Stuck on diversity prompt!! please read my essay!

[chicago991]

Pittsburgh and UofC both have an essay prompt asking how the student can add to the diversity of the school. Here is Pittsburgh's prompt:

.The recruitment of a diverse student body is a major goal of the University of Pittsburgh's Medical School Admissions Committee. Please tell us whether facets of your life, background or education to date would contribute to the achievement of this goal.

. I grew up the son of first generation immigrants. I asked my father what it was like coming to a new land of strangers. He told me he didn’t think of each person as a stranger, rather an opportunity to learn something new and gain insight into humankind. I really understood the essence of what he was saying while distributing aid to displaced residents in the months after Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. I’ve seen the smile of appreciation a can of Chef Boyardee gives someone who has been without food and clean water for days. I’ve seen neighbors who’ve despised each other their whole lives become the best of friends when they are parked a few FEMA trailers away. I saw how a feeling of security can make an elderly woman sleep peacefully when I welded a wrought iron fence around her bungalow in a neighborhood abandoned after the floods. On the racetrack, I’ve had my fiercest competitor outshine me during a race and, afterwards, spend hours teaching me to improve my reflexes and find ways to build a faster engine. When I ran a real estate business, I witnessed the optimism of the human spirit on grand opening day after building a store for a local shop owner. I’ve seen the dedication of the human mind when meeting with an alderman to discuss strategies to lower crime in his district. I have used each new encounter to gain further insight to the human condition and hope to add my body of experiences to the University of Pittsburgh as well as learn from its exceptionally diverse faculty, staff, and student body.


Can someone please tell me if this is what they are looking for and if I even answered the question? I'm frustrated!

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[FlowLimited]

I didn't look closely in terms of how well it's written, but content-wise I'd say you're right on track. You give specific examples of unique experiences you've had and that definitely shows that you've got some interesting perspectives to bring to med school.

👍 Right on, my friend.

 

[TheRealMD]

Pittsburgh and UofC both have an essay prompt asking how the student can add to the diversity of the school. Here is Pittsburgh's prompt:

.The recruitment of a diverse student body is a major goal of the University of Pittsburgh's Medical School Admissions Committee. Please tell us whether facets of your life, background or education to date would contribute to the achievement of this goal.

. I grew up the son of first generation immigrants. I asked my father what it was like coming to a new land of strangers. He told me he didn’t think of each person as a stranger, rather an opportunity to learn something new and gain insight into humankind. I really understood the essence of what he was saying while distributing aid to displaced residents in the months after Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. I’ve seen the smile of appreciation a can of Chef Boyardee gives someone who has been without food and clean water for days. I’ve seen neighbors who’ve despised each other their whole lives become the best of friends when they are parked a few FEMA trailers away. I saw how a feeling of security can make an elderly woman sleep peacefully when I welded a wrought iron fence around her bungalow in a neighborhood abandoned after the floods. On the racetrack, I’ve had my fiercest competitor outshine me during a race and, afterwards, spend hours teaching me to improve my reflexes and find ways to build a faster engine. When I ran a real estate business, I witnessed the optimism of the human spirit on grand opening day after building a store for a local shop owner. I’ve seen the dedication of the human mind when meeting with an alderman to discuss strategies to lower crime in his district. I have used each new encounter to gain further insight to the human condition and hope to add my body of experiences to the University of Pittsburgh as well as learn from its exceptionally diverse faculty, staff, and student body.


Can someone please tell me if this is what they are looking for and if I even answered the question? I'm frustrated!

Hmm... I think you are shoving too many experiences into one essay and not really expanding on any one idea. Plus, you need to vary your sentence structure a bit.

I think the problem most people have with the diversity essay is that they really do think they are like everyone else. You should ask your friends what makes them different from you. They actually know you better than you do.

As for the essay itself... you talk about some experiences you've had but not directly how they relate to you. Talk about an experience, what you've learned from it, and how you might apply it in the future. Usually, it ends up being some skill or event that few people experience (Hurricane Katrina would be an good one to write about IF it relates to you). 1 idea discussed thoroughly and how it's effects on you might add to a medical school class is much better than many scattered ideas with little direction.

Does that give you an idea of what you could work on?

 

[WiscDoc]

Pittsburgh and UofC both have an essay prompt asking how the student can add to the diversity of the school. Here is Pittsburgh's prompt:

.The recruitment of a diverse student body is a major goal of the University of Pittsburgh's Medical School Admissions Committee. Please tell us whether facets of your life, background or education to date would contribute to the achievement of this goal. .

I grew up the son of first generation immigrants. I asked my father what it was like coming to a new land of strangers. He told me he didn’t think of each person as a stranger, rather an opportunity to learn something new and gain insight into humankind. I really understood the essence of what he was saying while distributing aid to displaced residents in the months after Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. I’ve seen the smile of appreciation a can of Chef Boyardee gives someone who has been without food and clean water for days. I’ve seen neighbors who’ve despised each other their whole lives become the best of friends when they are parked a few FEMA trailers away. I saw how a feeling of security can make an elderly woman sleep peacefully when I welded a wrought iron fence around her bungalow in a neighborhood abandoned after the floods. On the racetrack, I’ve had my fiercest competitor outshine me during a race and, afterwards, spend hours teaching me to improve my reflexes and find ways to build a faster engine. When I ran a real estate business, I witnessed the optimism of the human spirit on grand opening day after building a store for a local shop owner. I’ve seen the dedication of the human mind when meeting with an alderman to discuss strategies to lower crime in his district. I have used each new encounter to gain further insight to the human condition and hope to add my body of experiences to the University of Pittsburgh as well as learn from its exceptionally diverse faculty, staff, and student body.


Can someone please tell me if this is what they are looking for and if I even answered the question? I'm frustrated!

I think your good!

 

[chicago991]

I still don't understand what to do. I'm not sure if I'm fully understanding the question. I've read through the brochure Pittsburgh sent me, and they seem to stress diversity because it helps train physicians that have a wide variety of experiences and backgrounds. I thought about that when writing the essay, so I showed how I learned a lot about the people I've interacted with during my various experiences. The reason why I talked about so many different situations was because I wanted to show that my experiences were well...diverse. But at the same time, I do agree as though I'm not expanding on it much (tough with 250 word limit). I thought about just writing about my experiences in New Orleans, but I thought that I would not come off as a diverse student by only describing one aspect.

On a separate note, is it sufficient to talk about what I've learned from other people to show that I'm diverse?

God, all this thinking about diversity is really making my head explode.

 

[87138]

I'm fairly frustrated with this essay as well (for Pitt). I think you've probably got me beat as far as diverse experiences (with the Katrina stuff and all). That would probably look pretty good in the essay.

All I really have are a couple interesting ECs and the fact that I come from a small rural community. Nothing real exciting.

 

[FlowLimited]

I still don't understand what to do. I'm not sure if I'm fully understanding the question. I've read through the brochure Pittsburgh sent me, and they seem to stress diversity because it helps train physicians that have a wide variety of experiences and backgrounds. I thought about that when writing the essay, so I showed how I learned a lot about the people I've interacted with during my various experiences. The reason why I talked about so many different situations was because I wanted to show that my experiences were well...diverse. But at the same time, I do agree as though I'm not expanding on it much (tough with 250 word limit). I thought about just writing about my experiences in New Orleans, but I thought that I would not come off as a diverse student by only describing one aspect.

On a separate note, is it sufficient to talk about what I've learned from other people to show that I'm diverse?

God, all this thinking about diversity is really making my head explode.

Don't stress too much. They leave it vague on purpose so that they can see how different people approach the question. As I've said, what you have now is definitely on the right track. What you have now shows how your experiences have led you to see things and that many people have not seen. This most definitely shows diversity and let's med schools know that you have interesting perspectives to bring to their school.

 

[FlowLimited]

I'm fairly frustrated with this essay as well (for Pitt). I think you've probably got me beat as far as diverse experiences (with the Katrina stuff and all). That would probably look pretty good in the essay.

All I really have are a couple interesting ECs and the fact that I come from a small rural community. Nothing real exciting.

Perhaps try and expand on how growing up in a rural community has influenced you and allowed you to experience things that someone from a larger town or a city may not have seen or done. Pitt doesn't expect every single student to have amazing tales of adventure or an unusual family background to write about. Take what you have and build on it.

 

[voirlesetoiles]

Pittsburgh and UofC both have an essay prompt asking how the student can add to the diversity of the school. Here is Pittsburgh's prompt:

.The recruitment of a diverse student body is a major goal of the University of Pittsburgh's Medical School Admissions Committee. Please tell us whether facets of your life, background or education to date would contribute to the achievement of this goal.

. I grew up the son of first generation immigrants. I asked my father what it was like coming to a new land of strangers. He told me he didn’t think of each person as a stranger, rather an opportunity to learn something new and gain insight into humankind. I really understood the essence of what he was saying while distributing aid to displaced residents in the months after Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. I’ve seen the smile of appreciation a can of Chef Boyardee gives someone who has been without food and clean water for days. I’ve seen neighbors who’ve despised each other their whole lives become the best of friends when they are parked a few FEMA trailers away. I saw how a feeling of security can make an elderly woman sleep peacefully when I welded a wrought iron fence around her bungalow in a neighborhood abandoned after the floods. On the racetrack, I’ve had my fiercest competitor outshine me during a race and, afterwards, spend hours teaching me to improve my reflexes and find ways to build a faster engine. When I ran a real estate business, I witnessed the optimism of the human spirit on grand opening day after building a store for a local shop owner. I’ve seen the dedication of the human mind when meeting with an alderman to discuss strategies to lower crime in his district. I have used each new encounter to gain further insight to the human condition and hope to add my body of experiences to the University of Pittsburgh as well as learn from its exceptionally diverse faculty, staff, and student body.


Can someone please tell me if this is what they are looking for and if I even answered the question? I'm frustrated!

That's a great prompt. First impression, perhaps too frank, I see too many "I"s. Try to vary your sentence structure a bit throughout the essay so it reads better. Your essay sounds like an extension of a med school PS, with the community service and experiences topic. The first sentence hits the correct note... try to focus more on YOU and your background.

Talk more about your family of immigrants and perhaps more about what your father told you. This is the chance to make your individuality stand out. It's a good start, but I think the essay's purpose is hindered when you start talking community service and PS-like instead of keeping the spotlight on you/what you learned.

Something on your background, culture, keen hobbies, childhood experiences, family... would fit in much better here. Nice community service though, I'm sure it already shows in your AMCAS primary app.

 

[TheRealMD]

That's a great prompt. First impression, perhaps too frank, I see too many "I"s. Try to vary your sentence structure a bit throughout the essay so it reads better. Your essay sounds like an extension of a med school PS, with the community service and experiences topic. The first sentence hits the correct note... try to focus more on YOU and your background.

Talk more about your family of immigrants and perhaps more about what your father told you. This is the chance to make your individuality stand out. It's a good start, but I think the essay's purpose is hindered when you start talking community service and PS-like instead of keeping the spotlight on you/what you learned.

Something on your background, culture, keen hobbies, childhood experiences, family... would fit in much better here. Nice community service though, I'm sure it already shows in your AMCAS primary app.

Yah, I second this.

 

[ProjectGemini]

I think your essay is pretty good, but it seems too clustered with too many different things. I understand that there is a space constraint and you want to make sure you stand out....but I'd say expand more on your immigrant family experience. I am thinking of writing about that too for my secondary essays because that's one big life-changing (literally) experience that people seem to overlook.

 

[inaminute]

I think this is a lot like the Dead African Babies essay. Tone 'er down, cowboy.