Taking Year Off After Boards

[DialAView]

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Hi, I am a second year right now and have seriously thought about taking a year off to go to Israel to learn in a yeshiva(religious school). I talked to the Dean's at the medical school and they are all for it, no consequences in terms of residency, etc, etc. The main problem is my parents are very against it. They said it is my choice but they both made it clear they are against it. They do support me financially and I have pretty much always done what they said. My Dad brings up numerous points but keeps saying how I will lose a year of income and a year of my life. I just wanted to get people's input on taking a year off and if they have any conflicts with their parents over choices in their life. Take Care. Paul

 

[Paws]

Well, if you want to go to Israel and your school is all for it then you should probably do it. As for the parent thing, I have tended to do what is right for me and yes, sometimes my folks have been way set against it. But you know? I have to live with myself and while I would like them to approve of everything I do, sometimes it just ain't gonna happen. In the end, I don't regret the things I did despite not getting their approval. That said, I have always supported myself financially and so that has helped a great deal.

As for 'losing a year of your life,' it sounds like Israel would be a real blast and might actually 'give' you a year of your life. In other words, it could be a life changing experience.

This may be something you will have to wrestle out with yourself.

 

[phoenixsupra]

You don't really become an adult until you learn to stand up to your parents. They may support you, but they don't own you. Having said that, I don't get a dime from my folks so I guess it's easy for me to say. Good luck. 🙂

 

[medic170]

I agree. Assume your parents have no influence and ask yourself what you want to do. Whatever that is, that's what you should do.

 

[quideam]

Hey there,

I'm also interested in taking a year off between MS2 and MS3 to go to Israel... I think I would like to eventually move there, so I think it makes sense to go there for a while. If you want to go, do it. Seriously. Your parents don't know what you want as well as you do - also, I've found that parents tend to be overly narrow-minded in goals for their children (trust me, PLENTY of personal experience with this). I say go - once you graduate med school, you'll have to do residency and then pay off loans; you won't get this opportunity again. Good luck!

Quid

 

[LuckyM]

Hi, Paul,

I have some questions: who will pay for plane tickets to/from Israel, who will pay for a year of study in yeshiva, for your food, basic needs? If you will pay from money that you already earned and saved, then it is your decision, but if again you relay on your parents, then you cannot push them to make an additional year of commitment to support you.

Also, have you ever leave in Israel for at least 3 - 4 weeks not as a tourist? Did you try to find work over there to support yourself?
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QUID: What do you mean by "parents tend to be overly narrow-minded in goals for their children (trust me, PLENTY of personal experience with this)"?

What goals you were not able to achieve because of your parents? Cornell does not pick average person; you probably did some "crazy" stuff in your life, and not just ones. I am sure you achieved a lot and your parents played some role in that. Please explain. 😕

 

[phoenixsupra]

Hi, Paul,

I have some questions: who will pay for plane tickets to/from Israel, who will pay for a year of study in yeshiva, for your food, basic needs? If you will pay from money that you already earned and saved, then it is your decision, but if again you relay on your parents, then you cannot push them to make an additional year of commitment to support you.

Lucky, that's probably not that relevant if it's not a financial strain for them to do so 😉 IMHO parents are very fortunate if they can afford to give their children what they want. If what paul's parents are asking for isn't what paul want's then it isn't really support. 😉

QUID: What do you mean by "parents tend to be overly narrow-minded in goals for their children (trust me, PLENTY of personal experience with this)"?

That seems pretty clear to me. It may not be true of your parents Lucky. I bet that's why quid said "tend to be" instead of "are". If your parents support you even though it's a strain but aren't controlling then that's just great. I guess that's why your screenname is Lucky. Some people actually do have a difficult time establishing a healthy personal independence from their parents. That doesn't mean they're not gratefull. 🙂

 

[DialAView]

Hi, Paul,

I have some questions: who will pay for plane tickets to/from Israel, who will pay for a year of study in yeshiva, for your food, basic needs? If you will pay from money that you already earned and saved, then it is your decision, but if again you relay on your parents, then you cannot push them to make an additional year of commitment to support you.

Also, have you ever leave in Israel for at least 3 - 4 weeks not as a tourist? Did you try to find work over there to support yourself?
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I will be paying for the plane ticket and I can get financial aid from the yeshiva for room and board. In terms of a job I won't need one while I am there because room and board covers everything, and I have a little money that I have saved up to pay for the little moments here and there. I guess I know they will be let down if I don't listen to them, and that really upsets me. It is also scary to think about taking a year off from school, I have been going straight thru since I was a wee little boy in elementary school. I dunno....very tough deicision. I just feel like I want to attain a certain religious level now and live a certain life and that me going to yeshiva is needed to attain this level. Thanks again for all the replies. Take Care. Paul

 

[phoenixsupra]

Sounds good dialaview. Go for it. Taking time out from school is definately a good thing. Shalom 🙂

 

[quideam]

Dear LuckyM,

It's not always about reaching goals; a lot of it is about the experiences you gain along the way. I can think of several examples when I really wanted to do a program, etc., where my parents adamantly stood in the way.... again, it's not always about reaching your destination; it's also being happy when you get there.

By the way, Lucky - don't you think I know who you are?? ;-).

 

[Rendar5]

It's your life, not your parents life. Your purpose in life shouldn't be to please your parents. Although you should respect them, that doesn't mean you have to do everything they think would be good for you. As long as you're not going to end up making your parents pay for something they don't want, it's all well and good.

 

[saiyagirl]

i was in a similar situation sometime back. i am like you--always listened to my parents about these matters. (Indian parents and Jewish parents are more alike than they realize!)

after college i had the opportunity to take two years off with Teach for America. I had some issues deferring my admission, but I didn't take the offer largely because my parents were dead against it. My brother pulled the "two years of income" on me as well, even though I'd have a salaried position ("but you'd make double that as a doctor"). I gave in to them and though i love my parents, and love med school, I still regret not going for it!

I encourage you do whatever you have to do to pursue what you desire. I understand how hard that is with parents who you respect, but who don't support your wishes. Try your best to convince them. Honestly...what's the point of rushing into the working world...so you can work 36 years instead of 35? Even if you don't go to Israel, what's the guarantee that you would have worked those 36 years anyway?

You're not losing one year of your life if you're doing something you love...life is not simply the quantity of time that passes while we're alive! I think my parents were largely concerned I would never come back to medical school...that might be an issue for them as well...reassure them.

Whatever you do--don't give up! Good luck 🙂