to current med students: easy to make friends/enjoy life if shy??

[dancingstar]

TO CURRENT MED STUDENTS: so i'm currently a premed. i'm a good bit shy and had some trouble making friends in college. i don't party too much/ go out to bars at all. but now i have some okay friends. my question is though, do you, as med students, feel that it is easy to make friends in med school (or be happy in general)? i have a choice deciding between staying in my current city or moving away. i kinda like the schools away but I'm worried i won't make any friends in med school cause ppl will know other ppl and i won't know them. i should mention that i live in texas, so this happens a lot. also since i'm shy it might be hard to make friends in med school in general. what's your guys opinion on this? tks!!

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[penguin24]

I would say it's easier to make friends in med school b/c the class size is smaller and everybody is in the same boat. Also, since the class size is really small (about 150 compared to thousands in a university) the chance that your future classmates will already know each other from HS/college/etc is not that big. Thus everybody starts fresh.

The personalities in med school are strikingly similar. I'm sure there will be a bunch of cats just like you, and most likely everything would be cool for you. I moved away from family & friends for med school and have no regrets.

 

[Prime2000]

Differing view:

Med school is like high school all over again. The class quickly separates into social cliques. And there's always that one clique that acts like they're WAY cooler than everyone else. Many students come into med school already knowing friends either from the same undergrad or by other means, and like scared sheep huddle up into a clique because after all there is safety in numbers.

While you do spend a lot of time around a relatively small group of people as compared to undergrad, it doesn't necessarily mean you will easily develop quality friendships. There are a lot of toxic personalities in med school. It's like taking the top 2-3 most annoying, obnoxious kids in every one of your undergrad science classes and putting them all into one single lecture hall all day long, every day of the week for two years and calling it med school.

 

[reedman]

^^^

haha i agree with both you guys. but i think i lean a little more towards Prime2000's perspective.

anyway, as i get older i realize more and more that happiness comes from within. you can find a way to be happy in medical school with or without friends. and when you act happy, others will want to be around you.

 

[andie gustafson]

it is possible to make friends and be happy. The point here is that u r depending of the circumstances (being close/away home, being in med school, having/ not having friends)... u can be in the best place ever but if u don't feel comfortable and satisfied with who you are as a person I really doubt that u'd be happy. Happiness starts with oneself. I don't need to be in med school or to have tons of friends or to be a millionare or to have a hot bf cause I am already happy so I don't need any of that stuff. It doesn't mean I don't have any of that, actually I have very good friends, a fulfilling life in medschool and all I just mentioned. Being happy with myself makes me be more atractive and interesting to people (if u don't believe me, watch how all the boys/girls that seem to have a strong group of friends look and how they act) . It has nothing to do with the outside cause it all comes from the inside. Same happens with friends, if u think u r shy then u'll feel shy and you'll act shy and what results will u get? shy people results like isolation, low selfsteem, and few or no friends. If u take a look at ur life (current or past) u'll see. It is my invitation for you to listen to yourself and treat youself just like u wish other people treat you. Sometimes we want people to be nice to us but we aren't nice to ourselves. How is that possible!

 

[howelljolly]

Do not assume that just because you stay home, your friends will stay friends. You're going to change in many ways while in med school, whether you like it or not. Others change as well. You can't bank on having the same commonalities in the future.

So dont stay close to home with this purpose, you might be disappointed in the future.

 

[student89]

agree..not moving just because of the shivers of not beign accepted no t a good idea.. instead, if I were you, I would go to another school, new places, people. I did that.. refused the dully 'town known school" were everyone got into just to follow their friends..
Once in Medschool you get to know so many other things and surely discover the brigth side of life even in friend mathers.... you find out there are people for everyone and if not its ok to just enjoy the ride and discover new things about people and stuff everyday... just relax

 

[HPSPpayissues]

take Neuro Linguistic Programming or get some self-improvement tips from guys like David DeAngelo. No one will care if u are shy. Your chance of making friends will be less. Stop making exuses and improve thyself!

 

[Funky]

I agree with a lot of what was said up top but your best friends will be your syllabus and your favorite caffeinated beverage. 😀

 

[pingouin]

moving to pre-allo since OP is a pre-med. many current med students read that forum and can answer there.

 

[longhorn09]

Since you will have just about 100 classmates, you should be a close friend of many of them for the next 4 years.

 

[Hybrid1]

I am also on the shy side, but I have found it easier to make friends in medical school than college or even high school. Everybody is going through the same thing (classes, crazy exam schedules, boards), so it is easier to relate to each other. It will be okay!

 

[poox]

Differing view:

Med school is like high school all over again. The class quickly separates into social cliques. And there's always that one clique that acts like they're WAY cooler than everyone else. Many students come into med school already knowing friends either from the same undergrad or by other means, and like scared sheep huddle up into a clique because after all there is safety in numbers.

While you do spend a lot of time around a relatively small group of people as compared to undergrad, it doesn't necessarily mean you will easily develop quality friendships. There are a lot of toxic personalities in med school. It's like taking the top 2-3 most annoying, obnoxious kids in every one of your undergrad science classes and putting them all into one single lecture hall all day long, every day of the week for two years and calling it med school.

Really? *sigh*... I thought the interview was suppose to weed these people out

 

[Law2Doc]

Do not assume that just because you stay home, your friends will stay friends. You're going to change in many ways while in med school, whether you like it or not. Others change as well. You can't bank on having the same commonalities in the future.

So dont stay close to home with this purpose, you might be disappointed in the future.

Agreed. You will be surprised how many of your current friends dump you once they realize that 90% of the time when they call you to do something, you can't because you are studying. More often than not people fall out of touch, and make med school friends instead because nobody else understands the kind of schedule folks on this path must live. So no, I sure wouldn't stay in town expecting things not to change.

You have to break out of your shell and find a way to make new friends. Things won't get better socially in med school than they were in college, but hopefully you will be smart enough to change, to take more chances and put yourself out there. You are going to have to break down your shyness anyway, as you will be walking into rooms of strangers and basically undressing them to examine them while making small talk for the bulk of your clinical years. Get over the shyness. It's a defense that doesn't serve you well in a service profession.

 

[howelljolly]

Agreed. You will be surprised how many of your current friends dump you once they realize that 90% of the time when they call you to do something, you can't because you are studying. More often than not people fall out of touch, and make med school friends instead because nobody else understands the kind of schedule folks on this path must live. So no, I sure wouldn't stay in town expecting things not to change.

You have to break out of your shell and find a way to make new friends. Things won't get better socially in med school than they were in college, but hopefully you will be smart enough to change, to take more chances and put yourself out there. You are going to have to break down your shyness anyway, as you will be walking into rooms of strangers and basically undressing them to examine them while making small talk for the bulk of your clinical years. Get over the shyness. It's a defense that doesn't serve you well in a service profession.

Thats what did it for me. Really. After doing that over and over again every day, you'll get used to it. Like me, you'll probably be able to go the extra mile and get good at small-talk. That's what's going to get patients to trust you and follow your advice.

I remember a patient I had about 2 years ago, every day I pre-rounded on him, he'd end up chit-chatting, every single day, about the Sunday brunch he went to with his other 80 year old friends every week. He was old, and thats what he lived for. The first few times Id take the opportunity to remind him to lay off the bacon, then make a quick exit. Pretty soon, I realized that this guy is doing something right (staying active at his age), and doesnt need the bacon bit. I quit with the lecture series, and joined him in the small talk. The small talk had gotten him to trust me, which made things much easier when he became one of our team's better teaching cases, and when we had to tell him that he needed to be worked up for cancer.

So anyway. You will start to get used to it simply as a by-product of your daily routine. You will have to talk to many strangers every day, and you'll have to get them to undress. If you're going to be shy about it, you'll never get anything done. But be open to the idea that if you get good at it, you can be a better doctor.

 

[FlowRate]

take Neuro Linguistic Programming or get some self-improvement tips from guys like David DeAngelo. No one will care if u are shy. Your chance of making friends will be less. Stop making exuses and improve thyself!

Nah, just steamroll through attraction and comfort and then focus on seduction =P

 

[schrizto]

I went to a really small magnet hs with about 70 students in each grade where everyone took the same classes. The thing with such a small class is that after 1 or 2 years you will know everyone's name in your class even if you don't make that much of an effort. I'd imagine it's similar with a medical school class of 100-200 students. People are friendlier and more willing to go up and talk to a person they have not approached before when they know a person's name and something about them, so this should be good for a shy person.

A drawback of a small class is that gossip gets around REALLY fast. Say some serious drama takes place in a group of friends in your class... the next day everyone in the class knows what happened.

 

[howelljolly]

take Neuro Linguistic Programming or get some self-improvement tips from guys like David DeAngelo. No one will care if u are shy. Your chance of making friends will be less. Stop making exuses and improve thyself!

Nah, just steamroll through attraction and comfort and then focus on seduction =P

I wouldnt go too far with that stuff. They turn that stuff into algorithms and use words like Neuro and Programming just to sell it to geeks.

Besides, you're trying to make friends, not get the HB-10 out of the 100set in your med school. Doesn't exist.

Put yourself out there by joining interest groups and stuff. Get involved with people on a professional level (because it will help your academic future). Then when people meet you half-way FORCE yourself to say yes. Do not say that you have homework. Be passive, but be around. Take opportunities that are presented to you. Make it effortless, and dont play your control-dramas or defense mechanisms.

You're also around doctor types (including wannabe psychistrists). People will recognize defense mechanisms, and try to "help" you. That is NOT fun.

David Deangelo is excessive... try The Celestine Prophecy.

 

[Law2Doc]

I went to a really small magnet hs with about 70 students in each grade where everyone took the same classes. The thing with such a small class is that after 1 or 2 years you will know everyone's name in your class even if you don't make that much of an effort. I'd imagine it's similar with a medical school class of 100-200 students. People are friendlier and more willing to go up and talk to a person they have not approached before when they know a person's name and something about them, so this should be good for a shy person.

A drawback of a small class is that gossip gets around REALLY fast. Say some serious drama takes place in a group of friends in your class... the next day everyone in the class knows what happened.

I think the above post about cliques is true though. you may know everyone's name, but that doesn't mean you get to eat lunch with the "cool kids". Folks tend to latch on to groups in med school -- it's scary to do it as a loner. So between your anatomy dissection group and whatever study group you weasel your way into and whomever is attending from your undergrad that you already know, you end up with a closed circle of friends very fast. Don't expect folks to come up and befriend you -- you have to bust a move. It's no better in this respect than undergrad -- if you don't put yourself out there, you will be the loner in the corner nobody hangs out with. And beyond that, since a lot of people do self study and don't even attend lectures, and since you log a lot of hours in the books each day, it's really really easy to get isolated and alone in med school. So you truly have to quit the shyness. It's a defense mechanism that won't serve you well on this path. Do something every day to put yourself outside of your comfort zone, and you eventually will break out of this. As I mentioned, examining patients helps a lot -- you end up having them undress both literally, and figuratively, probing into their most personal of areas -- sex life, drug habits -- things they probably don't admit to anyone without a white coat on. And you at some point will be doing rectal and genital exams, and putting catheters and culture swabs and gloved fingers into their every nook and cranny. If that doesn't make you more bold, nothing will.

 

[scapermoya]

I went to a really small magnet hs with about 70 students in each grade where everyone took the same classes. The thing with such a small class is that after 1 or 2 years you will know everyone's name in your class even if you don't make that much of an effort. I'd imagine it's similar with a medical school class of 100-200 students. People are friendlier and more willing to go up and talk to a person they have not approached before when they know a person's name and something about them, so this should be good for a shy person.

A drawback of a small class is that gossip gets around REALLY fast. Say some serious drama takes place in a group of friends in your class... the next day everyone in the class knows what happened.

magnet in SoCal?