What do you guys think of my personal statement?

[urgentcase]

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hi all,
..............................

 

[apoptos]

If it were me...

1. I would eliminate a few sentences: You want your readers to apprehend the problem immediately, as if the problem was simple. The details are less important, and can seem like confusing digressions.

2. I would add a few sentences: to which school are you applying? Make it seem as if you've done your research and this school is the only school for you, your favorite.

 

[McGillGrad]

First sentence:

"I have come" is incorrect. It should read "I came."

Although, it still does not flow smoothly.

 

[McGillGrad]

No disrespect intended, but I cannot finish reading your personal statement. It hurts my mind. You should consider paying an English major or master's student to clean it up.

 

[urgentcase]

No disrespect intended, but I cannot finish reading your personal statement. It hurts my mind. You should consider paying an English major or master's student to clean it up.

is it really that bad... I've spent quite a considerable amount of time fixing all the grammar & spelling and getting rid of long winded sentences. I'd be curious to see some of the things that bother you about it grammatically.

 

[McGillGrad]

is it really that bad... I've spent quite a considerable amount of time fixing all the grammar & spelling and getting rid of long winded sentences. I'd be curious to see some of the things that bother you about it grammatically.

I am extremely anal when it comes to grammar and sentence structure. I bet that most people would not even notice the majority of the grammar that bothers me. One issue that plagues your essay is the constantly changing verb tenses.

For example:

During the first two years of medical school I have successfully passed all of the basic science requirements as well as the USMLE Step 1 exam.

The blue and green sections have different verb tenses and the red section is an awkward add-on. It confuses your purpose and is a poor topic sentence.

 

[Meatwad]

The blue and green sections have different verb tenses and the red section is an awkward add-on. It confuses your purpose and is a poor topic sentence.

👍 Definitely go through it very carefully. Every sentence should have the verb tenses in agreement. It will otherwise look very unprofessional.

 

[urgentcase]

Hey Guys, .........................................

 

[Isoprop]

Nm

 

[mrjbb]

You've made an improvement.. However I'm also very strict about grammatical errors and constructiveness within a text.. All I can really say is that there still exist some errors within your essay.. You should try this www.smarthinking.com
you can submit your essay and a qualified personal will help you with constructive criticism. Good Luck...

 

[hermit]

You probably shouldn't post the text openly in a thread - people will rip it off in the blink of an eye. If you find someone to read it for you, PM it to them.