What are the weirdest/most uncomfortable interactions with patients you've had so far?

[NeedToStudy]

My obgyn rotation there was a lady asking me about her husband's vasectomy. She was thinking of having it reversed because they might want another kid. She was worried about all the "old backed up sperm" in there and whether it had mutated and would give her ******ed kids.

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[Smurfette]

The masturbation thing is not all that uncommon.

When on the transplant service, we had a patient who masturbated every day during rounds. As in both resident rounds and attending rounds. When a new "prim and proper" attending with no sense of humor came on service, there was this awkward interaction of us explaining to him that the patient masturbated all the time. He got frustrated that we didn't just tell him to "stop it". He didn't listen to us when we said it wouldn't have changed anything. The attending marched in there and predictably, the patient is going at it, and of course, doesn't stop despite my attending telling him multiple times to stop, trying to move his hands, etc. It was awkward yet hilarious. The attending got pissed and stormed out of the room. Why he bothered to tell an encephalopathic ESLD patient to stop masturbating, I'll never know. The other transplant attendings found this whole story absolutely hysterical.

 

[touchpause13]

The masturbation thing is not all that uncommon.

When on the transplant service, we had a patient who masturbated every day during rounds. As in both resident rounds and attending rounds. When a new "prim and proper" attending with no sense of humor came on service, there was this awkward interaction of us explaining to him that the patient masturbated all the time. He got frustrated that we didn't just tell him to "stop it". He didn't listen to us when we said it wouldn't have changed anything. The attending marched in there and predictably, the patient is going at it, and of course, doesn't stop despite my attending telling him multiple times to stop, trying to move his hands, etc. It was awkward yet hilarious. The attending got pissed and stormed out of the room. Why he bothered to tell an encephalopathic ESLD patient to stop masturbating, I'll never know. The other transplant attendings found this whole story absolutely hysterical.

Fappers gonna fap I guess.

Seriously that's hilarious

 

[Jimmy B]

This happened as a M4 doing a GI elective rotation:

A patient was going to get a colonoscopy and was in the endoscopy suite. "She" kept starting at me with a smile on her face for like 5 min while I was in there waiting on the attending. After Anesthesia gave "her" some Versed and Propofol she fell asleep. One of the nurses walks in and notices that "her" private area looked kind of strange as they had seen "her" before in the past. So they pulled the cover off of her including her gown and she has was looks like a penis that was surgically altered. They all busted out laughing hysterically. Probably the most awkward experience ever with the weirdest 5 min as a student. Still don't know whether she was a man first or vice versa.

 

[Jimmy B]

Patient I saw Intern year in the ER:

Patient: **lying in bed quietly after having a seizure**

Resident: "We'll admit her for benzo and EtOH withdrawl"

Patient: "I NEED AMBIEN!!!!!!"

Me: **has the biggest look of fear on his face...**

 

[ActionFigure]

this happened to me on night call on L+D. A 36-37 weekish patient with little to no prenatal care, psych disorder, and little insight came in for pain, ctx, etc. not in labor, and so we were going to send her out the door, but before sending her out we'd figure it'd be a good idea to know her GBS status incase she comes in again really in labor. so I walk in, explain to her what I'm about to do and how the specimen is collected, and before I could even get near her

she jumps up to the head of bed reaching for the ceiling screaming, "you stick that thing anywhere near me and I'll F*****g kill you"

I slowly backed out of the room in case she really did try to kill me and told her I'd have a female doctor in here to examine her.

(granted she had a history of sexual abuse)

 

[Kissmyabjj]

My obgyn rotation there was a lady asking me about her husband's vasectomy. She was thinking of having it reversed because they might want another kid. She was worried about all the "old backed up sperm" in there and whether it had mutated and would give her ******ed kids.

My favorite. Lololol!!!!

 

[Winged Scapula]

This happened as a M4 doing a GI elective rotation:

A patient was going to get a colonoscopy and was in the endoscopy suite. "She" kept starting at me with a smile on her face for like 5 min while I was in there waiting on the attending. After Anesthesia gave "her" some Versed and Propofol she fell asleep. One of the nurses walks in and notices that "her" private area looked kind of strange as they had seen "her" before in the past. So they pulled the cover off of her including her gown and she has was looks like a penis that was surgically altered. They all busted out laughing hysterically. Probably the most awkward experience ever with the weirdest 5 min as a student. Still don't know whether she was a man first or vice versa.

Not to be a party pooper but that sounds inappropriate on the part of the nursing and medical staff.

 

[Winged Scapula]

Weirdest/Most Uncomfortable:

1) patients who touch my breasts and ask, "are those real?"
2) the patient's husband who asked me, while I was leaning over his wife examining her, "WS are you wearing underwear?"
3) numerous patients masturbating while I was in the room
4) consult for scrotal abscess in psych patient; self-inflicted wound due to "bad thoughts". He reasoned that castration was the way to control those. More shockingly was that he had attempted to control it before, and was status post a self-inflicted dominant hand amputation.
5) husband that hit on me while his wife was in the PACU recovering from her cancer surgery
6) walking in on double AKA having sex with his underage girlfriend
7) patient status post rectal prolapse repair asking when she can have anal sex again
8) random arguments between patients and family members or patients haranguing me about how awful their previous doctors were (not sure how I'm expected to respond to that).

 

[gutonc]

8) random arguments between patients and family members or patients haranguing me about how awful their previous doctors were (not sure how I'm expected to respond to that).

This is my least favorite thing about 2nd opinions. I've gotten to the point where I just cut them off and say "I'm not Dr. X, what do you need from me today?". If they redirect well, all is good. If they fire me too, all is usually even better.

 

[Winged Scapula]

This is my least favorite thing about 2nd opinions. I've gotten to the point where I just cut them off and say "I'm not Dr. X, what do you need from me today?". If they redirect well, all is good. If they fire me too, all is usually even better.

Yes, my 0700 patient tomorrow is a second opinion. She's seen a very senior well respected general surgeon in town who does a lot of breast. I'm not sure what she's expecting to hear from me.

I typically just say, "I'm sorry for your past experiences but let's move on and focus on why you're here today". That usually shuts them up. But as you note, sometimes being fired by these patients is for the best (for everyone involved).

 

[touchpause13]

Yes, my 0700 patient tomorrow is a second opinion. She's seen a very senior well respected general surgeon in town who does a lot of breast. I'm not sure what she's expecting to hear from me.

I typically just say, "I'm sorry for your past experiences but let's move on and focus on why you're here today". That usually shuts them up. But as you note, sometimes being fired by these patients is for the best (for everyone involved).

Is there ever a time when you would want to hear about a **** experience?

For my surgery the dude who did my second opinion was the worsttttt, like I left the appointment crying he was so bad. Obviously I went straight back to the first guy, but I didn't say anything about the douchebag second opinion. Should I have?

 

[Winged Scapula]

Is there ever a time when you would want to hear about a **** experience?

For my surgery the dude who did my second opinion was the worsttttt, like I left the appointment crying he was so bad. Obviously I went straight back to the first guy, but I didn't say anything about the douchebag second opinion. Should I have?

1) if its relevant to our consultation;
2) if I can do something about it

If someone's a DB to you, I feel bad but its really irrelevant to my care.
I want to hear about it if there is some confusion about treatment options.
I don't want to spend 10 minutes detailing the dinguses who "botched" your back surgery or couldn't figure out your chronic abdominal pain when we have a cancer diagnosis to talk about. I'm usually pretty good at confronting patients who do this and redirecting them. But as @gutonc notes, some are impossible and seemingly have no interest in having a collegial professional conversation. Those I tell, "it seems like I cannot help you and Im happy to refer you elsewhere". Either that makes them snap out of it or they decide I"m horrible too.

 

[deleted480308]

Ws......you had a patient reach out of feel you up?!? My wife used to get mad at me because I would go off on strangers who felt it was cool to just touch her pregnant stomach randomly. i can't imagine how a doc would respond when someone touched her breast without permission

 

[Winged Scapula]

Ws......you had a patient reach out of feel you up?!? My wife used to get mad at me because I would go off on strangers who felt it was cool to just touch her pregnant stomach randomly. i can't imagine how a doc would respond when someone touched her breast without permission

Yep we were discussing her surgery (after I got her and her mother to stop arguing about something irrelevant) and she asks me what size bra I wore and reached out with her index finger and poked my right breast, asking if they "were real". I have lots of stories on this patient (whom I fired after touching me), including her mother calling and trying to disguise her voice to ask about her daughters medical records.

I've had male patients do the same (touch me inappropriately) as well so I'm no longer shocked by it; the above incident stood out because we weren't even talking about breast size, augmentation etc. It's happened to my business partner as well so I venture this is not uncommon.

 

[deleted480308]

I can't even imagine, ws

 

[Winged Scapula]

I can't even imagine, ws

I know.

You can frame it in the same ideology that women's bodies are seen as available to anyone and everyone has the right to touch, comment and choose what's done with it.

At times I've engaged in self blaming (if I weren't so friendly, didn't wear X etc) but soon realized how ridiculous that was.

Bottom line: people are weird and ACT inappropriately pretty often

 

[bashwell]

Bottom line: people are weird and inappropriately pretty often

I'm guessing you mean "people act inappropriately pretty often"?

But there's maybe a small chance you mean "people are inappropriately pretty a lot of the time" - which just seems funny to me!

 

[gutonc]

1) if its relevant to our consultation;
2) if I can do something about it

If someone's a DB to you, I feel bad but its really irrelevant to my care.
I want to hear about it if there is some confusion about treatment options.

This is pretty much it. 99% of the time, they want to talk about personality issues/conflicts and rarely do their complaints have anything to do with the actual care or treatment recommendations. I actually can't think of a recent 2nd opinion where I materially disagreed with the initial recommendation, and when I do, it's usually a philosophical issue, not an actual medical concern.

"Yeah, I'm sorry Dr. X was a dick. Everyone in town knows he's a dick, even his partners think he's a dick. But he wasn't wrong."

 

[Winged Scapula]

I'm guessing you mean "people act inappropriately pretty often"?

But there's maybe a small chance you mean "people are inappropriately pretty a lot of the time" - which just seems funny to me!

LOL - yes the former. I'm lying here, awake all night with jet lag, and typing on my phone. Guess my typing couldn't keep up with my thoughts!

 

[deleted480308]

This is pretty much it. 99% of the time, they want to talk about personality issues/conflicts and rarely do their complaints have anything to do with the actual care or treatment recommendations. I actually can't think of a recent 2nd opinion where I materially disagreed with the initial recommendation, and when I do, it's usually a philosophical issue, not an actual medical concern.

"Yeah, I'm sorry Dr. X was a dick. Everyone in town knows he's a dick, even his partners think he's a dick. But he wasn't wrong."

Or as one of my professors tells their patients about a surgeon she refers to often. "His bed side manner leaves a lot to be desired, in fact many of my patients really don't like him. But you have plenty of friends, what you don't have is another surgeon who can do an "x surgery" with success rates like him."

 

[gutonc]

Or as one of my professors tells their patients about a surgeon she refers to often. "His bed side manner leaves a lot to be desired, in fact many of my patients really don't like him. But you have plenty of friends, what you don't have is another surgeon who can do an "x surgery" with success rates like him."

I have a couple of colleagues (surgical and rad onc) to whom I refer a lot of patients, whose bedside manner leaves a bit to be desired (mostly because they're blunt and brutally honest and not particularly touchy-feely). I typically tell them about that before I send them in the hopes of fending that off.

 

[Winged Scapula]

I have a couple of colleagues (surgical and rad onc) to whom I refer a lot of patients, whose bedside manner leaves a bit to be desired (mostly because they're blunt and brutally honest and not particularly touchy-feely). I typically tell them about that before I send them in the hopes of fending that off.

I do the same.

There's one plastic surgeon I work with quite a bit whose initial bedside manner is somewhat brusque and often turns patients off.

I've spoken about it with her and she prefers to focus on the patients who stay with her and end up liking her. She doesn't seem to pick up on my hints that she's losing a lot of people after the initial consultation, claiming, "I'm not like you".

So I just warn patients upfront and tell them that technically she's very skilled and that the majority of people end up having a good experience with her.

 

[deleted480308]

Was going to say the same.

it reminded me of the ENT doc (arizona?) who got caught disrobing male patients while under anesthesia and touching/mocking their genitalia. Didn't even lose her license.

 

[Member 1337]

While I understand the temptation to laugh at the unusual/absurd in various situations in medicine, there are so so so many stories of people getting into serious trouble for stuff like this. Taking aside the ethical/moral implications, there are some extremely practical implications to be concerned with as well. Surgeons and others have gotten into trouble for a variety of things like this - taking pictures of a penis tattoo on a patient, body-shaming fat patients, etc.

Protip: No matter how badass a surgeon you think you are, resist the temptation to brand your initials on your patient's internal organs.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/bizarre/lawsuit-doctor-branded-patients-uterus

*edit: a word

 

[Wolf02]

Wait, he branded the uterus....in a hysterectomy. Why is everyone's broad ligament in a twist?

Although on second thought he should have just donated money.

 

[touchpause13]

it reminded me of the ENT doc (arizona?) who got caught disrobing male patients while under anesthesia and touching/mocking their genitalia. Didn't even lose her license.

Not only that, but the whistle blower who reported her got fired....

 

[deleted480308]

Not only that, but the whistle blower who reported her got fired....

That whole thing still pisses me off

 

[styphon]

A few more of my adventures.

I had an HIV dementia patient who loved pulling out her dialysis catheter and being admitted for blood loss. When I went to check on her she "needed to show me something" and flung off the bed sheet. She was of course naked, and made a move towards me, but I quickly left the room.

In another instance, I stopped an inpatients dilaudid, which she was getting for "chronic fibromyalgia". When I went to her floor, I found her standing in the middle of the unit, naked, screaming "DON'T LOOK AT ME IT IS SEXUAL HARASSMENT". I told her to go back in her room and get dressed and she started yelling "I'M CRAZY I"M CRAZY" -> bounce to psych!

I also recently had someone complain of ear pain. When I went to look in her ear, she turned and attempted to kiss me on my lips, I was able to back off in time but I scolded her. A month later she had a "breast problem" and "really want the doctor to look at my breasts".

 

[DubVille]

Female patient about 2 years older than me. Had a spinal cord injury and seemed manic vs hypomanic at the time of admit. Had to complete ASIA exam and do rectal tone/sensation. Afterwards talks about me being the first guy in her A**. I redirect talking about bowel and bladder care. Shortly after talks about how horny she is and that she hasnt seen her husband or had sex since the injury.

Next day I go to see her, and she starts talking about the rectal exam..... In front of her dad. He didnt blink an eye. I felt compelled to again discuss its purpose. She calmed down the rest of the admission, when leaving talked about how gorgeous I am in front of her husband/sister/mom and the f*****g rectal exam I did. Nobody batted an eye. WTF.
I made sure I saw her with a nurse or therapist present everyday, always awkward.

 

[Wolf02]

Wow...her husband? As in some one married that handful?

 

[NeedToStudy]

Jesus. How is it so common for patients to sexually harass doctors?

 

[DubVille]

Jesus. How is it so common for patients to sexually harass doctors?

A lot of older and middle aged women say stuff here and there, but it's not too awkward since they are old. Sometimes they mention their kids, fortunately I can show my ring and that ends it.
I had a lady around 60 mention my appearance, etc. Then she said she had some single SISTERS! Gave me a good laugh. I really think she was semi serious (or didn't register the age thing). Lol

 

[j4pac]

...
4) consult for scrotal abscess in psych patient; self-inflicted wound due to "bad thoughts". He reasoned that castration was the way to control those. More shockingly was that he had attempted to control it before, and was status post a self-inflicted dominant hand amputation.

The guy was just transabled...don't judge

 

[Mad Jack]

I once had a male patient hit on me extensively in a fairly creepy way.

 

[Jimmy B]

Patient I saw with staff in the ICU as a PGY3:

Patient: "Why is the back of this gown open?"

Staff: "That's so the nurses can get to ya quick"

Patient: "Well they can come get some of this sweet meat"

 

[cabinbuilder]

I was in South Texas during my residency. Had a whole family of grown women on a vigil as their mother was dying. Conversation came about that I was from Alaska since my accent is different and that I lived far out of town, etc. Didn't think much of it.

The next day doing rounds the oldest daughter rushes me and wraps her arms around me.
Me, "Ma'am, you need to let me go".
Her, " I can't doctor because I was up all night worried that you had not been SAVED since you grew up in the woods with the Indians and I want to make sure you are blessed and get to go to heaven".
Me, "Ma'am, I'm sure I will be fine, now you need to let me go".

Interesting the things that go through people's heads.

 

[NeedToStudy]

I was in South Texas during my residency. Had a whole family of grown women on a vigil as their mother was dying. Conversation came about that I was from Alaska since my accent is different and that I lived far out of town, etc. Didn't think much of it.

The next day doing rounds the oldest daughter rushes me and wraps her arms around me.
Me, "Ma'am, you need to let me go".
Her, " I can't doctor because I was up all night worried that you had not been SAVED since you grew up in the woods with the Indians and I want to make sure you are blessed and get to go to heaven".
Me, "Ma'am, I'm sure I will be fine, now you need to let me go".

Interesting the things that go through people's heads.

If this horrifies you think about what's waiting for me....... I'm a Muslim........

 

[cabinbuilder]

If this horrifies you think about what's waiting for me....... I'm a Muslim........

Oh, it didn't horrify me. Just thought it was funny other folk's perception. I think it's different when you actually have a religion which is more accepted than not having one. My mom ran away to Alaska to get away from religion so I just don't have a concept of what it means.

 

[Apollyon]

Conversation came about that I was from Alaska since my accent is different

We were just in AK last week, and what I noticed that most people DIDN'T have accents (besides the Bulgarian service workers). I mentioned my surprise, as there is a Hawai'ian accent (I lived in HI, and my wife lived in AK). However, on re-reading, I am thinking because your accent was NOT the "south Texas" accent.

 

[cabinbuilder]

We were just in AK last week, and what I noticed that most people DIDN'T have accents (besides the Bulgarian service workers). I mentioned my surprise, as there is a Hawai'ian accent (I lived in HI, and my wife lived in AK). However, on re-reading, I am thinking because your accent was NOT the "south Texas" accent.

You are correct. I don't have a Texas accent, therefore it is different.

 

[HouseHead]

Weirdest/Most Uncomfortable:

4) consult for scrotal abscess in psych patient; self-inflicted wound due to "bad thoughts". He reasoned that castration was the way to control those. More shockingly was that he had attempted to control it before, and was status post a self-inflicted dominant hand amputation.

Uh. Either this is kinda common or we are in the same area.

 

[Xerxes1729]

When I was an MS4 on anesthesia, I was tasked with helping position a preop patient for an epidural - big, heavily tattooed biker type.

The resident was having a hard time and the guy was getting anxious.

The attending gave him a slug of midazolam.

A few minutes later, he was telling me about the time he followed a guy out a bar and stabbed him in the gut for looking at his girlfriend.

 

[dpmd]

Recently had an old guy I ended up not having to operate on ask me if I was an a-rab (I am a different variety of brown) and when I said no proceeded to go off on a rant about those dingus a-rab doctors who think they are god's gift to humanity. I managed to extricate myself from the room but was laughing about it at the nurses station. Freaking racist old patients, what are you going to do?

 

[Bacchus]

Let's just say it involved L&D triage, "feeling good" and a very unique tattoo. The reddest my face has ever been. Sigh.

 

[cbrons]

 

[cbrons]

One of my female classmates on the same rotation (didn't happen directly to me, but she told me about it 2 seconds after).
Somewhere in her H&P the conversation steered in the direction of recent sexual history (this is a 70 y/o female patient btw). The patient says that she doesn't have sexual intercourse because "my husband is basically dead" but she is okay because "I have lots of toys to play with. <Describes vibrators and other such paraphernalia in detail>."
She proceeds to ask the 22 year old female medical student: "Do you have any toys at home? What toys do you have?"

 

[NeedToStudy]

One of my female classmates on the same rotation (didn't happen directly to me, but she told me about it 2 seconds after).
Somewhere in her H&P the conversation steered in the direction of recent sexual history (this is a 70 y/o female patient btw). The patient says that she doesn't have sexual intercourse because "my husband is basically dead" but she is okay because "I have lots of toys to play with. <Describes vibrators and other such paraphernalia in detail>."
She proceeds to ask the 22 year old female medical student: "Do you have any toys at home? What toys do you have?"

Don't leave us hanging now.... what was your classmate's answer? What toys does she have, if any?

 

[touchpause13]

Don't leave us hanging now.... what was your classmate's answer? What toys does she have, if any?

.... this is only cute when I do it.

 

[medrest]

My patient was very angry with everyone. Nurse, PCA cried due to his behavior. I escorted him when he tried to show his anger on me. Our security took him out from his room.