The Chuck Norris Thread

Started by Bent Aub
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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard, only another fist!

PS - Which cage is TX do you work in. Your moniker suggests a certain county hospital I'm very familiar with...
 
doctawife said:
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard, only another fist!

PS - Which cage is TX do you work in. Your moniker suggests a certain county hospital I'm very familiar with...
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Oh no you've found me out!! I thought I'd hid so well with my cleverly disguised name! 😉

Yes, whenever I'm not stuck in my cage I like to take in some inspirational viewing material, such as:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1642842
 
Holy crap that video is funny.

Off topic, but did you know that there once was a computer in the pedi ER that had its content filter broken? Do you have any idea what that means... ???

Well, yes, SDN from work.

But also, you could look up lab results and PORN on the same computer!

Boobies, people, BOOBIES! Gotta love the (t)aub.
 
chuck norris is not hung like a horse. horses are hung like chuck norris.
 
When Chuck Norris jumps into the ocean, Chuck Norris does not get wet, the ocean just got Chuck Norrised!
 
Chuck Norris does not do push-ups. He pushes the earth down!
 
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
 
My favorite is:
When Chuck Norris answers the telephone, he simply says "go." This is not your cue to talk; rather, it is your cue to begin RUNNING FOR YOUR LIFE.
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...and of course, DocB convinced me to take a comment I made recently and turn it into a signature.
 
If Chuck Norris practiced medicine there would be no more disease, only trauma!
 
docB said:
It's too bad a forum can't have its own avatar. Chuck Norris with a sthethoscope would be a great avatar for the whole forum.
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Thankfully, Levi has way too much time on his hands with Photoshop. :laugh:

chucknorrisep9.jpg
 
docB said:
It's too bad a forum can't have its own avatar. Chuck Norris with a sthethoscope would be a great avatar for the whole forum.
Click to expand...

Done.

I've stolen this pic and have placed it as my avatar on a football site I frequent.

Very nice.
 
When I get out of class today, I will dust off the photo chop and provide several Chuck Norris pics (so long as looking at them, or chopping them, doesn't kill me).

I know y'all are on pins and needles. I just know it.
 
Round house kick...

Chuck Norris!

Death hold grip...

Chuck Norris!

Mustached lip...

Chuck Norris!

Tender kiss...

Chuck Norris!

Sorry, it's been stuck in my head all day.
 
Forget Wikipedia, if Chuck Norris wants you know something, he will tell you.
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. But he has never cried. Ever.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

Chuck Norris originally appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
 
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
 
augmel said:
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
 
Everynight before the boogey man goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not get frost bite, Chuck Norris bites frost.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water... and make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn't teabag people, he potato bags them.
 
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
 
If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Chuck Norris hears it. Chuck Norris can hear everything. Chuck Norris can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.
 
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
 
i heard chuck norris roundhoused kicked a bouncer at a club, and with that one kick gave the guy bilateral galiazzi fractures.
 
Chuck Norris leaps. He does not look, because he knows all, at every moment...

Chuck Norris once went to a nude beach in France. The Eiffel Tower was erected in homage.

Chuck Norris was once stuck between a rock and a hard place. That rock is now the Haley's Comet.
 
It's Dr. Norris...to you.
Stethoscope nun-chucks :meanie:

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chuck1yd1.jpg
 
Once a month Chuck Norris has sex with every woman on earth, after which they all bleed for 5 days.
 
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