Goodness...where to start. This is my first post, and I'm hoping to get some insights into what being a spouse of a med student will be like. My husband is currently finishing his master's degree in physiology after getting his bachelor's in biology. He'll be retaking the MCAT in July and applying for med school for 2012. We've been married for four years and have two children. I think it has finally hit us just how stressful and difficult this is going to be. Especially considering we want at least two more kids and we don't want to wait until he's done with school to have them. We currently both work in the same ER (me FT, him PT), however we both agree that it would be best for me to stay home with the kids once he begins med school. We're hoping to be able to live off loans and maybe the occasional paycheck if I stay PRN where I work. Are we crazy? He's also super worried about missing the kids childhoods. I just don't know what to expect.
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The Long Road Ahead...
Started by hedixo01
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When you marry a physician, you marry someone in an affair with someone else . . . the job, the school, the studying will always come first because they have to. You and the kids may be first in his heart, but he'll often not be able to show that because he's got 100 pages of notes to get through (again) in order to ace a test. He may get a late consult in residency, and the patient might be really sick - he told you'd he'd likely be home by 5-530 - you set the table, you cook a warm dinner - he gets home at 8, doesn't want to talk about and only wants to go to sleep because he has to get up at 5AM to do it all over again. This stuff is not only real but kind of happens all of the time. You're not crazy, but you need to understand that you won't have him all to yourself like you have. You'll have to make the most of the time you do have together, and you'll have to get used to the idea that, yes, your entire life will revolve around HIS schedule. It's not fair, it's not right, it may make you mad, but that's just the way it is. If you cannot accept these things . . . might not be a good idea.
The example about expecting your husband home at a certain time and then not getting there until later (with you completely in the dark about it), is somewhat true. It happened to me a handful of times. My husband just finished up his 3rd year rotations, and it was a busy year to say the least. BUT, it went by so quickly and there was plenty of time to have quality time together. We even got married in the middle of 3rd year! Some people said it was crazy, but it was just fine and totally worth it.
jdh71 speaks a lot of truth. I'm sure there will be times you hate med school (I know I have) and wish he would come home when he said he may.
But overall, it is very doable. We don't have any kids, so I can't help you with that aspect, but we have some close friends (he's in my husband's class) that have 3 little ones (oldest is 7, youngest is 3) and I think trying for another. She stays home with the kiddos and they all are doing great.
Here's kind of what to expect in the first 4 years:
Year 1: Lots of studying, but normal school hours. 1st summer off. He probably will do research like everyone else that summer, but he should also enjoy it (and so should you)
Year 2: First part of the year very much like year one. Tests, classroom, studying. Then they have time off from school to just study for step 1 of the boards. This was probably the most stressful time in terms of class work and studying (it was wedding planning time for us too, but luckily i had time to do most of it). But they make their own study schedule.
Year 3: Rotations. Some are great (9-5, weekends off like psych) and others have overnight shifts and 2 days off a month, OB-Gyn and Internal Med in our case. It all depends on the hospitals at which he has his rotations. Best part - 2 weeks off for winter break.
Year 4: Just starting this for us! The first part is very similar to 3rd year with sub-internships. Also some more studying for step 2 of the boards (these tests are so expensive!!). Possibility of an externship, or an away rotation for a month. But by the end, I hear it's great - a lot of relaxation between interviews for residency programs and more time than they've ever had in med school. 🙂
jdh71 speaks a lot of truth. I'm sure there will be times you hate med school (I know I have) and wish he would come home when he said he may.
But overall, it is very doable. We don't have any kids, so I can't help you with that aspect, but we have some close friends (he's in my husband's class) that have 3 little ones (oldest is 7, youngest is 3) and I think trying for another. She stays home with the kiddos and they all are doing great.
Here's kind of what to expect in the first 4 years:
Year 1: Lots of studying, but normal school hours. 1st summer off. He probably will do research like everyone else that summer, but he should also enjoy it (and so should you)
Year 2: First part of the year very much like year one. Tests, classroom, studying. Then they have time off from school to just study for step 1 of the boards. This was probably the most stressful time in terms of class work and studying (it was wedding planning time for us too, but luckily i had time to do most of it). But they make their own study schedule.
Year 3: Rotations. Some are great (9-5, weekends off like psych) and others have overnight shifts and 2 days off a month, OB-Gyn and Internal Med in our case. It all depends on the hospitals at which he has his rotations. Best part - 2 weeks off for winter break.
Year 4: Just starting this for us! The first part is very similar to 3rd year with sub-internships. Also some more studying for step 2 of the boards (these tests are so expensive!!). Possibility of an externship, or an away rotation for a month. But by the end, I hear it's great - a lot of relaxation between interviews for residency programs and more time than they've ever had in med school. 🙂
