Veterinary students and relationships...

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makes being single seem not so bad for once!!
 
this is true of all graduate programs, i think. it's hard to strike a balance.
 
Yea here's a cheer for us single ppl. It's finally gonna work for us! :laugh:
 
There's a family and marriage therapy grad student in my Bible study and he says they see a very high percentage of vet students come in for therapy.

We just started having seminars at the vet school where different faculty etc from the different therapy departments will come and talk to us about stress, time management, etc. They tell us they were shocked at what we have to deal with as student. We started describing anatomy lab to them and how we throw the flesh around, they just kinda looked at us like 😱.
 
Thats funny - we also had a lady come in to talk to our school about the results of a stress survey done last year. One poor first year put up her hand half way through the presentation and said "I was feeling a lot of stress at the beginning of the year...but ever since christmas it just feels like I've died inside." There was a bit of a silence then all the other vet students started laughing. Its a bit morbid, but I think anybody that has started vet school will understand. The psychologist ( I think she was a psychologist) didn't really I know what to say. I guess she hasn't ever been to vet school though....
 
Thanks to fromjersey's recent series of posts, I've learned that by going to vet school I'll incur a lifestyle-crippling debt load, I'll be miserable and my husband (and unborn children) will hate me, and by even thinking negative thoughts I might be blacklisted by the entire profession.

Fromjersey, I'm beginning to think your aim is to spread fear, uncertainty, and doubt about vet school in order to reduce the number of applicants next year and increase your chances of admission.😉
 
I was laughing when I saw this and told my husband. He said "that's because their all crazy" I said who is crazy, the vet student, or the person married to the vet student? We had to agree the answer is all of the above😀
 
no, not really.
 
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fromjersey said:
By the way, there are vet school where faculty are pursuing other options (other schools, private practice, research etc) because they have not received adequate pay raises.
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See, there's another one! You just can't help yourself :laugh::laugh:. I'm onto you.
 
fromjersey said:
By the way, there are vet school where faculty are pursuing other options (other schools, private practice, research etc) because they have not received adequate pay raises.
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not that i really know anything about anything - but faculty raises often are dictated by state legislatures for state schools....

back to business - this (divorce rates in grad school) has been a worry of mine for years, b/c i never want to have to pick b/w my husband and my career. so i've talked with many faculty and friends about this, and have come around to this perspective: the general divorce rate is high no matter what, but is it really significantly higher for grad students than for others in the same age category? i've known 3 grad school marriages to break up, but i think they would have anyway. and i've known many grad student marriages to work, and they probably would have anyway too. yes, grad school is an additional stressor on a marriage/committed relationship, but there is so much more b/w a couple than what meets an outsider's eye, and blaming it soleley on one's occupation/profession may be an oversimplification. just my perspective, though.
 
fromjersey said:
Second about debt, that seems to be a fact. I don't know if it's manageable or not because nobody will really talk about that from a five year out of school proposition.
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I know this is off-topic for *this* thread, but I think one issue here is that many vet schools are now nearly twice as expensive as they were five years ago, particularly out of state. That's obviously a rate higher than inflation, and salaries have not doubled in that time. The people that graduated five years ago have a very different debt load than you will five years from now. So I think it's less that people "won't" talk about the reality of debt service, and more that nobody knows what your reality will be or really has any relevant information to give you. (Most of my vet mentors have been practicing for two decades or more; to them this whole idea of vast debt is completely foreign and the only thing they can ever say is "I don't know how these young people do it.")
 
The thing that scares me more than massive debt/stress/time issues is the possibility of my relationship ending because I'll be in vet school. My SO can't move with me for work-related reasons, and is currently exploring ways to maybe telecommute one week a month (or get a completely new job telecommuting, but not for at least a year). We have a strong, healthy, open, loving relationship, but I'm worried that I'm going to be immersed in vet stuff 100% of the time and become totally boring to him! He's so supportive, as he's been throughout the process...but thanks for posting this link. It helps tremendously to know that we're not alone. I've waited so long for both this relationship and for vet school that I'd hate to lose one because of the other...*sigh*

Apologies for the whining--glad to know there are others worried, too.
 
I think that as long your SO is loving and understanding...that your relationship can withstand anything. Dont dwell on the negative and always think positive. i'm a firm believer that if something is meant to happen, it will. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 7 years, and we know we'll get married...eventually. 🙂 He wants to stay in Los angeles, and I plan to go to vet school no matter where it is. I like to think that it's meant to be...and we'll just wait another 4-5 yrs. And even if we were married, i know that he could live without me for 4 yrs and continue with his career while i go to veterinary school. good luck with all of your relationships, and try not to listen to people who say that you cant be involved while going to school...because your relationship is different. 🙂
 
My boy and I are in for a rough year, We're going to be moving in together for the first time AND starting new school/work endeavors. Not to mention the already apparant stressors (the 11 year age gap for instance?). Kudos for anybody doing long distance, been there before and it def. didn't work for me. Anybody know what the implications might be if my SO were to get his PhD at the vet school (well grad school) that I go to and then start teaching/assisting there while I'm still a student? I am a nervous wreck sometimes for worrying about our relationship and what kind of flaming pile it could go down in after making this huge transition. 🙁 I am a firm believer in the fact that love is not enough, I wish someone could make me believe the other way around! Wow this sounds really lamenting!
 
Don't despair guys! And Ratbandit - I 'm with ya on the age gap. My guy is 41 and I'm 29! For fear of sounding cheesey, we must have faith! Ckgilabert is right on! It WILL work, and we WILL be awesome vets! I am moving to Minnesota, and my SO will be in New York. All of us in these relationships have these fears, and that's all they are - fears! I look at it like this - I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with him, so a few more years of personal time isn't a bad thing! :laugh:

Seriously, though, I couldn't agree more with Ckgilabert - whatever is meant to be will be! We need to learn to not stress so much about what may happen...
 
ratbandit said:
Anybody know what the implications might be if my SO were to get his PhD at the vet school (well grad school) that I go to and then start teaching/assisting there while I'm still a student?
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You should check with your school, but in general, university policies on this type of thing only apply to relationships between teachers and their actual students. The oldest prof at the school can sleep with the youngest student with no (policy-related) repercussions, so long as she's not in any of his classes. Besides, the policy can only be applied if anyone makes an issue of it. If by some chance (are your fields related enough?) he does end up teaching/assisting with vet classes that you have to take, just pretend you don't know each other. Call him Dr. Soandso in class just like everyone else, make sure he grades you fairly, don't get caught making out in lab, etc. (Sure, other students who are your friends might already have met him and know he's your SO, but as long as you don't act inappropriately they probably won't care.)
 
ratbandit said:
I am a firm believer in the fact that love is not enough, I wish someone could make me believe the other way around! Wow this sounds really lamenting!
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But I think you're right: love isn't enough. A relationship also needs communication, trust, understanding, security, respect...
And by all of those things I mean that you and your partner need to trust each other enough to be able to fully communicate your individual and collective needs to one another and trust that you are each providing a safe, understanding, and respectful environment in which to do that.
You would think that all of these things just "happen" because you and your partner love each other, but I've found that you sometimes have to be deliberate in remembering to practice all of these things.
Because you can love someone, but if you're not doing all of the things to support that, love itself probably won't be enough.
Not to sound like a downer, but I thought you brought up an important point!
 
tapir said:
Thanks to fromjersey's recent series of posts, I've learned that by going to vet school I'll incur a lifestyle-crippling debt load, I'll be miserable and my husband (and unborn children) will hate me, and by even thinking negative thoughts I might be blacklisted by the entire profession.

Fromjersey, I'm beginning to think your aim is to spread fear, uncertainty, and doubt about vet school in order to reduce the number of applicants next year and increase your chances of admission.😉
Click to expand...

LOL I think these posts are great, and in many cases true. I don't think they should scare you or produce doubt. They should make you think, "Bring it on! I can take whatever you dish out cause I'm going to be a vet and nothing anyone does can stop me!!!" If you have that attitude, then you will most likely not only get in, but survive quite well four years.

If this stuff scares you, shape up! Come on, this may well be the hardest four years of your life but the end results are worth it. Are you dedicated enough to take on all that it will throw at you and not let it phase you too much? If so then great, you're well on your way. If not, then why not? Come on, you aren't just going to roll over and die at the first difficulty are you?

Don't be scared that you'll relationships will fail, that won't help you any. But wake up to the reality that it will take work. Many people make it last and even see improvement in their relationships. What makes them different from you? The only thing that differentiates those who make it and those who don't is whether they decide to make it work or just give up. If you want it bad enough, nothing will be more than you can handle.
 
runnerDC said:
But I think you're right: love isn't enough. A relationship also needs communication, trust, understanding, security, respect...
You would think that all of these things just "happen" because you and your partner love each other, but I've found that you sometimes have to be deliberate in remembering to practice all of these things.
Because you can love someone, but if you're not doing all of the things to support that, love itself probably won't be enough.
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so true... so true.

HeartSong said:
Come on, this may well be the hardest four years of your life
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This seems excessive. why all these fear tactics? it will be hard, yes, but middle school was hard in ways, and so was high school, and college had its own sets of stressors. if you've gotten into vet school, you're used to working hard. :idea: why can't we just see it as a continuation of a elbow-grease trend rather than a looming terror of misery and insanity?
 
hoodle said:
so true... so true.



This seems excessive. why all these fear tactics? it will be hard, yes, but middle school was hard in ways, and so was high school, and college had its own sets of stressors. if you've gotten into vet school, you're used to working hard. :idea: why can't we just see it as a continuation of a elbow-grease trend rather than a looming terror of misery and insanity?
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Hoodle, I like your perspective that everything is hard in its own right. I don't want to freak myself out about the "looming terror of misery and insanity". I just want to view it as the next hurdle in life that I'm going to conquer. 😉
 
FWIW, the vast majority of relationship changes in my class have been people getting engaged, not breaking up!

This year has been quite impressively more difficult than college was (and I went to a private liberal arts school, not a community college), but in different ways. I think the thing that gets to me is the constant tests- it sort of feels like finals all the time. But hey, we are adaptable and you just get used to it after a bit.
 
marebear said:
..my husband is about to finish his third year of vet school and I will be starting my first year next year..
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Yeah, but you get all his cheat sheets and flashcards! 😉

Just teasin, I know that wasn't your point at all... =)
 
HeartSong said:
LOL I think these posts are great, and in many cases true. I don't think they should scare you or produce doubt. They should make you think, "Bring it on! I can take whatever you dish out cause I'm going to be a vet and nothing anyone does can stop me!!!" If you have that attitude, then you will most likely not only get in, but survive quite well four years.

If this stuff scares you, shape up! Come on, this may well be the hardest four years of your life but the end results are worth it. Are you dedicated enough to take on all that it will throw at you and not let it phase you too much? If so then great, you're well on your way. If not, then why not? Come on, you aren't just going to roll over and die at the first difficulty are you?

Don't be scared that you'll relationships will fail, that won't help you any. But wake up to the reality that it will take work. Many people make it last and even see improvement in their relationships. What makes them different from you? The only thing that differentiates those who make it and those who don't is whether they decide to make it work or just give up. If you want it bad enough, nothing will be more than you can handle.
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I <8 HeartSong
 
hoodle said:
This seems excessive. why all these fear tactics? it will be hard, yes, but middle school was hard in ways, and so was high school, and college had its own sets of stressors. if you've gotten into vet school, you're used to working hard. :idea: why can't we just see it as a continuation of a elbow-grease trend rather than a looming terror of misery and insanity?
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LOL. See, this doesn't seem to me like any kind of scare tactic. If you are scared of hard work then yeah, don't go to vet school. But by saying that these four years are going to hard isn't the same as saying they are going to be miserable, quite the opposite. I think hard work feels good, makes you feel like you are actually accomplishing something.

But seriously? Comparing vet school to middle school? :laugh: Granted I was homeschooled until 9th grade, but Jr. High and High School I basically slept through and made A's. College was harder, but was still a party more often than not. Vet school is by far harder than anything I've done to this point? Does it mean I'm miserable the whole time? Of course not!!! If that were true I would have dropped out a long time ago. But if you just shrug it off and expect it to be easy then you probably will be miserable because you set yourself up for disappointment.

Yeah, I guess everything is difficult in its own way. I mean afterall breathing is difficult and most everyone seems to be able to do that well enough to survive at least. So if you can breathe you can get into and through vet school as well because both are difficult. See there, I can be encouraging, does that help? 🙂

(PS: I am a mean and sarcastic person that usually ends up offending most anyone.)
 
Of course vet school will be hard - I never said otherwise! Don't put words in my mouth... All I meant was that many of us are used to working hard as it is. Getting all worked up about how hard it will be accomplishes nothing. Recognizing that we already know how to work hard, we enjoy it (that's why we're here) and will just put those skills to good use and continue the trend - that's encouraging AND realistic.

In the comparision to middle/high school, I didn't mean academically, of course! I mean that things are ALWAYS hard when you're in the middle of them - even if its social stress/growing up. "Hard" to me means "difficult and discouraging", not limited to "intellectually challenging". Hard is not a concept which is unique to professional school, and if we all recognize that, we'll be happier, better adjusted, and more competent and capable in the long run.
 
I feel like most of us are getting stressed out because of the unknown of it all, not necessarily the reality. Is the relationship going to take work? Yes, but relationships always some degree of work. Perhaps it will take MORE work now because of the lack of time, but is it really that different? Will the relationship change? Yes. It's going to be different than it was before. You'll see each other less. You might have to plan a date night instead of just getting to hang out every night after work. I think that's the scariest part to me, that its going to be different than before. Many equate different with bad, but different is just different. Your relationship will always being growing and changing. Perhaps this is a more abrupt change, but it is still just a change nonetheless. But think about it: People, normal people, have made it work before us and people will make it work long after we're done with school. Tons of relationships have survived the long hours and stress of vet school, med school, grad school etc.
 
hoodle said:
In the comparision to middle/high school, I didn't mean academically, of course! I mean that things are ALWAYS hard when you're in the middle of them - even if its social stress/growing up. "Hard" to me means "difficult and discouraging", not limited to "intellectually challenging". Hard is not a concept which is unique to professional school, and if we all recognize that, we'll be happier, better adjusted, and more competent and capable in the long run.
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middle school was so terrible, I think it's been one of the *hardest* times of my life!!!
 
hoodle said:
Of course vet school will be hard - I never said otherwise! Don't put words in my mouth...
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You did seem to indicate that it would be no more difficult than high school or college. You may or may not have intended for that, but that is was your wording seemed to have indicated.

If you go with the definition of hard being difficult and discouraging, then I would have to say I have never had something hard in my life. Being discouraged is a choice. Anything can discourage you if you let it, but only if you let it.

Oh and saying that I was using fear tactics and seeing "it as a continuation of a elbow-grease trend rather than a looming terror of misery and insanity?" is putting words in my mouth. So if you are goin' preach it, practice it. Thank you for your time.
 
HeartSong said:
If you go with the definition of hard being difficult and discouraging, then I would have to say I have never had something hard in my life. Being discouraged is a choice. Anything can discourage you if you let it, but only if you let it.

Oh and saying that I was using fear tactics and seeing "it as a continuation of a elbow-grease trend rather than a looming terror of misery and insanity?" is putting words in my mouth. So if you are goin' preach it, practice it. Thank you for your time.
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You sound like a broken self-help book... heh.

Discouraging does not mean that one is discouraged... it means daunting, frustrating - which implies nothing about how one responds. One can have a discouraging experience but still follow through. You should spend some quality time with a dictionary. I'll go out and preach. 🙄

PS I like mean and sarcastic people, and proudly count myself one of them. I hereby oust you from the clan for taking yourself too seriously 😛
 
hoodle said:
You sound like a broken self-help book... heh.

Discouraging does not mean that one is discouraged... it means daunting, frustrating - which implies nothing about how one responds. One can have a discouraging experience but still follow through. You should spend some quality time with a dictionary. I'll go out and preach. 🙄

PS I like mean and sarcastic people, and proudly count myself one of them. I hereby oust you from the clan for taking yourself too seriously 😛
Click to expand...

Hehehe, you're funny. Ever heard the song "MySpace" by Eleventyseven?
 
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