Taking care of the elderly is really difficult for me. How could I get better at it?

[mrh125]

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I work as a volunteer/scribe with a gi doc and some of the patients that affect me the most are the elderly. It just really bothers me to see them suffer, grow old and have so many issues with their body failing them while their mind is still intact. Most of them seem like wonderful people, with great life stories, and unique experiences (I met patients who were on both sides of ww2, a lady who had a talk show and was a missionary in Ghana and Uganda and travelled the world) They also place a lot of trust in doctors and often time there's sort of naivety or innocence that no other patients really have.


Every time I see them suffer or go in with doctor who has lab results that they have cancer or something I feel let down because they were delivered a potentially bleak and ominous diagnosis and a lot of them have families and I want them to love to see their grandchild grow up and spend as much time as possible with their families.

No other patients affect me emotionally as much as the elderly aside from psychiatric patients which I can really understand well. I've also watched a grandmother go through Alzheimer's and mentally deteriorate. And my grandfather who had leukemia died on the day he was supposed to be released from the hospital because a doctor screwed up his records and treatment (when my parents talked to him he told them "he was old and old people die, get over it").

Does anyone else get really troubled by taking care of the elderly or another patient group? How could get used to it? Anyone else have similar experiences or stories? The problem about being emotionally invested In particular patients i believe is it can take time away from other patients and your ability to care for others.

I really would like to work
More with patients my age and be able to play an active role in helping them with issues that aren't as serious, but if I am going to be involved with them I would want to take the most active role possible Like removing tumors, even though I know that won't be happy all the time. I would want to be responsible for failure or successes and just be able to do the most I can.

 

[Straw Hat]

How long have you been working there for? Time and experience is probably your best bet. I remember taking care of an elderly patient with pancreatic cancer and her husband wasn't ready for her to go. All I could think about was me being 60, 70, 80, whatever age with my gf and losing her the same way. You become so dependent on those you love and then you're all alone. It's tough to see other people go through these situations but I've just learned to leave work at work. I still allow myself to care and become attached to a certain degree but with experience I've learned boundaries and coping skills.

 

[Gauss44]

There's definitely such thing as a healthy level of emotional involvement with your work/patients/clients. I would say that a doctor who doesn't care at all is not at an optimal state, nor is one who has too much emotional stress from his work. I think some red flags for the later scenario include, not being able to get a troubling work situation off your mind, overall happiness being replaced by anxiety or sadness, and being prone to over-reactions (including, but not limited to, overly emotional productions and/or lashing out). Of course, everyone has bad days that are an exception to the rule. The trouble comes when bad days become the rule, and not the exception. At that point, it might be time for a complete or partial break, a reduction of hours, or the addition of something positive to your life. A good mentor or even a counselor can help people to adjust as well. That last option is especially good if you ever catch yourself (or your friends catch you) starting conversations about something because it's bothering you and you need an outlet.

To your credit, I think that working with the sick elderly population can be tough. I had a friend who worked at a nursing home in high school. He genuinely cared a lot about so many people there. He seemed to bond with the patients to an extent where he was, I would say, often devastated when one would pass away or have a stroke or something else awful - and that all happened frequently. It took him a long time to move on, I think, because of how much he cared. But once he did, you could take one look at him and see that his life was happier. The story doesn't stop there; it will circle around to a happy ending... He went to school and got a nursing degree or license, worked in other medical settings, and received mentoring. One day, he returned to the nursing home where he previously worked, but this time, he wasn't beat up by it (on a regular basis anyway). I think it's because he took a break and eased back into it. Everyone seemed to benefit from that - he did, his friends did, AND HIS PATIENTS!

 

[frosted_flake]

I absolutely love working with the elderly, if and when I get into medical school, I would love to have a focus within this population.
I know first hand that it can be very sad at times (working as an EMT I am in nursing homes, senior living centers, etc. a lot) seeing them suffer. I try to approach it like this (it helps me): if I were that person, would I want someone to be afraid of me? Think less of me because my mind has failed me? Heck no! Talk with them, ask if there is anything you can do for them. Most are very kind, and if you have the time to listen, you can learn a lot from them.
Feel free to PM me and chat if you ever come up on a situation that really bothers you! Talking it out can work wonders 🙂