EvoDevo said:
I was wondering about this. A friend of mine has deferred at Howard, and he said that he was allowed to apply again while deferring. I think one of the posters on here did the same thing.
Turning Down My Only Acceptance
- Thread starter dragonmate
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I was wondering about this. A friend of mine has deferred at Howard, and he said that he was allowed to apply again while deferring. I think one of the posters on here did the same thing.
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Good luck dragonmate, and keep your options open until you must make a decision. BTW, out of curiosity, how far apart are the two cities?dragonmate said:
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Thanks genius. The two cities are ~1,000 miles apart.thegenius said:
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dragonmate said:
WTF?!?!
Come on now.
robotsonic said:
I think Dragonmate brings up a good point about what the worth of being a doctor is if you end up losing the things that bring joy. Long distance relationships are not easy by any means even if you have complete trust. At my university there are many nontrads who are married with children or married without children and returning to school. Two of them that I know, now MSI's applied to our school's med school only. Why?? Because the first person promised his wife he wouldn't move the family again cuz it would make it unstable for the children having to find a new school. the other chose to stay cuz her hubby has a business in town that he can't just leave up in the air, especially since he's a partner in it and has other people to think about.
Dragonmate,
As I said before, keep it til May 15th date and then decide what you are going to do. I think by that time if you are retaking the MCAT, then you'll have a good feel for how you might have done on the MCAT based on your practice scores.
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I'm sorry, but can you please not apply next year... you're taking up space... space someone else could be in, someone that has a stronger commitment to medicine.
people come and go... but you have to live with yourself and your decisions.
If you are following him because he asked you... wa wa wa... I can't be in law school by myself... wa wa wa... then he is an as-sssss!
If you came to this decision on your own, without him asking... did you ever stop to think that he doesn't want you to give up your life... he's going to turn around and say... you can quote me on this... "I never asked you to give up med school"
So how will you define yourself? I'm a doctor or I went to school to find a husband...
Good Luck!
people come and go... but you have to live with yourself and your decisions.
If you are following him because he asked you... wa wa wa... I can't be in law school by myself... wa wa wa... then he is an as-sssss!
If you came to this decision on your own, without him asking... did you ever stop to think that he doesn't want you to give up your life... he's going to turn around and say... you can quote me on this... "I never asked you to give up med school"
So how will you define yourself? I'm a doctor or I went to school to find a husband...
Good Luck!
mamd2be said:
How about we not make assumptions on someone else's relationship that we know nothing about beyond what little they have told us. now there is an
I know quite a few people who have gotten in somewhere only to choose to reapply to get in somewhere else. It happens all the time. Sometimes you just gotta go with your heart and go where you feel you'll be happy at. On the bright side, if she does drop her acceptance, those of you who might have applied there who are whining about how she's taking up space, may end up off the waitlist by her letting go of her acceptance there.
I'm going to go step off of my soap box now.
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It is seriously mind-boggling to ponder all of the responses given thus far. Utterly mind-boggling. Everybody is telling the original poster what to do in this situation and we know nothing, save for a paragraph that she gave us.
The only sensible advice is to just wait and see what happens, always discussing and going over your options.
The only sensible advice is to just wait and see what happens, always discussing and going over your options.
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Ok. Let me preface this whole thing by saying I'm married, happily, for 12 years now. I have two children (7 and 10). Before my husband and I were married, I was in paramedic school and working full-time. He got a job 300 miles away. His only job offer. He took it, I couldn't go with him 'cuz I was in p-school. Me dropping Pschool was absolutely out of the question for both of us... it was important to me, and thus, important to him. Likewise, his turning down the job offer was out of the question - this was the start of his career and the offer was pretty darn good.
So, he moved out. We both took a weekend and found him an apartment. He took half my furniture to the new apartment. I was so busy with a full-time job and p-school; he was incredibly busy with shift work. We spoke for only about 5 or 10 minutes every few days, and neither one of us had a cell phone at the time. Did we consider breaking up? Yes. Did we actually split? No. We both decided there wasn't anyone else better out there. I recall I had one day in about two weeks where I was spending the night at home (most of my nights were taken up by clinical hours) and he drove 6 hours, in a snowstorm, slid off the road twice, to watch me sleep for about 2 1/2 hours before he had to go back to work. Hard? Yes. But it made our relationship stronger, and each other stronger individually.
Fast forward a few years. I have two small children at home, including an infant. He gets sent off to a school for 4 months, from September until about 2 days before Christmas. I took a leave from my job since his work wouldn't pay for a family place, just an efficiency one-room for him. Was it lonely? Yes. Did it totally suck when both the kids got the flu? Yes. Did it suck worse when I got the flu after the kids were healthy? Oh, yes. And let's not even start about how lonely it was through the holidays without my husband, best friend, life partner, soulmate, and other half of every breath that I take. Did it make our relationship stronger? Yes. Would I have it any other way? No.
Now fast forward some more. I get hurt, go back to school. He manipulates his job hours and I manipulate my school schedule so we don't have to pay for day care. I get into med school. He is so thrilled, and absolutely willing to leave his career, our house, our friends, to go anywhere on this green earth for me to follow my dreams (besides he gets to retire early!). Are we a bit scared? Yes. But we say often: "together..... anything."
I tell you all this to let you know it can be done. Separation is hard, but if the relationship is meant to be it will survive. It can make you stronger; the biggest strengthener a relationship has is to support each other as you follow your dreams and aspirations. What kind of a wife would I be if I didn't support him in what he wants to do? Do I really want to be married to a guy if he didn't support me in what I wanted to do? Don't lose sight of yourself for the sake of giving up all you are, all you want to be, and all you dream of for him. A good relationship should survive, thrive, and grow. For us, lack of distance is not the definition of a relationship.
It is a difficult decision you make. Make it with care and great thought, but don't lose sight of yourself in the process. Good luck.
So, he moved out. We both took a weekend and found him an apartment. He took half my furniture to the new apartment. I was so busy with a full-time job and p-school; he was incredibly busy with shift work. We spoke for only about 5 or 10 minutes every few days, and neither one of us had a cell phone at the time. Did we consider breaking up? Yes. Did we actually split? No. We both decided there wasn't anyone else better out there. I recall I had one day in about two weeks where I was spending the night at home (most of my nights were taken up by clinical hours) and he drove 6 hours, in a snowstorm, slid off the road twice, to watch me sleep for about 2 1/2 hours before he had to go back to work. Hard? Yes. But it made our relationship stronger, and each other stronger individually.
Fast forward a few years. I have two small children at home, including an infant. He gets sent off to a school for 4 months, from September until about 2 days before Christmas. I took a leave from my job since his work wouldn't pay for a family place, just an efficiency one-room for him. Was it lonely? Yes. Did it totally suck when both the kids got the flu? Yes. Did it suck worse when I got the flu after the kids were healthy? Oh, yes. And let's not even start about how lonely it was through the holidays without my husband, best friend, life partner, soulmate, and other half of every breath that I take. Did it make our relationship stronger? Yes. Would I have it any other way? No.
Now fast forward some more. I get hurt, go back to school. He manipulates his job hours and I manipulate my school schedule so we don't have to pay for day care. I get into med school. He is so thrilled, and absolutely willing to leave his career, our house, our friends, to go anywhere on this green earth for me to follow my dreams (besides he gets to retire early!). Are we a bit scared? Yes. But we say often: "together..... anything."
I tell you all this to let you know it can be done. Separation is hard, but if the relationship is meant to be it will survive. It can make you stronger; the biggest strengthener a relationship has is to support each other as you follow your dreams and aspirations. What kind of a wife would I be if I didn't support him in what he wants to do? Do I really want to be married to a guy if he didn't support me in what I wanted to do? Don't lose sight of yourself for the sake of giving up all you are, all you want to be, and all you dream of for him. A good relationship should survive, thrive, and grow. For us, lack of distance is not the definition of a relationship.
It is a difficult decision you make. Make it with care and great thought, but don't lose sight of yourself in the process. Good luck.
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Just a few questions that might help. What dental school is your boyfriend at, i.e. what medical school do you wish to go to. What were your MCAT scores that you applied with this year. How much do you need to increase them. What is your GPA? Without that information it is hard to tell how likely it is that you would be admitted next year. A huge red flag I think is the notion that he is not willing to have a long distance relationship. Does not sound like a supportive give and take relationship. DON'T GIVE UP YOUR ACCEPTANCE TILL MAY!
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If I was in that situation I would have not turned down the acceptance. What if something goes wrong next year and things do not go as planned. You may regret what you have done. If that person really loves you, then they would understand the distance and that would not be a problem in a relationship. Think this out really well, and make the decision for yourself. You have worked hard up to this point, dont throw it all away.
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Shyrem... wow. What a wonderful post! You have true gold in your marriage. You guys will make it through anything together. How inspiring... there is hope for the rest of us...
Best of luck in everything to you guys! 😍
Best of luck in everything to you guys! 😍
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the more and more I think about this, the more silly it sounds to be retaking the MCAT. I've been ACCEPTED to med school. Believe it or not, I'm usually a very logical and strategic creature. I just think that since he doesn't think our relationship can last through 4 years of seperation and will not even TRY...well...I don't know. I guess the ball is now in his court. How can I give up my dream? I've been working so hard and I want this so much. I'm just beginning to see a lot of selfish motivations creep out of him...something I've never ever seen before. It's honestly frightening and I don't know what to think anymore.
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Hey mate,
The responses to your dilemma do sound pretty harsh (perhaps overly), but I think they're valuable if they make you seriously consider your situation. It sounds like you're doing that, so good for you.
I don't think anyone wants to **** on true love, and no one here has any room to judge your relationship-- whether it's true or not. I figure you just need to consider your own relationship, your own career goals, and what kind of sacrifice is best for you. It's no wonder most people on this site would respond to your dilemma as they have, because we've all been turned slightly psychotic from this admissions game
and because I would assume that anyone who spends a lot of time on websites like this one is pretty intent on getting in. Personally, I've become cynical about making big sacrifices like this for a relationship, because I always SWORE I wouldn't put myself last, yet I did and the situation turned sour on me-- TWICE. Regret stinks.
So... at the end of the day, only you know your situation best and only you can decide what's best for you. And, most importantly, you're the only one who'll have to live with your decision.
Compromise seems like the best solution. Twist his arm to get him to agree to a compromise, and if you can't twist it-- break it. 🙂
The responses to your dilemma do sound pretty harsh (perhaps overly), but I think they're valuable if they make you seriously consider your situation. It sounds like you're doing that, so good for you.
I don't think anyone wants to **** on true love, and no one here has any room to judge your relationship-- whether it's true or not. I figure you just need to consider your own relationship, your own career goals, and what kind of sacrifice is best for you. It's no wonder most people on this site would respond to your dilemma as they have, because we've all been turned slightly psychotic from this admissions game
and because I would assume that anyone who spends a lot of time on websites like this one is pretty intent on getting in. Personally, I've become cynical about making big sacrifices like this for a relationship, because I always SWORE I wouldn't put myself last, yet I did and the situation turned sour on me-- TWICE. Regret stinks.So... at the end of the day, only you know your situation best and only you can decide what's best for you. And, most importantly, you're the only one who'll have to live with your decision.
Compromise seems like the best solution. Twist his arm to get him to agree to a compromise, and if you can't twist it-- break it. 🙂
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dragonmate said:
I echo what everyone else says here. If you are in love and he cares for you he would at the very least be willing to try a long distance relationship. Anyone who says no without even trying to make it work is certainly not the person that is gonna be there when it gets really hard (and it will,during school, residency, and beyond). If he loves you he won't let you give up your dream, and that is what you may be doing, as getting into med school is very difficult and may not happen again. Whatver you decide, send in the deposit if necesary and do not give up acceptance till May, and I say don't give up acceptance on the small chance you get in next year, b/c statistically you probably won't.
ShyRem said:
That's a completely baseless generalization. For some people, maybe. For others, no. Just because some people can't stay in a long distance relationship for four years doesn't mean their relationship is "wrong" or won't last otherwise. Simply put, 4 years is a really damned long time to basically never see each other on a daily basis.
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dilated said:
I agree. Essentially the OP has to decide between med school and her current relationship. Only she can figure out which matters more to her now and in the long run.
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dragonmate said:
dragonmate, Congratulations on seeing your situation in a new light, even while we were being pretty harsh on your fiance. As you can see, the whole "I won't put up with a long-distance relationship" thing was a huge red flag for a lot of people here. I believe that relationships and family are important, but when your future husband says that he isn't willing to make a small sacrifice for your future and your happiness, that's disturbing. As others have mentioned, medical school and residency will require compromises and sacrifices from both of you, and it doesn't look like he is making any attempt to compromise.
Good luck in your decision. It will be difficult, but I hope you decide to go to the state school. If you don't go you may regret it, and you may regret it even more if you can't get into med school next year.
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dilated, i never said it wouldn't be hard. It merely stated that if this one is 'it' then it would survive. I stand by that. I also never said it would be short. But we're talking 3 years vs. rest of your life - 3 years is a pretty short time when you look at it that way.
However, you are correct - some people just can't be committed unless they can see their SO on a daily basis. For me, that just doesn't seem truly committed - it seems more like 'committed right now' or 'committed until something better comes along'. Big difference. Me? I would wait for years if necessary if my husband and I were separated that long. It would be worth it. He's worth it. *WE'RE* worth it. Unfortunately, I find more and more that is a dying attitude. Pity.
However, you are correct - some people just can't be committed unless they can see their SO on a daily basis. For me, that just doesn't seem truly committed - it seems more like 'committed right now' or 'committed until something better comes along'. Big difference. Me? I would wait for years if necessary if my husband and I were separated that long. It would be worth it. He's worth it. *WE'RE* worth it. Unfortunately, I find more and more that is a dying attitude. Pity.
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Long distance relationships are hard, but if you've been together this long and plan to spend your lives together, it should be possible. I too think that his unwillingness to try a long distance relationship is a huge red flad and shows that he is putting his interests far above yours. I'm not saying it would be easy (my relationship turned long distance about 2.5 years ago), but it can be done, especially if you are supposed to be committed enough to spend your lives together.
Some people said not to turn down a better school for a relationship. I disagree with that (if it's a serious relationship). In the end, you will still get to be a doctor and being with the person you are going to marry is more important than the school's name on your degree. If you work hard anywhere, you can get where you want to be in the end. However, if it's between a school far away and no school at all, you have to ask yourself this question- "Am I willing to give up my dreams for him when he's not willing to compromise?" If the answer is yes, then turn down the acceptance, try again at that other school next year, and hope things work out. But keep in mind that if that school didn't think you were good enough this year, what makes you think they will accept you next year, even with a significantly higher MCAT? There could have been other factors and you can never count on an acceptance.
I think you should look at it like giving up med school for him because I don't think you can count on being able to pull it off next year. It's a tough decision for you to make. You basically have to choose between yourself and your man (although I think he's forcing that decision since he won't try the long distance thing. It doesn't have to be that way). Maybe if you really talk to him and tell him you don't want to give up your dreams you will see that he might be more open to compromise. He might not have realized that he's essentially asking you to give up your dreams. Maybe he thinks it will be easy for you to significantly raise your MCAT score and get accepted to that school next year. Maybe he doesn't realize how selfish he is being. If you tell him you really want to go to the school that accepted you, he might surprise you and be willing to work it out. If he still says no to long distance, just for kicks, tell him you're going to the school that accepted you and if he doesn't want to have a long distance relationship then he should give up his dream instead (see what he would choose- you or his career). Another thing to consider is residency. Even if you pull this off next year, the same problem is going to come up 4 years later. He's going to be graduated and started his career and you're going to have to go where you match. You're both going to have to make some compromises if you're going to have the careers you have chosen and stay together.
Some people said not to turn down a better school for a relationship. I disagree with that (if it's a serious relationship). In the end, you will still get to be a doctor and being with the person you are going to marry is more important than the school's name on your degree. If you work hard anywhere, you can get where you want to be in the end. However, if it's between a school far away and no school at all, you have to ask yourself this question- "Am I willing to give up my dreams for him when he's not willing to compromise?" If the answer is yes, then turn down the acceptance, try again at that other school next year, and hope things work out. But keep in mind that if that school didn't think you were good enough this year, what makes you think they will accept you next year, even with a significantly higher MCAT? There could have been other factors and you can never count on an acceptance.
I think you should look at it like giving up med school for him because I don't think you can count on being able to pull it off next year. It's a tough decision for you to make. You basically have to choose between yourself and your man (although I think he's forcing that decision since he won't try the long distance thing. It doesn't have to be that way). Maybe if you really talk to him and tell him you don't want to give up your dreams you will see that he might be more open to compromise. He might not have realized that he's essentially asking you to give up your dreams. Maybe he thinks it will be easy for you to significantly raise your MCAT score and get accepted to that school next year. Maybe he doesn't realize how selfish he is being. If you tell him you really want to go to the school that accepted you, he might surprise you and be willing to work it out. If he still says no to long distance, just for kicks, tell him you're going to the school that accepted you and if he doesn't want to have a long distance relationship then he should give up his dream instead (see what he would choose- you or his career). Another thing to consider is residency. Even if you pull this off next year, the same problem is going to come up 4 years later. He's going to be graduated and started his career and you're going to have to go where you match. You're both going to have to make some compromises if you're going to have the careers you have chosen and stay together.
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Dragonmate, one more thing from me: there are quite a few people in my school who came into first year with strong relationships (some of them two, three years or longer) that were forced to be long-distance for at least a few years. Now i'm an MS2, and some of those relationships have failed (and these people are now dating classmates...but that's a whole other mess), and some have survived and are still very strong. Again, i'm in NY, and one of my good friends has an excellent relationship with her boyfriend who goes to law school in Michigan. They were together for about a year before school, and they have been through a year and a half of long-distance and have another year and a half to go. And they're just fine. My fiancee and I are fine. There are at least several more situations like this that I can think of that are turning out just fine. But, on the other hand, there were several relationships that ended. Was it just the distance? I doubt it. If your fiance isn't committed enough to the relationship to even TRY long-distance, then what does that say about his committment in general? I'm telling you, think long and hard about this decision. The MCAT is tedious, med school is tedious, and there are many, many more hurdles coming up for you. If he can't even try dealing with the distance, ask yourself - will he be there for you during all of the mess and insanity of med school, residency, and beyond?
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Dear Dragon,
I strongly believe that when 2 people are made for one another, even distance will not affect the relationship. You will have to work on your relationship whether you guys are close or away from each other. Of course it's hard to be away from a loved one but absence usually make the heart grow fonder. When I first met my now fiance I spent a semester abroad in England and we talked on the phone every day. Now I planning to go to med school and he totally supported my dream. I applied to many schools around where we live now, he will try to get a transfer where I go to med school. We will see each other as often as we can and hopefully I will go to my state school (please God!!)
But I know I can't abandon my dream and he never asked me too because he knows how unhappy I will be. And I know that one day I will tell him "I never became a doctor because of you!!"
I also know that every relationship is different but you should know in your heart if he is worth you turning down your only acceptance. I know that my fiance is totally worth it but I wouldn't do it and he loves me too much to let me turn down my onlyacceptance in another state. Think about it, you guys will still be in the United States, a flight plane away, a drive away, it is totally possible. Good luck in your choice.
I strongly believe that when 2 people are made for one another, even distance will not affect the relationship. You will have to work on your relationship whether you guys are close or away from each other. Of course it's hard to be away from a loved one but absence usually make the heart grow fonder. When I first met my now fiance I spent a semester abroad in England and we talked on the phone every day. Now I planning to go to med school and he totally supported my dream. I applied to many schools around where we live now, he will try to get a transfer where I go to med school. We will see each other as often as we can and hopefully I will go to my state school (please God!!)
But I know I can't abandon my dream and he never asked me too because he knows how unhappy I will be. And I know that one day I will tell him "I never became a doctor because of you!!"
I also know that every relationship is different but you should know in your heart if he is worth you turning down your only acceptance. I know that my fiance is totally worth it but I wouldn't do it and he loves me too much to let me turn down my onlyacceptance in another state. Think about it, you guys will still be in the United States, a flight plane away, a drive away, it is totally possible. Good luck in your choice.
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Can you defer for a year at your state school so you don't have to re-apply there?
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Jaider said:
Great post! 👍
I understand how nice it must be to have someone to rely on, to give you a hug, and to comfort you when you are sad and frustrated, esp. during med school. 😳
But I feel that...
Distance and time are like filters...they help you select what is more important in your life. Don't take the relationship too serious as if he were the ONLY ONE. People/friends come and go, but if he is going to be someone who you will share both your happiness and sorrow with for the rest of your life (hopefully he feels the same way), then he will stay right here. Deep inside your heart.
It won't matter whether if he lives next door or if he is an ocean away. 😉
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Well, I've made my decision. I'm going to med school! The other option is not fair to me, him, or anyone else in my life who put everything they've got into helping me achieve my goals.
I talked to him last night again and it seemed that after he calmed down, he was much more compromising than before. He said that he is willing to give the long distance thing a go, but that it most likely won't last. I just can't give up my dream, my career, my future, and my happiness for 3 years of convenience.
I believe that distance cannot cause love to dissipate. If it does, it was never there in the first place. The main ingredient of this recipe is EFFORT, but it takes two to tango, and if he doesn't think it will work, I'm afraid it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But I feel I made the right decision. Thank you all so much for your insight and your advice. It was very helpful and brought light onto this very painful situation. I can proudly say that come next fall, I will begin working to become a physician.
Good luck to all of you in this insane process. Live life without regrets!
I talked to him last night again and it seemed that after he calmed down, he was much more compromising than before. He said that he is willing to give the long distance thing a go, but that it most likely won't last. I just can't give up my dream, my career, my future, and my happiness for 3 years of convenience.
I believe that distance cannot cause love to dissipate. If it does, it was never there in the first place. The main ingredient of this recipe is EFFORT, but it takes two to tango, and if he doesn't think it will work, I'm afraid it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But I feel I made the right decision. Thank you all so much for your insight and your advice. It was very helpful and brought light onto this very painful situation. I can proudly say that come next fall, I will begin working to become a physician.
Good luck to all of you in this insane process. Live life without regrets!
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Now you're talkin'!!
Best of luck to you!
Best of luck to you!
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Yay! I'm happy for you for taking this chance. Putting things on hold might have destroyed the relationship, because it's likely that resentment would have evolved over that time period. Best of luck!
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thegenius said:
I believe that marriage is an INTERdependent relationship between two INdependent individuals. If one member of this relationship has not achieved the status of INdependence (career, dream, self-confidence & gratification etc) there maybe a strain on the union. Afterall what is a man/woman without a vision or dream. To love and be loved is important - don't get me wrong. Be ultimately as my dear Whitney Houston sang "The greatest love of all is to love yourself". You cannot love another if you dont know how to love yourself.
So to the OP at the end of the day afterall said and done it your decision. But I applaud you for seeking advice for this very critical issue. All the best to you and your fiance.
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dragonmate said:
Hey Dragon,
You should try this ... it might help
a) accept ( you did this... great!)
b) take a year off after 1st yr and do research near him ... that way it isn't 3 yrs in a row you are apart (maybe even take a 2nd year off if you want a dual degree instead or just more research)
you will get a big advantage by doing this
1. you find out if your relationship will last 9 months apart... if you can't take that long apart.. you really won't last
2. you will get a better residency b/c you have research on your CV
3. you will have a break b/w 1st and 2nd yr to relax a little
4. you can put the onus on him next time to sacrifice a little to come to you
good luck w/yer decision...
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dragonmate said:
You go, girl!
I have a quote, specifically for you:
"We do not experience in life what we hope for, but rather what we think we deserve, what we expect, what we are most confident in. That's how we create."
-Marie-Pier Charron
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dragonmate said:
THANK GOD! Finally, someone chooses his/her own life over a relationship. I can't say I agree with the whole "It would work out if it was meant to be" ethos because I feel that view of a relationship is naive and it makes one believe that a relationship is a closed system with no energy leaving or entering (Sorry, physics analogy). But, in fact, we as people are affected by everything around us whether we realize it or not, and therefore our relationships are as well, so let's have none of that 'pre-destined, if it was meant to be' crap!
Either way, dragonmate, I salute you. I believe you made the right choice. You are among the minority of people out there who can fight their own feelings and go with their mind. I believe it takes much personal character and maturity to do that. ....... Marry me! 😀 👍 👍 👍
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My $0.02:
If he said that he thinks it won't work out due to LD, im thinking he doesn't have that much faith in the relationship and you DEFINITELY made the right decision. Talk about being pessimistic.
If he said that he thinks it won't work out due to LD, im thinking he doesn't have that much faith in the relationship and you DEFINITELY made the right decision. Talk about being pessimistic.
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Woohoo! Congratulations and good luck in med school!
dragonmate said:
YAY!!! I think you made the right decision. On the bright side of things.......
He is your fiance not your husband yet. So there is no legal binding yet and it is not like you are throwing away a marriage of 10+ years or something.
Also, there are no children involved in the picture.
One of my roommate's cousin was married when she was in medical school. She was on one end of the east coast and he was in the total opposite direction at the other end of the east coast. 4 years later, they are still happy and married and she is now in a radiology residency near where her husband lives so they are together still and happy. It was hard but its doable if both parties are willing to make it work. But only time will tell.
BTW: Where did you get accepted???
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Jaider said:
Unless you are applying to the exact same school, they will never know how you did unless you tell them.
To the original poster, I also was leary last year about my only acceptance being to my state school. I defered and thought about it. Meanwhile my boyfriend took a job in Chicago with a very good company, so as I dislike my state school, I held my acceptance and took a shot at a school around that area that I liked and did not apply to before. Also, this past year has shown me that being apart, while possible, is not what we both want.
Go with where you think you will be happy. If you would rather be near your fiance, then by all means, try you best and go for it, just make sure you like the program and the area........
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Pewl said:
Care to enlighten me more? 🙂
This is what I think...Of course you want to make the relationship work, if possible. I'll try to make it work by all means *within* my ability, but if it does not work out in the end, then it does not work out. It is like trying new shoes..if it fits, then it fits. If it doesn't, then it doesn't. There is no right or wrong. Of course compromises are needed, but a healthy relationship shall not devour you or take away who you are.
Going back to your analogy...Energy does enter and leave the system. If it reaches equilibrium, then it is a well-designed system. Sure, you want to make it reach equilibrium, but if it does not, it is not the end of the world, either. I guess what is what I mean by..."if it is meant to be, then it is meant to be." 😉
Congrats to the OP! Good luck with everything! 👍
Great decision.
As another poster has said this doesn't mean you're going to be apart for three years.
Taking a year off for research near him is a great idea or he could do it too.
You can also continue to look into transfers, since these sorts of things become much easier to arrange once you are married.
Good luck, Im glad you're gonna be an MD.
As another poster has said this doesn't mean you're going to be apart for three years.
Taking a year off for research near him is a great idea or he could do it too.
You can also continue to look into transfers, since these sorts of things become much easier to arrange once you are married.
Good luck, Im glad you're gonna be an MD.
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Don't take a year off, it will only prolong the entire process, unless you are dying to do research. Med school next year is what you wanted you should stick to it! It sounds like you made the right, but painful decision. I think your boyfriend is worried he will be left in the wind. He does not sound like too much of a giver. I agree retaking the MCATs is no guarentee for a much higher score. Successfully reapplying is very tough. You have until May anyway and should definitely take the entire time to test your relationship. Are there other schools you are still waiting for that might be closer to his dental school that you would like. It is still so early, that there must be more than 2 on your list. Good luck, it must be painful.
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Dragonmate, I think part of you already knew what decision was right for you, or you wouldn't have posted about this to begin with. Congrats on finding that part of yourself.
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You really made me very happy today with this decision 🙂 I am glad to see someone really be rational and considerate of their own lives, and recognize that love takes work too, and if he isn't willing to try it isn't going to last when you encounter this all over again during residency selection and beyond.
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Thats because people don't read threads!gujuDoc said:
