Too cliche?

Started by VersaceSofas
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VersaceSofas

Full Member
7+ Year Member
To begin your personal statement with a code blue situation that you were involved with?

Edit: I have a position in a hospital where I perform compressions during codes and I also help with toileting of patients. I was thinking of following the opening scene of the cardiac arrest with helping a patient get to a commode. A code blue juxtaposed with a code brown if you will. I was going to discuss the different skills and knowledge that I have gained from each situation. Bad idea?
 
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I have a position in a hospital where I perform compressions during codes and I also help with toileting of patients. I was thinking of following the opening scene of the cardiac arrest with helping a patient get to a commode. A code blue juxtaposed with a code brown if you will. I was going to discuss the different skills and knowledge that I have gained from each situation. Bad idea?
 
desiredmembername123 said:
Come on man there must be some experience that both sets you apart from other applicants, has a good hook and relates to why medicine!
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Hooks are painful.
You don't need to set yourself apart.
You need to remind us of wonderful students we have known and taught.
 
VersaceSofas said:
I think I know why...but why?
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I honestly don't like it because 1) It is a common experience. Most people that are seriously involved in healthcare have dealt with many many many code blues. 2) You are not the centerpiece in this experience. You are taking a situation where someone is literally dying, and monopolizing it as a hook for your personal statement 3) Experiencing a code blue should not be the reason you want to become a physician, everyone in healthcare deals with code blues. I could probably just keep going about why it is bad. But really the main reason is that so many people before you have written about this as a hook, and done so poorly, that your PS will automatically be shoved in that grouping in the readers mind. You are now battling against their expectations of why your PS is not as poor as those other ones, putting you at a massive disadvantage. You are probably better off with no hook than a poor one like this.
 
gyngyn said:
I doesn't tell us anything about you.
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desiredmembername123 said:
I honestly don't like it because 1) It is a common experience. Most people that are seriously involved in healthcare have dealt with many many many code blues. 2) You are not the centerpiece in this experience. You are taking a situation where someone is literally dying, and monopolizing it as a hook for your personal statement 3) Experiencing a code blue should not be the reason you want to become a physician, everyone in healthcare deals with code blues. I could probably just keep going about why it is bad. But really the main reason is that so many people before you have written about this as a hook, and done so poorly, that your PS will automatically be shoved in that grouping in the readers mind. You are now battling against their expectations of why your PS is not as poor as those other ones, putting you at a massive disadvantage. You are probably better off with no hook than a poor one like this.
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Ya all valid points. I guess I wanted begin with an anecdote from working in a hospital and that was the first thing that I thought of. I'm having trouble writing a personal statement without an anecdote. I feel like I'm kind of just writing platitudes and generalities. Isn't everyone's personal statement pretty much the same? I like science and helping people, I realized this when (insert relative) died. Really struggling here. Anyone know of a collection of good personal statements?
 
VersaceSofas said:
Ya all valid points. I guess I wanted begin with an anecdote from working in a hospital and that was the first thing that I thought of. I'm having trouble writing a personal statement without an anecdote. I feel like I'm kind of just writing platitudes and generalities. Isn't everyone's personal statement pretty much the same? I like science and helping people, I realized this when (insert relative) died. Really struggling here. Anyone know of a collection of good personal statements?
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Speak in your own voice as if you are explaining yourself to an interested stranger.
 
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desiredmembername123 said:
I'm sure that somewhere midway through the application cycle that that stranger might be a little less than interested 😉
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It is so infrequent that someone sounds like a living human in their actual age group, that it would be refreshing.
 
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This is only the 4th or 5th most common thing I see in PS's.


VersaceSofas said:
To begin your personal statement with a code blue situation that you were involved with?

Edit: I have a position in a hospital where I perform compressions during codes and I also help with toileting of patients. I was thinking of following the opening scene of the cardiac arrest with helping a patient get to a commode. A code blue juxtaposed with a code brown if you will. I was going to discuss the different skills and knowledge that I have gained from each situation. Bad idea?
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LizzyM said:
Don't open with a patient care experience or something that looks and reads like a film script. It is one of the most overdone essay styles and it is exceptionally tiresome.
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Dang. I did this. :/ Opened by talking about my work as a therapeutic recreation volunteer, and how I bonded with a patient over soul music.
 
gyngyn said:
I doesn't tell us anything about you.
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Ie schools provide skills and knowledge, they can't necessarily teach character or insight. So don't tell them about all the skillz you have, whats the point - why go to school then?
 
You should avoid the patient care anecdote because they tend to be very long and don't usually have a point to them, not necessarily because they are cliche. The desire to be "unique" has led premeds to write about

1. How small a member they have
2. Peeing on themselves in front a faculty member
3. Comparing ice skating to surgery
4. "My desire to be a doctor can be summed up in two words: Mercedez Benz. Mercedez Benz was the vehicle that nearly killed my aunt in a tragic accident... Etc"
 
LizzyM said:
Don't open with a patient care experience. It is one of the most overdone essay styles and it is exceptionally tiresome.
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We're told to be honest and reflective about what motivated us to pursue medicine, and if that happens to include meaningful patient care experiences, what are we supposed to do, lie?
 
aalamruad said:
We're told to be honest and reflective about what motivated us to pursue medicine, and if that happens to include meaningful patient care experiences, what are we supposed to do, lie?
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I agree; I thought that the conventional wisdom dispensed on this board was that "I like science" or "I shadowed and I find the medical profession compelling" essays aren't ideal because they don't show a good understanding of a career where you will spend your days caring for sick people, or humanism/compassion. In combination with the other oft-repeated axiom of Show, Don't Tell, this leads to many detailed firsthand accounts of patient care to structure the personal statement. What is left for the applicant to write about?
 
fdgjfg said:
I agree; I thought that the conventional wisdom dispensed on this board was that "I like science" or "I shadowed and I find the medical profession compelling" essays aren't ideal because they don't show a good understanding of a career where you will spend your days caring for sick people, or humanism/compassion. In combination with the other oft-repeated axiom of Show, Don't Tell, this leads to many detailed firsthand accounts of patient care to structure the personal statement. What is left for the applicant to write about?
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Exactly. God forbid we don't all have incredible and unique stories of being refugees who came to America on a raft, and then proceeded to compete in the Olympics and found our own non-profit organizations. I'm proud of my PS that discusses patient care experiences that inspired me, and if med schools want to reject me for writing about that, so be it.
 
What's wrong with writing about how I find medicine fascinating? I mean if people don't have that sentiment then why bother applying in the first place.

Medicine is, imo, NOT a channel to show off humanism or compassion. Where is the pride? Is the profession at such a low point that it has to hijack humanism/compassion to be perceived as of any value at all?
 
wizzed101 said:
What's wrong with writing about how I find medicine fascinating? I mean if people don't have that sentiment then why bother applying in the first place.

Medicine is, imo, NOT a channel to show off humanism or compassion. Where is the pride? Is the profession at such a low point that it has to hijack humanism/compassion to be perceived as of any value at all?
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I don't necessarily disagree with you, but many posters on this board have argued that a fundamental aspect of a career as a physician is serving as a caretaker and being able to engage with the vulnerable and the needy. This is an aspect which sets medicine apart from other demanding high-powered careers. If it's just about the science, challenge, or intellectual rigor, why not a PhD or JD, or why not work in finance or tech? Because of this, posters argue that the PS and the application as a whole should express that the applicant not only understands, but also desires to participate in and is adequately equipped for the patient-care/compassion elements of the field.
 
fdgjfg said:
This is an aspect which sets medicine apart from other demanding high-powered careers. If it's just about the science, challenge, or intellectual rigor, why not a PhD or JD, or why not work in finance or tech?
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That is my point. Medicine, at the very core, has been perceived as a "demanding high-powered career." Is there not a single thing about medicine that one finds fascinating except for its ability to feed one's ego? As if without medicine, one cannot have true humanism/compassion: if you are smart and have compassion, you are rewarded with "medicine," if you are not smart enough, you are not really that compassionate. Really?

That is insulting not only to medicine but other professions as well.
 
While anecdotes about experiences with patients are what give personal statements some personality, what I was saying was not to open with an anecdote.

Start with a statement that tells me that you want to be a doctor or that you've always wanted to be a doctor or that you didn't want to be a doctor when you grew up or in some way set up the rest of your essay. Don't open your essay by rehashing the stomach churning ride in the back of an ambulance or the pathos of having a conversation with a dying child or a demented Dory. This is not a screenwriting or creative writing class.

You can get into some examples and anecdotes after you give me your opening paragraph but please spare me the lights and sirens opening. Panda Bear's classic essay about saving African babies is so funny and almost believable because it so perfectly captures everything that is bad about a bad PS.

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/my-personal-statement-and-i-got-accepted.285834/
 
A personal statement isn't supposed to be a creative and poetic masterpiece. Sincerely articulate your desire to become a physician and the events that have led you to this point.


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so what i'm hearing is having opened with an anecdote was a terrible idea. however, what if the anecdote wasn't introduced as just a story, but rather a way to weave together all aspects of your journey to medicine?

Also, what if its not a patient care story? but a story nonetheless 😉 does this make it different? 😛

its kind of a bummer reading this after i've already written a statement. however, this is a good thread for those still in process.

i'm wondering then, why are those (especially those with nontraditional and academic enhancing backgrounds) always advised to "stand out" with your PS? it sounds like real adcom folks like @LizzyM and @Goro are specifically saying that is unimportant?
 
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sammiesings said:
and does this apply to secondaries as well? @gyngyn @LizzyM

should we just describe the event, and answer the question. to the point, matter of fact style?
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Yes, please! If I have 20-30 minutes to read your primary and secondary (including those 15 experiences, up to 3 of which may be of particular significance to you) and the letters of recommendation submitted on your behalf, cutting to the chase is best.
 
LizzyM said:
Yes, please! If I have 20-30 minutes to read your primary and secondary (including those 15 experiences, up to 3 of which may be of particular significance to you) and the letters of recommendation submitted on your behalf, cutting to the chase is best.
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thanks for your reply! i wish this was more known among the school advisor crowd. really, it takes a lot of pressure off the applicant to find ways to "be creative" and "stand out". sounds like to the point is much preferred on both ends!
 
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