Talking to a Friend about Residency

[Premed2295]

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I have one friend in medical school I’m a bit worried about.
She thinks she very badly wanted to do Psychiatry and wants to apply to a residency in that field.
In the last month I’ve had some serious mental health struggles, and this friend has tried to help me, even without me soliciting advice, and frankly just has a knack for making me feel worse.
How do I gently tell her I think it might just be the wrong fit? I don’t want to hurt her feelings but what she’s trying is seriously ineffective and when I approach even the fact that it isn’t helping me, she turns the blame toward me, which only makes me feel even worse! I’m not sure how to tell her that i don’t think that’s the best career for her without
1. Insulting her
2. Opening myself up to verbal attacks

Should I leave it alone and let her learn the hard way? Should I have another friend tell her? Just bite the bullet and tell her that her strategies aren’t effective?


The technique she tries is comparing my situation to herself and things she’s dealt/ is dealing with to make it seem more normal or manageable, but it misses the mark and frankly just comes out as narsassitic

 

[sovereign0]

I'm not sure your opinion of your personal relationship with her is enough to tell her to pick a different career. That would be generalizing and self-important of you to suggest. Her being a ****ty friend and her specialty interest should be two different issues unless there is a pattern of this kind of behavior. One example doesn't make a pattern.

Also, I wonder if you're confusing psychiatry with counseling or clinical psychology... Psychiatrists don't really do therapy like that.

I know it wasn't the point of your post, but you should also consider seeing a professional. This friend of yours is clearly doing more harm than good but an actual therapist should be able to help.

 

[workaholic181]

I wouldn't. I'm sorry you've been struggling lately and I'm sorry your friend hasn't been very helpful but the dynamic between you guys is not necessarily indicative of what may go on between her and a patient. My advice would be to stop telling her about the things you are dealing with if she's not helping, rather than share that you feel she's been hurtful.

Best advice I got going into school was from a physician who advised me to not share too much personal struggles with classmates and vice versa. If a classmate tells me about an issue I'll listen and advise them to seek counseling. Friends can only help friends up to a certain point, even if one of them is interested in psych. The dynamic between the two of you is totally different between a patient and herself, and she has no real training yet.

Let it go, and I'd really suggest you stop talking with her about these things.

 

[Tenk]

Just because someone you know isn’t good with you doesn’t mean they won’t be a good psychiatrist. I sure as hell treat my friends and family different from patients and I’m sure you do as well. It doesn’t translate over.

 

[mehc012]

I wouldn't. I'm sorry you've been struggling lately and I'm sorry your friend hasn't been very helpful but the dynamic between you guys is not necessarily indicative of what may go on between her and a patient. My advice would be to stop telling her about the things you are dealing with if she's not helping, rather than share that you feel she's been hurtful.

Best advice I got going into school was from a physician who advised me to not share too much personal struggles with classmates and vice versa. If a classmate tells me about an issue I'll listen and advise them to seek counseling. Friends can only help friends up to a certain point, even if one of them is interested in psych. The dynamic between the two of you is totally different between a patient and herself, and she has no real training yet.

Let it go, and I'd really suggest you stop talking with her about these things.

I fully agree with the first sentence, but I dunno about the last half here. If keeping it all separate from your classmates works for you, great, but it can also work the other way. My classmates and I are pretty open with one another, even about mental health issues, and it's been incredibly helpful thus far. As long as you can keep "venting to friends" separate from "expecting other people to put in the work to solve your mental health issues", it can be helpful for people to lean on one another a little bit when one person needs to talk and the others have the bandwidth to listen.

 

[sloop]

I’m a psychiatry resident and I deliberately avoid doing anything that even resembles psychotherapy with friends and family. Many patients have all sorts of cognitive distortions or maladaptive coping and need to be told (usually gently, sometimes forcefully) that they’re wrong and need to do things differently. The problem is that I actually care deeply that my friends like me.

So, there are multiple problems here:

First, you assume that someone should be competent in psychotherapy before they even begin their training.

Second, you assume that your relationship as a friend is comparable to that of being a patient.

Third, maybe she is somehow practicing halfway decent psychotherapy. You assume that psychotherapy should make the patient feel good in the short term (not necessarily correct).

I would just let this go. I doubt it is going to be helpful to get into an argument with her about this. The fact that an untrained but well meaning person is making a mess when they try to do something doesn’t necessarily indicate how they would perform after training.

 

[workaholic181]

I fully agree with the first sentence, but I dunno about the last half here. If keeping it all separate from your classmates works for you, great, but it can also work the other way. My classmates and I are pretty open with one another, even about mental health issues, and it's been incredibly helpful thus far. As long as you can keep "venting to friends" separate from "expecting other people to put in the work to solve your mental health issues", it can be helpful for people to lean on one another a little bit when one person needs to talk and the others have the bandwidth to listen.

I think we're saying the same thing. I completely agree that it can be good to vent to friends, but clearly in OP's case the friend in question is going beyond that. That's what I meant by "friends can only help friends up to a certain point."

 

[Ho0v-man]

If only there was someone qualified to review the CV of one applying for a psychiatry residency. Better yet, a committee of some sort full of experts in the field with experience determining if one is cut out to be a psychiatrist.

I doubt such a thing exists so I guess the buck stops with you, OP.

 

[deleted480308]

Just tell them you prefer to discuss your health with your doctor and focus on the friend stuff