Unreasonable Roommates

[4 Ever]

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How did you med students deal with roommates that were unreasonable? I am in a situation where the guy that I will be sharing the apt with seems very impatient and uncompromising (from what I know). Every decision has been rushed on his behalf, he wants everything his way from what it seems, and even wanted to sign a 4year lease for the place along with taking all the bills under his name - this is in a way a double edged sword - firstly, he gets total control of how the utilities would work and if there is ever a problem, only he can fix it. Secondly, he gets to build his history this way. The illogical part of this is, why would he want to take full responsibility for all the bills - yes its good for me that he would want to do that but im not one that would not pay up at the end of the month so its mostly about him keeping control this way??

For two rooms, I suggested that we flip for the bigger room and he did not like that idea. I suggested I would pay more for the bigger room, he didn't like the idea. I just received a vmail where he has stated he is taking the larger room because his "stuff" wont fit in the other one. (unless he plans on paying more or reasoning, I am inclined not to just agree with his claim). Now, I wouldn't have an issue with him if we compromised on the situation and he got the big room - but he hasn't been willing to do anything fairly so far. By his logic, I have the same amount of furniture and a desk in addition to what he has which would not fit in the smaller room. So, with that his reasoning, I should get the bigger room.

I also would like to avoid any issues that would rise because of this so things do not get difficult as time passes. I have been adamant with only signing a 1yr lease and that wont change (its just not pragmatic to sign for 4yrs). I have also, been reasonable with agreeing with having cable tv (which is just another total 50/month) though I don't really watch tv. I have tried to be as reasonable and flexible as possible so we do not have issues but his lack of desire to do so makes things very complicated.

As for furniture, he suggested that we buy something together which is, in my opinion, an unwise thing to do because then when someone moves, it becomes an issue as to who gets what. I would rather just have everyone buy something themselves. He wants to go out and buy new furniture to make our apt the "hottest" place. I really could care less about how great it looks because I have plenty of not so great furniture sitting around in my basement that I could bring - save a bunch of money that way. In the end, we wont be around much to enjoy it as if it were undergrad

Right now, I cant move out because the lease has been signed so that choice is gone. I plan on talking to him and suggesting a more reasonable way to decide who gets the room (and if he isn't willing) and how to divide up the bills so no one person has to deal with it.

How would you suggest that I handle this individual/situation?

 

[njbmd]

Hi there,

I hope you ONLY signed a lease for 1 year because it sounds like this person is going to ADD to the stress that you already have built into attending medical school. In light of that, here are some ways of dealing with this type of person:

First of all, try to stop letting him push your buttons. Is the fight over the room worth the added stress to you? If he has moved his stuff into the room, find a way to pare down your stuff and moved into the smaller room. If you are a first year student, you will be in your apartment for sleeping and showering and not much else so the size of the room won't matter unless your bed doesn't fit. Don't get into useless arguments with a bully. It just isn't worth the stress in the longterm scheme of things.

Second, don't enter into any more agreements with this person. This includes telephone, cable TV etc. If this person has acted this unfairly in dealing with the move-in, anything more will cost you. You won't need cable TV anyway because you won't be watching TV. Medical school has a way of limiting your hobbies to sleeping and showering. Even eating becomes a luxury.

Third, have you own circle of friends so that you will have minimal interaction with this person. Find your own happiness and satisfying activities. The less contact you have with your roomie, the less his annoying personality will grate on you.

Finally, establish your groundrules such as no loud parties, no sleepover girlfriends or guyfriends, closed door means no disturb unlesss matter of life or death (his) etc. You need your sleep and you don't need sensory overload when you are in the throws of exam week. Try to do your studying in the library at school or in Starbucks.

If this person is a classmate, be sure to join another study group, have a different circle of friends. Be cordial but don't buy into his "control" stuff. It's his "head trip" so don't let it get to you. No one can make you inferior without your permission. In short, he probably gets a kick out of adding to your stress so don't give him the satisfaction. (Don't allow him to affect you financially either).

After the year has gone, move out. Use some time to find another place that is more suitable to your psyche and get out. One of the cardinal rules of medical school is: "They can do anything they want to me but they can't stop the clock." Soon the year will be over and you can move on.

Good luck and rock during first year! Medical school is really fun and you can make some solid friends who will be with your for life.

njbmd 🙂

 

[AF_PedsBoy]

Agreed - this person sounds like a real d**khead. The acid test for whether a deal is good is if you can reverse it and still be satisfied. Tell him you need the big room because your furniture likes a lot of room to roam around. Tell him your bed gets claustrophobic in tight spaces. And that you have a lot of invisible stuff. Since you both need the big room obviously, then, whoever wants to pay more for it should get it.

Me and my roommate never had a problem with this mostly because we had the same personalities - it seems you guys are going to have a very stressful year, so you should get out of Dodge as soon as your year is up. Then again, maybe he has a lot of yummy food you can hork as compensation

And the idea about splitting bills up is an excellent one. Tell him he can take care of the cable and water, and you'll take care of the electricity and gas. Then when he starts muscling in on you let the electricity lapse and see how much cable he watches with no electricity. It's all about the passive aggressive subtleties ...which will also stand you in good stead during third year!

 

[Mirror Form]

How did you med students deal with roommates that were unreasonable? I am in a situation where the guy that I will be sharing the apt with seems very impatient and uncompromising (from what I know). Every decision has been rushed on his behalf, he wants everything his way from what it seems, and even wanted to sign a 4year lease for the place along with taking all the bills under his name - this is in a way a double edged sword - firstly, he gets total control of how the utilities would work and if there is ever a problem, only he can fix it. Secondly, he gets to build his history this way. The illogical part of this is, why would he want to take full responsibility for all the bills - yes its good for me that he would want to do that but im not one that would not pay up at the end of the month so its mostly about him keeping control this way??

For two rooms, I suggested that we flip for the bigger room and he did not like that idea. I suggested I would pay more for the bigger room, he didn't like the idea. I just received a vmail where he has stated he is taking the larger room because his "stuff" wont fit in the other one. (unless he plans on paying more or reasoning, I am inclined not to just agree with his claim). Now, I wouldn't have an issue with him if we compromised on the situation and he got the big room - but he hasn't been willing to do anything fairly so far. By his logic, I have the same amount of furniture and a desk in addition to what he has which would not fit in the smaller room. So, with that his reasoning, I should get the bigger room.

I also would like to avoid any issues that would rise because of this so things do not get difficult as time passes. I have been adamant with only signing a 1yr lease and that wont change (its just not pragmatic to sign for 4yrs). I have also, been reasonable with agreeing with having cable tv (which is just another total 50/month) though I don't really watch tv. I have tried to be as reasonable and flexible as possible so we do not have issues but his lack of desire to do so makes things very complicated.

As for furniture, he suggested that we buy something together which is, in my opinion, an unwise thing to do because then when someone moves, it becomes an issue as to who gets what. I would rather just have everyone buy something themselves. He wants to go out and buy new furniture to make our apt the "hottest" place. I really could care less about how great it looks because I have plenty of not so great furniture sitting around in my basement that I could bring - save a bunch of money that way.

Right now, I cant move out because the lease has been signed so that choice is gone. I plan on talking to him and suggesting a more reasonable way to decide who gets the room (and if he isn't willing) and how to divide up the bills so no one person has to deal with it.

How would you suggest that I handle this individual/situation?

So he's just moving into the bigger room w/o compromising or paying more? that's piss poor on his part, and I were you, that would mean war!

 

[g3pro]

Sounds like you have a grade-A gunner for a roommate. 😉

 

[AF_PedsBoy]

Yeah...now that I think about it he DOES sounds like a gunner. I'll add that there can be a great satisfaction in adding bodily fluids to his shampoo and food, putting his private cell phone number in bathroom stalls and Jehovah's Witnesses calling lists... pick fights with people on the street and then point to his car and say, "And you better not touch my car or I'll jack you up!" Trust me, the warm fuzzy maniacal laughter feeling that fills you everytime you see his face (or him drinking some of that milk...) will FULLY compensate you during your year of Hell. Well...maybe not fully...

(Boy I hope my old roomates don't see this post... 😀 )
P.S. Just make sure you remember which food is "special" in case you need to hork some during those long studying periods...

 

[MustafaMond]

If he doesn't give you the big room, threaten to pay the one month penalty and get out of the lease.

 

[kaos]

Seriously, I'd just not want to live with him and do everything I can to get out of the lease.

 

[4 Ever]

Its actually very amusing that you guys mentioned him being a gunner. he had stated he was going to be rank #1 in the class. He does seem somewhat competitive from what I have noticed though.

Aside from the room issues, the poor decisions on setting up bills/furniture/lease agreements, he seems like an okay guy. Its just that I am a bit aprehensive because I have yet to even move into the place and I have to deal with these issues. One thing though, both of us did the legwork to try to find a place but he has done the most amount of work which is understandable why he wants the big room - but in the end, its about him claiming the room for 4yrs. I dont think its justifiable to just claim it without really talking about it

Thanks to everyone for the advice though. I will probably concede the room so I can avoid issues but do so only with one statement "I am gonna take the garage because i need my car away from the sun" or something along those lines. And if he expects me to pay more, ill tell him the same. Aside from that, I will just try to cut down unncessary costs such as having premium channels (i will definitely not agree to pay that - we're in med school, there is no need to be ordering porn on HBO).

Oh , as for the food - he already implied once how noone is to touch his food. Thats fine by me because ill have a small refrigerator in my room for my "YUMMY" food while my crap will go in the common fridge.

Thanks again guys - oh and keep sending advice in case there is something I havent thought of

 

[Sharkfan]

I would break lease, regardless of the cost, even if I have to beg borrow or steal the $$, and get the heck out of dodge. WHY WHY WHY put undue stress upon yourself? There is nothing glamorous about being a martyr and/or doormat.

From personal experience, even if you are living with someone who you think is an okay person outside of roommate issues, you will very soon come to hate/resent/loathe them after having to deal with stuff like you are already seemingly dealing with on a frequent basis.

Get yourself out of that situation. Honestly. Your sanity, grades, and happiness are more than worth it.

 

[ForensicPath]

there is no need to be ordering porn on HBO).

There is porn on HBO now??? Damn, I thought the only naked people shown on HBO were in that creepy Real Sex series.

 

[gravy4thebrain]

The good news, you just learned a very valuable lesson. The bad news, it's going to cost you one month's rent when you break this lease. Take more time getting to know your next room mate. Do not move in with this guy unless you want live in constant crisis for the next year. You will be miserable.

 

[BushBaby]

Hey 4 Ever,

What is your roommate's name (you can PM me this if ya want). Your situation sounds kinda familiar...or rather...what's "your" name?

 

[stinkycheese]

I lived with a "friend" from college aftergraduation -- didn't know her too well, but we were friendly, and i thought it would be better to live with someone i was less close to than to risk having issues with a better friend. We had similar pre-move in spats; who would get the bigger room, etc. I should have broken the agreement right then and there, but I didn't.

it was the most hellish four months of my life. I ended up breaking the lease anyway to get out of thi situation, and if I had done so in the first place, I would have saved myself a lot of anguish.

don't move in with this tool. You'll regret it.

 

[AF_PedsBoy]

HAHAHA, Bushbaby 😀

 

[daisygirl]

You may not like this advice- BREAK YOUR LEASE. I had a bad roomate situation myself, and if I had to do it all over again, I would have went for the extra money and gotten a place on my own.

A bad roomate situation will make your life miserable. Furthermore, if you are just starting med school, a bad roomate situation will make your life unbearable. You simply don't need that sort of stress while you are adjusting to med school.

Chuck your lease, deal with losing some money and get your own place. You will be much happier in the long run. If you are having major issues now, it will simply get much worse

 

[4 Ever]

Well like i said, he isnt a bad roommate thus far. He has just been uncompromising with a bunch of things but that doesnt mean he will be a bad roommate. I don't plan on being around much anyways once classes start and like it was suggested earlier, I'll just avoid any issues that will lead to more stress. It wasnt really the "who gets what room" issue that has me cautious about the future, its just how it was handled. I would gladly have given it up if we had flipped for it, or he wanted to pay more for it. I plan on keeping most things separate as it is so I dont have to worry about things. As for breaking the lease, its just tougher to find a place right now so I'll just see how things are during the year. If they get bad, I'll just leave then - maybe things will change and he would be quite easy to live with. who knows.

 

[4 Ever]

There is porn on HBO now??? Damn, I thought the only naked people shown on HBO were in that creepy Real Sex series.

haha no no. i was just at a friends house where his roommate apparently was ordering porn like crazy from pay-per-view so the rest HAD to just order the playboy channel so that the cable bill wasnt too high. Another friend said how she has roommates who have ordered 9premium channels bringing their monthly internet and cable bill to about $120. So i was just saying how ordering those extras will just be unnecessary

 

[matthew45]

I'll share an ironic story.

I just moved into my house near my school with two guys. One of them is a friend from HS and the other is a co-worker of his.

We get this nice 3 BR house and decide that it is only fair to draw straws for the bedrooms.

Me, with a double bed, large bookshelves, and a huge desk gets the tiny bedroom. One of my roomies pulls the large room, this guy has only a single bed and some plastic drawers on wheels.

It didn't really bother me, all of my stuff fits in my room, but I can only imagine that it will look pretty funny when people see my crowded space and then look across the hall at this guy's tiny bed in the middle of a massive room.

C'est la vie.

 

[samenewme]

Well like i said, he isnt a bad roommate thus far.

Well, gee, how long have you been living together? It sounds like you haven't even moved in yet! Just wait until you take too long in the bathroom or he decides you play your stereo too loud or he wants to get up at 4 in the morning to study and runs the shower and makes all kind of racket and...if he's uncompromising about several things before you even move in together, it can only get worse--much worse, when you actually live in the same apartment and he can display the same "my way, or the highway" attitude about everyday issues that come up.

Typically people are on their best behavior when they first move in together. Think about that.

 

[omarsaleh66]

dude

its worth paying extra money and livng alone. U need ur "me" time in med school. after one year, I can honestly say that living alone is alot better than having a roommate in med school. If I were u, Id break the lease and get my own place, even if it meant taking out a loan to pay extra rent and costs of livng alone

HOLLER

 

[beanbean]

I agree with the other posters who advocate breaking the lease. Med school is stressful enough without feeling like you have to stay away from your home to avoid dealing with a difficult roomate. Anyone who proclaims "I am going to be #1 in our class" before even starting school has some serious issues and will probably bring the competition home. Do you really want to be around someone who is as self-centered and egotistical as this guy? I have a friend who ended up in a similiar situation this past year. She was able to move out and find another place, but that is a big hassle when you are in the middle of classes.

Your apartment should be a sanctuary for you to go home to and relax. Much of your life at med school is out of your control. Lots of commitments and expectations - you should have control over things at home and not have to deal with an inconsiderate roomate.

 

[daisygirl]

Well, gee, how long have you been living together? It sounds like you haven't even moved in yet! Just wait until you take too long in the bathroom or he decides you play your stereo too loud or he wants to get up at 4 in the morning to study and runs the shower and makes all kind of racket and...if he's uncompromising about several things before you even move in together, it can only get worse--much worse, when you actually live in the same apartment and he can display the same "my way, or the highway" attitude about everyday issues that come up.

Typically people are on their best behavior when they first move in together. Think about that.

Exactly.

To the OP- I wish you the best with your upcoming situation. Who knows, maybe your future roomate will be great to live with. HOWEVER, roomate situations are sticky to begin with and there is obviously a clash of ideals already. Generally, if you are starting off this way, things just don't get better- they get worse.

I had a situation that was opposite to yours. I had a completely apathetic roomate. To give you some examples: I was the one who had to run all over the place looking for an apartment, paying the two month security deposit by myself (then having to ask repeatedly for her half later on), forced to put all the bills initially in my name, boyfriend coming over at 3am the weekend before a test and if that wasn't bad enough they were making lots of noise 😡 , I could really go on here..... Dumb me never listened to the advice of others. I was told by quite a few people to avoid moving in with my roomate. I didn't listen, and of course I learned the hard way. Ok, I'm done with venting.... 😡

 

[16846]

Well, gee, how long have you been living together? It sounds like you haven't even moved in yet! Just wait until you take too long in the bathroom or he decides you play your stereo too loud or he wants to get up at 4 in the morning to study and runs the shower and makes all kind of racket and...if he's uncompromising about several things before you even move in together, it can only get worse--much worse, when you actually live in the same apartment and he can display the same "my way, or the highway" attitude about everyday issues that come up.

Typically people are on their best behavior when they first move in together. Think about that.

Sage advice, my friend, sage advice...

I totally agree with what other people on this thread have said with regard to needing "personal" time. My first year of medical school, I lived in school sponsored housing w/ two roommates. Besides constantly having the school up our a** about the place, the one roommate was an alcoholic, drugged out, recovering nymphomaniac, and the other guy was a sociopathic, lying, backstabber.

Bottom line, I now have my own place in a building with a security system, and no one at my school knows my home phone number. When I get home and turn off my cell phone, I know no one can reach me, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I deal with the school/see these people enough when I am on campus, I don't need them invading my "personal" time/space as well.

 

[Samoa]

He has just been uncompromising with a bunch of things but that doesnt mean he will be a bad roommate.

Being overly flexible is just as bad as being uncompromising. You need to insist that half the bills be in your name, and that he pays at least some nominal amount more rent than you to have the room he wants. Now, if the lease were entirely in his name, and you were subletting, having everything in his name would be reasonable, as would his picking the room and setting ground rules, since the ultimate responsibility for the property is his. Even so, it would be polite at least to ask you what you prefer to have in the way of non-essential utilities. But if both your names are on the lease, you need to have half the essential utilities in your name. And if he had any sense, he would insist on that himself. Even if they're in his name simply because he did all the setup, or was moving in first, he should insist on your taking over some of them.

On the subject of getting out of the lease now vs. later...if you think there's a greater than ~30% chance NOW, when everyone's still on their "best" behavior, that you may want to break the lease, chances are that you will not make it through the year. Plus, if you get out of the lease now, you may still be able to salvage a friendship with him. Later, when it gets ugly, you'll no longer be able to.

Having said that, there's nothing wrong with not sharing food. I've been burned on that before. Believe me, good food and particularly good wine is not cheap when you're living on financial aid, and if your roommate is in the habit of helping himself to your stuff, it can get expensive.

The other thing that struck me about your initial post was your description of him as someone who "has to have everything his way" and wants everything rushed. It sound like that impression is from observing his dealings with other situations and other people. You have to be careful about attributing his behavior to the situation vs. his character. For example, if his moving company signed a contract saying that they would have his stuff there within a certain window of time, and after loading it up on their truck and driving off now say it will be two weeks late, and will arrive well after school starts, then it's entirely acceptable and even expected that he would be angry, upset and demanding of expedited service. In contrast, if his financial aid gets sent back because he skipped the entrance interview and never asked for the form to sign despite his classmates having told him he needed to ask for it, it's not the secretary's fault for not handing him the form without his asking. In that situation, becoming angry and demanding expedited service, and trying to get the secretary in trouble IS properly attributed to a character issue. Context and consistency of behavior are the real determinants.

The problem with that is that when you're moving in with someone you don't know, you haven't been able to see them in a variety of situations. So it's nearly impossible to evaluate whether ANY behavior, good or bad, is due to their character or just the situation. Which is just another very good reason not to move in with people you've just met.

 

[joaquin13]

I am confused. How did you meet this guy? Were you just randomly set up with him by the med school or did you know him previously?

My 2 cents: Med school is stressful enough. This guy is going to drive you crazy (he's driving me crazy just reading about him)...especially since he has annoyed you before you even moved in. He will control everything in that house, and will just add to your stress where at the end of the year you will be complaining and bitching about him to all your friends and focusing on that instead of schoolwork!
Get out while you can.

 

[Samoa]

My 2 cents: Med school is stressful enough. This guy is going to drive you crazy (he's driving me crazy just reading about him)...especially since he has annoyed you before you even moved in. He will control everything in that house, and will just add to your stress where at the end of the year you will be complaining and bitching about him to all your friends and focusing on that instead of schoolwork!
Get out while you can.

Amen!

 

[bjolly]

Break the lease. You'll be sorry if you don't. Seems like an ok guy except for these issues? Some people just don't make good roommates, however nice they may be otherwise. I roomed for 3 years with my lifelong best friend. She was/is a GREAT person except for "roommate issues." By the time we moved out & went our separate ways, we were barely speaking.

If this guy is being this difficult before you even move in, you have no *idea* just how much you will hate him after living with him for a year.

Get out while you can.

 

[gschl1234]

Why not renege and tell him you can't live with him next year? At worst, you're out the first month's rent for breaking the lease. At least you'll save yourself from the hassle of living with someone you despise (or will soon grow to despise). Good luck!

 

[Booch]

You sound like an extremely accomodating and reasonable individual. Your potential roommate, however, seems otherwise! Though nobody can predict for sure how things will go, my guess is that your roommate will end up taking advantage of your polite attitude and making your home unnecessarily stressful.

I've had both good and bad roommate situations in the past. Given the difficulty of picking the right roomie through a short personal profile or a handful of emails, I've decided to lease a small 2br and keep it to myself (and my dog) for first year. I estimate the extra cost at about $2500 per year; not great but not horrible. By the time second year comes around, I hope I'll have met some people who mesh well with me, and I'll offer them the second room. Until then, my only roommate will be a very sweet retired greyhound. She promised she wouldn't throw any wild parties or play the stereo too loudly while I'm studying. 🙂

Consider this: someone like yourself who is rational, generous, fair and frugal would be a near-ideal roommate. You don't need to put up with a bully who will take advantage of you. Break the lease now and choose someone else who will work *with* you on household decisions! If you don't know who that person might be, and if it's feasible, consider taking your own place until you know what arrangements might be best for you after this first year.

Sanity, after all, is priceless...

 

[azzarah]

I would break the lease. You don't need some gunner stressing you out the night before an exam or something.

 

[OSUdoc08]

just live alone

 

[Pooh Chong]

Do not live with the guy...you'll regret it.

 

[jao86]

The guy sounds like nothing but trouble. Break the lease. How did you meet him anyways?

 

[quackdoc]

HI!
I too suffered a ***** for 2 years in a row as a roommate.The problem was that I couldnot kick him out.All I did was grinned and bore it.Of course confrontation with these seriously mentally challanged unfortunate people is not called for.I d suggest that you stick on to your side of the room.Sorry dude.I can understand the pain you are going through.But its a matter of time when one realises that these mistakes are important to grow up and even better make u a more mature person.For starters,you will decide that whatever you maybe in your life BUT you wont be like this roomie of yours.I did that and I am happy for the decision!
Regards.May Lord give you the strength to bear it.This problem may well have been mine.Albeit with a modification here or there.

 

[SaltySqueegee]

...May Lord give you the strength to bear it....

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear not the stupidity that my room mate may wrought upon me. For you are here to protect me from his/her anal retentive idiocy." 😉


... and God Speed in your endeavors!

 

[MartinLuther]

Plant a full on man-kiss on his mouth to straighten him out and let him know who is boss

How did you med students deal with roommates that were unreasonable? I am in a situation where the guy that I will be sharing the apt with seems very impatient and uncompromising (from what I know). Every decision has been rushed on his behalf, he wants everything his way from what it seems, and even wanted to sign a 4year lease for the place along with taking all the bills under his name - this is in a way a double edged sword - firstly, he gets total control of how the utilities would work and if there is ever a problem, only he can fix it. Secondly, he gets to build his history this way. The illogical part of this is, why would he want to take full responsibility for all the bills - yes its good for me that he would want to do that but im not one that would not pay up at the end of the month so its mostly about him keeping control this way??

For two rooms, I suggested that we flip for the bigger room and he did not like that idea. I suggested I would pay more for the bigger room, he didn't like the idea. I just received a vmail where he has stated he is taking the larger room because his "stuff" wont fit in the other one. (unless he plans on paying more or reasoning, I am inclined not to just agree with his claim). Now, I wouldn't have an issue with him if we compromised on the situation and he got the big room - but he hasn't been willing to do anything fairly so far. By his logic, I have the same amount of furniture and a desk in addition to what he has which would not fit in the smaller room. So, with that his reasoning, I should get the bigger room.

I also would like to avoid any issues that would rise because of this so things do not get difficult as time passes. I have been adamant with only signing a 1yr lease and that wont change (its just not pragmatic to sign for 4yrs). I have also, been reasonable with agreeing with having cable tv (which is just another total 50/month) though I don't really watch tv. I have tried to be as reasonable and flexible as possible so we do not have issues but his lack of desire to do so makes things very complicated.

As for furniture, he suggested that we buy something together which is, in my opinion, an unwise thing to do because then when someone moves, it becomes an issue as to who gets what. I would rather just have everyone buy something themselves. He wants to go out and buy new furniture to make our apt the "hottest" place. I really could care less about how great it looks because I have plenty of not so great furniture sitting around in my basement that I could bring - save a bunch of money that way. In the end, we wont be around much to enjoy it as if it were undergrad

Right now, I cant move out because the lease has been signed so that choice is gone. I plan on talking to him and suggesting a more reasonable way to decide who gets the room (and if he isn't willing) and how to divide up the bills so no one person has to deal with it.

How would you suggest that I handle this individual/situation?

 

[SaltySqueegee]

Plant a full on man-kiss on his mouth to straighten him out and let him know who is boss

LOL

 

[safrat]

I bet after every exam he'll ask you what you got and say "hmmm, yeah okay" and that would be the end of it. Or, he'll say "oh yeah, I beat you, boo yaaah! face!" He's out to get everyone in his way. If you have the money, you should just buy an apartment if you're going to be living in it for 4 years. Or find a girl to room with, make sure to get two bathrooms.

 

[coolness]

I sympathize you with your living situation. I've learned from my undergraduate experience that unless you live with your family or your soulmate, you will encounter conflicts. Medical school is so hard and your medical education is so important that what you're going through just compounds your stress level. Some roommates will not compromise regardless of how hard you try to make things work out. Usually people have roommates because they want to save money and/or they don't want to be lonely. Although one would save money, looking at the long-term picture, the stress isn't worth saving a couple hundred dollars a year. Also, you interact with people during the daytime. You can always have guests over to your place. After a long day of labs and lectures, it's nice to come home to your apartment, without worrying about things (eg your possessions), and have a peaceful place to rest. This is just my opinion, but I think a good situation is to fork over the money and rent a one-bedroom apartment ($900-1000/month) and watch your spending on other stuff. Having roommates sometimes can be such a headache.

 

[4 Ever]

Thanks everyone for the advice -

Though there is some advice I cannot take due to my sexual preference for females (kissing him) - Right now, I will just see how things go this year. Hell, i could always break the lease later on if things get worse. I have decided that I will just have to be as uncompromising with him as he has been with me. I have no real intentions of doing anything aside from coming home and just crashing in my room for sleep. For furniture, I do not feel the need to contribute for something that I will hardly use (especially since I have furniture sitting in my basement that I could use - yeah its not great but hey, its free for me). One roommate has already expressed his lack of desire for cable which is fine by me. If the other roommates will stick to their decisions, as will I.

I'll let you know how things go when i finally get settled in and how things get better or worse.

 

[ericdamiansean]

I know this has nothing to do with the original post, but heck.

My housie turns on all the lights..and of course, I don't like it because it's wasting electricity. Then, the other housie told me he did it because he was scared of the dark.

Finally...finally...he told me the truth..he said that he saw a spirit/ghost in his room...damn it..how am I going to get some sleep 🙁

 

[Bobblehead]

You may wish to seriously consider breaking the lease at all costs. Home is where you should feel comfortable. School will be tiring enough as is and you'll need a safe place to retreat to at the end of the day. Depending on your state you may wish to consider hiring a lawyer for a few hours and reviewing the implications of breaking the lease. The money spent now will be well worth your sanity.

 

[BushBaby]

Finally...finally...he told me the truth..he said that he saw a spirit/ghost in his room...damn it..how am I going to get some sleep 🙁

 

[skiz knot]

For everyone who recommends breaking the lease... Have you ever lived in an apartment? It is not a trivial matter. It comes down to way more than just losing 1st mo. and security. You have signed a legally binding contract to occupy the house for the term of the lease. Unless the landlord is unable to promise something stipulated in the lease (i.e. suddenly there is no roof because of a tornado), he is under no obligation to let you leave without any recourse. The landlord can take you to court to recoup any financial losses (and usually a nominal non-economic loss). He is not required to accept any proposed sub-lessor(s). You can, and probably will, be reported to the nat'l credit bureaus, and it may make it difficult to find a landlord that will rent to you in the near future. Unless the rental market is extremely hot right now in your town/city it is unlikely that your landlord will just let you out of the lease.

My advise would be to stick it out with this guy for the year after you talk with him. Explain your feelings about the situation rationally, and calmly, and there is a good chance he will bend on a few things. Decide to flip a coin for the room, and/or determine a difference in rent to pay for it. Tell him it is imperative to have a utility bill in your name because many things will/may require that, like cell service, registering to vote, etc...

good luck

 

[Eyecon82]

Yeah...now that I think about it he DOES sounds like a gunner. I'll add that there can be a great satisfaction in adding bodily fluids to his shampoo and food, putting his private cell phone number in bathroom stalls and Jehovah's Witnesses calling lists... pick fights with people on the street and then point to his car and say, "And you better not touch my car or I'll jack you up!" Trust me, the warm fuzzy maniacal laughter feeling that fills you everytime you see his face (or him drinking some of that milk...) will FULLY compensate you during your year of Hell. Well...maybe not fully...

(Boy I hope my old roomates don't see this post... 😀 )
P.S. Just make sure you remember which food is "special" in case you need to hork some during those long studying periods...

That's hillarious

 

[daisygirl]

For everyone who recommends breaking the lease... Have you ever lived in an apartment? It is not a trivial matter.

Yes, I have lived in an apartment. I agree with you on the fact that it is difficult to break a lease. However, it can be done (obviously not always). Usually, if the tenant helps the landlord with finding another tenant, the landlord may be more willing to let the lease go.

Since I know what it is like to have an unreasonable roomate, and I also know what it is like to through med school (maybe you do to), I recommended breaking the lease (if possible) now since things can get real hot later. Nobody needs a crappy roomate situation when they are dealing with all the pressures med school brings.

My advise would be to stick it out with this guy for the year after you talk with him. Explain your feelings about the situation rationally, and calmly, and there is a good chance he will bend on a few things. Decide to flip a coin for the room, and/or determine a difference in rent to pay for it. Tell him it is imperative to have a utility bill in your name because many things will/may require that, like cell service, registering to vote, etc...

Good advice. Hopefully it works if the op stays with his roomate.

 

[Samoa]

For everyone who recommends breaking the lease... Have you ever lived in an apartment? It is not a trivial matter. It comes down to way more than just losing 1st mo. and security. You have signed a legally binding contract to occupy the house for the term of the lease. Unless the landlord is unable to promise something stipulated in the lease (i.e. suddenly there is no roof because of a tornado), he is under no obligation to let you leave without any recourse. The landlord can take you to court to recoup any financial losses (and usually a nominal non-economic loss). He is not required to accept any proposed sub-lessor(s). You can, and probably will, be reported to the nat'l credit bureaus, and it may make it difficult to find a landlord that will rent to you in the near future. Unless the rental market is extremely hot right now in your town/city it is unlikely that your landlord will just let you out of the lease.

It depends on where you live. In Texas, there's a standard lease form that most apartment complexes use, and it has a clause in it specifying exactly what the landlord is allowed to charge you for early termination of the lease. It's usually one month's rent and your security deposit. I don't remember if there's a clause allowing them to waive that, but they are definitely not allowed to charge you more. So in Texas, you are not violating a contract by breaking a lease, you are simply complying with one of its terms in return for your release from the rest of the contract. Plus, it's unilateral, meaning that the landlord can't get out of the lease quite so easily as you can. One of the many reasons Texas is a great state. 🙂

 

[Garuda]

Roomates suck. Unless you know them... And even then they can suck.

Best bet is to get a single 👍

 

[DrBodacious]

I think breaking your lease may be more trouble then it is worth. You will however have to learn how to deal with this aggressive gunner personality type.

I lived with someone quite similar for a while and my main piece of advice to you is to be very proactive in any agreements you make with him. Don't just make verbal agreements. My roomate and I ended up getting in a dispute over rent because we didn't make a written agreement. This caused a week of arguing and stress, I had to get really pissed off to the point of yelling before he quit trying to coerce $ out of me.

It would be very wise to write out two copies of an agreement that states what rooms you have, what you agree to pay for them, who will be handling what bills and that the other person agrees to be responsible for paying half, and parking arrangements. You sign one copy and give it to him, he signs the other copy and gives it to you.

This should keep him from trying to aggressively smooth talk crap from you later on and should remove any worries from your mind. Hopefully he'll repect your bussiness-like approach, if he refuses to make written agreements, then you should start to worry.

And if you don't want cable, don't get it! He can get it himself if he wants it bad enough. You can alway go to the bar to watch sports and I'm sure you can get the networks though a TV antenna.

You should protect your $$!