Uncertain I want to Couples Match...

[crookie]

So, September 15th is coming up really fast for 4th year medical students and decisions need to be made as to where we want to apply (stressful enough as it is). An even bigger stressor for me is the decision as to whether I want to apply as part of a couple. I am in a relationship with a fellow classmate and due to some extremely stressful times (Step 2, difficult rotations, life in general...), we are now unsure if we want to couples match.

Do we need to decide to couples match by September 15th? Or is the deadline for marking yourselves on the NRMP website as "Couples matching" closer to the deadline for rank order lists (mid-February)? Also, do we need to mark on ERAS whether or not we are applying as a couple?

Any guidance anyone could give would be GREATLY appreciated. My partner and I love each other very much, but we're not 100% positive that we have what it takes as a couple to get through residency. We could really use time to figure things out and if the due date truly is September 15th, then we just won't get that time we really need. Thank you!

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[scarletgirl777]

So, September 15th is coming up really fast for 4th year medical students and decisions need to be made as to where we want to apply (stressful enough as it is). An even bigger stressor for me is the decision as to whether I want to apply as part of a couple. I am in a relationship with a fellow classmate and due to some extremely stressful times (Step 2, difficult rotations, life in general...), we are now unsure if we want to couples match.

Do we need to decide to couples match by September 15th? Or is the deadline for marking yourselves on the NRMP website as "Couples matching" closer to the deadline for rank order lists (mid-February)? Also, do we need to mark on ERAS whether or not we are applying as a couple?

Any guidance anyone could give would be GREATLY appreciated. My partner and I love each other very much, but we're not 100% positive that we have what it takes as a couple to get through residency. We could really use time to figure things out and if the due date truly is September 15th, then we just won't get that time we really need. Thank you!

An attending told me a story of breaking up with her boyfriend shortly after he proposed just days before rank lists were due. She opted not to couples match. Clearly this is something you can decide last minute. I think the only downside of deciding last minute would be maybe a lack of coordination of interview locales and maybe not being able to tell programs on time at the same institution that you were interested in couples matching and trying to engineer interviews or acceptance coordination at a joint top choice institution.

 

[siliso]

It seems like a more irrevocable choice in some ways than actually getting married (you could get a divorce within months...but you can't back out of wherever you match). So if your relationship isn't solid enough for marriage or equivalent commitment now, I wouldn't do it.

 

[Punkn]

So, September 15th is coming up really fast for 4th year medical students and decisions need to be made as to where we want to apply (stressful enough as it is). An even bigger stressor for me is the decision as to whether I want to apply as part of a couple. I am in a relationship with a fellow classmate and due to some extremely stressful times (Step 2, difficult rotations, life in general...), we are now unsure if we want to couples match.

Do we need to decide to couples match by September 15th? Or is the deadline for marking yourselves on the NRMP website as "Couples matching" closer to the deadline for rank order lists (mid-February)? Also, do we need to mark on ERAS whether or not we are applying as a couple?

Any guidance anyone could give would be GREATLY appreciated. My partner and I love each other very much, but we're not 100% positive that we have what it takes as a couple to get through residency. We could really use time to figure things out and if the due date truly is September 15th, then we just won't get that time we really need. Thank you!

The following is based on my own couples matching experience from 2011, so I'm not sure if things have changed.
In order to officially couples match, it is an entry in the NMRP website (so, whenever you submit your rank list in the spring). There is an option to mark couples matching on ERAS, but it is not required. If you choose the couples matching option in ERAS, you can un-select it during the season. My husband and I had mutual friends that initially marked couples matching on ERAS, broke up, and successfully uncoupled during the interview season. Both parties matched at their #1 in the end (Path and Anes). Good luck with your decision. I agree with the prior poster that if you are not sure about a long term commitment, I would not choose couples match.

 

[gasblaster]

It seems like a more irrevocable choice in some ways than actually getting married (you could get a divorce within months...but you can't back out of wherever you match). So if your relationship isn't solid enough for marriage or equivalent commitment now, I wouldn't do it.

100% agree. Couples matching has a huge impact on your career. For those that are couples matching it's probably one of the biggest, if not THE biggest, factors into how the match turns out for both people. So go in 100% that you want to couples match. If you don't there are still ways to strategically work it out.

 

[OveractiveBrain]

So, September 15th is coming up really fast for 4th year medical students and decisions need to be made as to where we want to apply (stressful enough as it is). An even bigger stressor for me is the decision as to whether I want to apply as part of a couple. I am in a relationship with a fellow classmate and due to some extremely stressful times (Step 2, difficult rotations, life in general...), we are now unsure if we want to couples match.

Do we need to decide to couples match by September 15th? Or is the deadline for marking yourselves on the NRMP website as "Couples matching" closer to the deadline for rank order lists (mid-February)? Also, do we need to mark on ERAS whether or not we are applying as a couple?

Any guidance anyone could give would be GREATLY appreciated. My partner and I love each other very much, but we're not 100% positive that we have what it takes as a couple to get through residency. We could really use time to figure things out and if the due date truly is September 15th, then we just won't get that time we really need. Thank you!

1. If you are uncertain, do not do it. You will regret it for all of residency, and maybe the rest of your life. Your resentment for each other will casue the relationship to fracture. Then... whats the point?

2. You can change your mind at any time. If you put "couples matching" you will have to answer questions about your significant other. If you don't put "couples matching" no one will care. You actually "couples match" when you submit your rank list. That's when its official. When you submit the list. Not now, not in december, but when the list goes in. You can still couples match and put him in vegas and you in new haven if you split up (gaurenteeing that you won't be together). But once that list goes in, that's it.

Bottom line: don't tell anyone you are couples matching because if you are this unsure, you probably won't be.The decision to couples match comes in only once the rank list is submitted. That's it.

 

[Tomodachi123]

I always recall the advice a friend's mom gave her. "Husbands, Wives, Girlfriends, and Boyfriends come and go. But your career will outlast all of these". It still holds true. In today's age and time, where 50% of marriages end in divorce, one should do what's best for your career. If other things follow you, that's milk and honey. If they don't, you will not regret having done what's best for your career.

 

[OveractiveBrain]

I always recall the advice a friend's mom gave her. "Husbands, Wives, Girlfriends, and Boyfriends come and go. But your career will outlast all of these". It still holds true. In today's age and time, where 50% of marriages end in divorce, one should do what's best for your career. If other things follow you, that's milk and honey. If they don't, you will not regret having done what's best for your career.

Only about 25% of people get divorced. its the same douche on his 7th marriage that skews the data. Sort of...

 

[eeyoreish]

Only about 25% of people get divorced. its the same douche on his 7th marriage that skews the data. Sort of...

The stats also vary SIGNIFICANTLY based on the educational and religious background of the couple.

I don't tend to apply stats to my own life that are compiled based on the experiences of the average person who doesn't know their butt from their nose.

 

[MalibuPreMD]

I'm at USC and my wife is at Western (DO program). We (for obvious reasons) want to couples match. Is there any way that I'll end up at a competitive program? For example, say I wanted to do EM and she wanted to do IM or FM and we both wanted to stay in LA.