Unhinged Comments to Patients

[Adam Smasher]

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I have gone on record here that PP sucks. The one bright gleaming redeeming feature is that I don't have to take any 💩. Since we have a song parody thread, we can also have a thread about the truly sarcastic remarks I've made to patients when I just was not having it.

Patient presents for nailcare, history of toe amputation:
Patient: So doc, can you give me a discount on the nails since I'm missing one?
Me: If you're not careful, I'll take half off

Matrixectomy patient:
Patient: is the injection going to hurt?
Me: Do you want the truth or a lie?

12-year old boy matrixectomy patient who needed excessive coaxing:
Patient: ...that needle looks really sharp!
Me: Don't worry, sharp is a good thing. Would you rather be stabbed to death with a knife or stabbed to death with a spoon?

Will add more as I remember them...

 

[Adam Smasher]

After advising a pt in detail what they should do for their wound at home:
Pt: anything I should not be doing?
Me: don't juggle any chainsaws

 

[Weirdy]

Pt: You're putting the onus on ME to take care of this??
Me: Sir I'm just asking you to change your bandaid every other day

Patient fired me.

 

[Homo sapien]

Pt: You're putting the onus on ME to take care of this??
Me: Sir I'm just asking you to change your bandaid every other day

Patient fired me.

Good. Those are the best ones to be fired from

 

[eyeeye_captain]

Noncompliant diabetic we haven’t seen in like 5 years, previously needed work, somehow actually looks better and it’s reasonable to watch him. Tell him as much and he’s all for it, nodding along, cool.

Daughter: You’re going to need to explain that again because he (obviously me) can’t understand.

*4 different ways of explaining it, with a lot of “huh’s” and “nuh uh’s”, dad still cool*

Daughter: Well I think you’re just refusing to take care of him.

Me: …yes ma’am, that’s actually the point. He doesn’t need or want anything. I don’t think it’s very kind that you to want him to have a problem when he doesn’t.

Lost her mind and they left, but not before my desk staff knew that Karen’s dad wasn’t going back on my schedule.

 

[Homo sapien]

Some old man late to his appointment when I didn't Dremel: what happened to courtesy in these appointments?

Me: what happened to the courtesy of being on time. You're lucky I let you in

 

[Weirdy]

Some old man late to his appointment when I didn't Dremel: what happened to courtesy in these appointments?

Me: what happened to the courtesy of being on time. You're lucky I let you in

RIP your google ratings.

 

[Homo sapien]

RIP your google ratings.

**** them

 

[heybrother]

#dremelfree

 

[Homo sapien]

#dremelfree

I can't remember the last time I did it.
Oh, another unhinged statement:

Me, same type of scenario: dremeling isn't a billable code

 

[eyeeye_captain]

Had some community hack/doc retire that I’ve mentioned before. Never charged an office exam visit for unclear (I’ll assume nefarious TFO) reasons, and I picked up some patients.

Patient: What do you mean I have a copay?! This is ridiculous!

Me: Sir, this is a Wendy’s. Please pay for your burger.

 

[Bluecollarmed]

If I didn't have a bonus tied to press-ganey scores I'd love to say a few things that float through my brain during encounters... but alas

 

[heybrother]

I am getting a lot of "why did you go in podiatry" lately.

I answer it kindly and truthfully, but one of these days I'm going to answer "I was tricked by the APMA". 😎

 

[Adam Smasher]

A common exchange when I'm running behind, which is most days:

Pt: It's busy around here...
Me: Yep, and if you ever go to a doctor's office that isn't busy, there's probably a reason they're not busy.

 

[BeaverBlade]

A common exchange when I'm running behind, which is most days:

Pt: It's busy around here...
Me: Yep, and if you ever go to a doctor's office that isn't busy, there's probably a reason they're not busy.

i'm not really busy right now....

 

[Sybly]

I am getting a lot of "why did you go in podiatry" lately.

I answer it kindly and truthfully, but one of these days I'm going to answer "I was tricked by the APMA". 😎

Honest reply

 

[Dean’s Chat]

Blue collar: Yes, Press-Ganey has proved to be a “governor” of sorts for doctor/patient interactions. Sometimes good, but it does suppress difficult conversations that often need to be had.

Heybrother: When I was applying to schools I didn’t even know there was an APMA!

 

[Toenail]

I am getting a lot of "why did you go in podiatry" lately.

I answer it kindly and truthfully, but one of these days I'm going to answer "I was tricked by the APMA". 😎

I tell all of them I have a weird foot fetish

 

[BeaverBlade]

I tell all of them I have a weird foot fetish

I tell them it’s because I wanted a great paying career with flexibility and the ability to create your own hours and have a family.

 

[heybrother]

Heybrother: When I was applying to schools I didn’t even know there was an APMA!

Yes - BUT, was the angelfire website available when you applied. Its referenced on SDN, but its no longer accessible except through the way back when machine. It was http://www.angelfire.com/on/podiatry/pod.html - and it was a virulent anti-podiatry, anti-APMA website that must have had great SEO because it always came up near the top when I tried to read about podiatry.

This original content link for the "Big Lies" is from 2003. SDN hatas got nothing on this guy. The impression I was always under was that the guy who made this website was schizophrenic and he maybe posted here/got banned by the mods a lot.

I used the APMA website to find a podiatrist. Here's my favorite APMA story.
Several years ago, at my first office there were promotional podiatry posters up in our waiting room for some sort of old APMA campaign. The problem was the APMA had moved the website. They were still doing the campaign, but they changed the link. Some hacker/malware/Chinese group took over the former APMA link that wasn't being used. I'm looking at our waiting room and I'm like - "I wonder what this website is that we're sending people to". I open the link and Google saves me.

 

[Toenail]

Yes - BUT, was the angelfire website available when you applied. Its referenced on SDN, but its no longer accessible except through the way back when machine. It was http://www.angelfire.com/on/podiatry/pod.html - and it was a virulent anti-podiatry, anti-APMA website that must have had great SEO because it always came up near the top when I tried to read about podiatry.

View attachment 424180

This original content link for the "Big Lies" is from 2003. SDN hatas got nothing on this guy. The impression I was always under was that the guy who made this website was schizophrenic and he maybe posted here/got banned by the mods a lot.

I used the APMA website to find a podiatrist. Here's my favorite APMA story.
Several years ago, at my first office there were promotional podiatry posters up in our waiting room for some sort of old APMA campaign. The problem was the APMA had moved the website. They were still doing the campaign, but they changed the link. Some hacker/malware/Chinese group took over the former APMA link that wasn't being used. I'm looking at our waiting room and I'm like - "I wonder what this website is that we're sending people to". I open the link and Google saves me.

He did make several good points, unfortunately his delivery seems to be obfuscated by some sort of mental disability.

 

[Boba Foot]

Yes - BUT, was the angelfire website available when you applied. Its referenced on SDN, but its no longer accessible except through the way back when machine. It was http://www.angelfire.com/on/podiatry/pod.html - and it was a virulent anti-podiatry, anti-APMA website that must have had great SEO because it always came up near the top when I tried to read about podiatry.

View attachment 424180

This original content link for the "Big Lies" is from 2003. SDN hatas got nothing on this guy. The impression I was always under was that the guy who made this website was schizophrenic and he maybe posted here/got banned by the mods a lot.

I used the APMA website to find a podiatrist. Here's my favorite APMA story.
Several years ago, at my first office there were promotional podiatry posters up in our waiting room for some sort of old APMA campaign. The problem was the APMA had moved the website. They were still doing the campaign, but they changed the link. Some hacker/malware/Chinese group took over the former APMA link that wasn't being used. I'm looking at our waiting room and I'm like - "I wonder what this website is that we're sending people to". I open the link and Google saves me.

The Slobodan Milosevic reference on that website really ages it.

 

[Feli]

He did make several good points, unfortunately his delivery seems to be obfuscated by some sort of mental disability.

Sure, but it's a chicken-or-the-egg thing:
Was he fairly crazy all along? ... Or did he go crazy seeing podiatry do all the deceptive marketing?

Of all the myths of podiatry used to dupe applicants, the one that still kinda gets me is this:

• Each year, hundreds of pre-med-turned-pre-podiatry students think they're going to make $250k, $300k, $500k, whatever (optimism, surveys, myopic that they will be a "doctor" at any cost, etc)...
• Yet their podiatry school is full of DPM professors making $150-200k... who just "chose" those jobs... over all the higher pay ones??? And many stay there a decade or more at that low end pay... with supposedly endless demand and riches for DPMs elsewhere.
• Then, while in residency, most of their attendings are associate DPMs or other various employed pods (non-owners) making below "average." Again, the countless red flag$ don't seem to be visible to them until they embark on their own job search at the end of training.

...You'd think that riddle is pretty easy to figure out, being that it's right in front of them every single day? Guess not. 🙂

 

[Adam Smasher]

Not a patient comment but still unhinged:

Background: I don't believe in giving preop antibiotics for patients when I'm doing non-implant cases like cheilectomy or neuroma excisions. I know there's no consensus in the literature on this but here I stand, I can do no other. Anyway...

I recently had a case like that. Night before surgery I put a generic preoperative order in the hospital ehr "HOLD ANTIBIOTICS"

Day of surgery, the preop nurse asks me, "Dr Smasher, there's an order on the chart that says HOLD ANTIBIOTICS. Did you want antibiotics?"

I just looked at her for a solid 3 seconds and gave her a big smile. I asked her her name and nominated her for a Daisy award on the hospital website, explaining exactly what she did on the form.

 

[Sybly]

Sure, but it's a chicken-or-the-egg thing:
Was he fairly crazy all along? ... Or did he go crazy seeing podiatry do all the deceptive marketing?

Of all the myths of podiatry used to dupe applicants, the one that still kinda gets me is this:

• Each year, hundreds of pre-med-turned-pre-podiatry students think they're going to make $250k, $300k, $500k, whatever (optimism, surveys, myopic that they will be a "doctor" at any cost, etc)...
• Yet their podiatry school is full of DPM professors making $150-200k... who just "chose" those jobs... over all the higher pay ones??? And many stay there a decade or more at that low end pay... with supposedly endless demand and riches for DPMs elsewhere.
• Then, while in residency, most of their attendings are associate DPMs or other various employed pods (non-owners) making below "average." Again, the countless red flag$ don't seem to be visible to them until they embark on their own job search at the end of training.

...You'd think that riddle is pretty easy to figure out, being that it's right in front of them every single day? Guess not. 🙂

The graduates get shaft - the school podiatrists the mine!

 

[Hybrocure]

Sure, but it's a chicken-or-the-egg thing:
Was he fairly crazy all along? ... Or did he go crazy seeing podiatry do all the deceptive marketing?

Of all the myths of podiatry used to dupe applicants, the one that still kinda gets me is this:

• Each year, hundreds of pre-med-turned-pre-podiatry students think they're going to make $250k, $300k, $500k, whatever (optimism, surveys, myopic that they will be a "doctor" at any cost, etc)...
• Yet their podiatry school is full of DPM professors making $150-200k... who just "chose" those jobs... over all the higher pay ones??? And many stay there a decade or more at that low end pay... with supposedly endless demand and riches for DPMs elsewhere.
• Then, while in residency, most of their attendings are associate DPMs or other various employed pods (non-owners) making below "average." Again, the countless red flag$ don't seem to be visible to them until they embark on their own job search at the end of training.

...You'd think that riddle is pretty easy to figure out, being that it's right in front of them every single day? Guess not. 🙂

Post of the year. Feli nailed it

 

[Adam Smasher]

Me: [meet pt in hospital, toe swollen the size of a kiwi] that's really bad, you need an amputation
Pt: [indignantly] did you see the report from the MRI my TFP ordered?
Me: sigh one minute please [check the paper binder because the report hasn't been scanned into the EHR yet] ok it says you have osteomyelitis. You need your toe amputated
Pt: it says early osteomyelitis.
Me: that's like saying you have an early pregnancy.

 

[Sweatshirt]

My favorite recurring one.... usually the boomers or grumpy teenagers

"Hello Mr. Smith my name is Dr. Sweatshirt, what brought you up here to see me today?"

"My foot"

"No ****, this is the foot doctor, can you give me some more information"

 

[Weirdy]

My favorite recurring one.... usually the boomers or grumpy teenagers

"Hello Mr. Smith my name is Dr. Sweatshirt, what brought you up here to see me today?"

"My foot"

"No ****, this is the foot doctor, can you give me some more information"

Split my coffee out just now

 

[heybrother]

My favorite recurring one.... usually the boomers or grumpy teenagers

"Hello Mr. Smith my name is Dr. Sweatshirt, what brought you up here to see me today?"

"My foot"

"No ****, this is the foot doctor, can you give me some more information"

Yeah - on my new patient paperwork it obviously asks for a "description" of what's happening and "which foot" so those pesky patients often just write "foot" to mess with me.

 

[Adam Smasher]

This one's from residency. I was explaining to a patient why we were ordering an MRI

"It's like groundhog day. If the radiologist sees a shadow, you can expect 6 more weeks of IV antibiotics."