Trouble making friends in med school

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Your past sounds an awful-lot like mine. I never seemed to fit into a certain groups, but was friends with an odd collection of misfits from many different groups.

A strategy I've always tried to employ in medical school is to be a good person to everyone, even people that aren't very friendly back. I try to be lighthearted, strike up conversation, and ask about people with genuine interest, without being irritating of course. I try never to complain around people, I don't bust people's chops, I always encourage them and try to bring out the best in them. Even if people are avoiding eye contact in the halls, give them a warm greeting. If they aren't with it, then that's their problem.

Basically, what I'm getting at, is instead of trying to fit into one group, maybe do things to become universally likable, so that you'll never be on the tail end of the gossip, and you'll be pretty friendly with any/everyone. If you're at school until late hours, a classmate might say "hey, there's NotSoObvious, I'll share a table with them!" You may not be loved by any specific group, but liked by everyone. This has worked best for me. Good luck OP!
 
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Your past sounds an awful-lot like mine. I never seemed to fit into a certain groups, but was friends with an odd collection of misfits from many different groups.

A strategy I've always tried to employ in medical school is to be a good person to everyone, even people that aren't very friendly back. I try to be lighthearted, strike up conversation, and ask about people with genuine interest, without being irritating of course. I try never to complain around people, I don't bust people's chops, I always encourage them and try to bring out the best in them. Even if people are avoiding eye contact in the halls, give them a warm greeting. If they aren't with it, then that's their problem.

Basically, what I'm getting at, is instead of trying to fit into one group, maybe do things to become universally likable, so that you'll never be on the tail end of the gossip, and you'll be pretty friendly with any/everyone. If you're at school until late hours, a classmate might say "hey, there's NotSoObvious, I'll share a table with them!" You may not be loved by any specific group, but liked by everyone. This has worked best for me. Good luck OP!

Thanks for the feedback Dr. Livesy! Those are some encouraging words.
 
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I feel like I am you. I never really had a solid group until late sophomore year of college. Now that it is over I don't have a group. We keep in touch and meet up every so often but not frequently anymore since we are all over the place. It took me awhile to get a solid group of friends in college and tbh most of them are not even close to the personalities you see in medical school, mainly computer science and business dudes. I almost made no strong connections in my biology cohort. I remember going to graduation not knowing most of these people in my major.

I am worried this will happen in medical school since med school is smaller, meaning less chance to actually meet people you can really connect with.
 
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many people are gossipy.
Yes, true. This is everywhere. I've heard people like to gossip.

Cliques are apparent
It will never end. Not during clinical years, not during residency, not during attendinghood, not during your golden years in a the snazziest nursing home. Get used to it.

the next 4 years
More like 2-ish. Then you're in clinicals and you're spending time in the real world and hopefully you'll find more of your groove then.

family and my long-term gf
Family is the most important thing in life anyway, right? So why worry about investing your time with people who'll probably never have meaningful interactions with after graduation?
 
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Also fwiw people are often twats the first few months of Med school until the BS wears off. Give them time and you’ll all get closer.
 
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However, I can't help but think about how tortuous it might be to spend the next 4 years at an institution where I feel socially isolated, a feeling I am not all that familiar with, despite efforts to try and get to know people.

I made basically zero close friends during my first two years of med school, and felt the same as you. I went to a single class social event during my entire two years, my single closest friend dropped out, and my girlfriend broke up with me. I felt the most alone I've ever felt.

Now, wrapping up M4, I get so many social invites that I have to turn things down every day. I don't really know when things changed, but it was during clinical rotations. I now have multiple social circles and could get a meal or go to a bar with people literally whenever I want. I live alone, and people call me almost every day just to chat, which I haven't experienced since high school. As an introvert, it's almost too much.


I'm far from the most popular person at my school, but all I'm saying is hang in there. I've met some lifelong friends in med school, and I met all of them during clinical rotations, where the "forced interaction" is completely different. You'll spend long hours bonding with people. Things will come together.

My advice: think of pre-clinicals as a long, long study session. Focus on crushing Step 1, and let the doors open for you down the line. You'll make friends later without trying, I promise.
 
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Consider yourself lucky. I have to many friends in medical school and they are always asking me to do things like hang out and go places and do things. my friends decided throw me and my other friend a joint birthday party at their house and because it’s my party I have to go and my other friend is mad at me it’s a bit of a headache sometimes especially on top of classes and lack of sleep I feel like I could study more if I didn’t have so many medical school friends I feel like loners make the best grades in med school
 
Consider yourself lucky. I have to many friends in medical school and they are always asking me to do things like hang out and go places and do things. my friends decided throw me and my other friend a joint birthday party at their house and because it’s my party I have to go and my other friend is mad at me it’s a bit of a headache sometimes especially on top of classes and lack of sleep I feel like I could study more if I didn’t have so many medical school friends I feel like loners make the best grades in med school

Cool story I’m sure that’ll make OP feel better
 
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Consider yourself lucky. I have to many friends in medical school and they are always asking me to do things like hang out and go places and do things. my friends decided throw me and my other friend a joint birthday party at their house and because it’s my party I have to go and my other friend is mad at me it’s a bit of a headache sometimes especially on top of classes and lack of sleep I feel like I could study more if I didn’t have so many medical school friends I feel like loners make the best grades in med school

Same. Although the only difference is that in addition to being extremely popular, I also finished in the top 5 of my class.
 
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I made basically zero close friends during my first two years of med school, and felt the same as you. I went to a single class social event during my entire two years, my single closest friend dropped out, and my girlfriend broke up with me. I felt the most alone I've ever felt.

Now, wrapping up M4, I get so many social invites that I have to turn things down every day. I don't really know when things changed, but it was during clinical rotations. I now have multiple social circles and could get a meal or go to a bar with people literally whenever I want. I live alone, and people call me almost every day just to chat, which I haven't experienced since high school. As an introvert, it's almost too much.


I'm far from the most popular person at my school, but all I'm saying is hang in there. I've met some lifelong friends in med school, and I met all of them during clinical rotations, where the "forced interaction" is completely different. You'll spend long hours bonding with people. Things will come together.

My advice: think of pre-clinicals as a long, long study session. Focus on crushing Step 1, and let the doors open for you down the line. You'll make friends later without trying, I promise.
This is great advice and I have heard this many times. I am more of the friends/acquaintances with everyone at my med school, but I don't particularly have a clique I hangout with. I am lucky enough to go to med school a little over an hour from where I grew up so I still hangout with my group/clique from home. Im a bit older in my late twenties and I honestly have made most of my friends in undergrad so I don't really get hung up on it. Youre in med school to study your butt off for two years before clinicals i wouldn't worry too much about finding a "clique" right now @NotSoObvious. Just be nice and friendly with everyone! I just don't care enough to try and "fit-in" with my class. Basically just study hard and crush boards these first two years that is what they are for, not to find a clique amongst people of whom 95% of them you'll never see after second year anyway ever again. Like Mr. breakfast said it will all workout once you get into clinicals/residency etc
 
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Thanks for all the replies! I’ve come to the conclusion that the majority of people in med school are neurotic and another portion are conceited (unfortunately). Luckily there is a small percentage who are down to earth.

Ps. My birthday was 2 weeks ago and my family and friends from home and undergrad threw me a surprise party. A few people from med school even made it out! Happy to say I didn’t have to share it and really appreciated all the effort people made to be there - it was an eye opening about how insignificant most people in my class will be in the long term, and the people that really care will always make an to be in my life as long as I show the same effort in return
 
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Probably against the grain here on this...But this is now a job, you aren't here to "make friends". If you are someone who desperately needs a pack to belong to so be it, but otherwise keep your head down and focus on the reason you came to school in the first place.
 
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Some people in medical school are annoyingly extroverted. Some are just overall weird freaks. I imagine you may be something like me. Not extroverted not an introvert.

The thing I would ask is: What do you want in friends in medical school? Do you want a lot of friends or people you really connect with? Someone to go out and drink with? Play sports? Play videogames? Study with? Talk about philosophy? etc.

Start from there and strike up a conversation with some people in your class that will probably be weird. I found one of my friends because we both LOVED the show Black Mirror. How we got to that subject was just being like: got any suggestions for good shows? I just finished watching the last season of black mirror. If you like Black Mirror I know we will get along. Another I found playing a sport.

Overall medical school is a weird version of high school where some ppl are married and have kids and everyone is smart and at least minimally socially capable.
 
Consider yourself lucky. I have to many friends in medical school and they are always asking me to do things like hang out and go places and do things. my friends decided throw me and my other friend a joint birthday party at their house and because it’s my party I have to go and my other friend is mad at me it’s a bit of a headache sometimes especially on top of classes and lack of sleep I feel like I could study more if I didn’t have so many medical school friends I feel like loners make the best grades in med school

You seem to have “medical school” and “the fifth grade” mixed up. Don’t worry, the social scene is so similar it happens all the time.
 
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Probably against the grain here on this...But this is now a job, you aren't here to "make friends". If you are someone who desperately needs a pack to belong to so be it, but otherwise keep your head down and focus on the reason you came to school in the first place.

There’s more to life than school or the way you phrase it “work.” Nonetheless, my original questions and concerns have been addressed by some very lovely people and no longer see a personal need for this forum. All else it up to you guys about what you want to debate or discuss. ✌️
 
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You seem to have “medical school” and “the fifth grade” mixed up. Don’t worry, the social scene is so similar it happens all the time.

Just yesterday two of my learned colleagues were stealing eachother's baseball caps in lecture...
 
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med school can feel a bit like high school. I remember at UCLA med, there was like 6-7 mini clicks and then some wanderers (me!)

I don't think you are experiencing anything out of the ordinary. If you don't fit in a click, you are someone special prob with perspectives that can help medicine in the future. Just make some friends for studying and keep your support network outside of school.

AB
 
Consider yourself lucky. I have to many friends in medical school and they are always asking me to do things like hang out and go places and do things. my friends decided throw me and my other friend a joint birthday party at their house and because it’s my party I have to go and my other friend is mad at me it’s a bit of a headache sometimes especially on top of classes and lack of sleep I feel like I could study more if I didn’t have so many medical school friends I feel like loners make the best grades in med school

OMG YOU ARE SO POPULAR!!!! How can everyone else be like you? You think I could stop by and shadow you for a day or so...would love to see you in action.
 
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