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To defer or not to defer?

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - MD' started by Inspector Gadget, Jun 5, 2002.

  1. Inspector Gadget

    Inspector Gadget Member 7+ Year Member

    Feb 12, 2002
    This has been the most difficult week in my life. Friday all was well. I was having dinner with my father and mother. Saturday I was looking for an apartment and then I got the call that changed my life. My mom said my dad was on the way to the emergency room. I got there. I soon found out he had a hemmorage. He was intubated, unconscience, and on a ventilator. I was told a day latter that he was brain dead. Then after another day and a half on the ventilator I said goodbye. My whole world is upside down. I was planning on starting medical school in the fall. I live in LA and will be going to UCLA so I will be near home to help my family and for them to help me. Yet, I am not sure if I should take a year off. I think I should go to school so I will have something to do and not go crazy.
    You are all so helpful.
    What do you think?
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  3. analu

    analu Senior Member 7+ Year Member

    Mar 6, 2002
    I'm so sorry for your loss inspector. I also lost my father month before graduating from high school. Instead of going to U of Michigan, I decided to defer. I eventually went to a college closer to home...something I've regretted my whole life.

    Inspector, don't defer. Go to school and fulfill your commitment to medicine. I believe my father would have wanted me to go...and I think your father would want the same for you.

    God bless you and your family.
  4. Papa Smurf

    Papa Smurf Thug 4 Life 7+ Year Member

    Feb 9, 2002
    First off, my condolences to you and your family. I can't imagine what you've just been through. Just goes to show you how short life really is.

    Having said that, if I was in your position, I would clearly defer. 2-3 months would not be enough grieving time for me personally. Medical school is extremely stressful as it is. There's no reason to go into it under such difficult circumstances if you don't have to. Take a year off, make sure your family is fine, and do all the things you wanted to do but never got around to. Life is too short bro. Med school will still be waiting for you a little over a year from now. Again, very sorry for your loss.
  5. Spiderman [RNA Ladder 2003]

    Spiderman [RNA Ladder 2003] Platinum Member 7+ Year Member

    Apr 8, 2002
    I am sorry for you, too. If I imagine if something like that have heppened to my dad. If I had the same choice as you do, I would propobably go into medical school because I would think about what my dad would tell me to do. I believe that he is happy for you to go to med school and want you to become a doctor. So I would any possible thing to fulfill my last dad's wish. It is hard to say but there is really nothing you can do at this point but to continue with your life. If you differ, you will loose the whole year.
    However, it is your choice and I would understand either of your choices.
  6. SMW

    SMW Grand Member 7+ Year Member

    Jul 12, 2001
    anchorage, ak
    I am so sorry. Defer. You have no idea how grief will effect you. Your father would want you to do well in med school and not jeopardize your future by going into it so soon after his death, without adequate time to grieve. You have nothing to lose by deferring, and everything to gain. You can do some volunteer work, or something else that will contribute toward your goal to be a doctor, without being as stressed as you would be doing the first year of medical school while grieving.
  7. spacecadet

    spacecadet Senior Member 7+ Year Member

    Jul 2, 2001
    Houston, TX

    I'm so very sorry for your loss. I don't have any advice for you about deferring - maybe you should wait a month or so and see how you feel then. My sympathies go to you and your family. (((hugs)))
  8. Nogpa

    Nogpa Member 7+ Year Member

    Mar 7, 2002
    I'm terribly sorry for your loss. It may prove easier to cope if you are distracted and immersed in something that you love doing. We all deal with loss in our own ways, and while some people would call it denial, I have found that sometimes not giving a problem my full-attention results in me dealing with it in smaller, more manageable chunks. Again, my condolences to you and yours.

  9. u2ecila

    u2ecila Senior Member 7+ Year Member

    Jul 11, 2001
    VA area
    I am so sorry about your father. A dear friend of mine, Amanda, lost her mother just a few weeks ago after a seven year battle with cancer. I have talked to her about what she plans to do over the next year, and she told me this, "My mother lived her life to the fullest, and she expects the same from me. She would not want me to grieve too long." Amanda starts a summer internship next week.

    Follow your instincts and live your life to the fullest, whether that means defering a year and heping your family or venturing off to med school this fall.

    Whatever your decision, good luck. I know your father and your family will be very proud of you.
  10. zealous

    zealous Senior Member 7+ Year Member

    Jan 4, 2002
    Bay Area
    I can't imagine what you're going through but I am so sorry for your loss and I hope that you and your family will be okay. I personally recently lost a friend of mine and somedays are better than others. It's strange how the littlest things can trigger all of the memories again just when I think I have a handle on it. I found it difficult to concentrate in anatomy and neuro classes because I just kept thinking about what I knew my friend died of. I don't know if it would be the same for you if you went to medical school this year. I think that you should perhaps make the decision after a little bit of time has gone by. Medical school is tough and grief works in crazy ways. Especially when it is the death of someone you are so close to. Just seeing someone that looks like that person can bring it all back. You don't want the difficulties of grieving to distract and hinder your performance in medical school. However, I think it could also be said that being able to be in the hospital at UCLA while attending classes could possibly help your grieving process because you could see first hand the help that doctors are giving to patients and in a way might show you that while your father is gone, there are so many people who still need your help and the faster you go to medical school, the faster you can help them. I think that if you listen to what your mind and body are telling you, you will be able to make the decision. While everyone here is sympathetic to your position, I definitely wouldn't make a decision based on the majority of what is written here. Some people would do anything to try to persuade other people out of a spot, especially at UCLA. Besides, I think its true that getting into medical school is the hard part but once you're in, they really help you out and noone wants you to fail. I'm sure that UCLA is the same way and that they even have staff you can talk to if once you start class, you realize that having lost your father is still affecting you. I would call the school and find out what programs they have for support. Again, I'm sorry for your loss and I hope that you and your family have all the love and support that you need right now. You will be in my prayers.

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