The Joys of 3rd year

[The Knife & Gun Club]

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So today, with 3 days left in my Peds clerkship, I was in the team room writing notes. I've been with the same one resident for the last 5 and a half weeks. Maybe she likes me, but I can never tell. 40% of my grade is based on her eval, so I hope she likes me.

Talking with her about match and stuff:

Me: Oh yea, didn't you couples match with your husband?
Resident: I do NOT have a husband

*Internally dies, turns bright red, prepares for IA about how I was disrespectful to LGBTQ community and assuming someones sexual orientation*

Me: Umm uhh oh ... your ... wife?
Resident: 😵
Me: Or umm, I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you. Partner?

*Longest awkward silence ensues*

Resident: I have a Fiancé. His name is Jim.

Ah yes. Jim. The rads resident we've been eating lunch with every day FOR 5 WEEKS. Who I have apparently never realized isn't just friends with my resident.

So concludes another episode in the life of a socially oblivious MS3. Now back to your regularly scheduled programing.

 

[bananafish94]

We’re almost done, brother. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel of M3 year. Hey, wait a second...why is the light moving so fast? And why does it sound like a train horn?

 

[Foot Fetish]

I'm sorry, friend. That sounds pretty brutal. The 1 resident decides the entire 40% or just a component of it?
What I've learned is that M3 is ~90% a social game. You do not have to be an extrovert by any stretch of the imagination, just vigilant.

 

[Psai]

ahahaha

why is she so damn sensitive get over yourself lolol

 

[mehc012]

Who gets that upset over a husband/fiancé label mistake by someone you only know from work?

 

[studentdocftw]

Yikes. Let us know how this evaluation goes.

 

[curbsideconsult]

Me: Or umm, I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you. Partner?

Isn't this technically correct?

Maybe this will make you feel better:
watch from about 5:06-5:58

 

[The Knife & Gun Club]

I'm sorry, friend. That sounds pretty brutal. The 1 resident decides the entire 40% or just a component of it?
What I've learned is that M3 is ~90% a social game. You do not have to be an extrovert by any stretch of the imagination, just vigilant.

Yikes. Let us know how this evaluation goes.

Oh I don’t really care about the eval...more just absurd uncomfortableness of the situation.

Our school uses a weird grading system so no matter how well or poorly I do in the clerkship numerically it doesn’t really matter.

 

[puahate]

Why did she assume you were in a relationship to begin with?

 

[mehc012]

Why did she assume you were in a relationship to begin with?

She didn't...OP knew that the resident had couples matched, and assumed that meant husband. It was actually just fiancé, but the defensive way the resident responded made them jump to same-sex couple first. The embarrassment was that OP had actually met their resident's fiancé frequently throughout the course of the rotation.

 

[puahate]

She didn't...OP knew that the resident had couples matched, and assumed that meant husband. It was actually just fiancé, but the defensive way the resident responded made them jump to same-sex couple first. The embarrassment was that OP had actually met their resident's fiancé frequently throughout the course of the rotation.

Nevermind I mixed up the "Me:" and "Resident:"

LOL, Why was she pedantic?

 

[Black Coffee 24/7]

So today, with 3 days left in my Peds clerkship, I was in the team room writing notes. I've been with the same one resident for the last 5 and a half weeks. Maybe she likes me, but I can never tell. 40% of my grade is based on her eval, so I hope she likes me.

Talking with her about match and stuff:

Me: Oh yea, didn't you couples match with your husband?
Resident: I do NOT have a husband

*Internally dies, turns bright red, prepares for IA about how I was disrespectful to LGBTQ community and assuming someones sexual orientation*

Me: Umm uhh oh ... your ... wife?
Resident: 😵
Me: Or umm, I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you. Partner?

*Longest awkward silence ensues*

Resident: I have a Fiancé. His name is Jim.

Ah yes. Jim. The rads resident we've been eating lunch with every day FOR 5 WEEKS. Who I have apparently never realized isn't just friends with my resident.

So concludes another episode in the life of a socially oblivious MS3. Now back to your regularly scheduled programing.

I feel sorry for you for being stuck with this person for 5.5 wks.

 

[The Knife & Gun Club]

She didn't...OP knew that the resident had couples matched, and assumed that meant husband. It was actually just fiancé, but the defensive way the resident responded made them jump to same-sex couple first. The embarrassment was that OP had actually met their resident's fiancé frequently throughout the course of the rotation.

Excellent summary - you should write for first aid lol

 

[mehc012]

Excellent summary - you should write for first aid lol

I'll cite this thread when I apply for the job there 😀

 

[Newyawk]

I'm just wondering how close her actual facial expression was to the emoji you used.

Also, its crazy how one simple conversation in 3rd year can change your prospects.
Crap convo with one resident —> 1 point less on evaluations —> lose honors in the field of your interest —> get screened out of programs —> end up in a residency in wyoming —> cant find a white castle —> die from starvation.
Its really nuts.

 

[evilbooyaa]

I think the fact she got visibly offended that you even said husband when she couples matched with her fiance is not a good look for her or her marriage. Just my 2 cents lol.

But yeah, I get where you're coming from. Hopefully just bad day and it'll be fine.

 

[theonlytycrane]

I'm sorry, friend. That sounds pretty brutal. The 1 resident decides the entire 40% or just a component of it?
What I've learned is that M3 is ~90% a social game. You do not have to be an extrovert by any stretch of the imagination, just vigilant.

Can you expound upon 'vigilant'?

 

[mehc012]

Can you expound upon 'vigilant'?

You've got to watch your footing, or you'll trip up and wind up kicking yourself for not staying on your toes.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I think the fact she got visibly offended that you even said husband when she couples matched with her fiance is not a good look for her or her marriage. Just my 2 cents lol.

But yeah, I get where you're coming from. Hopefully just bad day and it'll be fine.

Yeah my first thought was that maybe their relationship isn’t looking so hot and she’s not sure she still wants to get married.

 

[NicMouse64]

A good catch maybe would've been to tease her about the ring on her finger....that's what I would've done

 

[Crayola227]

Um, you're all missing the issue she had.

It was the fact that you were socially interacting with this couple on a daily basis and had no idea of what their actual relationship to each other was. Like, it almost screams of "I just don't give a damn about other people or maybe just you" to an extent that would understandably raise anyone's eyebrows. Also in context of personalities at play (the OP, the peds crowd) this anecdote makes perfect sense and I don't think the issue is with the peds resident.

I've unwittingly made similar errors in recognizing other MS/MS or physician/physician relationships, mostly because of how affectionless so many seem to be on the surface, which is why it usually wasn't my fault. But I hardly thought it was crazy that someone might feel slighted that I didn't take note of their significant relationships depending on how much we interacted. It might be egocentric for them to think I would know, but it might be egocentric not to have known. It's a wash.

Lesson, if you're sitting at a table with two people for weeks on end, and one of them is grading you, it might behoove you to pay attention to what you can about any unspoken social things going on between them and other people you see them interact with. Ie how does your attending seem to feel about his MA or your peds resident about the other resident at the table.

 

[Gurby]

Um, you're all missing the issue she had.

It was the fact that you were socially interacting with this couple on a daily basis and had no idea of what their actual relationship to each other was. Like, it almost screams of "I just don't give a damn about other people or maybe just you" to an extent that would understandably raise anyone's eyebrows. Also in context of personalities at play (the OP, the peds crowd) this anecdote makes perfect sense and I don't think the issue is with the peds resident.

I've unwittingly made similar errors in recognizing other MS/MS or physician/physician relationships, mostly because of how affectionless so many seem to be on the surface, which is why it usually wasn't my fault. But I hardly thought it was crazy that someone might feel slighted that I didn't take note of their significant relationships depending on how much we interacted. It might be egocentric for them to think I would know, but it might be egocentric not to have known. It's a wash.

Lesson, if you're sitting at a table with two people for weeks on end, and one of them is grading you, it might behoove you to pay attention to what you can about any unspoken social things going on between them and other people you see them interact with. Ie how does your attending seem to feel about his MA or your peds resident about the other resident at the table.

Me, an M2:

 

[takeurmeds02]

Um, you're all missing the issue she had.

It was the fact that you were socially interacting with this couple on a daily basis and had no idea of what their actual relationship to each other was. Like, it almost screams of "I just don't give a damn about other people or maybe just you" to an extent that would understandably raise anyone's eyebrows. Also in context of personalities at play (the OP, the peds crowd) this anecdote makes perfect sense and I don't think the issue is with the peds resident.

I've unwittingly made similar errors in recognizing other MS/MS or physician/physician relationships, mostly because of how affectionless so many seem to be on the surface, which is why it usually wasn't my fault. But I hardly thought it was crazy that someone might feel slighted that I didn't take note of their significant relationships depending on how much we interacted. It might be egocentric for them to think I would know, but it might be egocentric not to have known. It's a wash.

Lesson, if you're sitting at a table with two people for weeks on end, and one of them is grading you, it might behoove you to pay attention to what you can about any unspoken social things going on between them and other people you see them interact with. Ie how does your attending seem to feel about his MA or your peds resident about the other resident at the table.

I would've thought that it just wasn't my business to figure who's with who unless it was made clear. For all OP knows, they could've went to the same medschool and were close there.

But I do agree with your overarching point of trying to be a bit more perceptive.

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To OP, next time just pretend like you mixed up convo's. "Oh, I'm sorry, I must have been talking about that with someone else." They'll correct you if they want to disclose whatever it may be. Never overcorrect haha.

 

[getdown]

As crayola mentioned, it might not all OPs fault. I mean if the resident and her "fiance" didn't act like they were engaged (no joking, touching, laughing, more intimate convo) I would probably chalk them up as friends as well. However, I do think they may have not been overly affectionate since they were in a work setting with a random med student with them so it could be easily missed as well. tldr: everyone sucks.

 

[getdown]

I would've thought that it just wasn't my business to figure who's with who unless it was made clear. For all OP knows, they could've went to the same medschool and were close there.

But I do agree with your overarching point of trying to be a bit more perceptive.

-------
To OP, next time just pretend like you mixed up convo's. "Oh, I'm sorry, I must have been talking about that with someone else." They'll correct you if they want to disclose whatever it may be. Never overcorrect haha.

Or just say **** it and do your own thing. I was not the most social during clincal years, kept to myself and did my job/tried to be helpful and got pretty good evals. Trying to be someone you're not is where people start making mistakes. Also, it seems like this peds resident does try to keep to herself or has a prickly attitude that's best to just leave alone.

 

[GoodWillShunting]

You couldn't pay me to do 3rd year again.

 

[Black Coffee 24/7]

Um, you're all missing the issue she had.

It was the fact that you were socially interacting with this couple on a daily basis and had no idea of what their actual relationship to each other was. Like, it almost screams of "I just don't give a damn about other people or maybe just you" to an extent that would understandably raise anyone's eyebrows. Also in context of personalities at play (the OP, the peds crowd) this anecdote makes perfect sense and I don't think the issue is with the peds resident.

I've unwittingly made similar errors in recognizing other MS/MS or physician/physician relationships, mostly because of how affectionless so many seem to be on the surface, which is why it usually wasn't my fault. But I hardly thought it was crazy that someone might feel slighted that I didn't take note of their significant relationships depending on how much we interacted. It might be egocentric for them to think I would know, but it might be egocentric not to have known. It's a wash.

Lesson, if you're sitting at a table with two people for weeks on end, and one of them is grading you, it might behoove you to pay attention to what you can about any unspoken social things going on between them and other people you see them interact with. Ie how does your attending seem to feel about his MA or your peds resident about the other resident at the table.

It's just Peds. They're special. Good riddance to that rotation. Most of us just aren't special enough to meet their 260+ Step 1 equivalent for their social awareness test.

I guess that they need something to hang their hats on considering the Napolean complex that most of them carry throughout med school, residency, and attending life.

 

[Black Coffee 24/7]

Me, an M2:

Don't tell any Peds attending physicians or residents that you're planning to go into "insert subspecialty outside of Peds or FM" unless you want the hammer of destruction on your eval. True story. Write that down and make sure to keep that thought in mind next year.