Terminated (voluntary resignation) for unprofessional behavior, should I let PD know I'm an addict?

[tallmauve]

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Hi,
I'm ashamed to write this. You'll be disgusted to read it. I was a Family Practice PG Y 1 terminated recently and rightly so, for being an addict. I guess I should clarify and say they didn't specifically know I'm an alcoholic, but my behavior was all of the things addicts do. I've been addicted to alcohol for 10 years now. It got progressively worse as addictions go. So I did things like be consistently late, forget to be at appointments, space out during conversations, constantly forget important things (THIS WAS THE BIGGEST COMPLAINT IN ALL MY EVALUATIONS), and telling lies ALL THE TIME. I got caught for telling lies about doing physical exams I hadn't done and saying I looked at x rays or CT scans when I didn't. I even did procedures with delirium tremens. They had at least 3 formal sit downs with me with the PD, chairman, and others. I did the in-service exam hung over and bombed it.

I am not making excuses for my behavior, I blame no-one but myself. It's unacceptable. I have put my family through a lot of grief. My question is, I am going to rehab and afterward I plan on trying for the match again if at all possible. I am an IMG to top it all. Low Step 2 score of 200 (at the time it was a passing score). Should I let my former PD know I am an alcoholic? And do I need a letter from him for my applications? He was kind enough to give me a voluntary resignation instead of a termination. If I tell him I'm an addict will he sabotage my applications?

Thanks in advance. It is weighing on my conscience.

 

[Apollyon]

Hi,
I'm ashamed to write this. You'll be disgusted to read it. I was a Family Practice PG Y 1 terminated recently and rightly so, for being an addict. I guess I should clarify and say they didn't specifically know I'm an alcoholic, but my behavior was all of the things addicts do. I've been addicted to alcohol for 10 years now (I'm 35). It got progressively worse as addictions go. So I did things like be consistently late, forget to be at appointments, space out during conversations, constantly forget important things (THIS WAS THE BIGGEST COMPLAINT IN ALL MY EVALUATIONS), and telling lies ALL THE TIME. I got caught for telling lies about doing physical exams I hadn't done and saying I looked at x rays or CT scans when I didn't. I even did procedures with delirium tremens. They had at least 3 formal sit downs with me with the PD, chairman, and others. I did the in-service exam hung over and bombed it.

I am not making excuses for my behavior, I blame no-one but myself. It's unacceptable. I have put my family through a lot of grief. My question is, I am going to rehab and afterward I plan on trying for the match again if at all possible. I am an IMG to top it all. Low Step 2 score of 201 (at the time it was a passing score). Should I let my former PD know I am an alcoholic? And do I need a letter from him for my applications? He was kind enough to give me a voluntary resignation instead of a termination. If I tell him I'm an addict will he sabotage my applications?

Thanks in advance. It is weighing on my conscience.

The only two things you can do are 1. rehab and 2. never touch a drink again. Ever. In your entire life.

If you can recover, it is likely that you will find something, as a recovery story that is successful is a wonderful feather in your cap. On the other hand, fail, even once, and color it all gone.

And I'll bet you that your PD knows - if he doesn't, then I wonder about what other stuff he misses. Still, ask about it.

But, as I said, you need to recover, and enter a new chapter of your life.

 

[deleted87716]

Go to AA, get a sponsor. You can talk to your PD when you get to Step Five.

 

[tallmauve]

Go to AA, get a sponsor. You can talk to your PD when you get to Step Five.

Thank you, I should focus on my sobriety, will do.

 

[tallmauve]

The only two things you can do are 1. rehab and 2. never touch a drink again. Ever. In your entire life.

If you can recover, it is likely that you will find something, as a recovery story that is successful is a wonderful feather in your cap. On the other hand, fail, even once, and color it all gone.

And I'll bet you that your PD knows - if he doesn't, then I wonder about what other stuff he misses. Still, ask about it.

But, as I said, you need to recover, and enter a new chapter of your life.

Thank you, I will focus on my sobriety for now.

 

[styphon]

I would agree. Do what you need to do (inpt rehab or intense counseling), get your life sorted out - then tell the PD.

 

[d2305]

To start at the beginning, when was your last drink?

 

[vistaril]

The only two things you can do are 1. rehab and 2. never touch a drink again. Ever. In your entire life.

If you can recover, it is likely that you will find something, as a recovery story that is successful is a wonderful feather in your cap. On the other hand, fail, even once, and color it all gone.
.

that's often not the nature of addiction *and* recovery. I saw a pt yesterday(an internist) with a 20 year history of opiate use d/o and alcohol use d/o. He's been working at his recovery for the better part of 20 years, with much more success than failure. He's currently got 3-4 years, but he's lapsed a few times(only once a prolonged relapse). And like I said, he's by almost every measure a success story for recovery(and has a huge practice).

 

[Apollyon]

that's often not the nature of addiction *and* recovery. I saw a pt yesterday(an internist) with a 20 year history of opiate use d/o and alcohol use d/o. He's been working at his recovery for the better part of 20 years, with much more success than failure. He's currently got 3-4 years, but he's lapsed a few times(only once a prolonged relapse). And like I said, he's by almost every measure a success story for recovery(and has a huge practice).

It's one thing to be licensed and in practice. Once you have the license, it's a LOT easier than if you don't have it at all. Did this guy bag it before he became a doc? In other words, not making it out of internship makes it a MUCH tougher road.

And, of course, I know you're a psychiatrist. At the same time, you (of course) know that not only psychiatrists know about addiction. Give it some years in practice, and you'll get to know doctors and nurses with addiction issues collegially, that are not part of your practice, and you'll see it from that side.

 

[smq123]

Cross posted in the general residency forum. Please go there to respond.

Closing.