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to marry or not to marry

Discussion in 'Spouses and Partners' started by avhart, Apr 21, 2002.

  1. avhart

    avhart Member 7+ Year Member

    Apr 14, 2002
    I'm the one going into med school and by the time it starts my boyfriend and I will have been together for 5 years. After hearing horror stories of many many failed marriages due to the stresses of med school, I told him that I didn't want to get married until after it was over...but then I don't think it really gets better even am I being silly? I just don't want it to end in diaster...
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  3. smc927

    smc927 El Flaquito 7+ Year Member

    Feb 25, 2002
    Wandering Around
    I have two friends who were married a year or two before med school and had two or three kids before med school was over. They tell me that med school is like any other stress in life. If both of you are focused on this goal (becoming a doctor) and you both are willing to make some sacrifices you will do well. As a matter of fact, you will be even stronger. The muscle that is never flexed wastes away. A little weight, if handled correctly, will make you stronger. I am married and have a baby girl. I work and school full-time. Definitely gets stressful. But my wonderful, loving wife and I seem to feel closer every day. Just do things to keep the love alive and you'll be fine. There's my two cents, free of charge.

    P.S. 5 years? My wife and I dated 5 weeks and had a lengthy engagement of 4 months. Get married already!!!!!!
  4. im4real

    im4real Senior Member 10+ Year Member

    Feb 12, 2001
    Martinsburg, WV, USA
    I believe if you have been together this long that medical school is not going to cause you to get divorced. You will be fine. When my husband went to medical school, he was both married and had a 3-year-old son!!!

    My recommendation is to get married and to find a babysitter that you can rely upon in order that you can go out on a date. If you can go out once a week or every two weeks that would be good & healthy. Sometimes that won't work out, but it is achieveable!!

    There is no good or bad time to get married and/or have children. You have just got to adjust your expectations and bend a little. It was personally shown me and taught me to become even more independent and guide my own life. It's an adjustment, but because I chose my husband as my life partner, I am willing to sacrifice. I have found that our marriage helps balance his hectic life in medical school and residency. He has consistency in his life. He doesn't have to worry about going home to an empty house and he has something to look forward to when he walks through the door... HIS CHILDREN!!! They just adore him and love him no matter what!!! That's a great feeling & something to really look forward to after a day of hard work & thinking of diagnoses & follow-ups $ medications all day, not to mention those relationships with other colleagues & attendings.

    So, do not fear getting married before medical school. Embrace this new chapter in your lives and know each day is what you decide to make of it!! This is a more challenging part of our marriage, but we look back from where we came and think "we" did it with big smiles on our faces!!! There is nothing to us more precious than our family! I hope I have helped!

  5. Youngling

    Youngling Member 7+ Year Member

    Feb 11, 2002
    New York
    It makes me upset when I see this question come up again and again. Listen school comes with social pressures in addition to stress. Many single med students actually go into depressed because of being so stressed out without having somebody to love them on the side. If you have a signficant other while in med school it is a BIG PLUS!! It will act as a great cushion to support you as you struggle through med school. You can study 11 hours all day and then go home to your spouse. Love will not fade will find yourself relying on it to pull you throygh med school. It is important to your success otherwise you will be single and lonley with nobody to love you....So, keep your spouse and yes definitely get married. I know several classmates of mine who actually got married last year because they needed a partner in this storm.
    rosieisaposie likes this.
  6. japhy

    japhy Ski Bum 10+ Year Member

    Nov 8, 1999
    Alta, Ut

    i recently celebrated my five year anniversary with my girlfriend. i also started med school this year. with that background, i think that i have more time to spend with her. like others said earlier it is wonderful having someone to come home to, someone to help out with the housework, someone to make sure that the bills get paid. however, i look around and see a lot of others in my class with very co-dependent spouses. that will not last. my girlfriend works full-time (the extra $$$ is so nice) and has lots of friends and outside interests. she hangs out with my friends from school. if you want it to work it will work. you make time for what is important to you. if you lose sight of that med school will consume all of you. anyway, you can do it. i know that i wouldn't have gotten into med school w/o my girl and i won't get through med school w/o her either.

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