Thinking about quitting fellowship

[aka123]

Hi folks,
I could use some advice right now. I matched into a fellowship staring July 2014. I love my chosen field but was a little uncertain because of the lifestyle in ICU. When I matched I was excited and ready to start. Since then, my life has fallen apart. My relationship ended when my significant other had an affair. I am now even more worried about the lifestyle in my chosen field and what it will mean for my future family. I know the NRMP match is a legally binding agreement. My question is, would it be better to start fellowship and see if I still like it and possibly quit after a few months or year if I don't? It would give me time for things to settle down in my life before I make any major decisions. Or should I back out now before I even start? What is better for me and for the program? I know I could never reapply for fellowship, but I could become a hospitalist and probably be happy. Thank you in advance for any responses!

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[MerickManual]

I feel like your feelings about the fellowship is muddled with your personal love-life. Sounds like your doubts originated after the uncovered affair. When you say you'll have no time with your family, are you referring to spending more time with kids/custody battle issues? Are you referring to the family you have now or in the future? I'm slightly confused. You need to find out if you would be happy waking up everyday for the rest of your life as a hospitalist or going into the ICU. That sounds like more of a personal decision. Good luck.

 

[NotAProgDirector]

You should do your fellowship. First, it sounds like you're not in a good frame of mind to make an important decision like this, so you should continue. Second, the lifestyle of Pulm/CC and Hospitalists isn't that different. Plenty of Pulm/CC fellows are single and meet people. You should start your fellowship and see how it goes. You can always quit and become a hospitalist, and you can't do the opposite.

 

[Top Gun]

Since you sound like you love the ICU, I would do your fellowship. Suppose you don't do the fellowship, and end up doing a hospitalist job you hate, because you chose your career based on lifestyle rather than on interests. Not bashing hospitalists here, or saying that its not an enjoyable career, but some people might enjoy doing something else. You need to choose your career based on what makes you happy, not to please others. If you do have a truly good spouse, s/he will stick by you no matter what during your career.

 

[gutonc]

Just to support what's been said above. You can much more easily quit a fellowship once you start it and decide it's really not for you, than you can get another fellowship once you ditch this one and later decide you actually do want to do it after all.

Also, the lifestyle of many ICU docs is similar to that of hospitalists from the standpoint of hours worked.

 

[aka123]

When you say you'll have no time with your family, are you referring to spending more time with kids/custody battle issues? Are you referring to the family you have now or in the future? I'm slightly confused.

Sorry for the confusion. I'm trying to be brief since this isn't a place to vent my personal issues. I was in a long-term relationship but we were not yet married and have no children. I'm more referring to the family I hope to have in the future, which will now come much later than I anticipated.

Thanks for your support, everyone. I think I'm feeling anxious about all these major changes all at once. I'll try to stay positive and keep my eye on the prize!

 

[styphon]

I also agree, do not leave your fellowship. You are going thru a rough personal time and it clouds your judgement regarding other things - which is perfectly normal to happen. It would be dangerous to make life changing decisions when you are suffering because when the suffering ends (and it will) you may regret your decision.

 

[Shikima]

Not to sound too glib, and perhaps this could be humorous - If you want to change something, change your hairstyle and clothing.

Dropping out of fellowship over a scorned love isn't a good idea. I agree you are deeply hurt and wounded by the experience, but don't allow this experience place undesired consequences on your fellowship. Particularly since you wanted this fellowship!

 

[Top Gun]

Your significant other wasn't the one for you anyway. If s/he had been, s/he wouldn't have cheated on you. You want someone who will stick by your side, and your significant other wasn't the kind of person who would. Better to find out now than after marrying him/her.

 

[FiveRivers]

Like others have said, things will get better. Go forward with your fellowship, as it is what your have aspired to do. The right person will enter your life at the right time.