TO BE or NOT TO BE, Ultra honest about Family background??? LOL, we were no pea

[axlaxl1]

My family isn't the epitomy of what an ideal American family should be. I grew up poor and went to all the wrong schools. However, I love my family and respect were I came from. As well, I have something in my family background that involved a foster home for a short period. I don't really want to talk about it but geez I am kinda of stuck on how not to show who I really am.

Anyone have advice on this or a similar situation?

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[jochi1543]

Well, you really don't have to talk about it if the interviewer doesn't ask you (and I don't think it's very likely that he or she would). But if you mentioned something about wanting to work with the underserved, tying your interests into your family background may make you look more credible.

 

[Jolie South]

no one's going to ask you about something that you've never indicated in your apps.

that being said, why are you interested in denying who you are? i mean my family's totally weird and I'm married to a non-English speaker. i totally brought it up, because it makes me who I am.

Granted, I don't know what your issues are, but your past defines who you are for the better or worse.

 

[Bartelby]

My family isn't the epitomy of what an ideal American family should be. I grew up poor and went to all the wrong schools. However, I love my family and respect were I came from. As well, I have something in my family background that involved a foster home for a short period. I don't really want to talk about it but geez I am kinda of stuck on how not to show who I really am.

Anyone have advice on this or a similar situation?

?? What are you talking about? It sound like basically you were economically disadvantaged (and possibly other disadvantages) growing up, but if you have made it this far you have overcome that. It also sounds like you love your family and have made peace with your upbringing. Why would you want to hide the fact that you had to overcome obstacles to get to where you are today? If anything it will only reflect well on you as a person.

I grew up in a poor single parent household and I have talked about it at several interviews, and if anything the people I have spoken with about it seem to respect the work I have put in to improve my situation. One interviewer even asked how I thought other children from poor backgrounds could be motivated to do as well as I have. If it comes up just be honest about your background and it will not be a problem.

 

[axlaxl1]

no one's going to ask you about something that you've never indicated in your apps.

that being said, why are you interested in denying who you are? i mean my family's totally weird and I'm married to a non-English speaker. i totally brought it up, because it makes me who I am.

Granted, I don't know what your issues are, but your past defines who you are for the better or worse.

no the question is directly asking about your family back ground that makes you such and such.

What I am saying is that for me to bring that question into reality of my personal situation I need to talk about some things that aren't so nice.

 

[Jolie South]

no the question is directly asking about your family back ground that makes you such and such.

What I am saying is that for me to bring that question into reality of my personal situation I need to talk about some things that aren't so nice.

well, not everything in life is sunshine and rainbows. I think that adcoms who are mostly physicians would understand this better than anyone.

it's hard for me to gauge though without knowing specifics (not asking you to share), but if it wasn't something that you did wrong or reflects badly on who you are then i think you should be ok. only bring it up though if you feel it is necessary.

 

[axlaxl1]

well, not everything in life is sunshine and rainbows. I think that adcoms who are mostly physicians would understand this better than anyone.

it's hard for me to gauge though without knowing specifics (not asking you to share), but if it wasn't something that you did wrong or reflects badly on who you are then i think you should be ok. only bring it up though if you feel it is necessary.

Ok, I am going to open up with the first two paragraphs of what I have been rough drafting... Please be brutally honest and tell me what you think. This is rough so please no grammar comments just content. I'll fix other stuff later.

[FONT='Times New Roman','serif']My family background, through every moment, is the proudest strength I can elicit. It is what makes me strong, compassionate, and empathetic towards others. I have had amazing triumphs throughout my life that only add to the experience and quality character I posses. As young boy my father, for unknown reasons to me, became violent and abusive to me and my mother. As a result, I was removed from my home at a very young age and placed into a foster home. The most interesting aspect of this experience was my ability to adapt to various environments and thrive. Very shortly thereafter, my mother fought to regain custody and bring me home to my new family of me and my step-father. .
[FONT='Times New Roman','serif']My mother became ultra protective over me and would not allow me to communicate at all with my biological father’s side of the family. Even worse, my father died shortly after my return home when I was seven years old. To me the unfortunate part about his death was the fact that I didn’t get to reconcile any sort of relationship with him while he was here; to me, I believe forgiveness and understanding is important. Moreover, I demanded to know my father’s side of the family and began to build a relationship with my grandmother. The relationship I built with my grandmother was very important to me. .

 

[Jolie South]

I don't see how anything bad could be thought of you for this situation. Again, if it affected you and how you will be as a physician, talk about it.

i might phrase it differently, but i think it's ok.

 

[flaahless]

My family isn't the epitomy of what an ideal American family should be. I grew up poor and went to all the wrong schools. However, I love my family and respect were I came from. As well, I have something in my family background that involved a foster home for a short period. I don't really want to talk about it but geez I am kinda of stuck on how not to show who I really am.

Anyone have advice on this or a similar situation?

Talk about it. You don't have to pass judgment on your family or villify them in any way, just state the facts and discuss how they affected you and helped you to develop into a better person. It will show adcoms the personal side of you as well as display honesty and maturity, and adcoms will like it. I was in a similar situation and I decided to mention it and I think it was the best decision I could have made because it made my application really stand out. So I've been told.

 

[FloridaSun]

As a general rule, I'd say you should only include things that you'd feel comfortable discussing in an interview.

That said, I think the fact that you developed a compassionate spirit out of such a difficult childhood says VOLUMES about your character. Not everyone could be so strong. I wish you all the luck imaginable.

(I do agree with one of the previous posts, though -- you should consider editing the statement to make it a little bit easier to read).

 

[Concubine]

I shared mine. Good or bad could be argued either way, but I was at least honest since my background has had a major influence on who I am now, my ambitions, and where I'm going in life. I could have avoided it all together, but I was sick of avoiding it where ever I go or do. I guarantee that my family is probably the most unique out of any applicant here (I'm not bragging).

 

[t-funk]

I wrote about my family situation in my PS and I think it was taken favorably. One of my interviewers said it was one of the best he'd seen. I won't go into too much detail bc this is pre-allo and there are some real jerks over here bashing another girl in another thread right now who has an absolutely amazing story, but my family situation was pretty crappy. I was really nervous about talking about these things in the interviews but now I tend to think professors and doctors really respect people from hard backgrounds. They see people with really bad situations every day who don't make it and people from pretty posh situations applying to medical school every year making it. I really think they admire hardworking people from crappy situations, at least I've gotten comments commending me in every interview I've been at so far. I'd include it.

 

[axlaxl1]

As a general rule, I'd say you should only include things that you'd feel comfortable discussing in an interview.

That said, I think the fact that you developed a compassionate spirit out of such a difficult childhood says VOLUMES about your character. Not everyone could be so strong. I wish you all the luck imaginable.

(I do agree with one of the previous posts, though -- you should consider editing the statement to make it a little bit easier to read).

when you say editing the statement what sentence are you referring to exactly.

 

[flaahless]

I shared mine. Good or bad could be argued either way, but I was at least honest since my background has had a major influence on who I am now, my ambitions, and where I'm going in life. I could have avoided it all together, but I was sick of avoiding it where ever I go or do. I guarantee that my family is probably the most unique out of any applicant here (I'm not bragging).

I think mine will give you a run for your money.

 

[Concubine]

I think mine will give you a run for your money.

Care to share? PM me if you like...I'm curious. Your eyes will probably bug out when you hear mine. I would be suprised if I was topped.

 

[axlaxl1]

Care to share? PM me if you like...I'm curious. Your eyes will probably bug out when you hear mine. I would be suprised if I was topped.

was it because they cut your hair like that? lol, that is enough right there to garner pitty. LOL, JJ

 

[Dienekes]

I grew up poor

Milk it for everything that it's worth... I sure as hell plan to.

went to all the wrong schools.

Care to explain? Just because you didn't go to a big name school is not a strike against you. It is more a matter of what you get out of it than the name on your diploma.

 

[Concubine]

was it because they cut your hair like that? lol, that is enough right there to garner pitty. LOL, JJ

That is actually my secondary picture. I was hoping they would have that reaction..."poor kid. Someone screwed his hair up".

 

[Concordia]

You should be honest about your background. For starters, you have made it this far and that shows your drive to overcome difficulties. And most importantly, nobody's family is perfect. I think most people would be comfortable with a doctor who can relate to difficult situations they might experience with their families. It can also give you an advantage in recognizing warning signs of abuse or perhaps depression among you patients that would have been missed by other physicians.
Good luck.

P.S. it has been said already and it is your rough draft and all, but you should definitely clean it up🙂

 

[FloridaSun]

Well, I guess maybe what *I* meant when I suggested editing it would be a few things. Bear in mind that these are *only* meant to be given as suggestions. Just my 2 cents.

*First, I felt you moved very quickly from idea to idea. For example, maybe pausing a little bit to reflect on what foster care meant to you, and how it affected you would help the reader understand 1) what foster care really means for the children involved 2) how it changed your life/your personality/anything else relevant. I guess I'm not entirely sure what to suggest since I don't exactly know your story. Incidentally, I would be willing to bet that most people on the admissions committee have only a vague idea of what foster care is like.

This may surprise you, but what you HAVE to emphasize is NOT what happened to you, but how it changed you. The unifying themes of the essay need to be "Why are these experiences important for me?" in very specific terms. You can't just say "it made me a better person". You have to either describe HOW it made you a better person, or WHY it made you a better person, or WHEN you realized that your childhood had challenged you to be a certain type of person.

It's your essay and it's entirely up to you how you do it. But I would avoid simply "stating the facts" because the "conclusions" you've drawn are the most important part.

*Secondly, in my very humble opinion, it would help quite a bit if you would connect the ideas better. It's hard to explain exactly what I mean, but the first time I read the essay, I wasn't sure how to connect the idea of a supportive family with the violence of your father. If possible, try to make a sort of a 'mental bridge' between these ideas if you can.

These aren't point-by-point comments but I don't really see any spelling or grammar mistakes -- it's more 'big picture' stuff. But the 'big picture' is what the admissions committee will come away with.

My advice would be to have someone read over your essay -- someone you trust very sincerely.


Other people may have other ideas.

Sorry this post was far too long :-/

 

[amolamedicina]

I think mine will give you a run for your money.

I can bet I got you all beat!


Brenda

 

[Concubine]

I can bet I got you all beat!


Brenda

I would be surprised. PM me if you want to share. I'm curious again...

 

[Ambrosha]

Hmmm, this thread has really got me thinking. I was originally planning to be honest about my neurotic family, then not, because of the possible backfiring. Is this not a real issue? That depending on my interviewer, she/he may not sympathize with me, understand how the experience made me stronger, and/or think that I am potentially just as neurotic but am just hiding it well for the interview?

Because if it doesn't seem like it could be a problem, honestly that would be a relief. I am worried about not telling the whole truth when asked, as I'm sure I will be, "Tell me about your family." My extremely challenging relationship with them has been a defining factor in my personal development. But I was planning to just gloss over it, and talk about their personal (normal and good) characteristics.
Thank you all for your comments/ advice/responses!

 

[ryandote]

This is funny. When I read the thread title, it reminded my of being nervous to tell adcoms that I was from a white, upper-middle-class, conservative, christian family whose parents had traditional roles and I actually enjoy family reunions.

Sometimes I have this probably false image of schools accepting relatively more "disadvanaged" applicants.

 

[Concubine]

Hmmm, this thread has really got me thinking. I was originally planning to be honest about my neurotic family, then not, because of the possible backfiring. Is this not a real issue? That depending on my interviewer, she/he may not sympathize with me, understand how the experience made me stronger, and/or think that I am potentially just as neurotic but am just hiding it well for the interview?

Because if it doesn't seem like it could be a problem, honestly that would be a relief. I am worried about not telling the whole truth when asked, as I'm sure I will be, "Tell me about your family." My extremely challenging relationship with them has been a defining factor in my personal development. But I was planning to just gloss over it, and talk about their personal (normal and good) characteristics.
Thank you all for your comments/ advice/responses!

That's always the risk. However, I want to go to a school that is comfortable with the obsticles I overcame to be who I am. If the interviewer is not favorable to this, then oh well. I would rather take the chance (at least in my situation) because it could really help me stand out from the rest of the applicants. Besides, mine is so wierd that I've always got gobs of questions about it. Usually, it ends up being a large part of the interview and I know that at least I've made a lasting impression.

 

[maristella]

👍 for all SDN'ers with dysfunctional families 🙂

i mentioned my family background after a lot of self reflection, as my situation wasn't far off from the OP's. I didn't want to come across as milking my situation, so I tried not to bash anyone; I just stated the facts and how it affected my personal growth and increased my drive to help women and the underserved.

I'm just a little worried that if/when the topic comes up in an interview I will be able to keep a straight face and not start bawling. dealing with tough family problems takes a lot of strength, kudos to those who have overcome😀

 

[LizzyM]

Why do you want to be a physician. Start with that. No need to dredge up every skeleton in the family closet. You can get the same mileage with a whole lot fewer words.

As a young child you didn't have contact with your dad for many (months/years) and he died before you had a chance to make your peace with him. Might this influence the way you communicate with the families of the dying... giving people the information they need to reconcile with loved ones before they die? Then write about that.

You spent time in foster care as a young child... does this color how you view the most vulnerable in society? Tell us about it.

Your grandmother was an influential figure in your childhood. What did you learn from your grandmother? How did she influence you? What lasting impact has her life had on you that will be reflected in the way you care for patients?

The essay need not be chronological, it can be about the values or the characteristics that you bring to the table or the skills you have acquired up until now with brief vignettes about how you acquired those characteristics.

 

[axlaxl1]

Why do you want to be a physician. Start with that. No need to dredge up every skeleton in the family closet. You can get the same mileage with a whole lot fewer words.

As a young child you didn't have contact with your dad for many (months/years) and he died before you had a chance to make your peace with him. Might this influence the way you communicate with the families of the dying... giving people the information they need to reconcile with loved ones before they die? Then write about that.

You spent time in foster care as a young child... does this color how you view the most vulnerable in society? Tell us about it.

Your grandmother was an influential figure in your childhood. What did you learn from your grandmother? How did she influence you? What lasting impact has her life had on you that will be reflected in the way you care for patients?

The essay need not be chronological, it can be about the values or the characteristics that you bring to the table or the skills you have acquired up until now with brief vignettes about how you acquired those characteristics.

Actually I like a lot about what you said. Start with why you want to be a doctor and so on. However, remember that the question for my essay specifically asks for this type of information. My PS says loud and clear why I want to be a doctor.

Just, so everyone knows, I have decided to clean it up and use the information to begin my essay. It is what it is and I am think it is an experience / life story worthy of attention.

 

[PreMedMommy]

I haven't read all of the replies, so I apologize in advance if this has already been said.

I don't think anything that has happened in your past (as you have described in this thread) will have a negative impact on your interview if you decide to discuss it. Think of it this way: As a physician, you will run across patients that have come from very troubled backgrounds, this experience will help you know how to handle a situation like this with one of your patients. You are not using this experience as an excuse for failure, quite contrary, you have thrived despite it. It was a character building experience, albeit not one that I wish upon anyone. I have had a couple of not so wonderful "character building" incidents in my life, and when I dicussed them with my interviewers, I never felt like they were being judgemental of me. If you want to discuss it, then you may discuss it-I don't think they will look negatively at you as a person, if it is uncomfortable to discuss it, then don't. But it seems to me that you would like to, but you are concerned with how it will appear to them. Don't worry about that. Your interviewers are people, too, some of which may have had bad "character building" experiences.

 

[paranoid_eyes]

My family isn't the epitomy of what an ideal American family should be. I grew up poor and went to all the wrong schools. However, I love my family and respect were I came from. As well, I have something in my family background that involved a foster home for a short period. I don't really want to talk about it but geez I am kinda of stuck on how not to show who I really am.

Anyone have advice on this or a similar situation?

if you don't bring it up (like in essays and blah) then they'll never know

**of course you could use your situation to your advantage by professing your passion for going into underprivileged communities as a future physician