Surgery Haikus

[Brickhouse]

---

Members don't see this ad.

Caffeine withdrawal
Makes pre-rounding even worse
Starbucks, please open

3 o’clock am
Might be late, might be early
Who cares? I’m awake

Hours ticking by
If I don’t sleep, I’m ruined
Diphenhydramine

You, stupid third year
Your mere presence is toxic
Why do you look hurt?

Hail, chief resident
Is that your knot I just cut?
I’ll just scrub out now

 

[Dr JPH]

Hail, chief resident
Is that your knot I just cut?
I’ll just scrub out now

Awesome!

 

[Dr JPH]

All true...mostly

Bovie smoke rises
Surrounds my fogging face mask
Smells better than $&!^

It is 5 am
Have you passed gas since last night?
Then you can't go home

Fascia is so tough
Its not me, it is the Metz
There goes my high pass

I love surgery
I'm taking medicine call
And they say I'm nuts

I'm told your belly hurts
I need a Hemoccult card
No developer

What did I just clip?
Cystic artery I think
Hepatic failure

Vertical mattress
I just want to go to sleep
Indermil for you

 

[GoodMonkey]

oh malleable
a versatile retractor
i hold until numb


i can not see it
7-0 vicryl, the width
of a human hair


on call, i lay down
leg edema catches up
i pee all night long

 

[Brickhouse]

oh malleable
a versatile retractor
i hold until numb


i can not see it
7-0 vicryl, the width
of a human hair


on call, i lay down
leg edema catches up
i pee all night long

Those are good goodmonkey!

 

[Paws]

Caffeine withdrawal
Makes pre-rounding even worse
Starbucks, please open

3 o’clock am
Might be late, might be early
Who cares? I’m awake

You, stupid third year
Your mere presence is toxic
Why do you look hurt?

I am totally laughing right out loud now!! These are so awesome.

Have you seen the ER haiku's on the ER forum? Holy cow, those are so incredibly funny too ...

 

[dentate_gyrus]

All true...mostly

Bovie smoke rises
Surrounds my fogging face mask
Smells better than $&!^

Bovie smoke rises
tittilating my nostrils
I want BBQ.


10PM admit
foriegn object in rectum
can't wait to pre-round

 

[Entei]

Here's my humble twist on the surgery haiku, since I'm applying for gen surg. 😳 This is a true story based on one of my interviews:

"Will you hire me?"
"Please define Noonan's Syndrome."
Sigh of Autumn's Wind

 

[Brickhouse]

Here's my humble twist on the surgery haiku, since I'm applying for gen surg. 😳 This is a true story based on one of my interviews:

"Will you hire me?"
"Please define Noonan's Syndrome."
Sigh of Autumn's Wind

I have the utmost respect for you going into surgery. It's an incredible field! Good luck!

 

[Entei]

I have the utmost respect for you going into surgery. It's an incredible field! Good luck!

Aw shucks, thanks. 😀
I'm just glad I don't have to live through third year again. Good luck to you too!

 

[deleted6669]

crashed bike really bad
surgeon wants to cut belly
glucose is ten chief

obvious appy
surgeon wants ct scan stat
3 hours later perf

 

[SLUser11]

obvious appy
surgeon wants ct scan stat
3 hours later perf

I've never experienced a situation where an ER doc says "it's appendicitis" and the surgeon says "we need a CT." I'm not dogging ER docs, but usually the "unnecessary CT" is ordered before we get consulted, and most self-respecting surgeons wouldn't order a CT for an obvious appy, at least in a guy.

......no idea while I felt compelled to respond to your haiku.

Surgery intern
Not fond of P.A.'s haiku
Oversensitive.

 

[Brickhouse]

I've never experienced a situation where an ER doc says "it's appendicitis" and the surgeon says "we need a CT." I'm not dogging ER docs, but usually the "unnecessary CT" is ordered before we get consulted, and most self-respecting surgeons wouldn't order a CT for an obvious appy, at least in a guy.

......no idea while I felt compelled to respond to your haiku.

Surgery intern
Not fond of P.A.'s haiku
Oversensitive.

Well this is a P.A. with 20 years of emed experience after all, or so I've heard.

 

[SLUser11]

Well this is a P.A. with 20 years of emed experience after all, or so I've heard.

I'm sure in the last 20 years a surgeon or two was responsible for unnecessary imaging and delay of treatment, but it's the opposite of the norm.

 

[deleted6669]

I'm sure in the last 20 years a surgeon or two was responsible for unnecessary imaging and delay of treatment, but it's the opposite of the norm.

most of our surgeoons won't see the pt until we give them a ct result unless it's absolutely perfect - say 21 yr old male, 101 fever, 15 k white count, anorexia, and exam positive in every regard.

I'm sure there are places where the surgeons show up early in the evaluation process and do a bedside eval but in the several places I've worked it is the exceptional surgeon who will see the pt before a complete eval is done.

 

[SLUser11]

most of our surgeoons won't see the pt until we give them a ct result unless it's absolutely perfect - say 21 yr old male, 101 fever, 15 k white count, anorexia, and exam positive in every regard.

I'm sure there are places where the surgeons show up early in the evaluation process and do a bedside eval but in the several places I've worked it is the exceptional surgeon who will see the pt before a complete eval is done.

That's unfortunate....it makes surgeons look bad, and places an extra burden on an already-busy ER staff. I was in another thread recently where medicine docs were complaining about Gen Surgeons dumping patients on them for routine medical care (DM, HTN, etc):
http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=340828

What this highlights is that a certain specialty's role in medical care is sometimes dictated by the environment they're in, so there are areas of the US (mostly the northeast from what I'm gathering) where the surgeon doesn't do his full job.

Although patient care and other specialties suffer due to this, the surgical resident in this environment suffers the most, because he is being taught incorrectly, and will go on to propagate the cycle.

An ideal General Surgeon is somewhat of a man-of-all-seasons. While he doesn't mistake himself for an expert in other fields of medicine, he does not rely entirely on consultations, instead taking the time to interpret labs, read his own films, and manage medical problems, therefore never losing touch with the cerebral side of medicine..........ideally.......

 

[Brickhouse]

Ok hope all that is cleared up - now back to the Haikus! 😳

 

[Samoa]

Thread is for haikus
Not rants about mid-levels
Back to topic, please.

 

[deleted6669]

Thread is for haikus
Not rants about mid-levels
Back to topic, please.

not offended friend
surgeon is idealist
only patients cry

 

[toomuch]

Stitching the belly
Oozing dehisience contents
Abdomen binding

Ok this is terrible, will do better

 

[that dr. jack]

Trauma team two weeks
F*ck being the whitest cloud
I done missed them all

Would like to suture
But residents get first dibs
I write progress notes

What’s this artery?
Answer more of my questions
Well ask more I know

Renal transplant day
Forced to go to conference
And learn chest xrays

Post call lap chole
You’ll never be a surgeon
No, not here I won’t

12 hours a day
Housestaff love to belittle
But it’s not FP

 

[Dr JPH]

T-Tube might be blocked
Radiologist says no
Tube clamped dumb student

Story behind this one:

I was a 3rd year student on my first surgical clerkship. We had spent the last few hours in an open chole with a huge CBD stone...looked like a grape in a straw.

So we put in a T-Tube...resident sews it in nice and tight.

POD #0 = uneventful
POD #1 = uneventful
POD #2 = no more T-Tube drainage
POD #2 late night = intern (on my "expert" opinion) orders fluoro to see if the tube is blocked

Interv Rads shoots the dye, shoots the pic...clean. No blush, no block, nothing.

Dumb med student (me) forgot to notice that the tube was clamped, hence no bile collected.

Attending still makes fun of me, 3 years later.

 

[Brickhouse]

This isn't necessarily for surgery residents, just residents in general, more specifically, annoying ones.

You should read on that
Resident's way of saying:
I have no idea

 

[Raryn]

(I realize this is an old thread, but it has some amusing ones so I figured I would add to it rather than starting my own)

Our surgery clerkship lets us do a "creative project" to get out of writing a few extra graded H&Ps, so I ended up writing a series of Haikus related to surgical diagnoses/procedures. They're pretty bad, but I find them amusing in their own way:

Abdominal wall Many midline cuts before
Now out through defect

Pain radiate back
Starts in midline abdomen
Emergency op!

Upper right hurts lots
Fat female forty fertile
No cutting bile duct

Solid breast lump found
Malpractice if misdiagnose
Always biopsy

Pulses slow and small
Systolic murmur to neck
Replace a valve

Lampshade on one eye
Weakness on the other side
Check the carotids

Troublesome acid
Meds not helping to control
Fundoplication

Red blood per rectum
Find out above or below
Start with digital


Pain and distension
Never let sun rise or set
Lyse the adhesions

Patient got a scan
Incidental nodule found
First look at old films

Highest BMI
Restrict or make malabsorb
Cure diabetes

Hurt when walking far
No tissue damage or rest pain
Do not operate

Pain, vomit, fever
Extreme rebound tenderness
Acute abdomen

Stones, bones, groans, or moans
Check parathyroid hormone
If high, localize

Kidney damaged
Creatinine is up high
Create fistula

Blunt or else piercing
Assumed internal bleeding
Respect golden hour

 

[MilkmanAl]

Retracting for hours
"Student, what's the blood supply?"
Still better than Gyn

 

[DrDrToBe]

Med student, your day is done
But if you want some fun
Come behold this wondrous abscess
Tucked away in the perirectal recess
Who can say no
Attending, wherever you lead I'll go

Buttocks blue-cloth draped and iodine
Bovie please, suction ready
First cut, burning flesh
Grey pus gurgling in suction tube
I am strong
I can do this

Ahh, the pungent odor
My face lost color
Gagging sound, was that me?
Med student, scrub out

Outside the door
Definitely can't tolerate more
Oh wonderful circulator
Wintergreen on my mask

Ahh, smells like heaven
Blocks the stench I may never forget
Back in the room, I stand by his thighs
Attending meets my eyes
Hands me the suction
I take it, no reaction
Suction, irrigate, clean white bandages
Perirectal abcess, you're the strongest I've met
But tonight I bet
That I have conquered you yet

 

[TheLesPaul]

Haikus are structured
five-seven-five is their game
nice free poetry though

 

[username456789]

Haikus are structured [5]
five-seven-five is their game [7]
nice free poetry though [6]

Uh oh.

 

[TheLesPaul]

I meant "po'try", slurring the 2 syllables together, like:

You should read on that
Resident's way of saying:
I have no idea

i-deeeea = 2 syllables. Sort of.

 

[45408]

almost five year bump
it's still a good thread though, guys
but I suck at haiku

 

[tiedyeddog]

As a result of this I have a very loose dome like tummy which will not shift with either diet or exercises. Is it possible to repair the separation with surgery without having to have a full tummy tuck and is this available on the nhs? I am not planning on having any more kids.

lol? Greatest haiku, ever...

 

[TheLesPaul]

As a result of this I have a very loose dome like tummy which will not shift with either diet or exercises. Is it possible to repair the separation with surgery without having to have a full tummy tuck and is this available on the nhs? I am not planning on having any more kids.

Excess adipose
Can scalpels fix what I can't?
Darn those meddling kids