Trying to decide if I should keep going

[drzoidbergsgotnothingonme]

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Signed up for a new account for this and will try to keep things semi vague just in case someone manages to recognize my story. I could use some advice about my rather terrible situation - I failed a class, and then I failed the summer remediation. That's the short version.

The longer version is that a few days into the class, one of my parents was diagnosed with a terrible, super high mortality rate disease. I tried to keep going, and actually managed to keep my head above water, but then two days before my final we got the news that the disease had progressed farther than we thought, and I pretty much lost it and bombed the final.

So I was given the option to go study for 5 weeks and take a re-exam. And I actually managed to fail worse than before, despite feeling pretty prepared and confident. Not really sure what happened. Things have been hard with the family stuff but I thought I was handling it.

Now I'm going to have to repeat first year. And I just don't know if I want to or if it's worth it. To begin with, I of course feel humiliated. But on top of that I'm an older student in my late 20s / early 30s. I had a career, left it to do the whole postbacc thing, went through a year of twiddling my thumbs while I applied to school afterward. And now this. I'm just not sure I have it in me to add another year onto this whole process. Especially knowing that even if managed to honor every course and kill the boards, I'd still be looked at as damaged goods come residency time.

I've also been pretty miserable during M1, and have been pretty much constantly telling myself "you just have to make it till next May and you'll be in the hospital!"

I guess I'd just love some advice, thoughts, stories about that person you knew who failed M1 and is now a rock-star plastic surgeon who saves children around the world...just trying to figure out where to go from here.

 

[Porfirio]

The first two years of medical school is nothing like the last two years of medical school.

Residency is nothing like medical school. (Outsider looking in)

 

[DermViser]

The first two years of medical school is nothing like the last two years of medical school.

Residency is nothing like medical school. (Outsider looking in)

There is a difference between saying one "is nothing like the" other, vs. saying it gets better.

 

[drzoidbergsgotnothingonme]

There is a difference between saying one "is nothing like the" other, vs. saying it gets better.

Right. I know the first two years are nothing like the last two. That's why I was looking forward to them.

 

[DermViser]

Right. I know the first two years are nothing like the last two. That's why I was looking forward to them.

Yes, but the question is how do you know you'll enjoy the last 2 years?

 

[drzoidbergsgotnothingonme]

Hey there. My story is similar to yours. I didn't fail anything, but I did go on a medical/personal leave for ultimately what turned into 3 years. My thought process was exactly yours. At this point what do I do?? I too am in my late 20s and was debating between going back to medical school or just finishing my MPH I had started while in school. I ultimately decided that I want to finish school and I am starting back next month. I had completed first year so in theory I could have started as a 2nd year, but after talking with my advisor, we decided that I would start over. Grant it, that suxs I mean who wants to do anatomy over again?? However, I know moving forward for step, residency, etc it is probably best I relearn everything. I know some programs may view me as "damaged goods" but it sounds like we both have reasons for our setbacks. I know my experiences have made me a better person and will make me a better doctor as well. So I said all this to say, if medicine is your passion continue to pursue it. I personally am looking forward to finally getting my life back on track. I would say for you, is the family health issues resolved? I know for me that's one of the reasons I kept delaying going back because it was an ongoing issue which would have continued to affect my studies so I waited until everything was okay so I could focus on medical school 100%. Although I don't know what the future holds, I feel confident that this is a good time for me to go back. I hope this helps a little bit

The family issue is not really resolved, and likely won't be until they die, at which point I will be dealing with the death of a parent. The initial shock of having it all happen has worn off a bit, but watching and helping as they go through surgeries and treatment has been difficult. I don't think I can wait for it to resolve itself, since while I'm waiting my loans from that post-bacc and first year are accumulating tons of interest.

You sound a lot more positive than me! I guess I am not sure if medicine is my passion to the extent that I am willing to lose yet another year of my life. Plus, I went to medical school with a very idealistic goal of becoming a certain type of doctor, and that dream is now kind of closed off to me, since it was a competitive specialty.

 

[drzoidbergsgotnothingonme]

Yes, but the question is how do you know you'll enjoy the last 2 years?

I don't, was just hopeful. I liked the idea of having actual work to do, duties, even if it was just scut work. Rather than just endless piles of power point slides to memorize.

 

[DermViser]

I don't, was just hopeful. I liked the idea of having actual work to do, duties, even if it was just scut work. Rather than just endless piles of power point slides to memorize.

Liking the idea of doing things, much less scut work, vs. actually liking doing it. The studying doesn't end after MS-2, after Step 1, or even after medical school. That's why medical schools and residencies talk so much about "life-long learning".

 

[AlmostAnMD]

ughhhhhhhh

done with MS1/MS2

done with step 1

no matter what anyone else says the grass really IS greener on the other side, imo. Lovin' third year so far. Haven't run across any of the horror story stuff that this website posts constantly...residents are helpful and like to teach, evaluations are fair, life is good.

Sure the studying doesn't end after MS2, but damn it gets an assload better

 

[DermViser]

ughhhhhhhh

done with MS1/MS2

done with step 1

no matter what anyone else says the grass really IS greener on the other side, imo. Lovin' third year so far. Haven't run across any of the horror story stuff that this website posts constantly...residents are helpful and like to teach, evaluations are fair, life is good.

Sure the studying doesn't end after MS2, but damn it gets an assload better

Again, while there are those who absolutely love MS-3, there are just as many as those who hate rotations in MS-3.

 

[TheWeeIceMan]

ughhhhhhhh

done with MS1/MS2

done with step 1

no matter what anyone else says the grass really IS greener on the other side, imo. Lovin' third year so far. Haven't run across any of the horror story stuff that this website posts constantly...residents are helpful and like to teach, evaluations are fair, life is good.

Sure the studying doesn't end after MS2, but damn it gets an assload better

So the people that didn't like 3rd year are just full of it?

 

[drzoidbergsgotnothingonme]

Liking the idea of doing things, much less scut work, vs. actually liking doing it. The studying doesn't end after MS-2, after Step 1, or even after medical school. That's why medical schools and residencies talk so much about "life-long learning".

I know there will still be studying. And I know I could easily get there and hate it as much as I have hated 1st year. But right now I KNOW I hate 1st year, and people who know me have told me they think I will like 3rd/4th year a lot better. I don't think it's ridiculous to hold on to the idea that all this misery is leading somewhere good.

 

[DermViser]

I know there will still be studying. And I know I could easily get there and hate it as much as I have hated 1st year. But right now I KNOW I hate 1st year, and people who know me have told me they think I will like 3rd/4th year a lot better. I don't think it's ridiculous to hold on to the idea that all this misery is leading somewhere good.

So you believe that digging the hole further in debt for the "idea that all this misery will lead to somewhere good" is a good thing?

 

[drzoidbergsgotnothingonme]

No, I don't, hence this thread.

I guess I don't understand the point you're trying to make to me. My point was that I have been super miserable during M1 to the point where having to add on an extra year of pre-clinicals is upsetting to me. I don't think your enjoyment / lack of enjoyment of M1 and M2 has anything to do with whether or not you'd enjoy being a doctor. I'm sure there are people who love M1 and then are miserable during clinicals.

 

[Psai]

I just started third year on peds and it's been great. Love patients even when they have stranger anxiety and say no to everything. No time to study but everyone has been lovely and I'm learning a lot. First two years are a slog but if you think it's right for you, do it. I love hearing people say thank you and really meaning it even though a lot of the time I don't feel like I did much

 

[alpinism]

I don't, was just hopeful. I liked the idea of having actual work to do, duties, even if it was just scut work. Rather than just endless piles of power point slides to memorize.

Unfortunately, unless you're really lucky on many rotations you won't have any real "duties" as a M3/M4.

Your primary responsibilities as a clinical med student include showing up on time, acting interested, answering pimp questions, writing unnecessary notes, attending lectures/conferences/seminars, and studying for shelf exams once you get out of the hospital.

The clinical years are better in some ways and worse in others.

The only question you need to ask yourself is can you see yourself doing anything else besides practicing medicine?

 

[DermViser]

I just started third year on peds and it's been great. Love patients even when they have stranger anxiety and say no to everything. No time to study but everyone has been lovely and I'm learning a lot. First two years are a slog but if you think it's right for you, do it. I love hearing people say thank you and really meaning it even though a lot of the time I don't feel like I did much

That's bc you're on Peds. Peds, Family Med, and Psych are good rotations to start off on.

 

[BestDoctorEver]

That's bc you're on Peds. Peds, Family Med, and Psych are good rotations to start off on.

What are the other rotations in 3rd year besides those?

 

[DermViser]

What are the other rotations in 3rd year besides those?

General Surgery and OB-Gyn.

 

[Ismet]

General Surgery and OB-Gyn.

and Internal Medicine, the bane of our existence 😀

plus any school-specific 3rd year core rotations. we have a "specialty care" rotation which is 1 week in each of ENT, ophtho, peds ED and adult ED. and the rotation i'm on now, which is a month of outpatient peds and a month of outpatient medicine.

 

[Gastrapathy]

You're at the start of a long road and really at the only practical offramp you'll have. It's worth trying to figure out whether you want to be a physician again. You will still match and the IM subs are all still there for you ( for example) so it's really about whether you want it. It's July. Do some shadowing. I know that sounds like premed bs but your task is different. Spend some time with a private practice attending and see if his life appeals to you. I don't regret my career choice but I never really gave myself the chance to consider jumping off the train.


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[DermViser]

and Internal Medicine, the bane of our existence 😀

plus any school-specific 3rd year core rotations. we have a "specialty care" rotation which is 1 week in each of ENT, ophtho, peds ED and adult ED. and the rotation i'm on now, which is a month of outpatient peds and a month of outpatient medicine.

Oh of course! I can't believe I forgot Internal Medicine (or sometimes referred to as Infernal Medicine).

 

[drzoidbergsgotnothingonme]

You're at the start of a long road and really at the only practical offramp you'll have. It's worth trying to figure out whether you want to be a physician again. You will still match and the IM subs are all still there for you ( for example) so it's really about whether you want it. It's July. Do some shadowing. I know that sounds like premed bs but your task is different. Spend some time with a private practice attending and see if his life appeals to you. I don't regret my career choice but I never really gave myself the chance to consider jumping off the train.


Sent from my iPhone 6 using Tapatalk

Yeah, I had a lot of shadowing lined up before I failed this remediation and I guess I will continue to do it until I figure out what I'm going to do. Thanks for the advice!

 

[evilbooyaa]

If you still want to become a doctor, then push on.

If you don't (or are unsure of it beyond the shock of failing the first year) then this is the time to re-evaluate your life decisions.

 

[styphon]

Why not look at it in a different light? (Which I understand may be hard)

You have put your life on hold, left your previous life - all for this. One year is not that much when you consider how much you have already left and also put in to be where you are. "Remap" your thinking - instead of "oh no I have to repeat MS1 again!" try to reframe it into "THIS time I will do much better than before SO that I can secure the future that I believe is right for me."

 

[DermViser]

Why not look at it in a different light? (Which I understand may be hard)

You have put your life on hold, left your previous life - all for this. One year is not that much when you consider how much you have already left and also put in to be where you are. "Remap" your thinking - instead of "oh no I have to repeat MS1 again!" try to reframe it into "THIS time I will do much better than before SO that I can secure the future that I believe is right for me."

Bc depending on the circumstance, it might be wiser not to keep digging the hole into even larger debt, esp. with the match race getting tighter.

 

[DermViser]

That's what initially lead to my time off too. My mom got really sick and the doctors basically told me to come home immediately. I took a year off to take care of her. At the end of that year, she actually passed away. So I know the pain of dealing with a death of a parent as well. After she passed, I tried to go back to school, but it was too much for me to handle and I wasn't ready so I took another year off. Within that year off, I was diagnosed with cancer so I had to delay school once again. I am now cancer free and like I said starting back in august. I understand about the loans, but hey life happens. I still want to be a doctor so I will deal with the loans and interests when I cross that bridge. Right now, I'm focused on school and excelling. Like someone said, repeating first year isn't the worst thing, we have both seen the material and can do better the second time around and be better prepared for boards. Also never say never in terms of specialities being closed off, you never know what doors can open for you. You have to be positive, that's the only way I keep pushing forward. I would also talk to your school and see what they can do. My school was very supportive. The first year, I was actually still enrolled as a MPH student so I could get aid. My school rocks!

Wow! 😱😱 Glad you're doing better. Your med school is awesome!