Things NOT to do as a doctor

[unsung]

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Ok guys, thought I'd start a list. That "praying with patients" thread started me thinking about things I've witnessed from doctors that I did not like. These are obviously things that I endeavor to try to avoid in the future as a doc!


-- Call a middle-aged grown woman "dear" and speak really slowly as if to a child.

(Had the luck of accompanying my mom to the ER one night, and the doc/residents were nice. But it did feel real patronizing when the doc treated my mom like she's 6! Ok, she wasn't born in this country & her English may not be super, but you don't need to talk like that!)

-- Make a patient wait 3 hrs for a scheduled appointment without any explanation or remorse

Feel free to add to the list.

 

[YouAreAwesome]

A doctor should never...

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...screw it I've got liability insurance.

 

[Mr hawkings]

Dont tell a 40 year old woman with uterine prolapse she should have had more sex when she was younger.

 

[Frunkey]

"The kneebone's connected to the... something. The something's connected to the... red thing. The red thing's connected to my wrist watch... Uh oh"

 

[Forthegood]

A physician shouldn't don a surgical mask for patient visits. And, if the family asks why the physician is wearing the mask, he should not respond, "Nobody told you?" and run out of the room.

 

[IHeartNerds]

asking 16 year old girls "you're not having sex, are you?"

because that's totally an open-ended question ... sigh

 

[146233]

asking 16 year old girls "you're not having sex, are you?"

because that's totally an open-ended question ... sigh

In a similar vein, I saw a 3rd year taking a history from a 14y/o girl last night...

M3: "Are you sexually active?"
Pt.: "Yes."
M3: "Sweet."

 

[neurolddoc]

Walk into a patient's room without first having checked your zipper

 

[link2swim06]

Don't call a woman Mr. ...... Saw this happen to an attending (granted the lady looked kinda like a man.

 

[Octagonecology]

If you come in and find your patient asleep, whatever you do don't give put a lit match betwen his toes giving him a hotfoot and then when it burns him awake laugh and point to his face and shout, "Gotcha Turkey!"

 

[Mr. Freeze]

All 100% true.

When manually checking the cuff of a neovagina you've constructed in a pt with vaginal agenesis, a doctor should prolly not say, "Mmmmm. That feels real good."

Our Family Medicine Center has different clinics within the building, and to demarcate each, they are named Red Clinic, Green Clinic, etc. You should consider your audience as a doctor if you choose to refer to these collectively as The Colored Clinics.

No matter HOW cool and hip you think you are, if you are a 50ish white man with gray hair, a mustache that doesn't go out past the corners of your mouth, and are in a suit and tie, you should not enter the rooms of young black males and announce, "YO YO YO!! What's up my brothas!?!?!"

I'll think of more....

 

[Blesbok]

You should not walk into the waiting room and shake your head saying "we did everything we could" then scream "april fools...oh ...wait, its january"

 

[loveoforganic]

in a similar vein, i saw a 3rd year taking a history from a 14y/o girl last night...

M3: "are you sexually active?"
pt.: "yes."
m3: "sweet."

lol

 

[MossPoh]

In a similar vein, I saw a 3rd year taking a history from a 14y/o girl last night...

M3: "Are you sexually active?"
Pt.: "Yes."
M3: "Sweet."

There is so much wrong with this that it is hilarious and concerning all wrapped up into one.

 

[Temple2013]

Gasp and make the sign of a cross after taking a look at the patient's chart.

 

[WhatUpDoc!]

Make a patient NPO and then ask them about their appetite the next morning. (Ok, I did this on accident when I was an brand spanking new 3rd year with my "pre-formed" list of questions for a soap note! )

Also,

Avoid making small talk with pregnant women on mag sulfate drips. Hell hath no fury like a woman on the mag... (shuttering )

 

[Octagonecology]

Make a patient NPO and then ask them about their appetite the next morning. (Ok, I did this on accident when I was an brand spanking new 3rd year with my "pre-formed" list of questions for a soap note! )

Also,

Avoid making small talk with pregnant women on mag sulfate drips. Hell hath no fury like a woman on the mag... (shuttering )

Off-topic but what are the side effects of mag when given for eclampsia like your saying? or is it just their demeanor for being eclamptic itself?

 

[Droopy Snoopy]

Off-topic but what are the side effects of mag when given for eclampsia like your saying? or is it just their demeanor for being eclamptic itself?

Mag isn't necessarily for eclampsia, more often just for good old fashioned preterm labor. Same mechanism though, something about calcium channels and muscle contraction.

lol this guy's really a doctor, funny as hell:
[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bS97C3_yTiQ[/YOUTUBE]

 

[WhatUpDoc!]

Off-topic but what are the side effects of mag when given for eclampsia like your saying? or is it just their demeanor for being eclamptic itself?

Side effects include (in order of increasing toxicity):
1. Loss of deep tendon reflexes
2. Feelings of warmth/flushing
3. Somnolence, slurred speech
4. Respiratory compromise (from muscle paralysis)
5. Cardiac arrest

It's side effect #2 that pisses them off and then they're ready to bite the unsuspecting med student's head off who is just trying to write his Q3hr mag note!

 

[WhatUpDoc!]

Mag isn't necessarily for eclampsia, more often just for good old fashioned preterm labor. Same mechanism though, something about calcium channels and muscle contraction.

Actually, MgSO4 is FIRST-LINE for pre-eclampsia/eclampsia, although once the patient has a recurrent full blown seizure, anti-convlusants are preferred by neurologists.

As you hinted at, it has also been used as a tocolytic agent since the 1960s.

 

[Octagonecology]

Write the following on Rx pad and slide it over to the patient w/o cracking a smile:

1) Go to cemetary
2) Lie down
3) Wait

 

[Droopy Snoopy]

Actually, MgSO4 is FIRST-LINE for pre-eclampsia/eclampsia, although once the patient has a recurrent full blown seizure, anti-convlusants are preferred by neurologists.

As you hinted at, it has also been used as a tocolytic agent since the 1960s.

Yes it's first-line for eclampsia, but I meant the assumption that it was being used for eclampsia wasn't necessarily valid, as mag has other uses (like as a tocolytic).

That list is probably the textbook one, but another source of the patient's irritation is how they can count on being kept awake by a) contractions, b) DTR checks, and/or c) a lubed-up stranger's hand in their coot.

 

[Octagonecology]

c) a lubed-up stranger's hand in their coot.

sweet.

 

[Nanon]

sweet.

On second thought... suffice to say:

Not Sweet. 😱😡👎 And not hot, either. Just in case you were wondering.

 

[silas2642]

A doctor should never ask a patient who doesn't have cancer when she found out she had cancer.

 

[MossPoh]

I grew up in Indiana and one of my town's urologists was a notoriously bigtime IU fan. He went to undergrad and med school there. One of his patients came in with all sorts of purdue stuff. The urologist simply snapped the glove on and as he was applying the lube said, "Looks like I'm going to have to use extra fingers for you mister."

Funny when you're not the purdue fan but probably a little awkward when your pants are around your ankles and you are bent over a table.

 

[Octagonecology]

On second thought... suffice to say:

Not Sweet. 😱😡👎 And not hot, either. Just in case you were wondering.

I agree. I think pregnancy/childbirth is disgusting and should be made illegal.

 

[Nanon]

I agree. I think pregnancy/childbirth is disgusting and should be made illegal.

Seriously, right this second, I feel the same way.

Here's a tip from the patient perspective: If all else is normal, and the cervix is "very posterior," please don't dig for a number to satisfy your (or your attending's) curiosity. When you can't get your number, don't get the nurses in there to dig, either. "Very posterior" = "not having the baby in the next hour at least." 'Nuff said.

 

[Octagonecology]

Hopefully by the time I graduate medical school natural selection will have weeded out all the women who would give birth normally in favor of those that lay eggs like a chicken.

That way there be no need for conversations including digging around in someones cooch, calling in others to dig around in cooch, or any situation which would make one visualize a gigantic cooch with someone elbow deep in the thing....

 

[soulofmpatel]

Don't have a sexual or romantic relationship with anyone you met in any professional setting.

 

[Nanon]

Hopefully by the time I graduate medical school natural selection will have weeded out all the women who would give birth normally in favor of those that lay eggs like a chicken.

That way there be no need for conversations including digging around in someones cooch, calling in others to dig around in cooch, or any situation which would make one visualize a gigantic cooch with someone elbow deep in the thing....

🤣

Whew... best post of the year.

 

[Octagonecology]

🤣

Whew... best post of the year.

You know I'm kidding, Nanon. Sort of but not really.

 

[Nanon]

You know I'm kidding, Nanon. Sort of but not really.

It's ok. Having done this twice now, I can say with some certainty that pregnancy comes down to 2 words: design flaw. Lol.

 

[Octagonecology]

It's ok. Having done this twice now, I can say with some certainty that pregnancy comes down to 2 words: design flaw. Lol.

Ha. You have a point there. Vaginas should be left for one thing and one thing only. And it ain't childbirth. Isn't that why God invented the c-section?

 

[mjl1717]

In a similar vein, I saw a 3rd year taking a history from a 14y/o girl last night...

M3: "Are you sexually active?"
Pt.: "Yes."
M3: "Sweet."

Hmm, thats lame, unproffessional and inappropiate.. Guess there could be some "fallout" from that!

 

[WhatUpDoc!]

Hopefully by the time I graduate medical school natural selection will have weeded out all the women who would give birth normally in favor of those that lay eggs like a chicken.

What ever happened to the nice flying storks that drop off babies at the doorstep... lies... all lies I tell ya!!! 😡

 

[SB100]

From my own personal experience with my internist:

Never tell a patient he's an easy first date when he pulls down his pants for the annual physical.

 

[keisler]

Don't show up to your first delivery as an OB/GYN intern, gown up, and then loudly whisper to the nurse, "I've never done this before. What do I do?"

Yup, this is true, folks. And sad. So, so sad.

 

[CMSMD2011]

Yes it's first-line for eclampsia, but I meant the assumption that it was being used for eclampsia wasn't necessarily valid, as mag has other uses (like as a tocolytic).

That list is probably the textbook one, but another source of the patient's irritation is how they can count on being kept awake by a) contractions, b) DTR checks, and/or c) a lubed-up stranger's hand in their coot.

first line for pre-eclampsia:

http://www.sciencedirect.com/scienc...serid=10&md5=57c64a8eab0a5a42d553254451707a22

"the more you know..."

 

[VMSmith]

Personally witnessed:

When a 16 year old girl's mother asks why her daughter needed to come into the clinic today, look through her chart and declare, "She needs to be treated for gonorrhea."

Walk into a labor room without introducing yourself, put a glove on, stick two fingers in the laboring mother's vagina, say, "I think it's around 4 centimeters dilated," take the glove off, and walk out of the room.

When asked a question by a patient, get exasperated and say, "Why are you asking me that? I already gave you a hand-out that explains everything."

 

[scube]

Tell a twenty year old male with a femur fx that it must be bone cancer as he is being pushed thru the ER doors, no history, no physical, just a best guess. what a bone head. yes a non-traumatic fx in a 20yo male could be cancer but how about stress fractures. there was more than one possible differential. I was the patient. my mom about passed out.

 

[pingouin]

As an orthopedist consulting in the peds ER, it is really not a good idea to tell the family "we'll just splint it and she'll be fine to go home tonight" when the 6 month old patient has presented with a displaced femur fracture that was "unwitnessed" by any caregiver. Those bones don't just break themselves, and until we can figure out who did it, that child's not going ANYWHERE but onto a medical floor for admission.

 

[Jolie South]

Don't directly refer to a patient's "buffalo hump" as a "buffalo hump" in front of the patient. If you do, don't ask the medical student if he/she would like to touch said "hump."

 

[45408]

Mag isn't necessarily for eclampsia, more often just for good old fashioned preterm labor. Same mechanism though, something about calcium channels and muscle contraction.

lol this guy's really a doctor, funny as hell:
[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bS97C3_yTiQ[/YOUTUBE]

he's in the Hangover too, and he does full frontal nudity. I'm kind of thinking he might be getting away from the doctor stuff now...

 

[malpractitioner]

...

 

[UBCvan]

Personally witnessed:

When a 16 year old girl's mother asks why her daughter needed to come into the clinic today, look through her chart and declare, "She needs to be treated for gonorrhea."

Walk into a labor room without introducing yourself, put a glove on, stick two fingers in the laboring mother's vagina, say, "I think it's around 4 centimeters dilated," take the glove off, and walk out of the room.

When asked a question by a patient, get exasperated and say, "Why are you asking me that? I already gave you a hand-out that explains everything."

seriously this is funnier than it sounds.....just imagine it...it's hilarious...

 

[mjl1717]

Dont say Oops!

 

[Nikki2002]

they warned us when practicing our breast exam skills to not say things like "everything looks really good!" or "that feels good!"

 

[Perrotfish]

If you are an attending in a teaching hospital, and you are going to deliver extremely bad news to a mother about her child, do not quiz your MS3s on how they would deliver the news outside the exam room's open door before you talk to the parents.

If you choose to ignore the above advice, when your MS3s start looking into the room at the (now crying) mother, do not yell at them to pay attention.

When you ultimately deliver the bad news, if you realize the child is adopted, do not ask the parents if they can 'give it back'.

(for the record this did not happen at my medical school)

 

[psipsina]

Don't tell a patient that she has a very high risk pregnancy and then ask her "are you going to cry now??" (this happened to my cousin !?!)

Don't explain the process of deciding what to divulge and how to dumb down the medical terminology for an informed consent to your medstudent while getting informed consent from at the patients bedside.