got all the work done needed, passed everything, and asked for feedback regularly to make sure I was keeping up and I wouldn't be surprised by a bad eval. No one told me I was still struggling during those rotations, or they were concerned about my performance. But I found out months later, people still had concerns and they wanted to add some extra time again. But due to regulations with the AAP, if I need another remediation, I have to re-start the entire PGY-2 year from scratch and that's starting from October and not July, so I my residency becomes almost 4.5 years long. The salt in the wound is that, I took Step 3 but failed by 1 point.

I haven't felt comfortable talking about this to anyone at work, the last time i opened up about having doubts about this job to a co-resident, they went and told my PD. More than once I've had people say one thing to me, and go and say something bad to my PD without me knowing. I've felt really isolated and alone at work, I'm treated as less capable and I don't feel comfortable trusting or confiding in anyone because I've had so many people go to my PD when I wish they had just spoken to me. Lastly, I don;t like my specialty, I don't enjoy it. Maybe it's all the craziness I've had to go through, but I'm questioning if peds and medicine is even for me. If I'm struggling this much now, this may not be for me. If I had another alternative in terms of career and a means to pay off my loans (which is very high), I would resign and move on today. But I don't know what I can do.

My last floor month i was told i did MUCH better but I still need some work. And Right now I'm retaking my Step 3, currently studying and next month I have 2 weeks on the inpatient unit. They said if I make a big improvement and show I can do well those 2 weeks and pass my re-take of step 3. I will not have to repeat a year and I can become a PGY-3 but this pressure has been killing me. I am trying my best but I'm really scared I will have to repeat a year. If I loved this specialty and knew it would be worth it in the end, I could endure and stick it out. But I feel like I'm only doing this because I don't have any other alternatives. I don't want to do gen peds, nor any of the specialties. The only specialty I liked was allergy/immunology but my PD told me I'd be wasting my time since I'm such a weak applicant. I can't imagine doing more time like this for something I don't have my heart in anymore. On top of that, I'm scared of failing step 3 again, and if I can measure up on floor. I just want to get to finish as quickly as possible so I can move on and do something else outside of medicine. The only good thing is, I've consistently improved, I'm much better than where I was back in intern year and just a few extra rotations or electives might have been all i needed but repeating a whole year due to some policy will be a very bitter pill to swallow. I used to be a good student, had time with friends and a good support network. But most of that is gone now due to lack of time, and my confidence has taken a huge hit. If I need to do a whole extra year, should I just quit now and look into another degree like an MPH? If I stick it out, I'll have peds as a backup career, but I don't know if I can put up with 2 more years of this. I'm very burnt out as is.

Sorry for all the troubles.

Good news is that the programs seems to want to work with you and have you remediate your deficiencies. Seems like they have given you ample chances and are still willing to give more.

Now you just got to put your head down and go to work. Nothing to be afraid of. I know that being under the microscope sucks, but failing your step 3 is not going to move that microscope away. You say you’re scared to fail it again, why? Just put your head down and grind. You’ll surely pass. You’ve made it this far, so you def have what it takes. I would do everything I could to finish this residency and then figure out the rest (fellowship, type of practice etc.)

 

[zeppelinpage4]

Sorry for all the troubles.

Good news is that the programs seems to want to work with you and have you remediate your deficiencies. Seems like they have given you ample chances and are still willing to give more.

Now you just got to put your head down and go to work. Nothing to be afraid of. I know that being under the microscope sucks, but failing your step 3 is not going to move that microscope away. You say you’re scared to fail it again, why? Just put your head down and grind. You’ll surely pass. You’ve made it this far, so you def have what it takes. I would do everything I could to finish this residency and then figure out the rest (fellowship, type of practice etc.)

Thank you for the kinds words and encouragement. Yes, my program has been supportive and for that I am lucky in that regard. I've shown big improvements, so they still see potential in me. But my passion and motivation for pursuing medicine has definitely taken a large hit these last 2 years and I'm very tired. It's just not the hours but knowing every move I make is being watched closely and wondering what everyone thinks about me or is writing about me that has made it tougher. And my motivation and passion for medicine has def taken a hit as a result.

 

[DarkHorizon]

Thank you for the kinds words and encouragement. Yes, my program has been supportive and for that I am lucky in that regard. I've shown big improvements, so they still see potential in me. But my passion and motivation for pursuing medicine has definitely taken a large hit these last 2 years and I'm very tired. It's just not the hours but knowing every move I make is being watched closely and wondering what everyone thinks about me or is writing about me that has made it tougher. And my motivation and passion for medicine has def taken a hit as a result.

Being under the microscope is pretty awful. I don’t disagree. But you will severely limit your career options if you don’t finish this residency. You should do everything you can in your power to finish this. You’ll find a job that’ll fit your personality, but it’ll require you to finish your training. Your program is supportive, consider this a blessing. You should tell your PD that you’re fully committed to remediate and really want to improve.

Another advice, you seem really passive when it comes to feedback, you have mentioned that no one pointed out that you were not doing well and bad Evals and failures caught you off guard. How about being more active in seeking feedback? Put your attendings on the spot and ask them for feedback. Ask them what you can do to improve, take their criticism in stride and actually try to improve on your deficiencies. You can meet up with your PD or another mentor and set up a plan for this. This will show that you’re serious about your learning and are motivated to improve. Ask them expectations at the beginning of a rotation, then ask them for feedback about midway to see how you’re doing, see what you can improve, make a genuine effort to act on their advice instead of getting defensive. Then recap at the end of the rotation. Document all of this in your evals when you get them bs k for acknowledgment. You’ll make it, I believe in you.

 

[deleted480308]

1. Sorry
2. Keep grinding
3. Keep asking for feedback, face to face, weekly
4. Smile and be nice to everyone. A well like resident has a longer leash for inadequacy
5, what are your main deficiencies, maybe we can help

 

[Gastrapathy]

Right now, Step 3 is the major hurdle that will keep you from having options. Put the other stuff aside and focus on that. Once you pass, you have time for reflection. If they advance you to PGY3, just finish and then reevaluate.

 

[mvenus929]

But midway through intern year, I had a very bad personal issue going on during my ICU rotation and it affected my performance, as a result I got really bad evals. The thing that bothered me here is that during my entire ICU month, nobody told me I was doing bad or raised concerns. I struggled but no one said I was at risk of failing or not meeting standards. I found out weeks after the rotation that I failed and needed to re-mediate. Had I known, I could have tried to improve during the rotation or made changes.

That's not fair to you or anyone else, and why there need to be a formal mid-rotation feedback session, especially for those at risk of failing. We had a division who would try to fail people without giving feedback and had to institute a policy to stop it from happening.

But due to regulations with the AAP, if I need another remediation, I have to re-start the entire PGY-2 year from scratch and that's starting from October and not July, so I my residency becomes almost 4.5 years long.

I'm not sure I understand this. If you're restarting PGY-2 from October, that's only an additional 9 months--how did you get an extra 1.5 years?

I haven't felt comfortable talking about this to anyone at work, the last time i opened up about having doubts about this job to a co-resident, they went and told my PD.

Is there an attending who you think will fight for you? A mentor/advisor type person? It sounds like someone with experience in medicine would be a good resource for you right now, even if you had to go back to med school to find it.

If I loved this specialty and knew it would be worth it in the end, I could endure and stick it out another 2 years. But I feel like I'm only doing this because I don't have any other alternatives. I don't want to do gen peds, nor any of the specialties. The only specialty I liked was allergy/immunology but my PD told me I'd be wasting my time since I'm such a weak applicant at this point.

What do you enjoy doing? Do you like taking care of patients? Which type?

You sound burned out, and I think you might benefit from a short leave of absence to get some perspective. It may extend your training more, but it may help you figure out what your goals for your career are and figure out next steps moving forward. You may also have a better time studying for step 3 without the pressures of doing well on rotations.

I wish you luck with your journey.

 

[Piebaldi]

It's been a long time since I posted but I don't know who I can talk to. I'm in a really tough place right now and needs some advice on where to go from here. I'm 2 years into my peds residency. I've had a lot of personal and academic issues since starting. I was slower than my co-interns to learn and pick up but I always did okay and got by fine without raising too much concern. But midway through intern year, I had a very bad personal issue going on during my ICU rotation and it affected my performance, as a result I got really bad evals. The thing that bothered me here is that during my entire ICU month, nobody told me I was doing bad or raised concerns. I struggled but no one said I was at risk of failing or not meeting standards. I found out weeks after the rotation that I failed and needed to re-mediate. Had I known, I could have tried to improve during the rotation or made changes. Regardless, my PD had me repeat that ICU rotation and several other rotations which I passed but they felt I needed extra help on, due to me being a weaker resident but one that had been passing fine. I didn't question it and agreed in fear of making things worse. And I passed all my remediation and actually did feel more confident and stronger from the experience.

However, since then I've had a magnifying glass over me. And PGY-2 was a struggle. Adjusting to being a senior was difficult, and I had a rough time my first floor month. Aside from that, I got all the work done needed, passed everything, and asked for feedback regularly to make sure I was keeping up and I wouldn't be surprised by a bad eval. No one told me I was still struggling during those rotations, or they were concerned about my performance. But I found out months later, people still had concerns and they wanted to add some extra time again. But due to regulations with the AAP, if I need another remediation, I have to re-start the entire PGY-2 year from scratch and that's starting from October and not July, so I my residency becomes almost 4.5 years long. On top of all that, I took Step 3 over the winter but failed by 1 point. Trying to re-study for that on top of adjusting made things worse.

I haven't felt comfortable talking about this to anyone at work, the last time i opened up about having doubts about this job to a co-resident, they went and told my PD. More than once I've had people say one thing to me, and go and say something bad to my PD without me knowing. I've felt really isolated and alone at work as a result. I'm also treated as less capable and I don't feel comfortable trusting or confiding in anyone anymore because I've had so many people go to my PD when I wish they had just spoken to me. Lastly, I don't like my specialty, I don't enjoy it. Maybe it's all the craziness I've had to go through, but I'm questioning if peds and medicine is even for me. If I'm struggling this much now, this may not be for me. If I had another alternative in terms of career and a means to pay off my loans (which is very high), I would resign and move on today. But I don't know what I can do.

My last floor month i was told i did MUCH better but I still needed some work. And Right now I'm retaking my Step 3, currently studying and next month I have 2 weeks on the inpatient unit. They said if I make another big improvement and show I can do well those 2 weeks and pass my re-take of step 3. I will not have to repeat a year and I can become a PGY-3 but this pressure has been killing me. I am trying my best but I'm really scared I will have to repeat a year.

If I loved this specialty and knew it would be worth it in the end, I could endure and stick it out another 2 years. But I feel like I'm only doing this because I don't have any other alternatives. I don't want to do gen peds, nor any of the specialties. The only specialty I liked was allergy/immunology but my PD told me I'd be wasting my time since I'm such a weak applicant at this point. I can't imagine doing more time like this for something I don't have my heart in anymore. On top of that, I'm scared of failing step 3 again, and if I can measure up on floor next month. I just want to get to finished as quickly as possible so I can move on and do something else outside of medicine.

The only good thing is, I've consistently improved, I'm much better than where I was back in intern year and just a few extra rotations or electives might have been all i needed but repeating a whole year including rotations i did well on, due to some upper level policy will be a very bitter pill to swallow. I used to be a good student, had time with friends and a good support network. But most of that is gone now due to lack of time. My confidence has taken a huge hit too. If I need to do a whole extra year, should I just quit now, cut my losses and look into another degree like an MPH? If I stick it out, I'll have peds as a backup career, but I don't know if I can put up with 2 more years of this for something I don't enjoy. I'm very burnt out as is.

As others have said, sorry you are going through this. It's tough for sure. Step 3 for some of us is tough, don't feel bad. I had to re-take Step 3, passed the second time and I had not failed anything before. I had a computer malfunction but who knows. Anyways, being under the microscope is also tough.
It is unfortunately not uncommon to not be told anything regarding performance and then negative evals come as a surprise. Luckily it seems that your program has been working with you and is willing to help which is a good time.

No I would not quit. Your career options are severely limited without a residency. An MPH is pretty much useless in the grand scheme of things, I have one trust me on this. So no I would not do an MPH not to mention that it will also be $$.

As others stated, I would continue working, keeping head down, showing improvement and asking for feedback regularly. You are closer to finishing this residency than re-starting with anything else.

 

[calvnandhobbs68]

Being under the microscope is pretty awful. I don’t disagree. But you will severely limit your career options if you don’t finish this residency. You should do everything you can in your power to finish this. You’ll find a job that’ll fit your personality, but it’ll require you to finish your training. Your program is supportive, consider this a blessing. You should tell your PD that you’re fully committed to remediate and really want to improve.

Another advice, you seem really passive when it comes to feedback, you have mentioned that no one pointed out that you were not doing well and bad Evals and failures caught you off guard. How about being more active in seeking feedback? Put your attendings on the spot and ask them for feedback. Ask them what you can do to improve, take their criticism in stride and actually try to improve on your deficiencies. You can meet up with your PD or another mentor and set up a plan for this. This will show that you’re serious about your learning and are motivated to improve. Ask them expectations at the beginning of a rotation, then ask them for feedback about midway to see how you’re doing, see what you can improve, make a genuine effort to act on their advice instead of getting defensive. Then recap at the end of the rotation. Document all of this in your evals when you get them bs k for acknowledgment. You’ll make it, I believe in you.

Ugh people are way too nice and passive aggressive in peds. I actually wouldn’t be surprised if everyone told this resident he was doing okay cause they couldn’t take feeling uncomfortable telling him negative feedback to his face and then burned him on evals....

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

Ugh people are way too nice and passive aggressive in peds. I actually wouldn’t be surprised if everyone told this resident he was doing okay cause they couldn’t take feeling uncomfortable telling him negative feedback to his face and then burned him on evals....

Agreed. I had a peds rotation in residency that went fine as far as I knew, my end of rotation eval was awful. It was bad enough and outside my average enough that the residency coordinator basically said "don't worry about it" and I never heard about it again.

 

[Piebaldi]

Agreed. I had a peds rotation in residency that went fine as far as I knew, my end of rotation eval was awful. It was bad enough and outside my average enough that the residency coordinator basically said "don't worry about it" and I never heard about it again.

Similar experience but in med school- my eval was not awful but average. When I talked to the PD (who later went on to die of brain cancer at 42, really sad ) she gave me all these excuses. Needless to say, very frustrating.

 

[NotAProgDirector]

I'll add some thoughts:

The good news is that your program seems very invested in helping. Looking at your post history, you clearly recognized your struggles right at the beginning, and some combination of a good program, people liking you, and ongoing improvement has allowed you to get this far. And it sounds like you're continuing to improve and they are considering promoting you to PGY-3. This is all good news.

Regarding feedback, it is true that some faculty and residents will tell you that you're "doing fine" when in fact you're not. This can be because they feel uncomfortable giving you honest bad news, or can be due to your communication style. Some people see something "bad", but then think "well, I only worked with this person for a few days, maybe that was just an aberration." People may try to give you some very mild / vague feedback and see how you respond -- if you become all quiet and drop eye contact or if you become emotional, people may avoid giving you any further feedback over concern that you won't take it well. You mention that you may be burned out -- if others can see that, they may hesitate to give you negative news for fear of making it worse.

Regarding the microscope, this is an inevitable problem. Once you are determined to have performance issues, everything you do gets looked at more closely -- both because people want to help, and also to make sure that there isn't a care problem. It can seem unfair, but see below.

Regarding not having anyone to talk to in the program, that's a huge problem. I'm going to guess that you're an introvert -- which is fine, so am I (in fact I'm an 18/20 on the Myers Briggs scale). It just means that you tend to deal with issues internally, and makes talking to someone else uncomfortable. I'm going to bet that there are plenty of people that you could talk to at your program, you just don't know how to ask / find them. When you talk to a co-resident and then they talk to the PD -- they are probably not just "tattling" on you, they are honestly worried about you and are trying to get you help.

So, advice: The only person you can change is yourself. So the question (for me) is: what can you do differently to get through this?

1. To get better feedback, you need to ask for it. And, you need to give the person permission to give you negative feedback. Just saying "Hey, can I have some feedback?" won't work. You need to say "I know I'm struggling and still have lots of room for improvement. Some areas I know I need work on are XXX and YYY (you should have figured out what to say here with input from your program). I would love your feedback in these areas, and any other areas that you think may help me. Please don't just say I'm doing a good job, I need to know the honest truth to improve." This sets the stage so that the person giving you feedback knows you want it all, including the warts. In fact, the best choice is to have this talk at the beginning of the week/rotation, so that the person evaluating you can give you feedback as you go, or knows what to look for.

2. You mention feeling like you're under the microscope. Rather than thinking about it as "they are trying to find every little thing I do wrong and blame me for it", try to think "They are really invested in my future, want to help me succeed, and to do so they are expending extra resources to get me the most and best feedback possible". Honestly, from your description, that seems more likely than the former.

3. You ABSOLUTELY need a faculty member helping you with this. I recommend you go talk to your PD. Ask for a coach -- someone who is not a part of the official decisions of whether you get promoted or not. They are not your advocate to fight for you either. They are someone who can talk with the people with whom you work and get you honest feedback which they can share with you. They are someone you can talk to without feeling like anything you say can be "held against you in a court of law". They are someone you can bounce ideas off of. You need someone who understands GME training, you don't want someone who just says "I'm sure it will turn out alright". Your PD is the wrong person -- but they are likely to know whom the right person might be.

4. Career options -- I would not give up on Peds at this point. There are lots of things you could do in Peds that is very different from residency. You could do outpatient private practice. You could do inpatient hospital medicine. You could do advocacy work, or work with marginalized children. Without finishing your options drop precipitously. As mentioned, an MPH won't help much -- if you want to do that sort of work (Public health) you're much better off finishing your residency and then getting into that type of work. I doubt a new program will help -- your current program seems super supportive. You could consider a new field, pysch and path would be significantly different but that's starting over, you would need to be pretty sure that you'd be happier in one of those two fields.

Consider an LOA if you need one.

Think back on why you got into medicine in the first place. What was it about peds that made you apply? There must have been some good feelings / memories there. Figure out what those were, and then think about tailoring your career to that ideal.

 

[zeppelinpage4]

Hi everyone, I am sorry for resurrecting this thread. But I wanted to give an update. I have passed my step 3 and am a PGY-3 now. I still am being closely monitored, so I am being careful to make sure I can graduate but I feel much better and more hopeful now. I apologize for not responding, but your comments really inspired and helped me. I realized needed to get off the internet and hunker down after I made the thread and I did so. Fortunately, that effort paid off. Thank you again to everyone who responded here.

 

[DarkHorizon]

Hi everyone, I am sorry for resurrecting this thread. But I wanted to give an update. I have passed my step 3 and am a PGY-3 now. I still am being closely monitored, so I am being careful to make sure I can graduate but I feel much better and more hopeful now. I apologize for not responding, but your comments really inspired and helped me. I realized needed to get off the internet and hunker down after I made the thread and I did so. Fortunately, that effort paid off. Thank you again to everyone who responded here.

Strong work, you’re in the home stretch, you’ll make it! Finish it off strong.

 

[Mass Effect]

Hi everyone, I am sorry for resurrecting this thread. But I wanted to give an update. I have passed my step 3 and am a PGY-3 now. I still am being closely monitored, so I am being careful to make sure I can graduate but I feel much better and more hopeful now. I apologize for not responding, but your comments really inspired and helped me. I realized needed to get off the internet and hunker down after I made the thread and I did so. Fortunately, that effort paid off. Thank you again to everyone who responded here.

Congratulations!!! And thank you for giving us an update!!

 

[Piebaldi]

Hi everyone, I am sorry for resurrecting this thread. But I wanted to give an update. I have passed my step 3 and am a PGY-3 now. I still am being closely monitored, so I am being careful to make sure I can graduate but I feel much better and more hopeful now. I apologize for not responding, but your comments really inspired and helped me. I realized needed to get off the internet and hunker down after I made the thread and I did so. Fortunately, that effort paid off. Thank you again to everyone who responded here.

That's awesome! Only 4+ more months to go! You got this!

 

[zeppelinpage4]

Thanks so much for the kind words and encouragement! Yes I am counting down. I have some tough inpatient rotations ahead and still a lot of work to get through the finish line but it helps to know I am so close. Hopefully I can continue improving like I've been.

 

[Piebaldi]

Thanks so much for the kind words and encouragement! Yes I am counting down. I have some tough inpatient rotations ahead and still a lot of work to get through the finish line but it helps to know I am so close. Hopefully I can continue improving like I've been.

You have 4months! Work hard, put a countdown timer on time and date or something, show enthusiasm, and give your best these last 4months! Then celebrate! Just think of all the people you are going to help!!

 

[Margo]

1. Sorry
2. Keep grinding
3. Keep asking for feedback, face to face, weekly
4. Smile and be nice to everyone. A well like resident has a longer leash for inadequacy
5, what are your main deficiencies, maybe we can help

I don’t agree with “keep grinding” as the only option. That seems to be the universal advice regardless circumstances, however. There’s always a way out if medicine happens not to be a right career choice. Not worth killing your own health only because of loans.

 

[deleted480308]

I don’t agree with “keep grinding” as the only option. That seems to be the universal advice regardless circumstances, however. There’s always a way out if medicine happens not to be a right career choice. Not worth killing your own health only because of loans.

Big difference between struggling performance and medicine killing you, but I’m fine with dissenting opinions

 

[Piebaldi]

I don’t agree with “keep grinding” as the only option. That seems to be the universal advice regardless circumstances, however. There’s always a way out if medicine happens not to be a right career choice. Not worth killing your own health only because of loans.

If anyone hates medicine they should get out - but far more options if one has finished a residency than not - especially when OP only has 4 months left

 

[shaggybill]

As someone who experienced severe burnout during PGY2 and left prior to finishing out the year, I have to say good on you for sticking it out. Like you, I struggled a bit on the academic side of things. I didn't fail any rotations or have to retake Step 3, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were some eyes on me. When I resigned, I felt like a tremendous burden was lifted off of me. I could finally breathe. It didn't matter to me that up until the middle of intern year, being a doctor was all I wanted to do. I put my head down and pressed on through another for another year, ignoring the warning signs and assuming that this is just what doctors have to do to get through residency. I flat out rejected the idea that I was becoming a victim of burn-out. I mean, I wasn't tired or fatigued, I just didn't like medicine anymore. The culture of endurance is real. Then one day it all came crashing down. I couldn't stomach the idea of going back for one more single day. I was supposed to start a 10 day vacation the following Monday. The Thursday prior, I walked out of the ICU and I never went back. For the next year, I was so happy to be away from medicine. I couldn't imagine ever going back. I laughed when people asked if I missed it. But after that first year, I occasionally found myself thinking fondly of really fun procedures I used to do. Then that turned into missing treating patients for XYZ disease. That turned into something else, and it all started snowballing. 4-5 months later I was to the point where I just missed so many aspects of being a doctor. I started looking for opportunities for non-board certified jobs. What I found was that there are so many jobs I would qualify for if I had finished residency, that had nothing to do with the specialty. If I had just recognized my own symptoms and what I was experiencing, not only could I have gotten the help I needed for burn-out, but I could have graduated residency and picked up a job that didn't have me working as a clinician in my specialty, but instead doing other things I would have loved to be doing all along (business side of medicine with some simple clinical work).

At this point in time, I can pretty safely say that I will never go back to that specialty, but I am seeking PGY2 spots in a specialty that is sort of relevant to my previous residency. All that to say, best thing to do is stick it out. This isn't directed to OP, per se, since he/she has already indicated they are almost to the finish line, but to anyone else who might read this in the future: Get that board certification! There are a lot of things you can do with it that have nothing to do with the clinical work.

 

[Piebaldi]

As someone who experienced severe burnout during PGY2 and left prior to finishing out the year, I have to say good on you for sticking it out. Like you, I struggled a bit on the academic side of things. I didn't fail any rotations or have to retake Step 3, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were some eyes on me. When I resigned, I felt like a tremendous burden was lifted off of me. I could finally breathe. It didn't matter to me that up until the middle of intern year, being a doctor was all I wanted to do. I put my head down and pressed on through another for another year, ignoring the warning signs and assuming that this is just what doctors have to do to get through residency. I flat out rejected the idea that I was becoming a victim of burn-out. I mean, I wasn't tired or fatigued, I just didn't like medicine anymore. The culture of endurance is real. Then one day it all came crashing down. I couldn't stomach the idea of going back for one more single day. I was supposed to start a 10 day vacation the following Monday. The Thursday prior, I walked out of the ICU and I never went back. For the next year, I was so happy to be away from medicine. I couldn't imagine ever going back. I laughed when people asked if I missed it. But after that first year, I occasionally found myself thinking fondly of really fun procedures I used to do. Then that turned into missing treating patients for XYZ disease. That turned into something else, and it all started snowballing. 4-5 months later I was to the point where I just missed so many aspects of being a doctor. I started looking for opportunities for non-board certified jobs. What I found was that there are so many jobs I would qualify for if I had finished residency, that had nothing to do with the specialty. If I had just recognized my own symptoms and what I was experiencing, not only could I have gotten the help I needed for burn-out, but I could have graduated residency and picked up a job that didn't have me working as a clinician in my specialty, but instead doing other things I would have loved to be doing all along (business side of medicine with some simple clinical work).

At this point in time, I can pretty safely say that I will never go back to that specialty, but I am seeking PGY2 spots in a specialty that is sort of relevant to my previous residency. All that to say, best thing to do is stick it out. This isn't directed to OP, per se, since he/she has already indicated they are almost to the finish line, but to anyone else who might read this in the future: Get that board certification! There are a lot of things you can do with it that have nothing to do with the clinical work.

Exactly - this is my exact advice to people - finish some sort of residency even if you don't practice a day in your life. I recently was discussing with someone who was in a CT surgery track - he finished apparently but was recruited for a medical type company management and now owns it -

I myself made the decision to resign from Rads residency - I just could not tolerate continuing in a field I could not dare even imagine myself as an attending and cringe - I was told I was crazy to change from Rads to PM&R but professionally best decision I ever made. I would have burnt really badly had I stayed.

 

[DokterMom]

As someone who experienced severe burnout during PGY2 and left prior to finishing out the year, I have to say good on you for sticking it out. Like you, I struggled a bit on the academic side of things. I didn't fail any rotations or have to retake Step 3, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were some eyes on me. When I resigned, I felt like a tremendous burden was lifted off of me. I could finally breathe. It didn't matter to me that up until the middle of intern year, being a doctor was all I wanted to do. I put my head down and pressed on through another for another year, ignoring the warning signs and assuming that this is just what doctors have to do to get through residency. I flat out rejected the idea that I was becoming a victim of burn-out. I mean, I wasn't tired or fatigued, I just didn't like medicine anymore. The culture of endurance is real. Then one day it all came crashing down. I couldn't stomach the idea of going back for one more single day. I was supposed to start a 10 day vacation the following Monday. The Thursday prior, I walked out of the ICU and I never went back. For the next year, I was so happy to be away from medicine. I couldn't imagine ever going back. I laughed when people asked if I missed it. But after that first year, I occasionally found myself thinking fondly of really fun procedures I used to do. Then that turned into missing treating patients for XYZ disease. That turned into something else, and it all started snowballing. 4-5 months later I was to the point where I just missed so many aspects of being a doctor. I started looking for opportunities for non-board certified jobs. What I found was that there are so many jobs I would qualify for if I had finished residency, that had nothing to do with the specialty. If I had just recognized my own symptoms and what I was experiencing, not only could I have gotten the help I needed for burn-out, but I could have graduated residency and picked up a job that didn't have me working as a clinician in my specialty, but instead doing other things I would have loved to be doing all along (business side of medicine with some simple clinical work).

At this point in time, I can pretty safely say that I will never go back to that specialty, but I am seeking PGY2 spots in a specialty that is sort of relevant to my previous residency. All that to say, best thing to do is stick it out. This isn't directed to OP, per se, since he/she has already indicated they are almost to the finish line, but to anyone else who might read this in the future: Get that board certification! There are a lot of things you can do with it that have nothing to do with the clinical work.

Excellent advice @shaggybill and a real public service to share your experience. For anyone with just a short time left to go, sticking it out to the bitter end can open doors to some great options that might not be immediately visible from behind the 8 ball.

 

[RadOncDoc21]

As someone who also had a rough residency, sticking it out is the best option. My advice is get with faculty you trust and respect and work as much with them as you can. Also, have them back your job search as you will need them in your corner.

 

[zeppelinpage4]

As someone who experienced severe burnout during PGY2 and left prior to finishing out the year, I have to say good on you for sticking it out. Like you, I struggled a bit on the academic side of things. I didn't fail any rotations or have to retake Step 3, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were some eyes on me. When I resigned, I felt like a tremendous burden was lifted off of me. I could finally breathe. It didn't matter to me that up until the middle of intern year, being a doctor was all I wanted to do. I put my head down and pressed on through another for another year, ignoring the warning signs and assuming that this is just what doctors have to do to get through residency. I flat out rejected the idea that I was becoming a victim of burn-out. I mean, I wasn't tired or fatigued, I just didn't like medicine anymore. The culture of endurance is real. Then one day it all came crashing down. I couldn't stomach the idea of going back for one more single day. I was supposed to start a 10 day vacation the following Monday. The Thursday prior, I walked out of the ICU and I never went back. For the next year, I was so happy to be away from medicine. I couldn't imagine ever going back. I laughed when people asked if I missed it. But after that first year, I occasionally found myself thinking fondly of really fun procedures I used to do. Then that turned into missing treating patients for XYZ disease. That turned into something else, and it all started snowballing. 4-5 months later I was to the point where I just missed so many aspects of being a doctor. I started looking for opportunities for non-board certified jobs. What I found was that there are so many jobs I would qualify for if I had finished residency, that had nothing to do with the specialty. If I had just recognized my own symptoms and what I was experiencing, not only could I have gotten the help I needed for burn-out, but I could have graduated residency and picked up a job that didn't have me working as a clinician in my specialty, but instead doing other things I would have loved to be doing all along (business side of medicine with some simple clinical work).

At this point in time, I can pretty safely say that I will never go back to that specialty, but I am seeking PGY2 spots in a specialty that is sort of relevant to my previous residency. All that to say, best thing to do is stick it out. This isn't directed to OP, per se, since he/she has already indicated they are almost to the finish line, but to anyone else who might read this in the future: Get that board certification! There are a lot of things you can do with it that have nothing to do with the clinical work.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I hope others who are struggling with residency and burnout get to read your post, it def would have helped me find a much needed sense of motivation, hope and perspective when the burnout was hitting it’s hardest. Best of luck on the journey back!